61 Frames Per Second : bionic commando

Soon. So Soon: Bionic Commando Looks Even Better, Has Worrisome Dialog

John Constantine — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:00:00 GMT

We’ve had quite a year, haven’t we Bionic Commando? Treasured stolen moments last summer, when I first saw you soar in a full three dimensions, climbing to pristinely rendered heights never seen before. A rekindling of our youthful flirtations with Rearmed, a reminder that true love is timeless. You are so close now, Bionic Commando. I can hear your steel hand clanking against some ruined skyscraper like a whisper on the breeze, calling me to your summer embrace.

Yes, GRIN’s Bionic Commando sequel is going to be out in just one month, right as 61 Frames Per Second is celebrating its first birthday. In these new clips, you can see just how much its creators have polished the game in the past twelve months. It is gorgeous.

The last time I got my hands on Bionic Commando, it played well, but its levels plain didn’t shine like they do here. I am, however, concerned by some of the incidental background dialog in the first video. I try not to be a purist when it comes to sequels but a soldier saying, “I’m going to fuck you up!” doesn’t really jive with the tone set by Bionic Commando: Rearmed or even this game’s prologue comic book. I’ll reserve judgment until the game is in my arms.

Soon, my love. So, so soon.

Related links:

Bionic Commando Rearmed Fan Trailer
Nobody Puts Bionic Commando in A Corner
Design Resurrection: How Capcom Finally Proved That It’s Game and Not Graphics That Matters
Bionic Commando is Love: Bionic Commando Rearmed is Out. It Matters.
Gone Vertical: Hands-on Bionic Commando

Terminator Salvation: The Videogame More Terminator-y Than Terminator Salvation: The Movie

John Constantine — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 00:30:00 GMT

I’m in a bit of a pickle here. I do not think I can be trusted to make reasonable judgments of GRIN’s games. They made Bionic Commando: Rearmed. In a few months, they’ll have finished the new Bionic Commando. I can’t be trusted to talk about their games. I owe them too much. I apologize. Then again, I think I can give you a fair impression of GRIN’s Terminator Salvation. I got an early look at their tie-in, a prequel to the upcoming movie of the same name, at the beginning of the month. It doesn’t look like a bad game, not by any means. For a movie tie-in, it actually looks very good. But as a GRIN game, Terminator Salvation is a little disappointing.

Terminator Salvation is, like almost every other game made by GRIN, a third-person shooter. You play as John Connor and you run around a post-nuclear-apocalypse Los Angeles shooting evil red-eyed robots who don’t like you. You shoot the robots with shotguns and machine guns. To avoid getting shot by the robots, you hide behind walls, or take cover, if you will. A number of AI partners follow you around Los Angeles to help in shooting these robots, but you cannot give them direct orders. Their tactics work like this: if you go right, they will go left. There are on-rails shooting levels every now and again. That’s about it. From the three sections I got to see played, two early on-foot levels and one on-rails section, it all seemed competent. The shooting and cover seem to work. It looks nice, much as the other Xbox 360/PS3/PC games built on GRIN’s Diesel Engine do, even though the animation is still a little stiff. But there’s just no hook, nothing that makes Terminator Salvation distinguish itself from the rest of Gears-of-War-Clone crowd.

In an interview with Edge, GRIN’s CEO Bo Andersson said, "Our director, Ulf, who comes up with the ideas for our games, says that he'll do whatever IP where he has the opportunity to realise his new gameplay idea. If he's offered the next Terminator game, for example, he'll do it because he has a good gameplay mechanic thought out for it." Ulf’s got a good track record. GRIN’s Wanted: Weapons of Fate spices up third-person cover by having you constantly jumping and rolling around the environment to chain cover points together. Its shooting lets you curve bullets around obstacles to hit hidden enemies. Very novel. Their PC versions of Ghost Recon: Advance Warfighter 1 and 2, like Terminator, have you playing with a squad of AI partners, but you have direct control over their tactics, and you actually create a determined battle plan for your team at the beginning of a level. All of these little tweaks and twists on the exact styles of play in Terminator Salvation are missing, and there are no new ideas to replace them. I didn’t see Ulf’s “new gamplay idea” in this demo. I’m not saying that every game should have something as exciting as a grappling hook in it, but I expected something fresh.

I’ve got to give them one thing. The on-rails level demoed was a really swell use of the license. I’m no huge fan of Terminator. I love the original movie, like the second, loathe the third, and am completely indifferent to everything else Terminator-related, especially Terminator Salvation. The previews look fine, but where’s James Cameron’s awesome and bleak Los Angeles? McG’s human freedom fighters have assault helicopters and body armor and nice guns! They’re wearing make-up! It’s ridiculous. Terminator Salvation: The Videogame’s on-rails level, however, has you and your team piling into crappy, destroyed pick-up trucks, racing across crumbling city streets, and trying to shoot down one of the flying terminators. It looks like this:

Which is a whole lot like in this, between 1:32 and 1:40:

That’s pretty sweet.

(I lied. One thing Terminator-related I am not indifferent to is Summer Glau, who I would one day like to take to dinner and subsequently marry.)

Related links:

Dr. Spock vs. The Watchmen vs. Terminator: The New Movie Tie-In
Curveball: Hands-On With Wanted: Weapons of Fate
Trailer Review: Wanted
Gone Vertical: Hands-on Bionic Commando

Dr. Spock vs. The Watchmen vs. Terminator: The New Movie Tie-In

John Constantine — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Nostalgia, as Cole’s post on the ever-ubiquitous Final Fantasy VII so deftly illustrated, is a disease afflicting games criticism. It’s understandable why. The people writing about games today (not to mention the majority of people making them) came of age during videogames’ golden age. It’s no wonder fond memories color their perception of the entire medium. Nostalgia isn’t always a bad thing, especially when it inspires creativity. Just look at Bionic Commando Rearmed. But as Luc Sante says, “Nostalgia can be defined as a state of inarticulate contempt for the present and fear of the future.”

Me, I love the future. I’m a ceaseless optimist, fueled by the promise of tomorrow, I am. When I feel the symptoms of nostalgia (itchiness, aquaphobia, uncontrollably defending Battletoads, frothing at the mouth) taking over my brain, I remember movie tie-ins. I think about going to Pompey Video and plunking down four dollars to subject myself to The Rocketeer on NES. I think about buying Die Hard Trilogy as one of my first Playstation games. Then I vomit and, like an exhausted drunk, I feel a little bit better.

The movie tie-in is changing though. While you still see trash like Secret Level’s Iron Man game making millions, the big budget retail rush job isn’t the guaranteed success it used to be. Iron Man may have been a hit for Sega and Secret Level (providing the cash flow to finish the giant flop Golden Axe: Beast Rider), but The Incredible Hulk tie-in, released by Sega just a few months later, sold about as well as cans of Coke II. It isn’t just brand strength and high cost that makes tie-ins a greater risk. Against all odds, standards of quality are going up for consumers. Rather than release another over-budget bad game that fails like Superman Returns, EA decided to kill their The Dark Knight tie-in.

Warner Bros. Interactive, on the other hand, is trying two different strategies. The first is an economical twist on the old formula. The Watchmen: The End is Nigh, released just last week on PSN and Xbox Live to universally awful reviews, is the image of a traditional movie tie-in; a generic, artless beat ‘em up with familiar characters tacked on. This isn’t a success yet, but it was cheap to make and even cheaper to distribute. It’s a smart move that delivers the game directly to its intended audience — I’d wager the marketing speech describes them as “hip, techno-savvy hipster neo-nerds with strong brand familiarity” or something equally grotesque — and keeps the game away from retail competition. Now Paramount Interactive is seemingly following suit with their Star Trek tie-in.

