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The Kids Don't Get It: Sonic Epoch Advance and Misplaced Maturity

I was talking with a friend earlier about one of fandom's most deplorable habits: forcing “maturation” upon the creative properties they supposedly love. One incident I will never be allowed to forget involved a “grown up” take on Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers. Gadget the mouse was pregnant, and there was a lot of swearing, spitting and smoking. The art was fantastic, but again, Gadget was pregnant, and there was a lot of swearing, spitting and smoking.

My friend asked me if I had heard of a Game Boy Advance project called Sonic Epoch Advance. I had not. I was about to be taken to exotic new places. Exotic, dark new places choked with oil, sludge, death and F-bombs.

Sonic Epoch Advance is a chatty action game based on DiC's old Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon—often better known as “Sonic SatAM.” Sonic SatAM earned a reputation for being dark and mature. It really wasn't, though it was ambitious for a kids' cartoon based on a video game. The plot involved Robotnik's eco-terrorism and Sonic's battle against said eco-terrorism. All things said, Sonic Epoch Advance could have chosen worse source material to expand upon.

Unfortunately, fans are pretty good at turning maturity into self-parody, and this little fan project is no exception.

Dragon Quest IV: Re-Reading the Chapters of the Chosen

Keeping true to my reputation as the Fastest Gamer in the West, I'm still playing through Dragon Quest IV. I played the NES original, though I never finished it. I was put off by the fact a Dragon Warrior game had a story, and I just never got into it. I was a very dull child, as you can imagine.

Dragon Quest IV's branching story isn't anything that would throw Stephen King into a jealous rage, but it's fun and ambitious, and I appreciate it very much. Jumping from the flat-rate story in Dragon Warrior III (“Save the world because your father fucked the mission up”) to a headstrong cast of warriors with their own thoughts and feelings just kind of knocked me for a loop back then. The Loto Saga was effectively over with Dragon Warrior III, and I had decided to be a pouting child about Square-Enix's decision to move on.

Some Games Nadia Played In 2008 Instead of Working: Mother--Awwww...

Mackey stole my big idea to declare Mother 3 one of my favourite games of the year--if not my very favourite of the year--despite it being a two-year-old Game Boy Advance title. I was going to be a rebel. I was going to spit out of the side of my mouth and tell you I don’t give a rat’s ass about your opinion on my taste in games, see?

Oh well, it’s good to know that I’m not the only one who thinks Mother 3 deserves recognition amongst this year‘s shiny big-budget games. Mackey and I need to stop putting things off, get married and name our twins Lucas and Claus regardless of whether or not they’re male.

All right, time to stop saying stupid things for the sake of being funny. I’m going to be serious and stupid, now. Mother 3 is the kind of game that reinforces my love for the pastime. When I finished it, I said, “God damn I am so glad I experienced that. I’m happy I’m a gamer.”

Mackey and I already have about twenty thousand Mother 3 essays between us that covers everything from the game’s emotion-driven story to the rhythm based battle system that involves you in every fight; no more turbo-mashing the “A” button while simultaneously trying to please your girlfriend with the other hand.

Mild spoilers follow the jump.

about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.