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• The Baa-ad Neighbours of Animal Crossing

  Game Boy Advance aside, Nintendo was irrelevant in last generation's console race. Now that they've discovered the secret of turning wary parents into gamers, it's necessary to hate their success. If you can't bring yourself to do that much, make sure to at least get a good laugh at Nintendo's expense once in a while. An incident involving Animal Crossing: City Folk and Animal Crossing: Wild World is a good place to unload a chuckle if you haven't had one in a while. Nintendo's oversight is funny for more than one reason. The incident affirms humanity's tendency to fall towards dickery if the consequences are low. We well know that the sunny and unassuming town of Animal Crossing is ripe for teenage jackasses with the digital equivalent of spraypaint. Its tamed inhabitants live a zoo-like life, oblivious about the hard falls life offers to their cousins in the frozen arctic, the teeming jungle or even the urine-sprayed back alleys of the inner city. You can teach the good creatures of Animal Crossing bad words, which they will eagerly use to salute you, themselves and each other. Even the money-loving Tom Nook is very innocent. Upon hiring you for odd jobs when you first arrive in town, he allows you to write an ad for his store. Playing with marquees is generally a job left to trusted higher-ups since the working world is full of people who just can't help shouting that the store is hosting a "SPECIAL" wherein "TOM NOOK JERKS OFF ANYONE FOR TEN BELLS." I imagine employers might even exercise further caution if their signs and ads were capable of automatically traveling virally through Internet connections. Heck, Old Man Nook doesn't even check your work. He trusts you and he knows a hard-working (wo)man you would never steer him wrong. Read More... Posted Dec 04 2008, 04:30 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo ds, wii, fandom, nadia oxford, animal crossing wild world, animal crossing city folk

• Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix is Too Big For Me

  Time to be a bit vulgar: When it comes to 2D fighting games, especially anything Street Fighter related, I'm not exactly a trembling virgin. I've been interested in the series since I learned about Street Fighter II through schoolyard fights that I swear formed only to give boys a reason to scream "HADOKEN" while delivering kicks to one another below the belt. Super Street Fighter II Turbo has long remained my favourite 2D fighter. I've been waiting for Turbo II HD Remix with my head on Udon's lap, looking up at it adoringly with puppy-dog eyes, my tail wagging just the slightest bit. "Now? Is it ready now?" Now I have it for the Xbox 360 and it's left me shuddering at my own inadequacies. Oh, I'm as good as ever--at least I think so--but it's hard to get a lock on my skills because I can't wrap my hands around the Xbox 360 controller in a manner that's appropriate for executing a Sonic Boom. Instead of snapping forward and delivering air-bladed death, Guile just usually somersaults into the opponent's arms like a love-starved toddler. Two seconds later, he's eating concrete. Read More... Posted Dec 03 2008, 05:29 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: xbox 360, capcom, super street fighter II turbo hd remix, xbla, nadia oxford, xbox 360 controller

• Super Mario Galaxy Cake is Made of Awesome (and Butter, Eggs, Sugar)

  This cake? A dude named Will made it for his daughter's birthday. It's exactly like the cake your parents made you for your birthday, right? Oh, what's that? Your parents never made you a cake like this for your birthday? Do you know why? Because they hate your guts. Read More... Posted Dec 03 2008, 12:26 AM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: super mario galaxy, fan stuff, nadia oxford, delicious cake, cake

• The Day Ocarina of Time Got Me Kicked Out of History Class

  The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time hit ten years of age last month, and I am so proud of it. The day I got the game, I skipped half a day of school, brought it home and forgot school even existed until my mother made me go back there the next morning. Once in class, I couldn't stop talking about Link's first 3D adventure. I bounced off the walls so hard that the teacher sent me out. Why this story is magical: I was eighteen at the time and attending grade 13, a "preparation" year for college. And I had been exiled to the hallway for disturbing the class like an eight-year-old with a pocket full of fart bombs. Ocarina of Time hasn't aged well in ten years. If I encountered a hermit scratching moss from behind his ears and blinking at the sunglight for the first time in two decades, I'd direct him in his video game education thusly: skip Ocarina of Time and go straight for Twilight Princess or even Majora's Mask. Link's first N64 outing was lacking in swordplay, no thanks to a barren overworld bristling with a few fences and peahats, maybe a leever or two. But if this hermit told me some manner of centipede god had told him to emerge into the world strictly to study game history, I'd tell him, "Oh shit dude, Ocarina of Time all the way." Ocarina of Time is a pioneer. Bare fields were a small tradeoff for playing the Zelda series' classic puzzles in 3D for the first time. Light a torch with a lantern? Yeah, if you're a sissy. Light a torch by shooting an arrow through a living flame and sparking the cold sconce on the other side of a pit? Awesome. Read More... Posted Dec 02 2008, 08:00 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo, legend of zelda, ocarina of time, n64, nostalgia, anniversary, nadia oxford

