Craigslist Ad of the Day: Seeking Writer To Chronicle My Suffering

You know, I feel for this guy. I really do. Depression sucks, expensive medical problems are lame, and well, I'm pretty sure no one remembers their divorce fondly. But, I can't help but imagine there's another side. Living with someone who spends eighteen hours a day in bed, counts the number of antidepressants he's taken in the tens of thousands, and, honestly, sounds like a total whiner? That doesn't sound like a picnic to me, either.

Also, You were imprisoned twice under 'false accusations?' Bummer, dude. Maybe next time you should check to make sure you're not violating that pesky restraining order before you camp out under your ex-wife's window screaming about all the times she let you down by trying to have a life beyond dabbing ointment on your bed sores and cataloging your medical problems.

We don't mean to be harsh; this is surely a laundry list of shitiness, if it's true, but it's probably not all your ex's fault. Also, you don't need a writer. You need a therapist, a private nurse, a blow job, and a pet.