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• 8-Bit Love: The Ten Greatest Vintage Game Songs to Have Sex To, part 2

  Cyriaque Lamar is a New York-based writer with a New Jersey-bred weltanschauung. He’s had original work published at Cracked.com and performed at The New York International Fringe Festival. Cyriaque is thrilled to contribute to 61FPS, as it brings him one step closer to his childhood dream of living on the set of Nick Arcade. 5.) Final Fight CD – “Walk In the Park (Bay Area)” System: Sega CD (1993) Sounds Like: A sweaty nooner with Don Johnson. I always loved the premise of Final Fight. The idea of a city’s mayor stripping down to his underjohns and beating the shit out of unemployed people in order to stimulate job growth was really ahead of its time. Wait? Mike Haggar was actually fighting to save his daughter from an evil street gang? And here I thought the game was some kind of radical Objectivist propaganda. This Bay Area theme is classic whatever console you play Final Fight on, but the Sega CD version pushes it to the limit with gale-force porno guitars. Seriously, these riffs are like an F4 on the Fujita Scale. In my mind’s eye, the person who would get the most out of this track wears a ton of sea foam green and frequents Fort Lauderdale whorehouses. Sometimes, you just gotta be that person. When it comes to the Sega CD, the only thing sleazier is Night Trap. Read More... Posted Apr 16 2009, 05:00 PM by John Constantine with | with no comments Filed under: nintendo, actraiser, game boy, rare, capcom, hideo kojima, satellaview, top ten, final fight, sega, commodore 64, atari, chrono trigger, genesis, metal gear, super nintendo, atari 2600, mario paint, sega cd, tetris, star tropics, donkey kong country 2, kid icarus, solid snake, cyriaque lamar, radical dreamers, zoda’s revenge, matt gray, msx, last ninja 2, david wise, streets of rage 2, metal gear 2, yuzo kashiro

• 8-Bit Love: The Ten Greatest Vintage Game Songs to Have Sex To, part 1

  Cyriaque Lamar is a New York-based writer with a New Jersey-bred weltanschauung. He’s had original work published at Cracked.com and performed at The New York International Fringe Festival. Cyriaque is thrilled to contribute to 61FPS, as it brings him one step closer to his childhood dream of living on the set of Nick Arcade. There are three reasons this list exists. First, I felt obliged to highlight 61FPS’s distinction as the gaming apparatchik of an internet sex publication. Second, I wished to showcase the unsung virtuosos of yesteryear who made masterworks using a limited palette of sounds. Finally, I intend to rebut those critics who still dismiss video games as low culture. Using the below examples, I intend to reclaim the carnal legacy of video games by evincing how early console music illustrated the gamut of human sexuality, from atavistic, heteronormative modes of eroticism to polymorphous perversity as delineated by Freud. Plus, the thought of people sticking penises into vaginas to Nintendo music is funny. 10.) Radical Dreamers – “The Girl Who Stole the Stars” System: Super Famicom Satellaview (1996) Sounds Like: Koyaanisqatsi composed on Mario Paint. Since roughly 95% of all human lovemaking involves someone with a XX chromosome pairing, I thought it necessary to seek out my female associates’ thoughts on which game music best applies to amore. The suggestions I received were few yet incisive — responses ranged from “the Kid Icarus theme” to “Who the eff effs to video games?” Ultimately though, I deferred to my own instincts and picked this pan-pipe jam from the Japan-exclusive, text-based sequel to Chrono Trigger. Composed by the legendary Yasunori Mitsuda, “The Girl Who Stole the Stars” is easily the most romantic theme on our list. Read More... Posted Apr 16 2009, 04:00 PM by John Constantine with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo, actraiser, game boy, rare, capcom, hideo kojima, satellaview, top ten, final fight, sega, commodore 64, atari, chrono trigger, genesis, metal gear, super nintendo, atari 2600, mario paint, sega cd, tetris, star tropics, donkey kong country 2, kid icarus, solid snake, cyriaque lamar, radical dreamers, zoda’s revenge, matt gray, msx, last ninja 2, david wise, streets of rage 2, metal gear 2, yuzo kashiro

