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Video Game Lies Bring Seedy Playground Filth To Your Browser

Remember that kid on the playground who told you Chun-Li would take off her panties if you won three perfect matches in a row in Street Fighter II? Or that you could find Luigi by running up the endless stairs in Super Mario 64? Kids' imaginations can run wild, and many game lies were born from "True story! My cousin works in an arcade. He showed me!"

Well now many of the most notorious game lies are available in convenient wiki format thanks to Video Games Lies. Surprise, surprise, lots of them involve showing female characters naked. Will kids get their minds out of the gutters, please? I personally remember a kid telling me that if I dodged the first three milkshakes in stage two of Back To The Future but let the fourth one hit me head on, I would get invincibility. I lost a LOT of games before figuring out that was a complete lie.

Comparison of Wiki Articles Proves Geeks Inherited The Earth

When teachers and talk show radio hosts moan about the decline of America's youth, they point out how so few kids can name all 50 American States yet can identify all twelve billion of Nintendo's Pokemon with seemingly no effort.

(The secret here is that Pokemon are fun and exciting where as geography is not. Oh wait, that's not a secret.)

For all the lamentations of our teacher-women (and teacher-men), it seems as if the generation that grew up with Ash Ketchum is ahead of the old fuddy-duddies. This GamesRadar feature indicates that the geeks control Wikipedia and they who control Wikipedia, control the Earth.

So what matters are given the most attention in the digital tome of knowledge that will soon be passed on to our children? Is it religion? Is it the rich history of the forefathers who founded the free world?

No, fool. Knuckles the Echidna takes precedence over all. Get your priorities straight.

about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.