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GameSetWatch Lampoons IGN Writing

GameSetWatch's Alex Litel (always a good read) has crafted an excellent parody of IGN's editorial style. He's posted a fake review of Citizen Kane: The Videogame, a hilarious sendup of this rather stupid editorial. I'll paste my favorite paragraphs:

But it turns out the marketing by anti-marketing, was for the best. Gaming grammar may not quite be the same after the cognizant, cogent gameplay of this game. This game has a little of everything, like Grand Theft Auto IV, but on steroids and far more incredible. The game creates a nonpareil kinetic bond, whether you like or not.
Quite literally but also metaphorically, Citizen Kane: The Video Game is the Citizen Kane of video games—a marvelously applaudable feat that gallantly contorts with the poise and consistence of a second-year community college dance appreciation professor as she stoutheartedly gallops on the morbidly determined divinity to provide a blitzkrieg of introspection into the most tepid slice of Americana.

Bahaha. Yes.

Super Secret Castle Discovered in Shadow of the Colossus

The folks at Team ICO Gamers (whatever that is) have used an emulator in order to discover a structure in Shadow of the Colossus that didn't make it into the final game.

For years Shadow of the Colossus players have wondered what lies in the Eastern section of the map. Many suggested that this part of the map was host to the lands shown in the intro scenes of the game. What no one imagined was that it was home to something more mysterious.

Video after the jump:

The Year in Press Releases

The inimitable GameSetWatch has released the Top 50 Press Releases of 2008. I've written a few of these in my day, and coming from someone with a PR background, they are almost never fun to write. Polishing a turd isn't rewarding, and the need for this form of communication is continually diminishing, so you gotta give it to the intrepid folks who still make a living writing these things.

I can't understand why executives still feel it necessary to churn out this garbage. Gamers, perhaps more than most audiences, are resistant to bullshit. Journalists are smart enough, and hopefully unbiased enough to parse the public releases they get. Why the fawning quotes and buzzwords while media clamors for real communication with publishers and dev studios. The gaming industry has the luxury of an audience with an insatiable appetite for news. This luxury is regularly squandered by clueless PR hacks.

A few of my favorites, after the jump:

about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.