Warner Bros.’ second approach is a bit more interesting. In the next two months, they’re publishing two full retail games, Wanted: Weapons of Fate and Terminator Salvation. Both games are being developed by GRIN, of Bionic Commando fame, and are built on the very same engine. Both are prequels, foregoing the constraints of movie plot adaptation, allowing the developer more creative leeway with the license. They are also both aimed to be short, around eight hours long a piece. By handing the games to a respected, proven developer, utilizing that developers pre-existing technology, Warner Bros.’ is trying to give their games a fighting chance in a competitive field by ensuring they have a modicum of quality. They’re acknowledging that their audience won’t put up with crap.

The future’s a brave new world, ain’t it? I don’t know if these new experiments in movie tie-in games will finally break the thirty-year old history of forgettable garbage, but it’s a start. And, dare I say, it shows a sign of maturity in the business of videogames. Not just in selling them, but in the demands of the people playing and making them.

Related links:

Design Resurrection: How Capcom Finally Proved That It’s Game and Not Graphics That Matters
Curveball: Hands-On With Wanted: Weapons of Fate
Maybe You Should Just Watch Them: Hands-On With Watchmen

Pole’s Big Adventure: Sega Rides the Retro Train, Takes Advantage of You

John Constantine — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 19:30:00 GMT

A couple of weeks back, Sega Japan launched a countdown website sporting a peculiarly recognizable icon: a pixilated mushroom. Instead of the spotted red or green associated with the company’s one-time rivals, this mushroom was purple with yellow spots. It was an ugly little blighter and fueled all sorts of speculation as to what would be shown at the end of the countdown. An 8-bit style Sonic & Mario platformer where Robotnik has poisoned all the mushrooms! An 8-bit style game where Alexx Kidd and Mario open a day spa and compete for Birdo, Athena, and Dig Dug’s affections!

Okay. Fair enough. I am the only man who thought Sega might be making either of those games. The 8-bit part was spot on though. The game turned out to be Pole’s Big Adventure, an WiiWare original aping early Famicom games in the spirit of Retro Game Challenge. The funky looking mushroom’s a big hint as to what Pole’s Big Adventure is all about, namely messing with preconceived notions based on Super Mario Bros. You don’t break bricks with your fist, you break them by shooting them, and the same goes for getting treats out of question boxes. Go down a pipe, immediately pop back up covered in… goo? The video isn’t clear on what you’re covered in. And when you do find that mushroom out there, it will make you grow until you die. Pretty clever there, Sega.

Pole’s Big Adventure isn’t the most brilliant parody, but it’s a noteworthy change from the usual vintage gaming send up. Playing on the most recognizable tropes in gaming history is a unique hook amidst the recent 8-bit design renaissance. Bionic Commando Rearmed and Legend of Kage 2 are expert examinations on old play models, but none of them are concerned with subverting a players nostalgia-born familiarity. It’ll be worth playing Pole’s Big Adventure solely to find out how far it goes in subverting that familiarity. And unlike most parodies, Pole’s is a full game.

Head over to Siliconera to check out another video, featuring pipe goo goodness.

Related Links:

Design Resurrection: How Capcom Finally Proved That It’s Game and Not Graphics That Matters
Don’t Call It Retro: Mega Man 9 and Design Resurrection
Follow Up: Mega Man 9 and Design Resurrection Part 2
More Downloadable Remakes! More, Says I!

Infamous: Unsung Contender of 2009

John Constantine — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 00:30:00 GMT

I don’t like lying. Lying tends to make me feel dirty on the inside, like I’ve broken my own New Year’s resolution and started eating topsoil again because it’s both moist and visually similar to cake. So I won’t lie and tell you that the games I am most excited about in the first half of 2009 are published by someone besides Capcom. It simply isn’t true. There’s new Bionic Commando. It is my topsoil. Everything else is dirt.

But that’s not to say there isn’t a whole ton of excellent and appealing dirt on the way! Sega and Platinum Games’ goodies are going to start rolling out in the next few months. Killzone 2 is looking like it may actually deliver on its half-decade of ridiculous hyping. Muramasa: The Demon Blade? Fragile? These games will, hopefully, be sweet.

Speaking of all things promising, Bob’s love for Sly Cooper reminded me that Suckerpunch is gearing up for their big Playstation 3 debut in just the next few months. But where is all the hype for open world superhero extravaganza, Infamous? Why have we seen so very little of this game since it was announced in 2007 and why haven’t more people gotten to play it? You look so fun Infamous. I love shooting people with lightning after I’ve climbed some buildings and blown up some cars. It’s how I unwind.

Check out the interview and tons of in-game footage from TGS ’08 that Gametrailers just got around to posting. It really does look like a blast.

Related links:

Underappreciated: Sly Cooper
Fan Art: Sly Cooper
Emergency Rescue!! Super Joe!!
Where is Prototype?
John’s Games of 2008: Year of the Open World

Bionic Commando Rearmed Fan Trailer

Nadia Oxford — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 21:27:00 GMT

”Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.”

“This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

“Your number's up! Monster!!”

I think we're all agreed on which famous quote deserves to echo through the generations. Sadly, Rad Spencer will probably never have his chance on the big screen, but at least artistic justice can be served through the Internet. A cool person named OzShadow put together a fan trailer for a Bionic Commando “movie” with footage and sound from Bionic Commando Rearmed.

We have to count on movies to teach our kids about thawed-out dictators who stab their closest associates in the back before being done in by a gooey head shot, because God knows they don't learn any important history in school.

Related Links:

10 Games Nadia Played In 2008 Instead of Working: Bionic Commando Rearmed
Bionic Commando Rearmed: T-Minus One Week
Bionic Commando Is Love: Bionic Commando In Eighteen Minutes

10 Games Nadia Played In 2008 Instead Of Working: Bionic Commando Rearmed

Nadia Oxford — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 02:14:00 GMT

Having grown up with two brothers and personally scoring somewhere in the negatives on the official Femininity Chart, you would think that Bionic Commando would have found its way into my Nintendo library somehow. Alas, no. Though I was always aware of Rad Spencer and his important contribution to history (making Hitler's head and secret headquarters EXPLOD), I didn't adopt any fondness for Bionic Commando until I watched my husband do a playthrough. My eyes followed that swaying red-headed soldier like a pendulum. Where do I sign up for the Bionic Harem?

(And what did I just say about scoring in the negatives on the official Femininity Chart?)

I tried to take control of Rad. When my attempts to make him swing out of the television screen and into my lap failed, I decided I'd at least try to get him through his no-jump adventure. I couldn't get through Area 01. It was an embarassing disaster and Hitler won. I figured Bionic Commando was simply something you had to be born into if you wanted to stand any chance of finishing it.

Time went by, stealing a drop of my life with every tick, and there dawned an age (Now) wherein game developers learned the value of nostalgia. Remakes and revamps of old classics, they reasoned, would send twenty- and- thirty-somethings running to Playstation Network and Xbox Marketplace like sows to the trough. Indeed, we sucked it all down, but there's no shame in indulging in a high-quality remake like Bionic Commando Rearmed.

Grin's re-imagining of Bionic Commando made the game far more accessible difficulty-wise, but without sacrificing too much of the old skool pain we all enjoy getting reamed with. I found it a great middle-of-the-road experience, plus the game was thick with fantasitc character design and humour. Rad is just so cool. I wish he'd come to my birthday party.

The spankin'-new 3D Bionic Commando is due out next year. Looks like Rad Spencer's carefree ways and awesome sunglasses have gone the way of the '80s, but heck, I'm still game.

Related Links:

Derrick's Top 13 Games of 2008--Part 1
Top 5 Reasons Why 2009 Will Bring the End of Lists
My Top 10 of 2008 In No Particular Order: Grand Theft Auto IV

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves Announced, Most Likely Awesome

John Constantine — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 01:15:00 GMT

Let’s just get this out of the way right now. Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune is freaking great. It is the best game that Naughty Dog has ever made and it is an absolute delight to play. The stories in games like Gears of War 2 are often forgiven for being like “b-movies”, but Uncharted actually is a b-movie, a bitchin’ pulp adventure full of likable stereotypes, absurd feats of physical prowess, physics defying escapes from death, and more one-liners than you can shake a number of different sticks at. Its character animation is astounding, its shooting tight, and its environments are linear but convincingly natural. It is awesome. So awesome. Bionic Commando awesome.

