61 Frames Per Second : media

Mega64 Calls On the Elite Beat Agents

Nadia Oxford — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 23:46:00 GMT

The world would be a better place if the Elite Beat Agents could fly at our everyday problems singing and dancing. Flat tire? Beautiful voices can re-inflate that. Broken vase? The Elite Beat Agents can coax those pieces back into place. Failing with your girlfriend in bed? Maybe not. She might run away with Agent Spin (I know I would).

Game-related comedy troupe Mega64 has catapulted to nerd fame by videotaping themselves bouncing around in a kuribo, performing stealth operations in a grocery store as Solid Snake, and wandering around PetSmart as a lonely Tetris L-piece looking for a corner to lean on. This time, the group dressed up as the Elite Beat Agents and tried to bring joy to Californians by the ocean. Unfortunately, Californians seem immune to joy. Actually, given the demographic of San Francisco, they've probably just learn how to politely step around crazy people the same way suburban dwellers have learned to step around piles of dog poo.

Video after the jump.

Watching this makes me nostalgic for Elite Beat Agents. It was a great game with a fantastic localisation, but it wasn't the Nintendogs successor Nintendo was obviously hoping it would be. Despite careful retooling of the source title, Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan!, the sharp anime art style was still a bit intimidating for mom and dad.

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Queen Plus Mario Equals High-Flying Fun

Nadia Oxford — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 04:45:00 GMT

Anime music videos—often known as animated music videos or simply AMVs—are about as hit-or-miss as a hobby based on video editing can possibly get. 95% of the AMVs that clog YouTube are garbage. Take note of that 95%. It is not a fabrication or exaggeration.

But once in a while something comes by that makes you glad people took the time to match up a bunch of animation frames to some kind of music. Super Platinum 61FPS member Roto13 made me aware of one such video: fast-paced Super Mario Galaxy footage set to Queen's “Don't Stop Me Now.”

Mario works really well alongside Queen's peppy rock. One of the reasons AMVs fail so often is because “editors” don't realise that Pokemon and Linkin Park will never mix, no matter what depraved means are exercised in order to force them to mate.

(By the way, if you also want to become a Super Platinum 61FPS Member, just slip me a hundred bucks while I throw this tinfoil ball up in the air to distract Constantine.)

Video after the jump.

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WTFriday: A Sad Dog's Rush Cosplay

Nadia Oxford — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 17:50:00 GMT

On Christmas Day of 2008, an individual with a bad fake accent received a camera for a present, much as we're all rewarded for the hard work we performed during the birth of our Lord. Knowing the Internet was sorely lacking in pointlessly adorable content, this person went on to film his own series, “Dog Time,” starring a yellow lab with the saddest face in dogdom.

Episode 9 is relevant to our interests: the dog cosplays as Rush, Mega Man's trusty red pooch.

I swear the first words out of my mouth were, “Awwww, he wants to hang himseeeeelf!”

I work with dogs occasionally, so I like to think I can read them. I'm stumped with this puppy, though. I can't decide if he's really obedient to his master, or just really, really depressed.

“There is no Dog. Er, God.”

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Georges St Pierre's Punch-Out!!

Nadia Oxford — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 22:43:00 GMT

Topless Robot argues that everything is better with Punch-Out!! sound effects, and I've not yet found a reason to disagree. In fact, I'd probably be a lot more interested in mixed martial arts fighting if little stars appeared over the fighters' heads as they got clobbered.

I had to look up Georges St Pierre on Wikipedia because I'm a girl and required by law to remain ignorant about sports. Apparently, “GSP” is the biggest name in the Ultimate Fighting Championship right now (that's what UFC stands for! -- see, I can Wiki with the best of 'em!), and in fact he was voted 2008's Canadian athlete of the year.

What that has to do with his trainer's advice about licking his fingers and rubbing his nipples, I don't know. Wiki wasn't forthcoming with any cool, scandalous information. Maybe you can tell me. Video after the jump.

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Batman Can't Even Land a Punch on Superman in a Video Game

Nadia Oxford — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 01:02:00 GMT

Those of us who grew up with comics quickly noticed a distinct rivalry between Batman and Superman. Superman was an all-American boyscout, eager to do what was righteous and good just as long as it earned him the right to furrow his brow at Batman and shake his head.

Batman isn't a flying paladin like his red-and-blue counterpart, but that endears him in the eyes of fans. He borders on vigilantism; he doesn't care to do things by the Man's rules because criminals don't follow any rules. He gets the job done.

That doesn't mean he can do more than throw fluttering punches at Superman, though. He can't even beat Superman in a game of Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe. Witness his attempt in the video after the jump.

Of course, Alfred can beat up Superman, but I've long suspected that Alfred already knows everything the Lord intends to tell us on the Last Day.

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Mother Says Baby Game for the DS Will Start a Living Room Jihad

Nadia Oxford — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 03:51:00 GMT

There was a time when our ancestors avoided the jaws of the sabretooth tiger and other threats by invoking the help of mysterious nature-gods. These rituals were based around fear and superstition, and the results were dictated by coincidences and circumstance.

