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Rockman's Anti-PETA Rampage

A lot of people love Mega Man Legends on the Playstation, but they have no idea how easy it is to abuse animals in the original Japanese title, Rockman Dash.

Seriously, Rockman can really kick the shit out of God's creatures.

For starters, there's a scene early in the game where Tron is treed by Paprika the rat dog. In the American version of the game, Mega Man negotiates with the furry terrorist. In the Japanese version, you can make Rockman's foot negotiate with the dog's ass. Paprika squeals and books it across the city. It's pretty hilarious.

Less hilarious is Rockman's ability to shoot down birds. When Samus shoots birds in Metroid Prime, it's funny because they explode with a perturbed “Caw!” When Rockman indulges in duck season, the birds just float to the ground silently and lay there, broken, before flashing and fading away.

Flashback city to overzealous air rifle mishaps.

Worse, Rockman can kick around the adorable white-socked black cats who tend to hang around the game's ruins. This is especially heartbreaking when you consider that you can beat up on the one cat you're allowed to take aboard the Flutter—the same cat who quickly gives birth to kittens thereafter.

I know this has you intrigued, because you are a bad person. All instances of animal abuse in Rockman Dash have been neatly chronicled in a YouTube video that follows after the jump.

Posted Feb 24 2009, 11:06 PM by Nadia Oxford with | with 1 comment(s)

Filed under: Playstation, metroid prime, tron, nadia oxford, samus, mega man legends, animals, rockman dash

Returning to the Return of the Castle Wolfenstein Returned: This Time It’s Just Plain Ol’ Wolfenstein

Guest contributor Adam Rosenberg covers games from his secret lair in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn, typing, reading and playing the days away as his dog Loki looks on in bewilderment. In addition to the noble pursuit of video games, Adam enjoys spending time with fine film, finer food and his fine fiancée Bekah.

There must be a considerable amount of tension around Raven Software’s offices as they prepare Wolfenstein, the latest sequel to the id Software’s grand-pappy of all first-person shooters. After all, the once-cool practice of gunning down Nazis with a beefy chain gun isn’t the uncommon gaming experience it once was. Then there’s Raven, whose talent is eclipsed not only by their recent history of releasing numerous interchangeable genre titles, but also living in the shadow of id themselves. That isn’t necessarily bad news for Wolfenstein, but it does have the effect of keeping expectations firmly in check. Seeing it at Activision’s New York City preview party certainly didn’t raise those expectations. A few minutes of watching Wolfenstein gave a bad impression: another generic World War II shooter with less-than-stellar graphics and straightforward action.

It’s when I stuck around for a few more minutes that things started to get odd. For example, there were suddenly Nazis flying through the air in slow motion. Turned out to be anti-gravity. That’s kind of weird. Then there was B.J. Blazkowicz using a magical amulet to “see” Nazis on the other side of a wall. And then shoot them. Not so conventional anymore.

Posted Feb 19 2009, 09:30 PM by John Constantine with | with no comments

Filed under: activision, id, wolfenstein, tron, far cry 2, Adam Rosenberg, return to castle wolfenstein, id software, raven software, jedi knight, wolfenstein 3d

Trailer Review: Edge

Take a gander at this trailer for Edge, the new iPhone/iPod Touch game released today by mobile phone game developer mobigame and feel the waves of nostalgia for a game you've never even played.

In its presentation, Edge is equal parts Marble Madness, Q*Bert, and Tron, but it clearly has potential to be ever so much more.

Posted Jan 05 2009, 03:30 PM by Derrick Sanskrit with | with 4 comment(s)

Filed under: marble madness, trailer review, derrick sanskrit, everyday shooter, edge, ipod, iphone, eden, pixeljunk, tron, echochrome, cubello, orbient, art style

Ender’s Games: Where Are the Fictional Games?

After the past two weeks, it’s a wonder that the entire internet didn’t up and die from media poisoning. The combined onslaught of E3 and the San Diego Comic Con have flooded the digital world with write-ups, trailers, screenshots, tie-ins, celebrity voice actors, and a billion other pieces of useless but tantalizing information. Both events were admittedly short on surprises but they both demonstrated that the future is a veritable smorgasbord of interactive entertainment. Strange then that a comic book adaptation of a novel was what got me thinking about the possibilities for videogames more than actual games.

Orson Scott Card was at Comic Con to discuss the graphic adaptation of his novel Ender’s Game. If you’re curious about the plot, I recommend reading the book. Why Ender’s Game got me thinking about videogames as a medium is that it’s one of a number of fictional works that prominently feature imaginary videogames as a central part of their narrative. There are actually two, a spaceship battle simulator – it’s ultimately revealed that the game isn’t a simulator at all, but a digital interface for war – and a second that is more amorphous, a sort of digital storybook that reflects the user’s subconscious. The characters in Ender’s Game play another game, though this one is a physical sport called the Battle Room. Chair Entertainment is currently working on a videogame adaptation of the Battle Room for Xbox Live Arcade. But no one is making real life videogames of the fictional videogames from Ender’s Game.

Posted Jul 28 2008, 05:30 PM by John Constantine with | with 2 comment(s)

Filed under: john constantine, xbox live, e3, tron, Ender’s game

about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.