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  • Lego... Rock Band?



    April Fools' Day was nearly a week ago, so we've all had quite a few days to let our guards down and start accepting everything at face value again. I was lucky enough to not fall for some elaborately-crafted hoax this year, which is why it's hard for me to take a recent 1UP news story without the requisite grain of salt. But, given the calendar date, it seems that Lego Rock Band, a new installment in Harmonix's smash-hit music series, may actually be in the works.

    The only evidence we have at this point is an older version of Harmonix's GDC presentation slides accidentally posted to the Internet, which seemingly confirm the game's existence. According to 1UP,

    [T]his slide was among a batch that was sent for "speech approval" by Harmonix senior designer Dan Teasdale for his GDC presentation, "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap: Design Lessons Learned From Rock Band," but never shown. According to [Harmonix senior designer Dan] Teasdale's blog, they resurfaced when Think Services posted the earlier versions by mistake.

    They seem to confirm the existence of Lego Rock Band, which was apparently set to be unveiled last Friday at GDC, but never materialized. If it's indeed real, it will evidently be arriving later this year between Rock Band: Unplugged and The Beatles Rock Band.

    So, what exactly does Lego have to do with Rock Band? To be fair, the interlocking blocks are just as relevant to Star Wars and Indiana Jones.

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  • Pools of Sorrow, Waves of Joy--The Beatles: Rock Band Priced and Dated

    MTV Games and Harmonix have dropped a handful of details on The Beatles: Rock Band, the official name of that Beatles game that was announced last October. Key among those details was the fact that it would be called The Beatles: Rock Band. That certainly doesn’t sound like the “new, full-grown, custom game built from the ground up” that was mentioned back then, but I’ve spent the months since that announcement dreaming of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club RTS so it’s possible that my disappointment is not exactly, um, sane.

    I’ll get my other crazy compliant out of the way now, too: the release is scheduled for 09/09/09, which is cute and all but totally conflicts with the Decade of Dreamcast blowout party I have been planning in my mind since, oh, January 1st 2009. But maybe that is just the ship date and everything will be fine!

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  • Rock Band in Your Library

     

    A video featuring Nebraska librarians setting up and playing Rock Band with a projector in an auxilliary room of some kind has local taxpayers outraged. OUTRAGED.

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  • Rock Band Takes a Step in the Right Direction

    The title of this post may be a bit misleading; after all, Rock Band has consistently improved on the music game genre since its inception. But it looks like the series is going to continue with its tradition of excellence by washing its hands (temporarily, anyway) of the assumed-to-be-mandatory yearly installment. According to a Crispy Gamer CES report, Harmonix co-founder and CEO Alex Rigopolous said just as much during a keynote interview:

    “We’ve actually made a choice to break out of the annual release cycle for Rock Band this year,” Rigopolous told the assembled press and industry members. “[This is] partly because the annual cycle places limits on the choices you can make as a developer. We’re trying to take a long term view.”

    Of course, Alex Rigopolous shouldn't exactly be made the patron saint of music gaming; after all, Harmonix is hard at work on their upcoming Beatles game, which may include a bevy of new plastic instruments to take up space in your home.

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  • My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Rock Band 2

    It's the end of another year, and that can only mean one thing: it's list season. Inevitably, you're going to see top ten lists by the thousands; and, as an official member of the enthusiast press, I'm afraid I can't violate my directive. But, to make things a little more interesting, I've decided to assemble my 10 favorite games of this year in non-hierarchical form because--let's face facts--it's hard to pick a favorite. And unlike other top 10 lists, this one will be doled out to you in piecemeal for only one more excruciating day! Please enjoy.



    I used to refer to games like Guitar Hero as the video game equivalent of going on a car ride with your dad. And for the most part, this was true; when your most hated of music genres is overplayed classic rock, the proposition of picking up a plastic axe and thrashing away to the soundtrack of the worst radio stations on earth was not exactly an enticing one.  So, being the curmudgeon that I was (and am), I ignored the modern music game based on my prejudices alone--and the fact that I never wanted to hear Lynard Skynard or Journey again for the rest of my life.  Little did I know that the fine folks at Harmonix were hard at work on a music game that could appeal to people beyond the demographic of classic rock jockeys. But after doing some research of my own, and getting astoundingly drunk, I was finally able to realize the wonders of Rock Band 2.  And now I can never go back.

