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Wasted Rentals, Wasted Youth: Bram Stoker's Dracula (SNES)

Posted by Nadia Oxford

The Angry Videogame Nerd has posted a Halloween Game Shitfest just in time for Satan's birthday. The first installment focuses on all the bad Dracula-themed games spanning back to the beginning of time. Turns out there are a good number of Dracula-bombs out there, and we're not even counting any of the lesser Castlevania titles.

Angry Nerd even takes a brief look at Bram Stoker's Dracula, which saw release on the NES, SNES and the Game Boy. I kind of feel like cringing into a ball and sucking my thumb when I say this, but I've played Bram Stoker's Dracula on the SNES and Gameboy. The experience was like biting a hangnail; oh so painful, but enjoyable in a masochistic way.

Hark! A flashback!

Most weeks, my parents allowed my brothers and I to rent a video game. We had to take turns, and my younger brother picked out Bram Stoker's Dracula one week. I wanted to throttle him.

The logical thing to do when a shit game is in your presence is to not play it, but I had kind of an obsession thing going on. Nintendo game in front of me? OMG, must play, no matter how painful. Actually, maybe there was a bit of a spite thing going on here, though all of this might have something to do with my childhood love for eating the syrup-covered styrofoam that used to line packages of butter tarts.

Bram Stoker's Dracula was pretty awful, though I have to give Jonathan Harker props for acting so calm under pressure. Man, just look at that confident strut. Look at that smooth knife action. Maybe he's just resigned himself to death, seeing as his "dagger" has the range of a newborn kitten's claws.

Dig those rad sound effects. Harker has to deal with Dracula's cloned angry hun army in the first level, in addition to their identical puppy mill pitbulls. If you can endure the pain and burrow beneath the constant "RUH, RUH!" you'll actually hear a half-decent soundtrack. Later levels had some creepy tunes, too.

My praise ends here, though, at a full-stop--not unlike the stone wall that stymies Harker early in the game. A wasted rental, overall. One of many, many, many.

Related Links:

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The Angry Video Game Nerd Says a Bad Word: Deadly Towers
Chiptune Friday: Do the Monster Mash!


Comments

Roto13 said:

Apparently I waste rentals this generation. I rented Spider-Man 3 (because Spider-Man 2 was actually good), played it once, then stuck it back in the case and left it on my shelf. Then I forgot about it and moved away. Whoops.

October 21, 2008 12:32 AM

Demaar said:

Satan's Birthday? Wow. I know it's probably sarcasm, but still, kinda expected better from you guys.

October 21, 2008 12:46 PM

Nadia Oxford said:

Well, I should have known referencing Jack Chick would offend someone.

October 21, 2008 6:07 PM

Demaar said:

Oh, damn... wasn't nerdy enough to get the reference. Sorry :P

October 22, 2008 8:09 PM

Nadia Oxford said:

Ha ha, that's okay. I find Chick tracts fascinating in a disturbing way.

October 22, 2008 10:43 PM

Bob Mackey said:

I'm still not sure why "Satan's Birthday" is offensive.

October 23, 2008 1:03 PM

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    John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

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