It didn’t sell that great though. It sold well, but not nearly what it deserved and there has been some question as to whether it would receive a sequel or go the way of Sony’s other first-party titles from 2007. (Rest in peace Lair and Heavenly Sword. May your makers learn their lessons. Particularly you, Ninja Theory. Next time you make a game that has Andy Serkis yelling about his “holy genitals”, you can expect a very stern phone call from the proper authorities.)

But, lo, Nathan Drake has returned. Behold the trailer delights.

Word is Nate’s chasing some Marco Polo-related treasure this time out. Among Thieves will also sport free climbing as opposed to the rigid, set platforming of the original (totally rad) and stealth sections (not rad, but I will give Naughty Dog the benefit of the doubt.)

It’s a rare day that non-gameplay trailers get me all aflutter. Much like Beyond Good and Evil 2, Uncharted 2 fits the bill. It will be awesome.

Much love to NeoGAFfer Jtyettis for dropping all the knowledge.

Related links:

The Curious Case of Playstation Home
BREAKING: Beyond Good & Evil 2 Debut!

Trailer Review: Wanted

John Constantine — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 22:00:00 GMT

Being something of an equal opportunity nerd, I don’t limit myself just to videogame geekery. I am also known to enjoy a comic book now and again. Not graphic fiction, nor graphic novels. Comics, funny books, four-color rags. Some of them involve improbably proportioned men and ladies performing impossible acts of vigilantism. One of my favorite scribes of such material is Mark Millar, the Scottish gent best known for his summer event series called Civil War that saw Iron Man and Captain America punching each other. Millar’s also the latest comics writer to start selling damn near all of his properties to Hollywood studios for big screen adaptations, the first of which actually came out this past summer. Wanted the movie didn’t have a whole lot to do with Wanted the comic book outside of some basic premise and tonal elements, but it was still a decent flick to eat popcorn to. It was simply missing the comic’s bite.

The videogame adaptation of Wanted, due out in early 2009, is notable for a couple of reasons. First, even in trailer form, it looks significantly better than the vast majority of movie-game tie-ins. It’s also a sequel to the movie as opposed to a direct adaptation, which isn’t unheard of, but it’s still an interesting choice for a game not releasing alongside a theatrical or even DVD release. Most exciting, though, is that the Swedish gunslingers behind Bionic Commando’s rebirth, GRIN, are making it. Sure, the verdict’s still out on whether the new Bionic Commando is all that and a bag of chips, but the demo levels I’ve played prove GRIN’s ability to make a mean shooter level. As you can see in this trailer for Wanted, one of the levels has you jumping, dodging, and taking cover vertically through a crashing airplane. That is cool as hell.

Previous Trailer Reviews:

The Chase: Felix Meets Felicity
Yakuza 3
Dragon Quest IX
TGS Trailer Time: Resident Evil 5
Retro Game Challenge
Golden Axe: Beast Rider
House of the Dead: Overkill
Riz-Zoawd
Idolm@ster PSP
The Last Guy
Tecmo Bowl: Kickoff
Captain Rainbow
Mega Man 9 and Chrono Trigger DS
Densetsu no Stafi 5
Sonic Unleashed
Infinite Undiscovery
Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood
Street Fighter IV
The Conduit
Mirror’s Edge

Achievements and Trophies and Unlocking, Oh Meh

John Constantine — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:30:00 GMT

Amazing things are going to happen in 2009. In the first third of the year, we’ll be playing a trifecta of raw, unadulterated Capcom goodness in the form of Street Fighter IV, Bionic Commando, and Resident Evil 5, Killzone 2 will finally come out and not look anything like the concept footage shown at E3 2005, we might find out just what the hell Alan Wake is, and maybe, just maybe, it’ll turn out that Final Fantasy XIII is actually a videogame and not just a three minute clip of a chick with nice hair. Home might even come out! Instead of the adorable little freak version of you that putters around your Wii games – or your Xbox 360, which is the exact same little freak but with hands and a selection of shirts from Old Navy – you’ll get to have a version of yourself that is iPod commercial ready, with glossy hair sharp enough to cut a Nomura character. You’ll get to go bowling, wonder why no one’s playing Warhawk and show off all your trophies. And you will have trophies, rest assured. Come ’09, Sony’s making them an obligatory component of any and all PS3 games.

I don’t necessarily think achievements and trophies are a bad thing, especially for the type of player who enjoys setting themselves inane goals outside a game’s explicit ones. I just don’t understand why they have to be a necessary feature in every game. Nor do I see it as an effective way for players to, and pardon my French, wave their dicks at each other. Does anyone honestly care that their pals playing Gears of War have killed three-hundred thousand monsters? Finding ways to twist the fundamental rules of a game to make it something new is a time honored tradition. Just look at speedrunning for a perfect example. But unless a developer is inspired to put these sorts of objectives into their game, why force them to spend time on tacked on content?

No more ranting on the subject, I promise.

Note: The Mega Man 9 achievements are kind of neat. Perhaps I am wrong.

Related links:

Progress Quest: Playstation 3 Growing Up and The General Beauty of Firmware Updates
The Curious Case of Playstation Home
Whatcha' (Wish You Were) Playing: How Does Your Garden Grow?
Let the Mega Man 9 Speedruns Continue

Go Commando With Your Lunch This Winter

Nadia Oxford — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:36:00 GMT

Hey, is anyone out there in the market for a new best friend? 'Cause I'm totally serious about pledging allegiance to anyone who pre-orders Bionic Commando from GameCrazy and gives me the bonus metal lunchbox.

From the Capcom Unity blog:

"Bionic Commando is all about the old school style. Neon red hair, awesome sunglasses, and now lunch boxes and patches! The lunch box is a part of a very limited run, and you can only get ‘em if you preorder at GameCrazy. The sides have Nathan swinging through the old school levels of the original BC, with the original box art on the top of one side, and the old com on the other."

Like so:

It looks like Mega Man 9 wasn't just a fluke. Someone at Capcom really has been working hard at Twenty-Something Nerd Psychology 101.

Now they just have to start working at Introduction to International Relations. There is no GameCrazy in Canada. There's Gamestop--still commonly known as EB Games--so that means we'll probably be regulated to the wussy patches for our pre-order bonuses.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't mouth off about anything related to Bionic Commando (Constantine will hit me with the stick he calls Master D), but I don't want patches. I want that lunchbox. I want to go back to my grade school's gymnasium, open it slowly and sensually and remove my peanut butter sandwich and thermos of milk in front of all my friends.

Some people ask for riches and fame. I merely ask for this.

Related Links:

Nobody Puts Bionic Commando in a Corner
There Is Nothing Funny About Bionic Commando Funny Books
Gone Vertical: Hands-On Bionic Commando

Trailer Review: Yakuza 3

John Constantine — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Kazuma Kiryu and I are going to hang out. We’ll go out and he’ll show me the sights, take me to a hostess club, and we will laugh and laugh. Chances are, some dudes in puffy winter jackets will start some shit. I will hold their leader in a headlock and Kaz will drop kick that mofo so hard that Canadian children will say, “Ow” in their living rooms, thousands and thousands of miles away. We’ll high five each other then, before listening to a hardboiled detective tell us of intriguing and nefarious dealings in the Tokyo underworld. It’ll be sweet when the jazz rock starts playing. That heady day will only end when I’m woken up in my study, a firm bionic hand on my shoulder and a disapproving voice asking if I’m “dreaming of that Celestial roustabout” again. I will lie, of course. A white lie to soothe my beloved Commando’s nerves. But I will treasure that dream all the same.

