61 Frames Per Second

Browse by Tags

(RSS)

Dante Works on his Abs for New EA Game

How horrible is EA's Dante, yet another ripped meathead hero? Wouldn't it have been cool to play as a frail old dude? Can we just assume that a medieval poet isn't going to have access to a bowflex? Why not provide the player with a frail character who has to overcome certain obstacles that arise simply because he's not Sylvester Stallone? Maybe something with nuance that speaks to the human condition. No?

Summon Baphomet With Pokemon

There's a lot of excited talk today about a game based on Dante's Inferno. This is great news. Speaking of the inevitable inferno, if any if you plan to die shortly after me, Minos is probably going to spend a long time getting through my list of sins at Judgement; just throwing it out there in case you want to bring your DS or a book.

Games have already experienced Hell on the literal and storytelling level, but sometimes the medium spawns creatures and incantations from The Pit by pure accident. The original Pokemon has a nest of ukobacks living in the cartridge, which probably surprises no one. When you make two MISSINGNOs fight one another, the unholy electricity awakens them and they start screaming. Observe.

Trailer Review: Dante's Inferno

I had to read Dante's Inferno back in college around the time that Doom 3 was released.

Cole: Dude, you're playing Doom 3. Looks awesome.
Bro: It's aight. Kinda boring after a while.
Cole: Dude, they should totally make an expansion for this based on Dante's Inferno.
Bro: I dunno, brah.
Cole: Seriously, gluttons forced to slosh around in black sleet? The slothful gurgling beneath the filthy River Styx? Heretics in flaming tombs? A river of boiling blood?
Bro: Alright already, I get it-
Cole: Centaurs firing flaming arrows? Harpies tearing the wooden flesh of sinners doomed to be gnarled trees for eternity? Flatterers steeped in a lake of shit? Crying sorcerors with reversed heads? Demonic snakes and lizards?
Bro: OK, geez.
Cole: I haven't made it to the ninth circle yet. And just think of the boss battles! Scary, dude. Scary...as hell.

Video after the jump:

about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.