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Irrational Gaming Fears

Posted by Bob Mackey

As I've pointed out in the past, I'm a huge gaming wuss--though I like to think I'm much better than I used to be. This particular brand of cowardice started very early in my gaming life, with a system that probably didn't instill fear in anyone aside from stockholders: the Atari 2600. It was the abstract, blocky representations within these simple games that played hell upon my young mind. Sure, a dragon usually ended looking like a duck on the system's puny hardware, but to the boundless imagination of a young child, that duck's about to leap off the screen and peck out your heart.

One 2600 game terrified me so much that I actually had to hide it: Berzerk. Maybe it was the killer robots, maybe it was the creepy, tense atmosphere--but I'd break out into a cold sweat anytime it was near. And to make me look even more pathetic, the commercial for Berzerk featured an octogenarian and her small grandson playing the game with absolutely no reservations.

Note: This is the one time I felt a sassy grandma was not nearly sassy enough.

A new, irrational gaming fear reared its ugly head with the dawn of 3D gaming: underwater navigation. I'm much better than I used to be, but being trapped underwater in a video game with a steadily-decreasing O2 meter unlocks some sort of primal panic in my brain. The first Tomb Raider was nearly unplayable for me because of this reason, which is why I got a chuckle when it was referenced by two of The Monarch's most notable henchman (24 and 21) in the latest season of The Venture Brothers.

24 (on being asked to swim through an underwater tunnel): No way! I got freaked out when I had to do that playing Tomb Raider!

21: Oh, and she did that creepy drowning contortion thing. That was grisly!

There's never been a better time to admit your irrational gaming fear than on this most Hallowed of Weens. What gets you all palm-sweaty for no logical reason?

Related Links:

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Posted Oct 31 2008, 11:00 AM

Filed under: tomb raider, scary, bob mackey, halloween, scary games, berzerk

Comments

Roto13 said:

Berzerk is scary because a couple of people actually died while playing it for some reason. It killed them. You can't credit feed in real life.

The Shadow Temple in Zelda: Ocarina of Time always gives me the willies. It's those damn Redeads and Gibdos.

October 31, 2008 12:18 PM

Bob Mackey said:

Wow. Looks like it's a good thing I kept away from Berserk:

home.hiwaay.net/.../death.html

October 31, 2008 2:12 PM

philodygmn said:

The Mario ghosts you pictured. Seriously. I hate that shit, and wish the series never went there. I got over it 'round about Galaxy because finally you could actually get rid of them with light shafts, but even the redeeming empowerment of becoming one in Galaxy is the farthest thing from making any of it worth it, to me. I wish they'd stick to the nice stuff like the Gusty Winds galaxy or whatever it was called. Why can't the whole series be like that? It's like Sonic constantly adding xeno shit instead of making a whole game of icing, the _fun_ parts of tearing through an uplifting landscape dispatching obnoxious mechanistic monstrosities.

October 31, 2008 2:20 PM

Demaar said:

Water in Sonic. That music... damn. I'd always be kinda edgy whenever I had to deal with platforms above water. Now whenever I go back to that games I really don't care though.

November 1, 2008 8:03 AM

pinkballoon said:

I thought most of American McGee's "Alice" was spooky. Definitely had sweaty palms through my first run through the game.

November 2, 2008 10:04 AM

About Bob Mackey

For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.

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