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  • Play It Again, Sam



    How many times have you bought the same game? I don't mean full on remakes like Metroid: Zero Mission or sports games sequels where they dusted off the old engine and updated the roster. I mean how many games did you repurchase because it was a special edition with some new features, or it was released for a different home system, or it was the hand held version?

    Read More...


  • Would You Play a Final Fantasy VII Remake? Hmmm?

    The Internet has been rumbling about a mysterious sign that's been popping up in Best Buys around the US of A. It looks like a simple "Coming Soon" release list, but look closer and you'll see the mystery: it lists Final Fantasy VII as an August Playstation 3 release.

    Needless to say, this is an error, unless Square's been purposefully silent about a Final Fantasy VII re-release. It would be the merciful route; Sephiroth fangirls would gnaw on themselves and each other while writhing in anticipation of another crack at the silver-haired bishounen. Corporations aren't known for mercy towards their fans, however, and any planned Final Fantasy VII remakes would surely be announced with french horns and dancing poodles.

    But would you play a Final Fantasy VII remake? No game is as beloved and reviled as Final Fantasy VII. It was the game that brought the slow and "nerdy" RPG genre to the attention of the mainstream gamer. It's also a very clumsy and awkward game; you'll be hard-pressed to find another big-name title that aged so badly. But a huge chunk of the Internet remembers it as their first RPG and you never do forget your first.

    *Cough.*

    Read More...


  • Final Fantasy IV DS: Love, Hope and Betrayal For the Busy Commuter

    Lo, and Nadia purchased Final Fantasy IV and brought the digital tome unto her home. And the Lord sayeth, "DUDE! You got your ass kicked by a sandworm!"

    Everything the fangeeks have been saying rings true: Square-Enix mixed up Final Fantasy IV. Up is down, the sky is green and for God's sake, don't assume that magic attacks will save you from the wrath of the Antlion's counterattack.

    The change-up was sorely needed, though, especially if you're a geek like me who knows the game better than priests know the Bible. Be warned: Final Fantasy IV DS is quite difficult. Kain and Cecil still begin the game as medieval brick shithouses, but they can die. For one thing, enemies are not afraid to use their special attacks and they counter if you so much as sneeze in their direction. I know more than one player who fell victim to the gradual petrification of the helldiver quartet that roams the path to the Mist Cave. As for me, I met a sandworm on our morning constitutional. It cast Whirlwind without hesitation and that was the end of the Dark Knight of Baron and that jumpy friend of his who wants to follow in his father's footsteps or something.

    The good news is that for every instance of enemy tweaking, there is an instance of character tweaking to match it. The most talked-about helper in the new battle against Golbez is the augment system, which allows characters to gain the abilities of other party members--typically the members who croak for story purposes. If you give augments to characters who are destined to depart, you usually get something better in return. Of course, if it's your first playthrough and you have no idea who's staying and who's going, it sucks to be you.

    Read More...


  • Are You Buying Final Fantasy IV DS? Huh? Huh? Huh??

    (Pant pant pant, eager tail wag.)

    Square-Enix's remake of its SNES classic is garnering good reviews, though I've seen more than one make mention about how it's a bit early for yet another Final Fantasy IV remake. For those of you at home keeping count, Final Fantasy IV has been released on the SNES, the PSOne, the Wonderswan (I think?), the GBA and now the Nintendo DS.

    I'm going to go ahead and offer myself up for blame: I buy every remake Square-Enix throws at me, except for the WonderSwan remake because that would just be wack. I can't help it; Final Fantasy IV, when it was known as the dumbed-down Final Fantasy II was a cornerstone of my awkward teenage years. I actually played it after getting through Final Fantasy III/VI, but I enjoyed it for its simple story and gorgeous music. I also played it while recovering from major surgery and I was pretty high, so there might be a bit of bias there. I'm pretty sure it's okay to love a game because it reminds you of your youth or the carefree summer days you should've spent outside, but it's less okay to love a game because it reminds you of a codeine daze.

    Read More...


  • The Chrono Trigger Port: Are You Excited or Disappointed?

    Though the 16-bit console wars were savage in the early '90s, the end was in sight by 1995 and the Super Nintendo was crowned the obvious winner.

    (Except by pouty Genesis fanboys who feebly compared Phantasy Star IV to Final Fantasy VI. I mean, it's a good try, but...nah.)

    The Genesis was panting and dry-heaving at the finish line, but the Super Nintendo barely broke a sweat. In fact, it looked healthier than ever thanks to an injection of A+ games at the end of its life. One such title was Chrono Trigger, a now-legendary RPG by Square(-Enix). We should all hope for the dignified hero's death that the Super Nintendo recieved thanks to Chrono Trigger's legacy.

    Read More...


  • For Love of the Game: Metroid II Remakes

    The original Metroid is one of my all-time favorite games, so my feelings about Metroid: Zero Mission, Nintendo's 2004 remake, are predictably mixed. Zero Mission repairs some of the archaic aspects of the original, like wonky controls, an annoying password system and the obligation to refill your energy every time you return to the game. On the other hand, it diffuses the sprawling, almost Lovecraftian eeriness of the original with its aggressive handholding — a trademark fault of late-period Nintendo games. It also unforgivably bungles one of the greatest climaxes in videogame history — the slaughter, by the player, of a shrieking brain in a jar, followed by a slippery-thumbed ascent up an exploding escape shaft — by tacking on a painfully out-of-place stealth section.

    In any case, Nintendo's obvious follow-up was a remake of Metroid II: Return of Samus, a game that arguably needed revamping more than the original.

    Read More...



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  • about the blogger

    John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

    Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a Led Zeppelin/Talking Heads/Police/Replacements-covering power trio called Shovel, and will gladly rock your world if you so desire.

    Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

    Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

    Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

    Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

    Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

    Send tips to 61fps@nerve.com