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61 Frames Per Second

Castlevania: Curse of the Stupid Red-Headed Kid

Posted by Nadia Oxford

So I'm one of about three people who really enjoyed Castlevania: Curse of Darkness for the Playstation 2. It was pretty easy, pretty linear and pretty dull next to my personal Saviour, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, but I really liked hatching and evolving the Innocent Devils. I had dragons, a phoenix, a maggot-gnawed crow named Bonnie Brae and some kind of deity that looked like the product of a questionable encounter between an angel and a devil. I am okay with alternative Pokemon raising.

I was pretty excited when I heard Tokyopop is publishing a Curse of Darkness manga adaptation. I was even more excited when I landed a review copy. When I opened 'er up and was hit in the face by a red-headed lead boy named Ted, my excitement drained like a fratboy's bladder on a Sunday morning.

There are a lot of situations in this life that make us want to shake others and say, "Oh my God, why are you so stupid? Can't you see what's in front of you?" ::Smack.:: If God gave me the opportunity to do that to anyone in the world, I would make a bargain with Him (God loves cookies) and corral every single writer, producer and artist who ever stunk up a perfectly good property with a smart-mouthed kid.

The game Castlevania: Curse of Darkness is about a silver-haired bishonen boy who breeds devils to help him take revenge on Issac and/or Dracula for his dead wife/girlfriend/dog. Dracula, in response, says, "Oh no you did-n't girlfriend," and throws the forces of Hell at him.

Where does a kid factor into all of this?

Where does a red-headed, smart-alecky kid factor into all of this?

I know I should be whacked with a Hotwheels track for mentioning "Castlevania" alongside "historical accuracy" in the same sentence. Still, this "Ted" character talks back an awful lot to his elders in an era when boys and girls got whipped for forgetting their manners. What's more, they usually had to take their punishment under the mournful eyes of a carving of Jesus Christ suffering on the Cross for their sins.

Eff minus minus.

Related Links:

When Good Developers Go Bad: Koji Igarashi
Castlevania Fighting Game Elicits Anguished Moans From the Living
Games to Film: Paul W.S. Anderson's Castlevania


Comments

Nemo Incognito said:

Oh hell no.

Speaking as the second of the three people who really enjoyed Curse of Darkness all this nonsense is going to do is make it's undeserved bad reputation even worse.

September 15, 2008 7:24 PM

Demaar said:

I guess I'm that third person you mentioned, Nemo? I gotta say that I'm not at all surprised that the manga adaption bites. Have you seen the Megaman Zero manga adaption? Zero's a wuss that's afraid of girls in it or something! Them Japanese somehow managed to be worse at adapting different forms of entertainment...

September 18, 2008 4:15 AM

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  • about the blogger

    John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

    Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

    Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

    Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

    Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

    Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

    Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


    CONTRIBUTORS

    Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

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