• Mega Man's Nightmare: A Hard Hat With a Strategy

  If sharks learn to walk on land, the human race is going to have a problem. Similarly, if Mega Man's Hard Hats/Metools/Mettaurs start to think about effective attack patterns beyond duck-shoot-duck-shoot, our future robot childen are going to have problems. I tried to come up with a song to express Mega Man's frustration here, but I haven't gotten beyond, "The Hat Came Back." The Mega Man Robot Club Mega Man 9 Bosses Look Like Mega Man 9 Bosses My Last Mega Man 9 Post, I Swear Posted Dec 01 2008, 10:03 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: mega man, media, fan video, nadia oxford, metool, hard hat

• If Sales Numbers Mattered, LittleBigPlanet's Commercial Would Be Appealing

  The Playstation 3's killer app, LittleBigPlanet, didn't sell a hojillion copies and save the pandas like it was supposed to. Quick! Everybody blame something! The target that shall recieve my baleful glare is LittleBigPlanet's irrelevant commercial. "Oh shit you guys, you're going to have so much fun with this goddamn game. Fun! Yeah! Fuck yes, fun." What, precisely, makes LittleBigPlanet a vacation on Free Cotton Candy and Sex Island? "Oh," says the commercial, "We're sure you'll figure it out." Guess what! I didn't figure it out. Read More... Posted Dec 01 2008, 08:40 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: little big planet, playstation 3, sony, media, sackboy, nadia oxford, commercial

• Seven Minutes With Mega Man 9's Music

  What are you thankful for this year? If your answer isn't "Mega Man 9" and "Bitchin' guitars," I don't want to talk to you anymore. At this point in your life, you've no doubt heard Mega Man 2's "Doctor Wily Stage One" remixed on every instrument from the jew's harp to some dog's armpit. It's high time we start running Mega Man 9's fantastic soundtrack into the ground. Let this Freddie fellow lead the revolution with this lovely seven minute compilation/remix of every tune in the game. Be wary of last boss spoilers if you're like me and haven't bested Wily yet. Ugh, the shame. Related Links: The Mega Man Robot Club Mega Man 9 Bosses Look Like Mega Man Bosses For Love of the Game: Rockman 7 FC Posted Nov 27 2008, 01:48 AM by Nadia Oxford with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: mega man 2, game music, mega man 9, video, media, nadia oxford, remix

• Licensing Tragedies: Malibu's Street Fighter Comic

  This is an adequate time to be a Street Fighter fan. Thanks to the the launch of Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix and Street Fighter IV on the horizon, we have been given a reason to keep breathing throughout the day. Even better, we can go to our local comic retailer and exchange tuppence and a ha'penny for the very competent Street Fighter comic books by Udon. Purists can even help themselves to translated Street Fighter manga, full of bristling hairdos and hoarse oaths. Ah, but life wasn't always so beautiful. There was a time when developers were scared to let US-bound video games and Japanese culture touch each other, so American comic book companies were commissioned to break out their Crayolas and scribble some cash-in magic. Bad things happened, Malibu's Street Fighter comic being among the worst. Fans of The Simpsons might recall Marge Simpson's declaration that everything must be paired up: a woman for every man, a salt shaker for every pepper shaker and a dog for every cat. Malibu noticed that in the Street Fighter games, Chun Li wasn't paired with a man and they decided that must change immediately. So we have golden flashbacks where Ryu and Chun Li recall the love and laughter of their salad days. Of course, the narrative outside of the flashbacks are serious business. Things have changed, harumph harumph. Times are darker. Read More... Posted Nov 27 2008, 01:04 AM by Nadia Oxford with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: street fighter, capcom, comics, nadia oxford, licensing, licensing tragedies, udon, malibu

• Does Games Writing Need To Be More Accessible?