Yakuza 3, as you can see from this trailer, looks totally frigging rad. As to what’s happening here, I have no clue. Kazuma Kiryu is hanging out with some kids, which I assume are from the orphanage he patronizes in Yakuza 2, on a beach, there’s a protest of some kind, some political intrigue, the flashy graphics are shown off, and many familiar faces appear, much to my delight. At one point, it looks like Kiryu’s beating the crap out of Albert Wesker from Resident Evil. I want this to be the case very badly. If you have yet to try either of the Yakuza games on PS2, this might look like a boring cutscene fest. Let me assure you, there is a monumental amount of game in the Yakuza series. There are many lengthy cutscenes, but Yakuza is one of those very rare instances when they’re actually a treat. The stories, while more than a little melodramatic and overblown, are well written and exciting, provided crime drama is something you enjoy.

Sega, please bring this here. Please.

(Link: Siliconera)

Previous Trailer Reviews:

Dragon Quest IX
TGS Trailer Time: Resident Evil 5
Retro Game Challenge
Golden Axe: Beast Rider
House of the Dead: Overkill
Riz-Zoawd
Idolm@ster PSP
The Last Guy
Tecmo Bowl: Kickoff
Captain Rainbow
The Past and Future With Mega Man 9 and Chrono Trigger DS
Densetsu no Stafi 5
Sonic Unleashed
Infinite Undiscovery
Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood
Street Fighter 4
The Conduit
Mirror’s Edge

Game Compilations: The Good, the Bad, and the Fugly

John Constantine — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 22:00:00 GMT

Time was, I thought game compilations, museum, and anniversary collections, and anything else you’d want to call them were the cat’s meow. Greatest thing since sliced bread. The *ahem* tits. Then The Mega Man Anniversary Collection for Gamecube came out back in 2004. Fifty simoleons for all eight console Mega Man games plus an opportunity to finally play Mega Man: The Power Battle and Power Fighters? Sounds like a dream come true. Then I found out that instead of the A button making the little blue fella shoot and the B button making him jump, the buttons were reversed for the compilation. There is no way to change this control scheme. It turns playing Mega Man 1 through 6 into a personalized hell, the place where cheat code users go when they die. Compilations are dangerous business because, more often than not, the publisher puts no effort whatsoever into them and people buy them anyway. That’s how you end up with Mega Man’s jumping and shooting getting reversed, how Sega releases not one, but two Sonic the Hedgehog collections with fantastic unlockables that are almost impossible to unlock, and how Namco can release the same damn Galaga/Dig Dug/Pac-man collection nine-hundred times.

Of course, they really can be a treat. Despite all the load times and inaccessible unlockables, the Sonic Mega Collection is still a great way to play Sonic at his best. Occasionally, budget numbers like the Capcom Classics Mini Mix, a no-frills GBA collection with Bionic Commando NES, Strider NES, and Mighty Final Fight, can come along and introduce you to games you’ve never ever heard of. (Seriously, Mighty Final Fight? When did that happen? It’s got mini Haggar!) They are a more palatable alternative to Virtual Console-style downloads too, as far as price is concerned. Sega’s just-announced Sonic’s Ultimate Genesis Collection for PS3 and Xbox 360 comes with forty games, and for thirty bucks you get what Nintendo would charge $120 for on Wii. Plus, they wouldn’t even all fit on the Wii’s memory! But again, the production values are highly questionable. As Jeremy Parish pointed out with the screen Sega released of Shinobi III, the emulation work on this new collection isn’t exactly screaming HD-console-quality visuals. Look at this:

That's a game that Backbone Entertainment has already put on Xbox Live Arcade! It didn't look half that muddy. See?

So, what’s the problem? Why can’t Sega, and every other publisher with a mind to, release well-considered, value-laden collections like the Capcom Classics Collection (which has radical Street Fighter tutorials?)

(Link: Joystiq)

Editor's Note: Pictured at the top is Sega's own Fantasy Zone Complete collection. It is awesome.

Related links:

What I'm Playing This Weekend: Mega Man Anniversary Collection
Sega "Gets" the Wii
Infinite Mega Man 9: Composer Ippo Yamada Talks Living Up to a Serious Musical Pedigree
Where I Draw the Line With Retro
Growl, Snarl, Bark: Screw Attack's Top 10 Genesis Games

Klonoa: Careful, Namco. You Tread On My Dreams.

John Constantine — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:00:00 GMT

I’m not a purist. No, really. When it comes to classics being revisited, modernized, or remade, I don’t need every facet of the past perfectly preserved just the way I remember it in order to get a desperate nostalgic thrill. I delight in Mega Man 9 because it’s a great game whose presentation and technological limitations are carefully made design choices, not because it’s a new NES game. I’ll let you in on a secret: I actually like Mega Man 7 and 8. Yeah, that’s right. I think they’re good games. Not as good as their forebears, but all the same. When the new Bionic Commando was announced last year, even before Rearmed was revealed, I didn’t balk at Radd Spencer’s Adam-Duritz-makeover. I think the new look is cool, especially the way his dreads flow behind him like delicate willow branches as he soars through dystopian cityscapes and… oh! Excuse me. What I’m getting at is that not everything from yesterday is sacred. Some things, especially in games, should be changed. Final Fantasy III DS is a good thing. The NES original is just too slow now. Tomb Raider Anniversary preserves a revolutionary game’s best qualities while also making it, you know, playable. In with the new, out with the old may not be an all-encompassing maxim, but it’s more often than not good advice.

That said, Namco, if you go through with this, I will hurt you.

The Raw Meat Cowboy himself over at GoNintendo received a survey from Namco-Bandai today, the subject of which was their impending Wii remake of Klonoa: Door to Phantomile. RMC has smartly inferred that Namco is testing the waters to see if Klonoa should be localized for North America. One of the questions in the survey asks which of these two character designs is preferable:

Yes, there on the right is Klonoa, already slightly altered to more closely resemble his 21st century self than the Klonoa of 1998. It’s great, he’s looking good. On the left, is some monstrosity, a Japanese Poochie, his raised ears giving off a deliberate whiff of the EXTREME. He has just enough buckles and straps to satisfy a Nomura. The implication is that Namco thinks this bastard would be more suited to North America’s indelicate palette.

Now, there are going to be some vague spoilers here, so beware. Even beyond the fantastic platforming, level design, and soundtrack, what makes Door to Phantomile so special is that it subverts expectation. Klonoa himself, and his introduction in the game, portray complete innocence, a cutesy cartoon anthropomorphic at play in a pleasant fantasy world. But the game quickly becomes melancholic, and by game’s end, the pleasant Disney aesthetic is pulled away, violently, to reveal that the story is, in fact, a tragedy. The game is about a loss of innocence, and the character’s design is essential to that theme. This redesign places the character more firmly in a recognizable, and marketable, anime tradition, where existential angst is an expected component. Remaking Klonoa in this image completely betrays the point of Shuichi Sakurazaki’s story.

Don’t do this, Namco.

(Link: GoNintendo)

Related links:

Where is Shuichi Sakurazaki, Creator of Ninja Gaiden?
Klonoa's Truimphant(?) Return
Christmas in Nintendoland: The Tokyo Conference
The Tale of the Identical Box Art
Lowering the Standard: Why Nintendo’s Hardcore vs. Casual Commitments Aren’t the Problem
Abominations of Technology: Pre-Rendered Graphics

Yahtzee Presents A New Angle On Nostalgia (Sort Of)

Nadia Oxford — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 19:05:00 GMT

While Mr Constantine gets over his case of the vapours, I'd like to offer my own perspective on Yahtzee's scorn towards Mrs Rad Spencer. One bit in particular caught my interest.

(::Pipe puff::)

Most of North America had the honour of growing up alongside the Nintendo Entertainment System. A great deal of Europe, if my video game lore is up to snuff, did not. I remember my older brother coming home from a visit to Ireland and telling me about how everyone there still played Atari 2600. I was all like, "No waaaaay!" Then the UK's ultra-sweet take on Smarties rebelled against my stomach and I vomited everywhere.

