61 Frames Per Second

Where Is SSX?

Posted by John Constantine

Let me ask you a question, EA Canada: must it all be so gosh darned realistic these days? I’ve played Skate and Skate 2. Cool games. Cool games that helpfully reinforce, digitally, that my brain is not ready to take up skateboarding. The sheer amount of things I need to take into consideration whilst performing a simple trick in Skate terrifies me. If I tried to do this in real life, and I had to think about all the different things I was asking of my body, a plank of wood, some wheels, and gravity, I would experience complete ego disintegration right before rupturing my testicles on a railing in some public park. Why oh why can’t you take me back to the good ol’ days of extreme-with-a-capital-TREME sports, EA Canada. Why can we not head back to the mountain for some good times with a new SSX, the awesomest fake snowboarding game of all time?

SSX 4 showed up on a few release lists back at the end of 2006, right around the time that the Xbox 360 was ending its first year and just before the release of the Playstation 3. These were the systems said to be home for such a wonderful sequel. Alas, that game was never ever officially announced and has failed to materialize since. A sort of remix of SSX 3, SSX: Blur, came out for Wii in March 2007 and it remains the single most frustrating game I have played in my entire life. They added some new cel-shaded graphics and motion controls that give a shockingly real simulation of a crippled nervous system. You move following onscreen prompts and then NOTHING HAPPENS. Playing it is demoralizing and makes you hate things. Even your pets. After trying to play SSX: Blur for an hour, I ended up yelling at my cat and blaming her for the hantavirus.

DJ Atomika, the chipper voice of SSX Radio throughout the game, re-emerged in Criterion’s Burnout Paradise and hinted at some fresh snow on the mountain. Please don’t lie to me, Atomika. My heart couldn’t take it. I long for sweet, sweet fake snowboarding on 360 and PS3. Grant me this simple desire.

(Much love to NeoGAFfer Wario 64 for asking this very same question. Props.)

Where Is?

The PSP
Hydrophobia
Prototype
Shuichi Sakurazaki, Creator of Ninja Gaiden
Yasunori Mitsuda

+ DIGG

+ DEL.ICIO.US

+ REDDIT

Posted Feb 23 2009, 07:30 PM

Filed under: playstation 3, ea, microsoft, xbox 360, where is, sony, burnout paradise, criterion games, dj atomika, skate, skate 2l john Constantine, ssx 4, ea Canada, ssx, ssx blur

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

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