  Writer Leigh Alexander put together a great piece for Kotaku reminding us that many of the shelf-scanning customers at GameStop are not like you or I. The average gamer doesn't pay attention to reviews. They don't know a Miyamoto from an Igarashi. And they drink blood, but they're capable of walking in the daylight. It's easy to assume that everyone within the walls of your local game retailer is a kindred spirit who will fire back with "It's-a-me!" as soon as you say, "Mario." Alexander's column reminded me that for every fruitful conversation about games I've had with an EB Games clerk, there have been ten instances of broken eye contact and embarrassed mumblings. "The World Ends With You? N-nah. Not into anime. I like Call of Duty." Alexander talks about game reviewers' tendency to keep the different tiers of gamers distanced from one another. There's not an intentional push to scare newcomers away from game publications and websites, but Alexander likens the typical video game review to a music review in Pitchfork Magazine. Someone who says, "I dig music and I want to read about music" is going to be scared away by Pitchfork's jargon-heavy breakdown of the album of the moment. Similarly, game reviews tend to reference past titles, past developers and use words and terms that a newcomer (and there are more and more of these lately) isn't going to understand. Read More... Posted Nov 25 2008, 05:10 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: kotaku, feature, writing, retail, nadia oxford, gamestop, leigh alexander games journalism, casual gamers, hardcore gamers

• Japanese Musicocracy: Capcom's Numerous Tributes to Axl Rose

  I don't know how many years Axl Rose spent working on his latest album, Chinese Democracy, but I seem to remember still playing with dollies when the project was first announced. I'd say I was about 13 years of age. Don't judge me. Axl's hibernation was long, but he had the courtesy to surface every few years and eat a former band member so we wouldn't forget him. Forget him we did not, though perhaps the Japanese deserve the most credit for keeping Guns N' Roses alive through video games. Capcom in particular was good about reminding us that Axl Rose was more than a scary story parents told their children when they formed an obsession with hair bandanas. GnR's influence flavours the streets of Metro City in Final Fight, haunts X in Mega Man X's Maverick uprisings, and, in Street Fighter III, gives us a glimpse of what Axl might look like if he drank two steroid smoothies every day. You might have missed Axl and Slash in Final Fight; they were mere droplets in the tsunami of thugs that crashed over Cody, Haggar and Guy. It was an unspectacular appearence anyway. Slash didn't try to hit anyone with a concrete Gibson and Axl didn't have an attack involving a heroin syringe. I'm sorry, I'll show myself out the door. Read More... Posted Nov 25 2008, 02:53 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: capcom, music, nostalgia, nadia oxford, guns n roses, mega man x7, street fighter 3, axl rose, mega man x5

• Hey, RPG Hero: Go Home and Be a Family Man

  So on Saturday I indulged in my weekly Mother 3 play session-- ("Oh God, she's talking about Mother 3 again, you sneak up behind her with this piano wire while I slip this cyanide into Mackey's coffee.") Please let me live. I don't know when I'm going to be so motivated to pick a game's brain ever again. Mother 3 is unlike any RPG I've ever played--and for the simplest reasons. This, more than anything, is what fascinates me about the game. Shigesato Itoi realises that the easiest way to get people to love your characters is to treat them like human beings. For some reason, woefully few of his fellow RPG designers have picked that up. It's rare to find an RPG cast that everyone can relate to on a human level. Mother 3's world-saving brigade casts ground-shaking magic and racks up experience points and throws giant staples at enemies like any other JRPG (okay, the staples, not so much), but Itoi wants us to feel close to them. So he draws us in by being realstic about the one thing that unites even Superman with the common Earthling: family. Here there be spoilers. (Oh and don't feed Mackey any cyanide. Thank you. His parents appreciate your restraint.) Read More... Posted Nov 24 2008, 07:35 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: rpg, earthbound, mother 3, gba, jrpg, nadia oxford, shigesato itoi, famly

• Mega Man Fan Movie Trailer

  Okay, well... So... Um, I really do admire the gentlemen who play Thomas Light and Albert Wily in this upcoming(?) Mega Man fan movie. Imagine asking your dad to roleplay as a dude who hangs out with a giggly female robot all day, or as a power-hungry German man (anyone who speaks German can't be power-hungry). Imagine his reaction. "You want me to do what? While wearing a lab coat?" I'm also digging the designs for the original six robots. Looks like someone spent the extra thirty cents on the fancy brand of tinfoil. I've seen a lot of Mega Man fan movie trailers come and go. I kind of hope this project sees its way to fruition just so I can stop feeling I belong to the most shiftless fandom on the Internet. The Mega Man Robot Club Mega Man 9 Goes Back To Your Roots. Way Back. The Delights of Continuity in Mega Man and Abroad Posted Nov 21 2008, 10:25 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: mega man, trailer, video, fandom, nadia oxford, movie

• The "Bike Hero" Viral Video is a Fake...But Should You Love It Any Less?