Today, we are guided by intellect instead of fear—oh wait, no we're not. We're still scared of the uncertain. How can we not be, when wild-eyed foreigners somehow slip their pro-Islamic propaganda into Nintendo DS games about washing babies.

Rachel Jones from Indiana claims that the copy of Baby Pals she bought for her daughter has a baby who coos, “Islam is the light.” Incidentally, Jones is the same unfun mother who started a crusade last October over a Fisher-Price doll that reportedly said the same thing.

Jones says she feels bad for being forced to constantly take these Jihad-instigating toys away from her children. I think Jesus is smiling on her, though. Out of everything he preached about love, acceptance, and avoiding hypocrisy, he was most adamant that parents should do away with nonsense-babbling toys.

There's a news report after the jump. The anchors look horrified over the whole business.

I feel for the children who are under the care of this blockheaded matriarch. It saddens me to see the involuntary members of the Unlucky Sperm Club.

(And what kind of mom buys Baby Pals as a reward for good schoolwork? What game comes with an F, I wonder?)

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GameTrailers' Top Ten Game Creators. Bonus: Remembering Yokoi

Nadia Oxford — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:02:00 GMT

GameTrailers posted a countdown of the Top Ten Game Creators. It's a heartening list, even if there's some hardcore exclusions going on (Sid Meier? 'lo?), because it contains equal parts Japanese and non-Japanese developers. It's a strong testament to how gaming has become revered worldwide and is no longer just some loser hobby that once made frightened parents write to newspapers about Japanese mind control.

As gamers, we appreciate why this kind of diversity is important for the industry we love.

Fore666 said: sid meier, tim schafer, gabe newell,some of them should been on the list insted of all this japanese jerks

Well, I'm excited. I'm especially happy to see the inclusion of Gunpei Yokoi, whose contributions to gaming are nearly as significant as those of Miyamoto himself. Yokoi's death was early, extremely unfortunate and unfairly tainted by the Virtual Boy's crash and burn.

I often wonder what Yokoi would have had to contribute to the handheld community if he were still alive. Yokoi usually advocated simplicity over advanced technology. It didn't always send Nintendo where it needed to go, but the philosophy has served the company well in the handheld race. The gaming world initially made faces at the Nintendo DS' dual screens, and when the PSP was unveiled, the two side by side looked like a Pomeranian next to a Doberman. A few years later, someone's having the last laugh, and it isn't Sony.

It's interesting when you think about how much we value game designers now. When we were kids, we cared less who put together Super Mario Bros. We just knew it existed, and it was good enough for us. When I was eight years old, I never thought I'd ever put a face to “Inafking.”

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Canada Plays PSP

Nadia Oxford — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 04:07:00 GMT

Unlike the rest of the world, apparently. Ssssssnap!

Sony's pretty good at making me hate their PSP commercials through sheer overexposure. While waiting in the theatre for Revenge of the Sith to start—shut up—the venue played commercial after commercial to give the bouncing audience something to focus on besides throwing popcorn and fencing with rolled-up Tribute magazines. Sony had obviously bought out Mama Multiplex's Advertising Hour because every third commercial was that PSP advertisement that made you want to slay Franz Fernandez.

I thought I had been sent to a particularly musical part of hell. When Revenge of the Sith began, I knew for sure. Sssssn--(*gunshot*)

I thought I had recovered from my previous bout of PSP ad poisoning. Even the shakes nearly stopped. Tragically, Sony's marketing department recently began a Canada-exclusive ad campaign that's meant to push our health care system to the brinks by breaking our minds and pushing us into long-term hospital stays. Sony's latest plea for someone, anyone to recognise the PSP isn't badly put-together. It's pretty cool, actually. But when it's every other commercial on the tube, it starts to rasp at your brain and ears. Nothing against Passion Pit, I'm always happy to see small Canadian bands get exposure, but...yow. Irradiation through over-exposure makes me a sad moose-tender.

There, I've given you a reason to avoid Canada. You had reason enough with all this white stuff on the ground that isn't icing sugar, cocaine or anything useful.

You know what, it could be worse. I could have to deal with "USA Plays PSP" over and over:

Sidenote: I love how, er, white the "Canada Plays PSP" commercial is. The PSP was launched as a sleek, grown-up alternative to the Nintendo DS, and now it's ascended to lofty, mug-me white. Sound like another console we know? Another console named the Wii?

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A Lesson From Balloon Fight: Your Life Is Meaningless

Nadia Oxford — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 07:31:00 GMT

According to this video, put together with the aid of the Talking Heads, the only thing more meaningless than the toil of digital characters is the drudgery of our own lives. Think the Balloon Fight guy is so wild and free, drifting over the ocean? Think Jack from Harvest Moon is accomplishing something with the sweat of his brow? Yeah, keep on thinking that.

