61 Frames Per Second : f-zero

Robot Chicken Torments the Excite Bike Guy

Nadia Oxford — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 22:03:00 GMT

I've always been of two minds about Robot Chicken. It's basically a lot of claymation jokes about our favourite childhood toys and mascots farting and pooping and I am so above that. (*frt*) But sometimes the show comes out with something that makes me laugh in spite of myself. It happened again today, in the middle of a library. :(

Robot Chicken: Excitebike follows the innocent little biker from Excite Bike on the NES. He's just tooling around, driving home from a long day at work to see the wife and kids--

Wait, does the Excite Bike dude have a name or a background? What do we know about his life? His motivation? His credit history? Even F-Zero's tight-muscled pilot, Captain Falcon, has gained a certain amount of infamy. We now know he loves to brawl, he writes slash fanfiction about himself and Samurai Goroh and he fathered an illegitimate son somehow.

And despite all that, I think I'd rather date the Excite Bike guy. A bit of mystery is sexy. Looks like he'll have to take care of his shattered legs, first.

Also, I'm a new admirer of the adjective "anus-shattering."

Related Links:

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Quickies: Homestar Ruiner
Will Games Ever Be Funny?

The Ten Greatest Fire Levels in Gaming History, Part 1

Peter Smith — Thu, 29 May 2008 22:30:00 GMT

Videogame designers have found a great deal of inspiration in elemental dichotomies. Wood versus stone, wind versus lightning, ice versus fire — these natural conflicts are excellent bases for compelling environments and rich atmospheres. What better than tangible extremes like hot and cold to convey a sense of place to a player? To celebrate the imminent arrival of summer, 61 Frames Per Second is going hot with our first top-ten list, looking at the greatest fire levels in gaming history. If you're sweating, don't worry — we'll get to ice soon enough. — John Constantine

Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts — Crucible of Flame

Nobody would subject themselves to the brutally difficult Ghosts 'n Goblins series if the games didn't feature Capcom's usual immaculate production values. Dying a hundred times in Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts' third stage, the Crucible of Flame (and you will) is made marginally more bearable by the brooding music (forever seared in my brain after a misspent youth) and the characteristically idiosyncratic twist on the usual "fire level" theme: instead of a generic inferno, the Crucible of Flame finds you in some kind of metallurgical hell. The stage has a lot of character; as fire levels go, it's more of an oozing, molten nightmare than a pyrotechnic fun fair. (In fact, some would say there's nothing fun about it.) A word of warning: it only gets worse from here. — Peter Smith

Dracula X: Rondo of Blood — Dinner of Flames

The games in the original Castlevania trilogy all open with scenes of civilization. In the original, Simon Belmont approaches Dracula's titular castle via a gate on a road. The second finds Simon in the town of Jova, and Simon's ancestor Trevor passes through Wallachia Town and a cathedral at the opening of the third. All of these places feel oppressed by evil but, even when full of monsters, they've got a lurking malevolence. They're not overtly violent. The opening stage of Dracula X: Rondo of Blood, Dinner of Flames, is a different story entirely. Veros — a town neighboring Jova in Castlevania 2, for a nice garnish of continuity — is literally burning to the ground around Richter Belmont while the metal chords of "Divine Bloodlines" play in the background. The flames don't directly affect your passage here. They do, however, make the stage completely fucking sweet. — JC

F- Zero — Fire Field

When F-Zero first came out, its sense of speed was awesome, and nowhere more than in its ultimate track, Fire Field. If you made it through the fourteen previous tracks, you might — just might — have the skill to make it through this godless collection of hairpin turns, speed traps and exploding mines. The soundtrack matched the intensity of the track layout, with one of the game's most memorable hard-rock grooves. Some would argue that the "fieryness" of Fire Field is purely incidental, with no direct relevance to gameplay. But as a thought experiment, imagine Fire Field as a frozen wonderland, or a barren ocean. Not quite the same. No, there's a distinctly combustive quality to this level, as any King League veteran would be quick to tell you. — PS

Click here for Part 2.
Click here for Part 3.

Alternate Soundtrack: Need For Speed: Underground vs Justice's †

John Constantine — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Written by Derrick Sanskrit

Until 2003, the most serious racing game I'd played was probably F-Zero. This became a problem with my roommates, who LOVED racing games, and so I was baptized into the world with Need For Speed: Underground on the Playstation 2.

Now, if your experience with this game was anything like ours, you loved every minute of gameplay to be found in NFS:U. The characters felt human and you felt genuine affection for Samantha and disdain for Eddie. The city felt alive, and oncoming traffic was a plaything to use to your advantage. Circuit races were intense, drift races were ego boosts, and drag races separated the hardcore from the wimps. Everything about the game just bubbled with glowing, neon awesome.

Except for that soundtrack! Ugh!

Turning on the game meant being assaulted by the full-blast synth whoops and inebriated grunts of Li'l Jon & the Eastside Boyz' "Get Low", an obnoxious club banger that would later be resurrected as Usher's "Yeah" and, subsequently, EVERY OTHER SONG EVER. The mute button quickly became our MVP. The problem then became finding music that would keep our blood pumping fast enough to win races without being distracted by an avalanche of crap pooling out of the speakers.

What was aurally difficult to achieve in 2003 has become easy with the rise of “new rave”. Moronic as that name is, this new genre inspired by the brilliant electronic music of Daft Punk and the dance-punk scene of the early-aughts is perfect for just such a racing game. 2007's Need For Speed: Pro Street's soundtrack of Chromeo, Cansei De Ser Sexy, Datarock, Foreign Islands, MSTRKRFT, and The Rapture, among others, would indicate I'm not alone in this opinion.

My personal favorite for street racing has got to be † by Parisian electronic duo Justice. The slap bass and wild, squealing synths of "Let There Be Light" call to mind the heart-pounding moments at the start of a drag race, when engines are roaring and tires are screeching against black top. The relentless oscillating sirens of "Stress" induce a cold sweat as you scream around a narrow overpass at illegal velocities. The fuzzed out synth guitars that blanket most of the album's tracks are like the gentle purrs of your exhaust exploding with full tanks of nitrous oxide. And then, of course, there’s "D.A.N.C.E.", "The Party", and "DVNO". The only tracks with discernible lyrics, their cocky, self-assured swagger seems to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, are you trying to race me? I've been ahead of you this whole time having a tea party. How rude of me! Ah, is that what passes for a body kit these days? Your mom does terrible work when she's not in my bed." The entire album plays like the DJ set at the best club in town and sets a fantastic atmosphere for the dark and sexy world of illegal street racing.

There's plenty of other great tunes you can swap in while you race, but I find that † is just about perfect. But then, what do I know? Feel free to disagree in the comments!

Come back next week for a new Alternate Soundtrack featuring hot video action highlighting just how kick ass these soundtrack combos are and be sure to check last week's Alternate Soundtrack right here.