  For a brief and beautiful 24 hours, a guy on a bike gave us a reason to keep living. It's since been revealed that the Bike Hero is a fake; he is not in fact a Guitar Hero/physical fitness guru who's come to Earth to show us all the way. Instead, he's a viral creation of an ad agency called Droga5. But Gamecyte asks us: should that matter? If a company produces a legitimately awesome piece of art in the vein of user generated content, does its less-than-humble origin detract from its value? Are any of you angry or disappointed that there isn’t really a part-time McDonalds employee and his friends behind the production — or perhaps that Droga5 tried to make you think that there were? I am personally at peace with Droga5. I think a little piece of my heart knew the Bike Hero did not actually exist in this paranoid era. Really, if Old Man Macphearson saw a bunch of punk teenagers applying giant coloured tiddlywinks to the suburban sidewalk and street, what would stop him from calling the cops? And what would stop the police from busting up the project? Looking at it rationally (boo, hiss), turning a neighbourhood into a giant Guitar Hero song would be a dangerous endevour. Drivers and pedestrians would be distracted and confused and someone might end up as pate at the end of it all. Read More... Posted Nov 20 2008, 05:42 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: guitar hero, advertising, nadia oxford, meme, viral video, dupe, bike hero

• Thanks, Microsoft, For Throwing Avatars Back To 1998.

  Last night I downloaded the New Xbox Experience. Microsoft guided me into their latest project with the same self-proud fanfare that Squaresoft used for Final Fantasy VII's Summoned Monster animations. Yes, your penis is huge and Nintendo's penis is very small. Now please let me hit the A button and bypass this wonderful...display. Sometimes after I down a glass of scotch, I feel happy about the direction of the video game industry. I see reasons to believe that developers are learning that it's not all about graphics. Then the buzz wears off at the same time that I indulge in a project like the New Xbox Experience. Then I become sad again. Microsoft's new Avatars look better than Miis, but they're boring to play with because they're so limited. Once again, a rival has attempted to capitalise on one particular aspect of the Wii's fame (probably after spending millions of dollars on research) but has failed to understand that it's not as easy as, "Oh shucks, we just have to make Miis look fancier and we'll be richer than astronauts!" True, Miis aren't especially "next-gen" as far as video game avatars go. Their stick-limbs look like they belong in some school kid's macaroni and glitter-glue project. They don't even wear clothes; they have naught but spartan solid colours to hide their shame. Even so, they're infinately more fun to customise because you can do horrific things to their unassuming little faces. You can move the position of their hair, eyes, nose, mouth and eyebrows. Then you can unload them on friends (or enemies who need a good scare) and you can access the Mii Parade to see ten other people's take on a chibi-Hitler. No two chibi-Hitlers will be the same, either: each is special in its own way. Read More... Posted Nov 20 2008, 03:48 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: xbox 360, wii, mii, avatars, nadia oxford, new xbox experience

• Go Commando With Your Lunch This Winter

  Hey, is anyone out there in the market for a new best friend? 'Cause I'm totally serious about pledging allegiance to anyone who pre-orders Bionic Commando from GameCrazy and gives me the bonus metal lunchbox. From the Capcom Unity blog: "Bionic Commando is all about the old school style. Neon red hair, awesome sunglasses, and now lunch boxes and patches! The lunch box is a part of a very limited run, and you can only get ‘em if you preorder at GameCrazy. The sides have Nathan swinging through the old school levels of the original BC, with the original box art on the top of one side, and the old com on the other." Like so:   Read More... Posted Nov 19 2008, 07:36 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: bionic commando, retail, nadia oxford, gamestop, bonuses, lunchbox, gamecrazy, rad spencer, pre-order

• The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Stupidity

  The Legend of Zelda cartoon was one of the more competent game-based television series to foul up the '80s. That's not saying much, I suppose, especially when you recall some of the show's more ridiculous traits. Here's ten minutes of The Legend of Zelda, as collected and sewn together by The Switcher. Guaranteed to make you cringe and say, "Oh Christ above why did I love this? No wonder nobody ever came to my birthday parties." I don't think I was ever aware that the Zelda cartoon had a considerable amount of innuendo. Dude, Link tried to ambush Zelda on her bed. If I were the king, I'd turn that impish rogue out on his bum and just set down some fly paper around the Triforce of Wisdom. Read More... Posted Nov 19 2008, 06:47 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: the legend of zelda, zelda, movies, nostalgia, link, video, fandom, nadia oxford, the '80s, game cartoons