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  • Holiday DLC for You and Yours

    Harmonix has just announced that next week’s Rock Band DLC content will be holiday themed, proving once again that they really get it when it comes to the music game market. The songs are, of course, pretty decent:

    Barenaked Ladies – Hanukkah Blessings
    Billy Squier – Christmas is the Time to Say I Love You
    The Pretenders – Blue Christmas

    This is the kind of thing that DLC is built for, especially for games that have built a business model around frequent DLC updates. Such a model allows for the industry to indulge yearly in a little bit of seasonal content, the same way Hollywood spews out the same cheaply-made movie about holiday family awkwardness every first weekend of December. I’m no fan of Christmas movies, but I’m happy and eager to drape games I already like in festive colors for a few days every winter.

    After the jump there are a few other 2008 holiday DLC things to fool around with next to the fireplace this year. No, Guitar Hero isn’t getting anything (humbug). No, Rock Revolution isn’t getting anything either (hey, if you were Konami, would you support that game?).

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  • Music Game Shark Jumpin’: Activision Possibly Too Legit to Quit, Working with MC Hammer



    There’s been some talk around the gaming campfire about the possible decline of the Guitar Hero/Rock Band-styled music game. The reasons are pretty much what you’d expect: severe market saturation thanks to Guitar Hero having three very successful years across multiple consoles and games, consumer confusion over available product (what do you mean I can’t use this guitar with Rock Band on Wii?), and just could ol’ fashion fad passing. Of course, November’s NPD report showed that people aren’t quite sick of music games. They just aren’t buying them all on one system any longer. Whether or not music games are still profitable is besides the point though! What really matters is whether or not they’re still entertaining, still fresh, and whether or not there are still opportunities to add-on to the house built by Harmonix. What more can they do? Build a mic as versatile as the one included with Microsoft’s Lips? Create a procedural song generator so any song in existence can be used with the games? Stagnation is the enemy here for sure. Here’s a thought: how about trying to make a decent hip-hop game? It’s been attempted, but never successfully. Maybe that’s the next band game evolution!

    But not like this, Activision. Not like this.

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  • "Games are about Wanking", Says Limey DJ

     

    In the latest issue of NME, a British rock rag that hasn't been relevant in decades, has published an article about the relationship between virtual rock stardom via games like Rock Band, Guitar Hero, and SingStar vs. actual rock and roll. DJ David Quatick, who from the above portrait looks like he lives a downright debauched life, says:

    Games are not rock 'n' roll, they're metal - aggressive, loud, violent and scared of women. You can't dance to a game or have sex to it. games are still for nerds. Rock 'n' roll is about fucking, games are about wanking. Rock music makes you leave the house and meet drugs, games make you stay in and smell of your own piss.

    Whine on, you crazy diamond. I am reminded of one-time NME darling Kurt Cobain, who claimed to spend nearly every waking moment of his youth sitting in his bedroom with a guitar, learning old Beatles songs.

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  • My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Audiosurf

    It's the end of another year, and that can only mean one thing: it's list season. Inevitably, you're going to see top ten lists by the thousands; and, as an official member of the enthusiast press, I'm afraid I can't violate my directive. But, to make things a little more interesting, I've decided to assemble my 10 favorite games of this year in non-hierarchical form because--let's face facts--it's hard to pick a favorite.  And unlike other top 10 lists, this one will be doled out to you in piecemeal over the next ten excruciating days!  Please enjoy.



    So, what is there to say about Audiosurf? Unfortunately, I already wrote extensively about the game for a former blogging gig, and since part of my bridge-burning policy involves insulting all of my former employers, I'm going to go ahead and call that website awful. But, as an entertainment writer, it's my job to be repetitive. My job. My Job. Repetitiveness is my job. So I must solider on by informing you of how amazing Audiosurf is--as if you didn't know.

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  • The 61FPS Review: LittleBigPlanet - Part 2

    My, what a difference a month makes.This time last month I was just about ready to proclaim LittleBigPlanet the late great hope for 21st century video games. Upon completing the on-disc single-player game, there was nothing left to do but explore the multi-player and user-generated options. This is where the game was truly supposed to shine, the "fun" that the advertising keeps referring to.