In his latest rant against Bionic Commando and all things fun, Yahtzee briefly mentions that his household was a Commodore 64 household--in other words, he didn't grow up with Bionic Commando or a lot of our favourite 8-bit treasures. Having grown up with a Commodore 64 as well as a Nintendo, I have no trouble admitting that one system offered a complex gaming experience full of adventure and thrills whereas the other one offered me a lot of eyestrain thanks to glitchy graphics and scratched disks. Try to guess which system is which. You may be surprised.

I agree with Yahtzee when he says that way too many of us look back at our old games through rose-tinted glasses. A lot of NES games--and gosh, even games on the SNES, a system I love with all my heart--were terrible. But not all of them. Certainly not Bionic Commando, which may be difficult and frustrating at times, but is not badly put-together in the least.

Asking why Rad can't just jump over objects instead of grappling past them is like asking why we can't dig holes in water. It's just not the way things are done. We don't have to sit around and play the Game of Life. It's a cheap, plastic scaled-down version of a typical grown-up's boring lot. But there's something obscenely fun about it, so play we must.

Still, it's interesting to see how Yahtzee's place of birth affected his outlook on the games we love. I disagree with his view on Bionic Commando and Bionic Commando Rearmed, but it's also possible that our early years of gaming implants vital ideas of what a game should be. Being raised on different systems means different points of views.

Or Yahtzee's just flat-out wrong. That's possible too.

Related Links:

Nobody Puts Bionic Commando in a Corner
Yahtzee and the Webcomics Plague
Sweaty, Oily Barbarian Men Are Waiting For Your Purchase

Nobody Puts Bionic Commando in A Corner

John Constantine — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Late last night, I was sitting in my library, enjoying a nice cup of earl grey tea, a pipe, and the day's copy of The Times. It was the first night of autumn cool enough for a fire and I’d brought one to a crackling burn in my home’s blackened hearth. The evening was a picture of utter tranquility, the sort of convalescence one scoffs at in youth and longs for later in life when a day’s labors start to take their toll. But it was around 10pm when this harmony was shattered! My lover, Bionic Commando, burst into the room wailing, tears streaming from its eyes, its heavenly façade twisted and mangled by anguish!

“My love, what ever is the matter?” I asked, alarmed.

“It’s that awful man from the Sunburnt Country! He called me such terrible things!”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand, dearest. Who is this rogue who dared question your honor?”

“You know. Benjamin Croshaw. Yahtzee. The videogame critic from the island of convicts who walks about in a Justin Timberlake hat. He makes his trade nattering on about obese fellows being silly for liking terrible entertainments. Like me! Oh!” Bionic Commando swooned, its clawed hand against its forehead.

“And what did the uncouth bastard say about you?” I asked. I could feel a heat prickling about my neck and cheeks that did not come from the fire.

“He said I’m console-stompingly frustrating! An archaic nothing made only for nostalgia’s sake who arbitrarily extends play through broken platforming mechanics. He said my controls were installed by someone reading the instructions upside down. Darling, he said I was old, fat, and wrinkly!”

Bionic Commando ran from the room, sobbing. My tea had grown cold. How dare he. Bionic Commando is a vision, a treasured paragon of tight rules and lusciously precise gameplay that has endured for two decades. Nostalgia may reign for trollops like Battletoads, but my Bionic Commando is as pure a game as Pac-man, an ageless bit of programming as entertaining today as it was in years passed thanks to fundamental quality, not its association with some fool’s salad days.

I write this from aboard a sturdy ship, The Radd Spenceria, sailing west across the pacific. I carry only this journal, a pistol, and my love on this journey. I do not know what I will do when I encounter this Croshaw, but I fear that I will no longer be able to be called a gentleman in polite society.

…

Yeah. Right. Anyway, my personal life aside, Zero Punctuation is particularly amusing this week. I’d never actually try to pick apart Yahtzee’s criticisms of a given game. The man’s a humorist first and a critic second, and he’s damn good at his job. You don’t tell the clown he looks stupid and expect him to take you seriously. But I will say that this is the second recent episode of Zero Punctuation (the other being his Soul Calibur IV video) that makes peculiar claims as to what does and does not make a game good. Just because something is old, this doesn’t mean it’s broken. Saying Bionic Command is inferior to modern games because its controls work differently than the Mario- platforming-standard is like saying chess is worse than checkers because it’s older and the pieces have more complicated moves. Bionic Commando, as a set of rules you must follow by performing actions to achieve a goal, works. It’s a stark contrast compared to other beloved old games like, say, Star Tropics, a game whose controls occasionally just don’t respond to your actions. But I digress. Check out the episode below and head over to The Escapist for more.

Related links:

Bionic Commando is Love: Bionic Commando Rearmed is Out. It Matters.
Yahtzee On E3: Are We Gaming in an Age of Uncreativity?
Yahtzee Says, Support Your Local Independent Developer (He's Right).
Yahtzee Wannabe Warns You About the GameStop Devil

Design Resurrection: How Capcom Finally Proved That It’s Game and Not Graphics That Matters

John Constantine — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:30:00 GMT

“Graphics Whore” is a term that I’ve never been comfortable with, that is, until I realized that I am one. I couldn’t give you the precise etymology behind the phrase, only that it’s rise to prominence in both game fandom and game journalism – there is a distinction, however slight it may be – coincided directly with the rise of 3D graphics in console gaming. What makes a person a graphics whore is their dismissal of games that don’t reflect the aesthetic (visual, audio, etc.) cutting edge of available technology. But in the 32-bit era, the term carried a more specific connotation, namely 2D games being inferior to 3D. This definition of graphics whore had something of a corporate background, especially in the battle between Sony and Sega; Sega’s great failure was building an overly expensive machine devoted to running 2D games and Sony took a hard line against publishing any 2D games outside of Japan. The future, as far as Sony and Nintendo were concerned, was in three dimensions. So, the term graphics whore was birthed alongside the now all too common mantra that gameplay, not graphics, is all that matters in a videogame. I used to agree. And while I don’t think that games are defined by being the prettiest and the bestest, I think that to downplay the importance of presentation is doing the medium a great disservice. It isn’t how advanced a game’s visuals are. It’s what they are.

Capcom’s two most recent releases, Bionic Commando: Rearmed and Mega Man 9, are companion pieces to illustrate the point. Both games are built on play fundamentals that literally turned twenty years-old in 2008 but they represent diametric ends of the gaming spectrum. While Mega Man 9 is a deliberate and carefully constructed exercise in twenty year-old presentation, foregoing even certain graphical and audio advancements made on the platform it’s mimicking, Bionic Commando: Rearmed is a technological powerhouse. Running on the high-end engine built to power the upcoming 3D Bionic Commando, Rearmed sports some of the most elegant HD graphics on current consoles. The two games, however, are equals in terms of completeness and quality. They are exactly what they need to be: smooth playing, but still pleasing to the eyes and ears thanks to their mutual presentations fitting the games to a t. They're a literal demonstration of gameplay being a game's chief concern and that aesthetics aren't an issue of technology, but of appropriateness and style. And so they’re benchmarks of the beginning of gaming’s new era, where mainstream gaming isn’t judged by its spectacle but by its pure quality.

Graphics whore has been redefined. Games that look terrible aren’t terrible thanks to the technology behind them. They’re shit because the effort hasn’t been put into making them what they need to be.

Related links:

Don’t Call It Retro: Mega Man 9 and Design Resurrection
Follow Up: Mega Man 9 and Design Resurrection Part 2
Mega Man 9: IT'S OUT NOW
Where I Draw the Line With Retro
Bionic Commando is Love: Bionic Commando Rearmed is Out. It Matters.

Chiptune Friday: Bionic Commando - A New Breed of Hero

Derrick Sanskrit — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 17:00:00 GMT

I have to admit, I kind of got used to John's daily posts about the majesty of Bionic Commando, and while Rearmed has been keeping my DualShock3 rumbling with delight since then, I still feel something missing when I'm away from the game for too long. Thankfully, this little gem from the 1988 NES version was around to keep my headphones warm with hot lead.