• How Chicago Inadvertently Penned an Anthem for Dead Anime Fathers

  The other day, I was browsing a retail establishment when Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" came over the store speakers. Suddenly, I felt very sad. It was an interesting reaction and not one I would have had a few years ago. Having surrendered my youth to the modern day equivilent of potato mines (retail), I'm familiar with the safe music that's piped over the speakers to keep the masters and beasts complacent. I would never give Chicago another thought ever again if not for an Elite Beat Agents scenario involving an anime girl's dead father. Surely I'm not the only one who's come to associate games with certain licensed songs. The Japanese have been sneaky about it since we were kids: Mario's invincibility music is lifted straight from Jesus Christ Superstar and more than one tune in the early Mega Man games sounded like a tribute to Guns n Roses and/or Metallica. But legitimate songs being used in games (or to advertise games) is quickly becoming popular and I'm increasingly interested in the association aspect. This doesn't apply so much to games like Guitar Hero or Rock Band, which usually have you belting out tunes in a club, or possibly a fancy club. I'm referring to instances where a song is used to define a game, or an in-game scenario like the ones in Elite Beat Agents. Read More... Posted Nov 18 2008, 06:47 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: guitar hero, rock band, mega man, gears of war, elite beat agents, game music, nadia oxford, super mario, gears of war 2, music association

• Wii Do Not Fit Into One Category

  I'm still plugging away at Wii Fit and enjoying it. The game succeeds in one key area where exercise videos and dieting fails: the automatic recording of your progress goes a long way to keeping you on the wagon. When you begin your training session, you're asked to set a goal and a reasonable timeframe for that goal. Watching yourself inch towards that goal is heartening. Even though I've always been conscious about moving my body to some small degree every day, I've always had a tendency to ignore at least one vital area of fitness. Wii Fit really does offer a variety of exercises across the board. I can do ten minutes of Yoga, ten minutes of strength training and ten minutes of cardio. I know that's not exactly intensive and I'm not going to become Wonder Woman in a matter of days, but thirty minutes of balanced activity every day has made me feel pretty good. I do feel more flexible. My abs are tougher, but don't go throwing a baseball into them. I can't say my posture is any less horrid, but I'm more aware about my body positioning. Wii Fit does have one major flaw though: it fails to communicate clearly with the user on some vital levels. The title measures your BMI, which is rapidly becoming an outdated means of measuring general health. Even my doctor has abandoned it. Even so, it's just not a good idea to be too heavy, right? Very true, but Wii Fit forgets to take into account that strength training will inevitably build muscle--and muscle weighs quite a bit. So you work out faithfully every day and get scolded by the on-screen Balance Board mascot for gaining weight. Have you ever been dressed-down by a Balance Board? It hurts. Read More... Posted Nov 18 2008, 05:28 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo, wii, wii fit, nadia oxford, balance, health, fitness

• Kid Icarus on Game Boy: Did Anyone Get To Play This?

  Earlier, ScrewAttack reminisced about Kid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters for the Game Boy. Behold! Did any of you good people out there own this game, or acquire it in a lopsided game trade on the schoolyard? After watching this, I'm kind of sorry I missed it. I never liked the original Kid Icarus. This might have something to do with the fact that I wasn't very patient about the original Metroid, either. Both involved a vertical climb, but at least Samus could collect herself and try again if she fell down the shaft of Brinstar like the proverbial frog scaling the well wall. If Pit dropped off the edge of a platform, he wasn't shy about letting us know that he was doomed to splatter on the basement level of Hades, possibly after bouncing off the jagged edge of another platform or three. ("I'm finished!") Read More... Posted Nov 17 2008, 10:58 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo, game boy, retro, nadia oxford, kid icarus, of myths and monsters

• Now You're a Killer, Just Like Mama!