Inicidentally, I can name all the games used in this footage, but I'm stumped on one. Who's the blonde haired harpy who evidently likes to blow George Jetson's money at the shopping mall?

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Mega Man's Nightmare: A Hard Hat With a Strategy

Nadia Oxford — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 03:03:00 GMT

If sharks learn to walk on land, the human race is going to have a problem. Similarly, if Mega Man's Hard Hats/Metools/Mettaurs start to think about effective attack patterns beyond duck-shoot-duck-shoot, our future robot childen are going to have problems.

I tried to come up with a song to express Mega Man's frustration here, but I haven't gotten beyond, "The Hat Came Back."

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If Sales Numbers Mattered, LittleBigPlanet's Commercial Would Be Appealing

Nadia Oxford — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 01:40:00 GMT

The Playstation 3's killer app, LittleBigPlanet, didn't sell a hojillion copies and save the pandas like it was supposed to. Quick! Everybody blame something!

The target that shall recieve my baleful glare is LittleBigPlanet's irrelevant commercial. "Oh shit you guys, you're going to have so much fun with this goddamn game. Fun! Yeah! Fuck yes, fun."

What, precisely, makes LittleBigPlanet a vacation on Free Cotton Candy and Sex Island? "Oh," says the commercial, "We're sure you'll figure it out."

Guess what! I didn't figure it out.

Obviously, I have gazed into my crystal ball and learned that LittleBigPlanet, despite meh sales numbers, is a fantastic game, perhaps even system-purchase worthy. But my mom doesn't read game sites or magazines and this commercial isn't going to sell her on Sony's "accessible" opus. The on-screen action, though colourful and gorgeous, looks busy and intimidating. Man, there are clowns and shit and it still looks intimidating! And there's never any indication about what you're supposed to do with the game, other than have fun. Somehow.

If I were old and crotchety, I'd ignore this jumble of technicolour noise. "One of them video game things," I'd say. "It doesn't concern me. Oh God, this isn't my heart medication, it's Tic-Tacs!" (Dead)

Even if I were a young kid and I saw this commercial, I don't think I'd jump up from the television and run into the kitchen screaming "MOMMY MOMMY BUY ME BIGPLANETLITTLE I MEAN PLANETBIGLITTLE I MEAN--"

Here, Sony: "Build awesome things and share awesome things with your friends!" There! Now at least I have some idea of what's going on.

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Seven Minutes With Mega Man 9's Music

Nadia Oxford — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 06:48:00 GMT

What are you thankful for this year? If your answer isn't "Mega Man 9" and "Bitchin' guitars," I don't want to talk to you anymore.

At this point in your life, you've no doubt heard Mega Man 2's "Doctor Wily Stage One" remixed on every instrument from the jew's harp to some dog's armpit. It's high time we start running Mega Man 9's fantastic soundtrack into the ground. Let this Freddie fellow lead the revolution with this lovely seven minute compilation/remix of every tune in the game.

Be wary of last boss spoilers if you're like me and haven't bested Wily yet. Ugh, the shame.

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The New Prince of Persia Will Let Me Right a Terrible Wrong

Nadia Oxford — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 03:20:00 GMT

Ladies and Gentlemen, I come before you to admit that I have never felt the embrace of a lover. I have never breathed deep of masculinity, reveled in the wrap of sun-bronzed arms oiled lightly by sweet perspiration. I have never had the words "I love you" spoken gently in my ear, giving me cause to shiver as if...um...some spider metaphor...

Ha ha, okay. I am loved. But I have never played a Prince of Persia game. Not one. I am the 28-year-old Prince of Persia virgin.

I know this is shocking and I'll understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore. Please believe me when I say that I intend to make things right, though. There are certain things in this life that no one should die without experiencing. "Play Prince of Persia" has always been in the back of my head-queue, though admittedly I've become doubly curious since I learned it's one of a precious few franchises that game critic Yahtzee loves. Every games writer wants to grow up to be Yahtzee. I personally dig the hat.

I also have to admit I'm impressed by the trailer for the new-gen Prince of Persia, so I guess I'll excuse myself and go apply some perfume and check my dowry.

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"Honus Wagner Card Man?!"

Nadia Oxford — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 01:42:00 GMT

The Internet is more or less a traffic jam (some might liken it more to a pile-up) of videos dedicated to gaming culture. Most of these videos are testosterone-driven frenzies with bad picture quality and fuzzy sound that rattles like a drowning man's lungs. They're vital contributions, though: who else is going to declare "hahaha miyamoto did sooo many drugs before he made Super Mario Bros--there's, like, mushrooms everywhere!"

Still, it's nice when game fans take the time to dedicate themselves to something truly funny and worth watching. I will now direct you to The Last Days of Doctor Wily, an Old Rich People tribute to Mega Man's evil nemesis.

The ending more or less sums up the thoughts of anyone who's ever played a Mega Man game.

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