This tune only plays in one stage of the game, Area 8, and that's a shame because it so perfectly captures the black ops action mood of the entire game with its cool jazz-like square waves, intensified by the rat-a-tat of the noise channel's marching snare. To top it off, Area 8 is one of the coolest looking levels of Rearmed as many of the rooms are backlit, producing beautiful silhouettes in monochromatic blue hallways. Replace the bazooka with a tenor saxophone and it's jazz personified...almost...

Changing gears a bit, it seems there has been so much positive buzz since last week about the Reformat the Planet chiptune documentary streaming on Pitchfork.tv that the network's producers and the film's director Paul Owens have agreed to grant the doc a bonus life with one more week of free broadcasting. If you missed out last week, now's your chance to experience the magic. If you enjoyed it already, another go might just be what it takes to inspire you to dust off your old Game Boy (I know it did for me).

Related articles:
Bionic Commando Rearmed Is Out. It Matters.
Top Ten Bionic Arm Uses
Chiptune Friday: Watch Reformat The Planet RIGHT NOW!!!
Chiptune Friday: Little Nemo The Dream Master PLUS Bonus Music Video

Whatcha Playing?: Final Ninja

Cole Stryker — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:00:00 GMT

I reviewed some random Wii Worms sequel a while back. I considered its biggest downfall to be its glaring lack of ninja rope, the endlessly satisfying tool that allowed you to bounce and swing your worms around the screen very quickly. I often thought that Team 17 should make a spinoff platform game centering on this mechanic. They didn't, but someone else did.

Let me be clear. Final Ninja is the finest platformer I have played in the last decade, easily. You can beat it in under an hour, but it's arguably the best 2D platformer since Super Metroid. Believe it.

Final Ninja is very simple. Use the arrow keys (or WASD) to move around. Down makes you go into a transparent stealth mode. Up makes you jump. Click the mouse to fling ninja stars; hold to throw your grappling rope. That's it. It's very similar to Bionic Commando, but the rope mechanics are much looser and more...swingy. Also, there are stealth elements, which do not interrupt the flow of the action, but complement it. The level design is impeccable, and the simplicity of aiming the single weapon and flat-out awesome ninja rope will make you wonder why most famous platformers weren't released on PC.

Whatcha Playing: Cleaning House, Finding Roots

John Constantine — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 20:00:00 GMT

It has been well over a month since my last Whatcha Playing here at 61 Frames Per Second. The vicious truth of the matter is that I haven’t been playing that much since the beginning of July. The summer will do that to you. When the weather is as nice as its been here in the northeastern United States (mild, sunny as hell, great thunderstorms), its hard to devote eight hours of a Saturday to grinding RPG characters, engaging in manic shoot-outs, or even just taking in some classics (especially if your apartment isn’t air conditioned.) Last Thursday, though, I finally downloaded Bionic Commando Rearmed, a game I may have mentioned anticipating. Those first delicious minutes I spent grappling around the vibrant world GRIN created signaled one undeniable fact: come the weekend, it was time to play some freaking videogames.

But first I had to clean house. Twice a year, I take a look at my game library and growing collection of consoles and peripherals to take stock of what needs to stay, what can be tossed, and what needs to be reorganized. The process is cathartic. Old games in dire need of revisiting reclaim your attention, it’s determined what unbeaten titles need finishing, and old consoles end up reconnected to the TV for the first time in ages.

Cleaning house also reveals just what your predilections are. By the time I’d finished, the library was a bit lighter, and I had a nice smorgasbord put together for Saturday and Sunday. The Playstation 3 was going to get put through its paces with Bionic Commando, PixelJunk Eden, and Lair, the 360 would get love from Too Human and Braid, and the freshly reconnected Gamecube would play host to Metroid Fusion and a little Ninja Five-O.

What did I find out? Well, clearly, I have some kind of grappling hook obsession I need to work out. It also looks like my absence from playing games subconsciously drove me to get back to my platforming roots. I never did fire up Lair and played only a smattering of Too Human (more on those beasts later this week.) The craving for two-dimensions and precision jumps was undeniable. But it occurred to me that the games I was playing, Braid, Eden, and Bionic Commando, aren’t just relics of yesteryear but brand new games, full on fresh ideas. Seems developers broadly are cleaning house themselves these days and rediscovering just what works again.

Summer is in the home stretch now and fall’s bringing cool weather and games to match; the cutting edge of current technology and design will be our hands. A few months back, I felt rabid for the future and the evolution of three-dimensional, narrative driven design. But now that I’m finally playing on the regular again, I’m wondering just what it is I’ll be craving when the fall’s blockbusters arrive. Will I want the meaty story, the deep 3D space? Or will I just want to run and jump?

More Whatcha Playing:

Whatcha Playing: The New Adventures of the Nintendo DS
Whatcha Playing: Fallout (Metaphorically Speaking)
Whatcha' (Wish You Were) Playing: How Does Your Garden Grow?
Watcha Playing: Loving/Hating Mario Kart Wii
Whatcha Playing: How Many Buttons Do I Gotta Push?
Whatcha Playing: Fire Emblem is Pretty Hard
Whatcha Playing: Keeping the Beat, Drum Master Style
Whatcha Playing: A Little Singin’, a Little Dancin’
Whatcha Playing: Another Slice of Cake
Whatcha Playing: BS Zelda
Whatcha Playing: With a Little Help From My Friends

Bionic Commando is Love: Bionic Commando Rearmed is Out. It Matters.

John Constantine — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 20:00:00 GMT

The moment of truth is upon us! For all of you out there who have been playing Bionic Commando Rearmed for the past twenty-four hours on your PCs and Xbox 360s, bully for you. The 360 in my home is currently offline due to some router issues and was not available for me to indulge in. Today is my day though, as the PS3 has no such issues with the router! My brain is bleeding with anticipation, dear reader.

Bionic Commando Rearmed is exciting stuff, and not just because it’s a remake of a cult hit and one of my top five favorite games ever made in the history of stuff being made. Rearmed marks a momentous generational change in game development. As Ben Judd has said repeatedly since both of the new Bionic Commando games were announced in late 2007, these games are passion projects made by people who have both a legitimate love of a classic game mechanic and serious creative ambition. The games made in the next decade will be games made by individuals raised on the transition from 2D to 3D gaming, made by gamers who are uniquely capable of objectively determining what can be learned from old design, and how to revisit those forms of play without merely trying to capitalize on nostalgia. Bionic Commando Rearmed also represents the shift towards true international game design as it is the product of Japanese, Swedish, and American artists.

This is a proud day for videogames. Go download that sucker. Right now.

Related links:

More Downloadable Remakes! More, Says I!
Introducing Mrs. Radd Spencer
Bionic Commando is Love: Bionic Commando in Eighteen Minutes
Bionic Commando Is Love: The Bionic Commando Headquarters’ Top Ten Bionic Arm Uses
Bionic Commando Arcade and BC: Elite Forces Are Only Good Because They Are Called Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed: T-Minus One Week
Emergency Rescue!! Super Joe!!
There is Nothing Funny About Bionic Commando Funny Books
Gone Vertical: Hands-On Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed Delayed, 61FPS Breaks Stuff, Is Happy About Soundtrack
Going Vertical: How Capcom’s Developers Are Changing the Landscape of 3D Games

Bionic Commando Is Love: Bionic Commando in Eighteen Minutes

John Constantine — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Just two more days and we’ll be together. Forever. Living in complete bionic harmony. Radd Spencer and I will swing on into the sunset, shooting Nazi despots in the head with rocket launchers, breaking the ceasefire in demilitarized zones, and hacking communication lines just for a laugh.