  Sometimes PETA runs up to us with a snotty nose and starts pulling at our skirts with a grubby hand while whining unintelligibly and gesturing at something. And we have to stop what we're doing and patiently ask, "Yes, PETA, what is it?" because PETA is impossible to ignore when it gets in this kind of mood. PETA's latest handiwork made gamers recoil and grip shakily at the kitchen counter to steady themselves--or it was supposed to, anyway. Most of us just laughed because you can't turn Cooking Mama into a knife-loving turkey murderer without making a complete ass of yourself. If you apply blood and mayhem to all things cuddly and cute, it's instant comedy. South Park knew it. Monty Python knew it. Your twisted little cousin who will soon be getting notes sent home by Teacher knows it. I'm a bit confused about what exactly PETA is trying to say with their Flash murder simulator, but at the same time, their chutzpah is admirable. There's no attempt to disguise Mama. She's bloodthirsty, she's apparently furious about having to cook Thanksgiving dinner and she will fuck your shit up if you turn your back on her. What's Majesco supposed to do? They can go to court, but one company of the two is backed up by hojillions of dollars from batshit celebrities, and they're not the one. Read More... Posted Nov 17 2008, 09:21 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 4 comment(s) Filed under: cooking mama, controversy, nadia oxford, peta, majesco, turkeys, flash games, animal rights

• The New Prince of Persia Will Let Me Right a Terrible Wrong

  Ladies and Gentlemen, I come before you to admit that I have never felt the embrace of a lover. I have never breathed deep of masculinity, reveled in the wrap of sun-bronzed arms oiled lightly by sweet perspiration. I have never had the words "I love you" spoken gently in my ear, giving me cause to shiver as if...um...some spider metaphor... Ha ha, okay. I am loved. But I have never played a Prince of Persia game. Not one. I am the 28-year-old Prince of Persia virgin. I know this is shocking and I'll understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore. Please believe me when I say that I intend to make things right, though. There are certain things in this life that no one should die without experiencing. "Play Prince of Persia" has always been in the back of my head-queue, though admittedly I've become doubly curious since I learned it's one of a precious few franchises that game critic Yahtzee loves. Every games writer wants to grow up to be Yahtzee. I personally dig the hat. I also have to admit I'm impressed by the trailer for the new-gen Prince of Persia, so I guess I'll excuse myself and go apply some perfume and check my dowry. Read More... Posted Nov 14 2008, 10:20 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 5 comment(s) Filed under: prince of persia, trailer, media, nadia oxford, true love, confessions

• The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask: Why I Let Termina Go Squish

  I don't finish a lot of the games I buy, and I can't even say that I've played every single Zelda game. ("Release the hounds.") I can say that I've finished every Zelda game I've ever owned--with the exception of one. I'll wait until you get the inevitable CD-i jokes out of your system. Okay. The one Zelda title I've never finished is Majora's Mask for the N64. I let the apocalyptic alter-world of Termina die under the weight of a nightmarish moon because playing through the game made me feel like I was rolling Sisyphus' rock while watching Groundhog Day. It was an emotionally taxing experience and I didn't even get to laugh at Billy Murray driving over a cliff with a large burrowing mammal in his lap. I suck for not finishing Majora's Mask, I know. It's arguably the most original of the 3D Zeldas, which is an interesting thing to say about a game that purposefully reuses the battle system and character models from Ocarina of Time. The difference is the care Majora's Mask takes with its recycling program. Nintendo could have gotten away with saying, "Oops, Link has to go back to Hyrule!" and we would have been happy enough to explore Ocarina of Time's characters and locales over again. Instead, the residents of the vaguely dreamlike world of Termina adopt new names, new problems and new personalities--changing them considerably from the carefree NPCs we were already familiar with. Instead of feeling cheap, it's actually very unsettling. Nameless NPCs from Ocarina of Time, like the empty-headed woman in Kakariko who lost her chickens, suddenly inherit emotions and even take on extensive backstories. Read More... Posted Nov 14 2008, 06:49 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: nintendo, zelda, nadia oxford, legend of zelda ocarina of time, legend of zelda majora's mask

• The Protomen: Making Two Old Men Awesome Since 2008

  Over the years, Capcom has attempted to add depth to our robot hero, Mega Man. I mean, they've really attempted it, God bless 'em. Even though the end product reads like a story written by a ten-year-old science fiction fanatic with ADD, we shall give Capcom an A for Aeffort. But even though we have a good idea of Mega Man's inner workings (gears, bolts, some black stuff), what do we know about his creator, Doctor Light? I mean, we know his hair and beard are poofy like some anime Zeus'. We know that he likes a pipe now and then oops wait not in America. We also know that his inventions, however well-meaning, initiated vicious wars between humans and robots that spanned across generations. Oh, but we don't talk about Dr Light's little "oops." Shhh, look. Look over here. Look at this cute little robot dog. Hold still while it eats your skull. I am an unapologetic fangirl of The Protomen, the fine lads who constructed a Mega Man rock opera. The first album is about Protoman defecting to Doctor Wily's band of killer robots and Mega Man trying to convince his brother through song (unsuccessfully) that he is a good boy. The second album, coming...soon, I imagine, is a prequel with special emphasis on Wily and Light and certain events that cause humanity's spin down the toilet. Read More... Posted Nov 13 2008, 10:39 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: mega man, mega man x, fan stuff, fandom, nadia oxford, the protomen, rock opera

• "Have You Heard the News? He's Gay!"