    The good news is that local multi-player is pretty great. Most of the pre-made stages include optional challenges that require teamwork and cooperation and being able to turn to your friend and discuss strategies and enact them instantly is smooth and delightful. Playing online, however, is a tremendous crap shoot. There's no way to really communicate, so play goes from cooperative to competitive instantaneously, which becomes a problem when players share respawn points. If two players attempt to cross a bridge and both fail, they return to the continue gate with two "lives" lost and the game ends twice as quickly. Four players and you've got a recipe for instantaneous game over.

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  • Rock Band: My Anti-Music

    Last Friday, Joe blogged about the curmudgeonly Nickelback and their outrage over how music games like Guitar Hero are supposedly preventing people from actually picking up real instruments and starting bands. As I said in the comments section of that post, if the world needs anything, it's fewer local bands; the town I come from is so lousy with them, you can't leave your car parked anywhere for more than ten minutes without your entire windshield getting plastered with an inch-thick layer of fliers.  So I don't think we need to worry about rock and roll going anywhere anytime soon--and if anything, Nickelback is only contributing to the death of the genre, what with their general shittyness and all.

    For me, though, Rock Band is my only real musical outlet. You see, between the ages of 16 and 17, I had about a year-and-a-half of guitar lessons--and while it didn't give me much of a musical foundation, I still picked up some fundamental skills that manifested into a sort of prototype Guitar Hero.  I'd put on a song, try to play along with it to the best of my ability, and think "Damn, this would be pretty sweet as a video game."  Of course, I'm not exactly claiming I had the idea first; everyone knows that GuitarFreaks predated Guitar Hero by a good seven years--I think my imagination was mainly stoked by my obsession with Um Jammer Lammy and the guitar controllers found on the Japan-only arcade release of the game.

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  • Surprise! Nickelback Misunderstands Guitar Hero

    I am sorry that I have to bring up Nickelback here, but this thing they said on Leno just gets me so angry. Even angrier than I usually am at Nickelback, which for the record is “pretty angry.”

    But that’s not game-related bile. This is, though: Chad Kroeger told Jay Leno he wants kids to stop playing Guitar Hero and start up real bands. This in and of itself is not a horrible thing to say: apparently Kroeger is having trouble finding bands that are willing to interact with Nickelback, but rather than thinking that is a problem with his own band or his own douchey personality he is rationalizing it away as “there aren’t enough rock bands out there these days.”

    But his statement is also based on another fallacy—that a significant number of talented musicians are lost to the world because they get their fix from rhythm games. You hear this all the time, and it is crazy and must be stopped.

    Rhythm games are for people like me: those who enjoy music, but don’t have any particular talent for it or drive to create it, to get some simulacrum of a rush we could otherwise never know. They are also for musicians, who can use it to interact with the music they love in a low stress way.

    What rhythm games absolutely do not do is scratch the itch musicians have to learn instruments, and to use them to create music. I guess I should not expect Nickelback, a band that has never created “music” as I define it, to understand this. But let’s put it this way: I have never known anyone that has played the guitar, who has stopped playing that guitar after being introduced to Rock Band. On the other hand, I do know people who played Rock Band and found in them a passion that caused them to learn the real guitar.

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  • Easy Access: Eelke Folmer Is a Mule of Epic Proportions

    Easy Access is a semi-regular look at gaming for the physically disabled. For anyone unfamiliar with the term mule, dig this.

    I’m garbage at playing guitar. Somehow I managed enough finger dexterity in my youth to actually become competent at playing the trumpet, but there’s always been something about working my way across six strings that’s eluded me. I am, as the kids say, all thumbs. What’s even more embarrassing is that I can’t even muddle my way through playing fake guitar. When Rock Band is inevitably broken out on late Friday nights and I grudgingly yield the mic to a friend, I can only handle the guitar parts on easy, the gaming equivalent of being patted slowly on the head and offered a cookie. A sad state of affairs, no doubt, but my problem with fake guitar is different than that of the real deal. It’s the timing, matching my fingers to the oncoming visual cues, that gives me so much trouble.