• Jet Grind Television: WiiSpray

  Last summer, Martin Lihs finished his thesis project at Bauhaus-University. Amidst the ocean of Wii remote mods created in the past three years, Lihs’ is especially cool. The WiiSpray is a plastic spray paint can with the motion sensing guts of your average Wiimote. Today, the WiiSpray has its own functioning interface and it lives up the homebrew peripheral’s promise. Utilizing the Wii’s internal tech and flash, Lihs has created a marvelous slick interface that recreates the look of Earth’s best urban vandalism. There are even stencils! Read More... Posted Apr 02 2009, 07:30 PM by John Constantine with | with no comments Filed under: john constantine, nintendo, wii, mario paint, jet set radio, jet set radio future, martin lihs, mario paint ds, jet grind radio, mario paint wii, wiispray, Bauhaus

• WTFriday: The Mario Paint Music Showcase

  Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week. With all the hardcore furor over the recently-released Wii Music, I think it's important to put things into perspective. Luckily for me, someone has already done this: namely, 1UP scribe Jeremy Parish, who made a remarkable amount of sense with a recent blog post.  And, on his personal site, he also made a great comparison that I'm going to monopolize for the remainder of my own post: Have self-proclaimed hardcore gamers always been this hysterical about "non-game" software? I feel like Wii Music is the latest in a long line of toys and apps that Nintendo has been churning out for years; nothing new in the least. Maybe it's because I wasn't lurking in the proper corners of USENET back then, but I really don't remember Mario Paint eliciting so much FUD back in the day; on the contrary, people seemed to love it, and it's still regarded fondly. Seems sensible enough. But where would we be on WTFriday without something strange and disconcerting? This, my friends, is where Mario Paint comes in. I goofed around with this "game" quite a bit as a child, but little did I know that people were still actively using Mario Paint's composer for both good and evil.  There's even a free program, aptly titled Mario Paint Composer, that emulates the game's basic music-making functions while adding a few new features that weren't exactly in demand back in 1992.  After all, I doubt Nintendo anticipated an eight year-old reproducing anything like Dragonforce's "Through the Fire and Flames:" More serious music discussion after the cut. Read More... Posted Oct 24 2008, 02:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: jeremy parish, wii, music, snes, wii music, mario paint, bob mackey, wtfriday

• Handjobs for Homebrew: Mario Paint Composer DS

  There's never been a better time to be an independent software developer. College students are designing original concepts that are then developed by established publishers into big games like Portal and de Blob. Small teams working in bedrooms or coffee shops are developing downloadable console games like Braid and World of Goo. And then, of course, there are the homebrew developers, releasing their software often for free or a small donation. Widely seen in less-than-100%-legal light, homebrew software is often a means of "hacking" the platform of choice to add functionality that had not originally been intended. While there's never any guarantee of quality when it comes to these things, there are some fantastic pieces of homemade software out there, and we hope to spotlight a few of them here on "Handjobs for Homebrew" (this is Nerve, I can say "handjobs," can't I?) Originally demoed just about a month ago, BassAceGold's homebrew of the Mario Paint Composer for the Nintendo DS was released to the internet masses last week. There have already been a number of homebrew applications to add the painting and animation components of the Super Nintendo classic Mario Paint to the touch-screen handheld, but MPC emulates the feature that always seemed to me (and, apparently, the YouTube community) to be the most engaging element, its cartoonish music composition score. For those who've never played Mario Paint, allow me to explain… Read More... Posted Oct 06 2008, 01:00 PM by Derrick Sanskrit with | with no comments Filed under: nintendo ds, derrick sanskrit, portal, world of goo, korg ds-10, de blob, mario paint, braid, jam sessions, electroplankton, homebrew, lsdj

• Through the Fire and Flames on Mariopaint

  I've never been able to tell if I'm supposed to take Dragonforce seriously. I guess the fact that their fame comes from being the creators of Guitar Hero III's most insane song should be an indication--I mean, you have to guitar-battle Satan while these guys babble on about evil wizards or something. I guess I'm not going to take them seriously no matter what. Anyway, the music compser for Mario Paint really suits Dragonforce's flagship song, Through the Fire and Flames. I love listening to song adaptations over Mario Paint, even if I can't tolerate them for long. I remember attempting to compose music on the SNES classic and winding up with a bunch of jingly-jangly noise. Anecdote: when I was younger, I went over to the house of a friend of mine who had Mario Paint. When we walked in the apartment, the SNES was on and there was a flashing message on the television telling us both--by name--to eff off. The greeting was courtesy of my friend's brother, who didn't count on the fact that plans had changed and we'd be getting picked up and let into the apartment by the astonished matriarch of the brood. Read More... Posted Jul 17 2008, 10:40 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: guitar hero, game music, through the fire and flames, mario paint, dragonforce, satan, guitar hero 3, metal