  I'm still not done with Mother 3. You could say I'm savouring it (something Mackey can surely appreciate). I'm coming close to the end though, so I'm in an adequate position to talk about the game on message boards. This is an especially fun way to waste time because Mother's papa, Shigesato Itoi, never struck me as a convential game designer. He's a writer first, something that I think comes out clearly in his games. For instance, I was talking with a dapper gentleman in a tophat about some of Itoi's characters in Earthbound and Mother 3. Both games feature at least one gay character. This is nothing new in Japanese-developed games and anime, where gays and transvestites serve the same function as our own laughtracks. Everyone laugh at the flamboyant man fretting over his shoes and dress! It's funny 'cause men aren't supposed to do that! The difference with Itoi's characters is that the player is not really supposed to laugh at them. They're vital to the plot, but they just so happen to be gay. Read More... Posted Nov 13 2008, 07:19 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 7 comment(s) Filed under: earthbound, mother 3, mother 2, nadia oxford, homosexuality, shigesato itoi, gay characters, gay

• Brandon Crisp's Family Sets Up a Charity For...Sports?

  The grieving parents of Brandon Crisp plan to set up a charity in their son's name. If you're familiar with the life and death of Brandon Crisp (and if you're not, welcome to Earth), you might be curious about this. It's not unusual for loved ones to set up charities in the names of those loved and lost, though the cause usually relates to the deceased's death. Parents who lost a child to cancer might set up a charity that benefits research, for example. Or a wife who lost her husband to a drunk driver might solicit donations for other victims. Brandon's charity is meant to raise money for underprivileged children who wish to play sports. It's an odd choice, to be sure. If it were me, I'd want money put towards research and cures for addiction. Still, it didn't strike me as completely off the mark: organised sports cost a lot of money to play. This is especially true for heavy-equipment games like hockey, which (true to the stereotype) is enormously popular in Canada among boys Brandon's age. The person who alerted me to the story thinks the charity has a different, though unspoken, purpose. Namely, "Get kids away from video games and into sports." Read More... Posted Nov 12 2008, 07:02 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: xbox 360, controversy, nadia oxford, brandon crisp, call of duty iv, charity

• Editors, Where Are Your Manners?

  Not long ago, I ruffled my feathers over the Internet's collective, though inevitable, lack of manners. Just yesterday, I posted some rambling thing about how the ESRB is largely irrelevant, mostly through no fault of its own. Today, I'm combining the two subjects! You lucky people! I'm a bit late to the fury party, but it seems that GameTrailers is upset at the ESRB because the organisation made them yank an exclusive Fallout 3 trailer. The ESRB, which does have a say in game advertisements for television, deemed the trailer too violent and ordered it taken down. (Of course, you can see it on YouTube thanks to special Internet magic.) Some people, myself included, think the ESRB has overstepped its boundaries. The trailer was meant for GameTrailers, not television. GameTrailers has every reason to be upset, and they don't even have to be wholly polite about their displeasure. But it would have been really boss if GameTrailers' editors had consulted someone aside from their thirteen-year-old nephews for their angry words. Read More... Posted Nov 12 2008, 06:02 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: halo 3, fallout 3, censorship, controversy, nadia oxford, game violence, esrb

• Why I Like Street Fighter Continuity

  First, you must watch this trailer for Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix. Capcom/Udon probably couldn't have chosen a better licensed song even if God demanded it. Oh oh, Chun-Li got one of those annoying chain letters. You'd better keep that going, dear, or else great misfortune might fall upon your family. Wait--oops. Shit. Sorry. Boys and girls, I'm here to talk about your urges to follow Street Fighter continuity. Do you feel a prick of annoyance when people pronounce Ryu's name as "Rye-oo?" Do you like eagerly informing the person sitting next to you on the bus that Ken and Guile are actually brothers-in-law? Do you lament out loud about the tribulations of T Hawk in the middle of conference calls? It's okay. These urges are natural and normal and all part of being a Street Fighter enthusiast--especially one who's still kind of bad at actually playing the game. Read More... Posted Nov 11 2008, 07:26 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: ryu, ken, super street fighter II turbo hd remix, street fighter ii, nadia oxford, characters, guile, dhalsim

• How Much Simpler Do ESRB Ratings Need To Get?