    Eelke Folmer’s new Frets on Fire (an open source Guitar Hero clone) mod, Blind Hero, might actually let me play on medium or higher. The University of Nevada Reno AP’s game is built specifically for the blind and allows you to play Frets based on sound and touch alone via a specialized glove used in conjunction with the guitar controller. The glove uses pager engines to create haptic feedback, signaling the player when a note should be played and with which finger. Based on a test sampling for twelve players, three of which were themselves blind, the glove works like a charm.

    So, yes, I’m thrilled, but, more importantly, Folmer’s work is another exciting step for opening games up to a wider audience. I’ve thought about the largely unexplored frontier of designing videogames outside of traditional interface types a lot in the past few months and Folmer is a pioneer in the field.

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  • How Chicago Inadvertently Penned an Anthem for Dead Anime Fathers

    The other day, I was browsing a retail establishment when Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" came over the store speakers. Suddenly, I felt very sad.

    It was an interesting reaction and not one I would have had a few years ago. Having surrendered my youth to the modern day equivilent of potato mines (retail), I'm familiar with the safe music that's piped over the speakers to keep the masters and beasts complacent. I would never give Chicago another thought ever again if not for an Elite Beat Agents scenario involving an anime girl's dead father.



    Surely I'm not the only one who's come to associate games with certain licensed songs. The Japanese have been sneaky about it since we were kids: Mario's invincibility music is lifted straight from Jesus Christ Superstar and more than one tune in the early Mega Man games sounded like a tribute to Guns n Roses and/or Metallica. But legitimate songs being used in games (or to advertise games) is quickly becoming popular and I'm increasingly interested in the association aspect. This doesn't apply so much to games like Guitar Hero or Rock Band, which usually have you belting out tunes in a club, or possibly a fancy club. I'm referring to instances where a song is used to define a game, or an in-game scenario like the ones in Elite Beat Agents.

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  • I’ve Got a Driver, And That’s A Start: Now That Harmonix Has The Beatles, What Should a Fab Four Game Even Be?

    I said it way back in June, and I’m happy to say it again today: FINALLY! Today’s co-hosted conference call from MTV and Apple Corps announcing that Harmonix will be developing a game devoted solely to Geroge, John, Paul, and Ringo is, not to be too cutesy or anything, music to my ears. There are really only two pieces of concrete news. First, Giles Martin, son of fifth-Beatle/production-pioneer George Martin and producer of the best Beatles mix tape ever made, Love, will be on music production for the still unnamed game. Shame George himself wasn’t confirmed (or Paul and Ringo for that matter), but Giles has already proven his mettle. The second, and more interesting for videogame-land, is that the game will not bear the Rock Band name, leaving the game to become its own unique artifact covering the group’s entire career. But this begs the question: what will The Beatles game be?

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  • Everyone Will be Able to Rock



    At the end of June, my concerns for the future of videogames' burgeoning rock star genre were growing by the hour. Activision was waving their new drum kit in EA’s face while Konami tried to get people to like their music games outside of Japan. The big problem? None of those companies appeared to give a damn that they were flooding a market and audience already drowning under a torrent of plastic instruments. Not to mention that none of those instruments were guaranteed to be compatible with games that didn’t come packaged with alongside them. Yeah, Guitar Hero 3 and its electronic axe might be one of the ten best selling games in the history of games but that doesn’t mean the genre bubble can’t burst. Today, another faceless company has helped to allay my fears.

    And, would you believe it, it’s Sony doing the allaying.

    The once haughty Japanese giant stated on their Playstation blog that they have reached an agreement with Activision, EA/MTV, and Konami to allow every single publisher’s rock & roll instruments will work with every publisher’s games on the Playstation 3. Bought Rock Revolution but want to get in on Rock Band 2’s killer track list? Go for it. Feel like using that gorgeous new Guitar Hero World Tour drum kit with Konami’s new opus? Fine, have fun. Not only that, but SCEA also said that, though it isn’t happening just yet, they’re working on a fix for the original Rock Band and Guitar Hero 3 as well.