I said that out loud, didn’t I? Dag…

The last twenty-four hours have been illuminating. I discovered that the current worldwide record for beating Bionic Commando on the NES is eighteen minutes and twenty seconds. This is an astounding feat of gaming fortitude. I usually clock in a run around half an hour to forty-five minutes so I have to salute the proud individual who holds the record. How about this though: the record holder is none other than Scott “sdkess” Kessler. Turns out Scott is the man behind both the Bionic Commando Headquarters and the top ten list we linked to yesterday.

Scott. You rock. Check out the man of the hour’s run right here.

Related links:

Bionic Commando Is Love: The Bionic Commando Headquarters’ Top Ten Bionic Arm Uses
Bionic Commando Arcade and BC: Elite Forces Are Only Good Because They Are Called Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed: T-Minus One Week
Emergency Rescue!! Super Joe!!
There is Nothing Funny About Bionic Commando Funny Books
Gone Vertical: Hands-On Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed Delayed, 61FPS Breaks Stuff, Is Happy About Soundtrack
Going Vertical: How Capcom’s Developers Are Changing the Landscape of 3D Games

Bionic Commando Is Love: The Bionic Commando Headquarters' Top Ten Bionic Arm Uses

John Constantine — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Can you feel it, dear reader? That slow vibration that pervades the air? That electric quality all around us here in the heart of August, where summer has started its easy descent into fall and the sun sits just a bit lower in the sky than it did only a few days ago? It means that Bionic Commando Rearmed is close. Very, very close.

Yes, Bionic Commando’s imminent release has clearly caused me to have some kind of psychotic break. It’s cool, though. I’m sure I’ll be fine come Thursday. In the meantime, I encourage all of you to share my obsession. A good place to get down with the sickness is the Bionic Commando Headquarters. As of twelve months ago, the BCHQ was the only real fan page on the internet. A peculiar little hole devoted to the NES game that started up in the late ‘90s, it’s received only occasional updates over the last eleven years, and has hosted just over four thousand viewers in that time. My favorite part of the Headquarters is the Top Ten Bionic Arm Uses. The list actually brings on more nostalgia than the game itself because it reads like something a sixth grader came up with. I suspect this is where the list actually has its roots. Here, see for yourself:

10.Use it to grab pencils that you drop in class that can't be reached with your foot.
9.Use it to grab a snack from the fridge while watching a ball game. You won't miss any plays again!
8.Broken swingset? No problemo! Just use your arm to swing.
7.Use it in basketball to block shots and slam dunk if you are vertically challenged! Also useful for other sports.
6.Use it to retrieve that frisbee that has been on the roof since 3rd grade.
5.Use it to stop thieves when they steal an old lady's purse.
4.Use it to land a role playing in a SpiderMan movie.
3.Use it to change TV channels when you can't find the remote.
2.Use it to save the world from a fascist dictator.
1.Show it to all the girls. Hear comments like "Oh it's sooooo long!".

Awesome. Head over to the headquarters and explore. You’ll get your Bionic Commando fix and an anthropological experience!

Related links:

Bionic Commando Arcade and BC: Elite Forces Are Only Good Because They Are Called Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed: T-Minus One Week
Emergency Rescue!! Super Joe!!
There is Nothing Funny About Bionic Commando Funny Books
Gone Vertical: Hands-On Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed Delayed, 61FPS Breaks Stuff, Is Happy About Soundtrack
Going Vertical: How Capcom’s Developers Are Changing the Landscape of 3D Games

Bionic Commando Arcade and BC: Elite Forces Are Only Good Because They Are Called Bionic Commando

John Constantine — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Oh, Bionic Commando Rearmed. You are only six days away from me now, and yet, it seems as though eternity stands between us! Our love, pure as the driven snow, strains under this distance, this damnable time! I long for your mechanized embrace, the strength of your grappling hook grip.

Ahem.

Yeah, I love Bionic Commando. Everyone loves Bionic Commando. What most folks forget, though, is that they really mean they love Bionic Commando on NES. Yes, there are actually four Bionic Commando games out in the wild, three of which are just named “Bionic Commando”. Sadly, two of them suck. Kind of. Bionic Commando Arcade, patient zero if you will, is pretty in a late-80s Capcom sort of way but doesn’t play particularly well. Bionic Commando: Elite Forces for the Game Boy Color is just lame. It’s garish, the sprites are too big, there’s all this story crap. Ugh.

They both rule though. Why? They’re called Bionic Commando.

Hit up HG101’s comprehensive look at the series for more info on this black, bionic sheep.

Related links:

Bionic Commando Rearmed: T-Minus One Week
Emergency Rescue!! Super Joe!!
There is Nothing Funny About Bionic Commando Funny Books
Gone Vertical: Hands-On Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed Delayed, 61FPS Breaks Stuff, Is Happy About Soundtrack
Going Vertical: How Capcom’s Developers Are Changing the Landscape of 3D Games

Bionic Commando Rearmed: T-Minus One Week

John Constantine — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 21:00:00 GMT

That’s right people. Bionic Commando Rearmed comes out in exactly one week. And until Thursday, August 14th, 2008 rolls around, we’re going to be talking about Bionic Commando Rearmed every stinking day. Get. Psyched.

Today’s Bionic Commando Rearmed chatter is based around these spectacular “Behind the Scenes” videos from developer GRIN. I want to hug these people for making this game. Enjoy.

Related links:

Emergency Rescue!! Super Joe!!
There is Nothing Funny About Bionic Commando Funny Books
Gone Vertical: Hands-On Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed Delayed, 61FPS Breaks Stuff, Is Happy About Soundtrack
Going Vertical: How Capcom’s Developers Are Changing the Landscape of 3D Games

Emergency Rescue!! Super Joe!!

Nadia Oxford — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:55:00 GMT

If you're ever looking for a very poor lunch idea, might I suggest two Red Bulls and a package of dehydrated mango slices?

One thing Americans need to be less shy about is singing along to superhero ballads. The Japanese, on the other hand, are really fantastic about belting out anthems for their heroes. Bear witness to any opening for any shonen anime or programme. Very few clock in at less than a minute and most of them go on for a minute and a half. All of them are enthusiastic: the singer is always a super-energetic Japanese guy who bellows as if this rubber monster-throttling knight sprang from his own loins.

It pleases me to say that Capcom has captured the spirit of Bionic Commando perfectly with its sentai-flavoured trailer for Bionic Commando Rearmed. Are you ready to blow up Hitler's head, kids? Please pray for the success of Radd Spencer for best luck!

Related Links:

Gone Vertical: Hands On Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed Delayed, 61FPS Breaks Stuff, Is Happy About Soundtrack
There Is Nothing Funny About Bionic Commando Funny Books

There is Nothing Funny About Bionic Commando Funny Books

John Constantine — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Have you ever been disappointed with your geek kung-fu? You go through life thinking, “Why, yes, I am a gigantic nerd. My nerd knowledge-base is vast and potent. No one can challenge the veritable wealth of useless knowledge I possess, the sheer brain real estate that I have devoted to media instead of human experience. Why, I could have been a physicist! Instead I know about Mega Man continuity.” And then something slips by you and you entire world comes crashing down!

There’s a Bionic Commando webcomic that’s been running since March. How in the holy hell did I miss this?!

Twenty pages of the thirty-two page Bionic Commando: Chain of Command (insert Michael Bay movie score here) have run already and it is, if nothing else, shockingly nerdy in its own right. The story does an entertaining job of linking the original game and its upcoming sequel, bringing back familiar faces like Super Joe and protagonist Nathan Spencer. Wait wait wait. Forgive me. RADD Specner. It’s a little disorienting though. There’s more dialogue on the first page of this thing than there is in the entire original game. Also, Radd Spencer’s hair is markedly less rad. Check out this profile from the original NES instruction booklet.

That is a ragin’ doo. Now look at new Radd Spencer:

What is this space marine horse shit! For shame Ben Judd.

Head over to the Bionic Commando homepage to read the whole shebang. It’s written by Andy Diggle. Diggle also happens to write some comic book about some British magician who looks like Sting and has an awesome name.