  At some point when I wasn't paying attention, the Internet began to boil about something the pre-presidential version of Barack Obama said about video games and violence. To paraphrase, he wants ESRB ratings to be clearer and explain more thoroughly what kind of content a concerned parent might find in Kill 'Em All IV. Admirable, but what's the point of novel-length content labels if parents refuse to bother getting past the letters? I'm generally patient with the human race, but damn if we sure don't like putting ourselves out. The typical adult defence against change is to whine, "I don't waaaaant to!" like a three-year-old. When change inevitably happens and new methods are applied to old systems, human survival instinct automatically kicks us into the proper response, which is to sit down hard on the floor and cry "I don't get it, it's too haaaard", followed by rubbing grimy fists into tear-stained eyes. This might account for why so many parents have simply chosen to ignore the ESRB: games aren't rated with the MPAA's safe and familiar alphabet. That, or a lot of parents are simply bone lazy. It's not to say the ESRB's system is failsafe (Rating a game "E10+" and merely citing "Suggestive Themes" is about as useful as citing it for "Peanut Butter Monkey Pants"), but the MPAA's system doesn't offer a thousand lines of detail, either. Nevertheless, movies seem to get in a lot less trouble than games. When some fish-eyed parent goes on television to scream (in between smoker's hacks) about the violence her five-year-old was exposed to in an R-rated movie, the world usually says in a collective voice, "Duh, the movie is rated R." The problem falls off the news as soon as someone takes footage of a monkey riding a dog like a horse. Read More... Posted Nov 11 2008, 06:09 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 3 comment(s) Filed under: nadia oxford, game violence, call of duty 4, esrb, mpaa, games ratings

• Shigeru Miyamoto, the Heartbreak...Man

  I like Shigeru Miyamoto. He taught me that video games can be more than triangles that shoot peas at cookies (and broken up chunks of cookies). He taught me that video games can be a story with a beginning, a middle and an end. He taught me how to dance and read and sing, and what it means to be a woman--no, you didn't just read that last bit. Mind-melt ray. *zzzt.* Hello. We were just talking about kittens. I like tortoiseshells, don't you? There's a new wrestling game or something coming out. I don't know, it's some manner of digital man-wrangling that my husband's been going on about. The most I know about Wrestling is that Hulk Hogan wants me to drink my milk and say my prayers. I also know that wrestling games are pretty famous for their Create-a-Brawler wrestler generators. Here we have a very enthusiastic Shigeru Miyamoto stepping into the ring with plenty of bum-shaking and hip grinding. His theme song is courtesy of the esteemed Game Jew. Read More... Posted Nov 10 2008, 11:00 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with no comments Filed under: shigeru miyamoto, nadia oxford, raw vs smackdown, theme song, game jew

• Stupid Hero Names: Nobody Wants to Celebrate a Man Named "Squall."

  One of my other jobs involves keeping an eye on celebrities and writing about their lives. This means I have to find it in me to rejoice in the births of their badly-named babies. Hooray for Lady Sugar Papaya. She might not be as special and unique as the Blue Angels and Pilot Inspektors in her Academy, but surely she won't have to resort to affirming her individuality through the arts or academics. Video games, especially JRPGs, are pretty big on inoculating characters with a "Special!" booster before the game even begins. Names obviously define a person, but they're not a free pass to depth and wisdom. You have to grow into a name, even earn it in a way. If Cloud Strife is a deep and complex character (he's not) it's because of his trials and journeys, not because his name is more l33t than yours. I always liked Wild ARMS because the main characters were compelling despite the fact they were stuck with names obviously given to them by their parents and not mental hospital escapees. Jack. Rudy, Cecilia. I remember them well to this day and I have yet to think to myself, "Gee, those were great characters but too bad Rudy wasn't named Sir Puppy Tails the III. That would have added so much." Read More... Posted Nov 10 2008, 07:30 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 2 comment(s) Filed under: final fantasy vi, final fantasy vii, wild arms, nadia oxford, final fantasy viii, silly names