    This is the first step on the road to peripheral-based music games finally coming into their own. Guitar Hero made them an institution but this agreement will help cement the instrument set as an expandable platform that doesn’t necessitate annual hardware revisions. What else needs to happen to guarantee this glorious, melodious future?

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  • Warner Music Wants More Royalties

     

    File this one under "Still Not Getting It".

    NEW YORK (Reuters) - Warner Music Group Corp, the world's third-largest music company, said on Thursday that video game makers will need to pay more to license songs for music-based video games like "Guitar Hero" and "Rock Band."

    Warner Music Chief Executive Edgar Bronfman drew comparisons between MTV's launch 25 years ago or Apple Inc's iPod launch five years ago, and today's video game companies like Activision Blizzard Inc and Harmonix, a unit of Viacom Inc.

    "The amount being paid to the music industry, even though their games are entirely dependent on the content we own and control, is far too small"

    Presumably these additional tariffs will be passed on to players, resulting in pricier song downloads.

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  • Ready? Okay! Wii've Got Spirit, Yes Wii Do...

    There was one male cheerleader in my high school, and every time I saw him in routines at one of the mandatory pep rallies all I could think was "I could do that so much better than him!" I wasn't scared of being a cheerleader either, I just couldn't stand that being a cheerleader would require me to A) attend sporting events and B) display school spirit.

    Well, Namco Bandai's We Cheer may just be the game to earn me my long overdue varsity letter. These three gameplay videos from E3 make the Wii cheerleader sim look a lot like a cross between Polly Pocket at Elite Beat Agents.

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  • Why Dontcha Cry About It, Saddle Bags: Konami Sues Viacom Over Rock Band

    It seems that Rock Revolution isn’t the only way Konami is responding to Harmonix’s meteoric rise to music-videogame power. The house of Castlevania announced that they are suing Viacom, MTV Games’ parent company, and Harmonix specifically because Rock Band and its instrument peripherals violate Konami patents. According to Bloomberg.com, the patents in question detail, “simulated musical instruments, a music-game system and a ‘musical-rhythm matching game.’” They are not, however, suing Activision or Red Octane, makers of the current incarnation of Guitar Hero. Guitar Hero and its original guitar peripheral were themselves designed by Harmonix, so it seems peculiar that Konami wouldn’t direct their hissy-fit at them as well.

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  • Whatcha Playing: Fallout (Metaphorically Speaking)

    Truth to tell, I’ve never played a Fallout game. The vast majority of my gaming career has been spent in front of a television, not a monitor, my hands clutching a controller instead of hovering over a keyboard. It’s not a point of pride, let me tell you. Not gaming on a PC throughout the ‘90s meant you were perpetually on the outside of the cutting edge, waiting for advancements to come to Nintendo, Sony, or whoever else’s systems sometimes years later. Deus Ex, Half-Life, Diablo, even Sierra’s King’s Quest V, all games I’ve gotten to try my hand at, eventually, when they were ported to a console, shadows of their former selves. It’s even kept me from really experiencing whole genres; I’ve never played a real-time strategy game for more than a few minutes and my aging laptop could barely run World of Warcraft when I tried it out in 2005. Since that year, though, consoles have started gaining on PCs as the place where developers make their greatest strides. It’s not too surprising. Consoles have turned into high-end computers themselves.

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  • You Got Served: Zubo Puts Music in Your Combat

    About a year ago I had a brilliant idea for a game. Take the play mechanics of Rock Band and cram them inside a traditional RPG. This would be awesome! My friends tell me it would only work in Japan, but think about it. Let's say your party approaches a mean ol' dragon. Your character plays lead guitar, your two buddies play drums and sing. In order to defeat the dragon, you have to engage in some 'Devil Went Down to Georgia' style dueling instrumentation. Instead of just hitting 'A' when you want to attack, you bust out a blazing guitar solo.

    Each of the instrumets have different powers. You could line up guitar with fire, vocals with ice, drums with earth. Different rhythms produce different effects. A hip hop beatboxer or opera singer could join your party.  Play sad songs to defuse angry enemies. The strength of your attack is determined by creative improvisation or meticulous beat matching. Every missed note weakens your attacks. Iggy Pop guest stars! A dwarf with a double-neck Flying V! People getting served! The possibilities are endless! Why hasn't anyone done this yet? I'm a lot more confident in this idea than those mockups of Megaman bosses I mailed to Capcom as a seven year old. Sure enough, some developer thinks its a good idea, too...sorta.

