61 Frames Per Second

Browse by Tags

(RSS)

Things that Make Me Swear Profusely: A Top 10 List - part 2

In part 1, I listed a few game moments that furrowed my brow and set my teeth on edge, but we really don't see the old temper flare up until we hit the second half. Look away oh faint of heart and sound proof the walls. Now I start yelling.

Posted Jan 16 2009, 10:30 AM by Amber Ahlborn with | with 9 comment(s)

Filed under: mario kart, final fantasy, amber ahlborn, rant, top 10, Jak 3

Things that Make Me Swear Profusely: A Top 10 List - part 1

I love video games. If you're reading this you probably do too. And yet, even games I like often have parts that I hate. Parts that annoy and dissatisfy. Parts that disappoint. And parts that force my entire vocabulary of profane wordage to erupt involuntarily from my throat in blind rage.

Starting with the mildest offenders and working our way up, let's see what sets me off.

Posted Jan 16 2009, 10:00 AM by Amber Ahlborn with | with 1 comment(s)

Filed under: the legend of zelda, amber ahlborn, sonic the hedgehog, rant, top 10, skies of arcadia

Conversations that go Nowhere: Why I Hate Talking to NPCs

Sometimes it doesn't matter. You're only going to talk to that random villager once in the whole game then move on. They're extras with one line, they say it then walk off stage and it's all good. This is fine in most RPGs or adventure games but sometimes the game expects you to hold actual conversations with people. Games that incorporate building social networks into the play are different. They give their NPCs lives and loves and things to discuss, right? Crap...

Posted Jan 14 2009, 11:30 PM by Amber Ahlborn with | with 1 comment(s)

Filed under: amber ahlborn, rant, rune factory, dialog

Surprise! Nickelback Misunderstands Guitar Hero

I am sorry that I have to bring up Nickelback here, but this thing they said on Leno just gets me so angry. Even angrier than I usually am at Nickelback, which for the record is “pretty angry.”

But that’s not game-related bile. This is, though: Chad Kroeger told Jay Leno he wants kids to stop playing Guitar Hero and start up real bands. This in and of itself is not a horrible thing to say: apparently Kroeger is having trouble finding bands that are willing to interact with Nickelback, but rather than thinking that is a problem with his own band or his own douchey personality he is rationalizing it away as “there aren’t enough rock bands out there these days.”

But his statement is also based on another fallacy—that a significant number of talented musicians are lost to the world because they get their fix from rhythm games. You hear this all the time, and it is crazy and must be stopped.

Rhythm games are for people like me: those who enjoy music, but don’t have any particular talent for it or drive to create it, to get some simulacrum of a rush we could otherwise never know. They are also for musicians, who can use it to interact with the music they love in a low stress way.

What rhythm games absolutely do not do is scratch the itch musicians have to learn instruments, and to use them to create music. I guess I should not expect Nickelback, a band that has never created “music” as I define it, to understand this. But let’s put it this way: I have never known anyone that has played the guitar, who has stopped playing that guitar after being introduced to Rock Band. On the other hand, I do know people who played Rock Band and found in them a passion that caused them to learn the real guitar.

Posted Nov 21 2008, 03:00 PM by Joe Keiser with | with 6 comment(s)

Filed under: guitar hero, rock band, rant, joe keiser, nickelback, rhythm action

Ranty McRant Rant: What the Hell does Casual Mean?

I read comments sections. I probably shouldn't because they contribute to my slow slide into misanthropy, but just as rubberneckers stare at a gruesome auto wreck, I have a hard time turning away. On the “positive” side, they do serve as blog fodder.

The target of my ire this week is the word “Casual” and its occasional associate, “Dumbed Down”. I'm sure these words and phrases were valid once upon a time, with recognizable definitions, but these days they've been co-opted by the angry hoards to mean whatever the hell is stuck in the craw of the angry gamer of the moment. They've taken on a sort of amorphous existence of fluid definition and get applied left and right as a sort of catch all derogatory, appropriate or not. Language tends to break down and fail when words lose their meanings and that really annoys the piss out of me.

Posted Oct 10 2008, 10:00 AM by Amber Ahlborn with | with 6 comment(s)

Filed under: mario kart, casual, amber ahlborn, rant

Mega Man 9 Review: Pay No Attention to the Numbers. For My Sanity and Yours.

I don't get to review stuff too often in my writing "career." I'm far more thankful for this than you might imagine.

I correct myself. I do actually review Japanese manga over at Mania.com and I'm pretty okay with receiving free manga. But reviewing manga is as easy as petting a dog. I read the story within an hour, write up my opinions and Bob's yer uncle, as my mom says (for some reason). Reviewing a game, on the other hand, is as treacherous as petting a wolf. You might get through it alive, but then again you might be missing your large intestine by the end of it.

Writing a game review is such a nasty business because gamers decided at some point that they're allergic to reading. It all comes down to the numbers. Yes, numbers are the universal language, but come on. The world is so much larger than 8.8.

Posted Sep 19 2008, 08:10 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 4 comment(s)

Filed under: mega man 9, rant, nadia oxford, ign, reviews, 8.8

Yahtzee Says, Support Your Local Independent Developer (He's Right).

If you're 1) a gamer and 2) not insane, then one of your favourite all-time games is Cave Story. Cave Story was planned, designed and developed by one demigod, the radiant Pixel. One of the greatest games of all time came from two arms, two eyes and one brain.

Cave Story works so well because the graphics, sound, story and gameplay all compliment each other beautifully. But what if Pixel had proposed the title to, say, EA and had a hive mind work on the game? For starters, it would look and sound radically different because players today are all about the big noises and shiny things according to the Big Men In Charge (which is why Mega Man 9 has everyone leaping like dogs at a lambchop). The aesthetic shift alone would have sent Cave Story's delicate feng shui swirling down the toilet.

Yahtzee talks about the importance of indie games this week, specifically Braid on XBLA. His argument for indie titles against corporate titles is that too many cooks spoil the broth—or rather, too many faceless men in suits destroy the original intent. Sometimes we all need to step back and clear our heads with games that don't stray far from the man or woman who originally thought up the idea.

Posted Aug 27 2008, 06:42 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 4 comment(s)

Filed under: yahtzee, zero punctuation, cave story, pixel, rant, atari 2600, braid, indie games, corporations

Yahtzee and the Webcomics Plague

Yahtzee, possibly the only game reviewer capable of out-talking a five-year-old with a new Poekmon game, recently made clear his feelings about gaming webcomics. To give you the five-cent summary, Yahtzee believes that video game webcomics are the putrid nesting grounds of wannabes and hacks.

What do you think, class?

Personally, while I have no love for the webcomic that served as the primary target for Mr Yahtzee's rant (Ctrl+Alt+Del), I bear little ill will to webcomics in general. There's a popular opinion going around this here Internets stating that only kings and God should be allowed to produce creative work because humanity is generally not very good at anything. I don't think that's the case.

Posted Jul 03 2008, 10:35 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 3 comment(s)

Filed under: penny arcade, yahtzee, zero punctuation, webcomics, art, rant, writing, creativity, ctrl+alt+del, internet

about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.