Related links:

Gone Vertical: Hands-on Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando: Rearmed Delayed, 61FPS Breaks Stuff, Is Happy About Soundtrack
Going Vertical: How Capcom’s Developers Are Changing the Landscape of 3D Games
It’s Official: Capcom Has Been Taken Over By Nerds

The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels, Part 3

Peter Smith — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:32:00 GMT

Shadow Man

As Pete said, Mega Man III started to strain the series' robot-masters-as-industrial-tool conceit. Silly as Top Man is, I have even more trouble getting my head around Shadow Man and his lair sitting at the bottom of a waterfall of lava. What was the civic-planning meeting like for this one? "Finally, we have used the remaining funds in 200X's robot-master budget to build a crazy-sweet ninja robot who lives in a rad fortress at the bottom of a lava flow. He will be protected by robot frogs and parachuting heads." "Madness! Why would you do such a thing?" "Because, sir. It is awesome." Know what? He's right. — JC

Bubble Man

A big part of the classicness of any given Mega Man stage is the music. Bubble Man's got one of the greatest tunes in the series, an unforgettable bit of melodic pop that builds quickly to a dazzling chorus of harmonized square waves and Van-Halen-esque arpeggios, all over an appropriately watery triangle-wave bassline. But let's not forget the stage itself, which follows our hero from a huge waterfall, down into a cramped subaquatic tunnel (some kind of refinery?) stuffed with giant robot lantern fish, then back out into the open air for a showdown with the local kingpin. As in so many classic Mega Man levels, there's a beautiful sense of the elemental here — the breeze, the cold metal, the spray of the sea. — PS

Crystal Man

You'd think Capcom's increasing ability to push the NES hardware would've made stages in the later Mega Man games even more memorable than their simpler precursors. Unfortunately, this usually wasn't the case. Many levels in Mega Man II and III gave you just enough detail to fire your imagination, and not enough to stifle it; the increased detail of IV through VI actually made the stages seem less like real places and more like digital constructions. Sometimes the most evocative background of all is just a sinister and inviting black. Still, the fancier graphics of later games did allow the occasional surrealist delight, like Crystal Man's stage, a jagged landscape of shimmering gems and glass-tube-enclosed machinery. For a brief and gorgeous section, the blue background switches to glowing hot pink like an animated bar sign. — PS

Dr. Wily's Castle, Part 1

This is the finest stage in the entire Mega Man franchise, spin-offs included. Mega Man II has four scenes of explicit narrative, and outside of the introduction's brief narration, they are wordless, used only to provide spatial context. What is remarkable about the first stage of Wily's castle is how it conveys scale and design independent of the cutscene that precedes it, how its propulsive music perfectly illustrates exhaustion, finality, and resolve. It is an assault, the scaling of a mountain using literally every tool at your disposal. The level concludes with actually breaching the fortress' walls and finding a chasm, the crossing of which requires precisely timed jumps across miniscule platforms. The castle's guardian, a screen-filling robotic dragon, destroys your footing in its pursuit. The stage, the music, the opponents reveal everything about this world and its stakes: you are fighting a madman on his terms and survival is not guaranteed. Remarkable. — JC

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Click here for Part 2.

What'd we miss? Tell us in the comments. For the record, we like Flame Man's arabesque oil well and Tomahawk Man's cod-western badlands too, but nothing from MMVI makes the top ten in fairness. MMVII and MMVIII are beneath discussion.

Previous Top Tens:
The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial
The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History
The Ten Most Adventurous Sequels
The Ten Greatest Fire Levels

The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels, Part 2

Peter Smith — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:31:00 GMT

Metal Man

More than your average Mega Man stage, Metal Man's feels collosal. Who knows why — maybe it's the giant screws and gears in the foreground, or the dense, heavily animated background (technically quite impressive) of pistons and cogs. Or maybe it's that Metal Man's stage actually has somewhat less variety than most of Mega Man II's stages, thereby suggesting a larger size. Whatever the reason, the scope seems massive. The stage itself is relatively short, but it feels like just a small part of a vast, rusted-out fortress of industry. — PS

Toad Man

For all of Mega Man IV 's missteps (downgraded music, overemphasized story, increasingly nonsensical characters), it's not without its highlights. Toad Man's stage bombards you with intimidating elements from the start, buffeting seemingly easy jumps with heavy wind and pouring rain. As you descend deeper into the sewers of 200X, waterfalls crush, overflows lead to bottomless pits, and robotic vermin (rats, slugs, snails) take full advantage of your decreased mobility. The stage is emblematic of the series' descent into comic absurdity, but it's flawlessly laid out and challenging. — JC

Spark Man Revisited

Mega Man II is an undisputed classic, but for a NES game, it's pretty damn easy, a fault that Mega Man III hastens to correct. By the time you get around to the "dark" versions of conquered stages, III is offering you no quarter. When you walk into Spark Man's second stage, you're at the bottom of a room with no ladder to the top; as you go to summon Rush Coil, just imagine Keiji Inafune giving you the finger. Spark Man 2 is also a long haul, with some truly nasty spike placement and two bosses to tackle; for an added touch of creepiness, it's also got a damaged background texture that suggests the whole place has been bombed out. Ominous stuff. — PS

Click here for Part 1.
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The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels, Part 1

Peter Smith — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Capcom, I don't really know how to say this. It's a little awkward, but damn it, it's the truth. We've known each other a long time, and you've always been a good friend to me, but this year, things have gotten more serious. With Street Fighter IV, HD Remix, Commando 3, 1942: Joint Strike and two versions of Bionic Commando, it's like you've gone out of your way lately to show me what I mean to you, and now that you've announced Mega Man 9, it's time for me to return the favor. Capcom, I. . . I love you.

Jesus, I don't know what came over me there. But with Mega Man 9 just unveiled in all its eight-bit glory, my old-school-gaming glands are all swollen and red, and I think it's squeezing out the blood flow to my brain. The early Mega Man games are masterpieces of their era, and they feature some of the most unforgettable stages on the NES — a series of giant constructions that, high-tech though they may be, maintain a playground-like innocence. World-building obsessives that we are, we couldn't let this glorious day go by without commemorating the ten greatest classic Mega Man levels of all time. — Peter Smith

Elec Man

Keiji Inafune's first attempt at Mega Man was promising but ultimately half-baked. The play was there but the world itself was still confused, its six core stages shuffling back and forth between "gamey" abstraction and eerie pastoral. Elec Man's tower was one of the series' first real successes, an ascent that felt like a true structure and not a background for a sprite to jump about, a dangerous place pulsing with energy that could obliterate our diminutive hero using the very power that fueled his mechanical innards. — John Constantine

Top Man

The whole premise of Mega Man was that each of the Robot Masters you were fighting had been conceived for an industrial purpose and therefore ruled over an area appropriate to his capabilities. (Guts Man is a construction robot, right, so he's in this construction zone... or something.) This whole idea kind of fell apart as the robots got weirder. By all rights, Top Man should probably have been in a giant robot toy store or something, and God knows that's how the series' increasingly corny later installments would've played it. Luckily, Inafune and co. were still capable of a curveball or two when Mega Man III came out, which must be why Top Man's stage isn't a toy store at all, but some kind of bizarre jungle/greenhouse/space station. With giant robot cats. Most fans would agree it's better that way. — PS

Gemini Man

As important as the future metropolises of classic Mega Man are the natural landscapes. Gemini Man's stage shows a world where even the harshest environments have been hollowed out, bent to the will of humanity, and overrun with intelligent machines that can work and survive where our fragile bodies can't last. Enemy placement is logical, functional in this arctic wasteland; drones spill fire digging into the frozen surface, giant penguins produce an adapted work force, robotic-tadpole pods shifting to maintain delicate structural integrity deep in the ice. The whole place is cold and sharp, beautiful and forbidden. I'd never survive there, but Mega Man can. — JC

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