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WTFriday: FMV Hell

Posted by Bob Mackey

Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week.

On the inaugural edition of WTFriday, I bring you a video I uncovered while doing research for an article about the worst-dressed video game characters. Behold, King's ending from the original Tekken:



There's something nightmarish about early CGI that really gets under my skin--and here, I think we have all the elements necessary for a high-octane dose of nightmare fuel: semi-surreal, fuzzy settings, oddly-proportioned, shiny characters, and that unnecessary dash of live-action to really make things unsettling.  In the mid-90s, CGI had somehow progressed from bright, geometric shapes floating in gridspace to scenes that could be placed in Silent Hill without raising an eyebrow.  It's like every digital artist of that era was obsessed with accurately recreating that place unbaptized babies go when they die. (Delaware)

I'm not sure how we ever tolerated stuff that looked like the video above, but such abominations undoubtedly inspired many excited preteen cries of, "Dude, what if the actual games looked like that in the future!?"  Add this to the list of many reasons we should never listen to children.

Related Links:

FMV Hell: Sonic CD
FMV Hell: Lunar, The Silver Star
FMV Hell: Star Studded Casts - Do you Give a Crap?


Comments

Amber Ahlborn said:

It's especially freaky how he has his mouth open...the entire time.  You just know he's going to eat those kids when the camera cuts away.

August 22, 2008 10:23 PM

Roto13 said:

What the hell does that ending even MEAN? I'm not really familiar with the whole Tekken mythos, but if one of the characters is a tiger-headed pedophile, it might be worth looking into.

August 23, 2008 9:45 AM

Demaar said:

lol wow, even knowing that the deal is with that character doesn't help. That's the worst game FMV I've seen. Well, outside of those entirely live action jobbies...

August 23, 2008 4:44 PM

Bob Mackey said:

It took me another few viewings to realize that those aren't actually children, but rather adults (people who worked on the game, I guess) squished down to child size.  ARGH

August 24, 2008 11:44 AM

charlesboi said:

The clock is made by Cartier. So classy!

August 25, 2008 3:33 PM

About Bob Mackey

For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.

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