     

    Meet Zubo, an action-rhythm hybrid coming out later this year for the DS. Developed by EA Bright Light, <i>Zubo</i>'s combat is driven by music, not too dissimilar to my above brainchild.

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  • Everyone Should Be Able to Rock



    When Konami announced Rock Revolution
    back in May, their re-entry into the rock and roll videogame arena, you could practically hear the gaming world’s exasperation, eyes rolling, sighs exhaled in unison. No one wants stagnation, obviously. Guitar Hero’s fresh approach to music games revolutionized the industry three years ago, a feat Konami’s GuitarFreaks hadn’t managed in the better part of a decade. But no one wants clutter. Yet another band game hitting the public means yet another set of proprietary instrument controllers. Problematic, considering the precedent set by Activision last fall. They made it abundantly clear that they’re not interested in having their instruments completely compatible with another publisher’s software, a point they’ve reiterated by developing brand new drum, guitar, and microphone peripherals (with different functions than those made by MTV Games for Rock Band) for the upcoming Guitar Hero: World Tour. It seems that Konami’s chosen a more reasonable approach. Konami associate producer Keith Matejka told MTV News’ Patrick Klepek, "Compatibility is a big issue for music games. Peripherals are expensive for the user and they are expensive to produce. The existing peripherals all deliver only a slightly different gameplay experience. Different teams have varying perspectives on what should be compatible with each game. I think all guitar- and drum-based games need to be compatible with each other to some level."

    He’s absolutely right, and not just from a consumer friendliness perspective.

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  • The Magical Mystery Tour is Coming to Take You Away



    Finally. The Beatles’ slow arrival to digital media has been pretty torturous for us fans. I mean, my CD of Revolver will barely play thanks to all the scratches earned through years of travel and love, and it’s not like I can listen to vinyl on the go. Why go out and buy another disc? It’s 2008, I should be able to legally download the damn thing by now. My newfound love of Rock Band has made things even worse. It seems downright perverse that I can sit down with friends and play Paramore’s “CrushCrushCrush” but I can’t belt out my scintillating rendition of “Happiness is a Warm Gun”. While I doubt that the “talks” EMI and Apple Corps are having with Activision and MTV Games are going to end in time for Abbey Road to hit Guitar Hero 4 and Rock Band 2 this fall, it’s still reassuring to know they’re happening.

    Even beyond The Beatles, I’m anxious for Activison and MTV’s games to have iTunes-like access to music. Is it possible to build the software so it procedurally generates the game interface instead of having to hand craft it for each song?

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  • Whatcha Playing: A Little Singin’, a Little Dancin’



    Last Saturday, I woke up, put on the coffee, and sat down on the couch with the full intention of finishing off the remaining story missions in Grand Theft Auto 4. As the day wore on, though, I found myself continuing to ignore the controller, unable to muster the enthusiasm to play at being a hardened criminal. A whole Saturday was passing me by, gameless. It wasn’t until around nine o’clock that my roommate and I decided to bust out Rock Band that I got to gaming. I’ve been fairly indifferent to the music game revolution of the passed two years for one very specific reason: I suck at Guitar Hero. My finger dexterity simply doesn’t match my thumb dexterity. But, since a friend loaned his copy of Rock Band to my apartment full of twenty-something ne’er-do-wells, I’ve come to see the light, and it’s all thanks to singing. Karaoke videogames are too laden with pop and karaoke bars are simply too expensive for a man of my meager means. Rock Band lets me be Ozzy, Kurt, Shirley Manson, and Ad-Rock and the experience has been eye opening. Even more so than the Wii, Rock Band has proven to me the opportunity offered by alternative forms of control in games. And rest assured, Rock Band is a game, a clearly defined set of rules adhered to in order to achieve a specific goal. I just never thought my drunken rendition of “Say It Ain’t So” would ever be the route to the highest score or the next level.

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  • about the blogger

    John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

    Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

    Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

    Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

    Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

    Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

    Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

    Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


    Send tips to 61fps@nerve.com