61 Frames Per Second : sexism

Dante Works on his Abs for New EA Game

Cole Stryker — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:30:00 GMT

How horrible is EA's Dante, yet another ripped meathead hero? Wouldn't it have been cool to play as a frail old dude? Can we just assume that a medieval poet isn't going to have access to a bowflex? Why not provide the player with a frail character who has to overcome certain obstacles that arise simply because he's not Sylvester Stallone? Maybe something with nuance that speaks to the human condition. No?

There's such a wealth of source material here, but from the looks of this character design, it will be all but squandered on depressingly typical design. Also, is that his skin peeled back to form a cross? Not sure if that one's historically accurate, though there were the flagellants around that time...

Related Links:

Trailer Review: Dante's Inferno

Dante’s Inferno and the Lit-Based Game

Summon Baphomet With Pokemon

Facepalm: GameDaily Talks to Porn Stars...Again

Cole Stryker — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 20:00:00 GMT

Sigh.

What kind of video game character would you be?

I'd be one of the whores getting screwed in Grand Theft Auto.

Let's say you designed a sex game. What would the most important features be?

Sexual super powers. Like your balls get bigger. If they get smaller then you have to go re-up. You'd have to come up with other things to gain experience like get spanked or walk on nails.

What kind of video game character would you be?

Super, super slutty. I'd be a hot little game girl, and I'd hit people with my boobs. They're big.

Do you think the king in Katamari Damacy is hot?

I think that he has a bulge that's a little disturbing, but I'd ride his royal rainbow.

Who's the sexiest game character?

I don't know. I'll just say the Princess in Super Mario World.

It's moments like this that I cheer layoffs in the press. There's nothing more depressing than watching these hyper-sexualized women pander to the mouth-breathing gaming press. As long as features like these exist, our economy could do worse. Bring on the recession.

WTFriday: "This Place Is All About Your Balls."

Bob Mackey — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 23:00:00 GMT

Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week.

Since the 61FPS crew got last Friday off to make mashed potato snow angels, I've had to sit on today's topic for well over a week--which is a shame, since the world needs to be aware of it as soon as possible. The "it" in question is D-Dub Software's BoneTown, which its Albuquerque-based developers are calling "the world's first action adventure porno video game." Really, BoneTown shouldn't be any more embarrassing than your average pornographic video game, yet it somehow is. I'll see if you can figure out why.

Obviously, the video below is not safe for work or family. Don't watch it even if you live in the same town as your parents. You have been warned:

I don't know if I can think of anything less sexy than racist characters from the Hot Shots Golf series getting it on with each other. Wait--actually, I can, but no one in their right mind would make a video game out of it. This is why I have decided to contact D-Dub Software with my wonderful idea. Please look forward to next holiday season's Grandma on Ape Bikini Scatplay 2010. It'll be sure to end Western Civilization as we know it! But, in the meantime, BoneTown is a good start.

Related Links:

WTFriday: Mario Versus Air Man
WTFriday: Atlus Takes on Third Wave Feminism
WTFriday: The Star Fox 64 Promo Video

WTFriday: Atlus Takes on Third Wave Feminism

Bob Mackey — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 23:30:00 GMT

Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week.

Remember Super Princess Peach? It was a lighthearted little platformer for the DS that featured some equally lighthearted sexism. I'm not about to write a thesis on the game--though in my self-serving academic life, that'd be just the thing to propel me to the top--but there's something to be said about the choice to make irrational mood swings Peach's weapon of choice. I like to think that the game contained little, collectable bottles of Pamprin until someone with some sense intervened.

RPG factory Atlus looks like they're ready to tread this same ground with their upcoming DS RPG titled My World, My Way. Known as The World Revolves Around Me in Japan (title translated, of course), My World, My Way confirms that Japan can only identify two kind of women: the kindly anemic lass, and the unbridled bitch. From what the official web site is telling me (Warning: it will make your mouse pointer all sparkly and stuff), MWMW is about a spoiled princess--obviously, hypersexualized and preteen--turned adventurer who uses something called "Pout Points" to control the world around her. Methinks someone on the development team had a nasty breakup.

There's something about this game that just doesn't sit right with me, aside from the obvious. It could be MWMW's info page, which is linked from a button that reads "This stuff looks complicated. Explain!" Kinda seems like the new "Math class is tough!" Barbie-speak of this decade. But in trying my best to think of MWMW's real danger, it finally dawned on me: young, anime-interested males may be playing a game far outside of their demographic, simply because it's Japanese and an RPG. And even worse, they could be tainted with an image of the opposite sex that is unhealthy for those looking to shed their virginity.

So, what to do? I'll let Morbo field this one:

STUPID HUMANS WOMEN DO NOT WORK THAT WAY

Gamepro Feature Mourns The Loss Of Mammaries

Nadia Oxford — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:28:00 GMT

"Top __________ Whatevers" lists are the lifeblood of games journalism, so Gamepro's decision to squeeze out a roster of the Eight Worst Game Character Remakes is not surprising.

Some of the entries are pretty expected, too. Maskless Scorpion from Mortal Kombat 3 is a no-brainer, and I'm sure a few psychologists would have a field day analysing Bomberman's re-design for Bomberman: Act Zero.

I'm not as impressed with some of the other selections. In fact, their write-up for Tomb Raider's Lara Croft gave me a big frowny face. I'm afraid I'm going to have to be one of "those" women for a second.

From the feature:

"To prove that Tomb Raider's iconic female archaeologist is more than just a top heavy Englishwoman in hiking boots, the series' developers forced their lovely protagonist to undergo a drastic surgical procedure. In Tomb Raider Legend, Lara emerged equipped with what could be compared to tangerines in place of what was once more akin to honeydews. But the game was good, and that's all that matters... right?"

Oh yeah, of course.

I know games journalists (my lumbering self included) aren't exactly one tier away from writing for the New York Times, but come on. If you'll allow me to sound like a teenager for a second, how juvenile can you possibly get? Lara Croft II, despite her wasp-waist and perfect figure, looks like she might actually pass as a female member of the human race. Do you know what Lara would be doing if she was a real woman with PSOne-era barbell boobs? Not a whole lot, thanks to chronic back pain and shortness of breath.

Maybe I'm a poor judge of girls, but how could anyone find PSOne Lara Croft sexy compared to Tomb Raider Legend Lara? Are that many guys so desperately infatuated with breasts that they can't appreciate a well-rounded package (to say nothing of the fact that Lara II's eyes actually have the expression of a living thing and not a dead fish)? I don't know what to say except keep wishing hard enough and maybe science will genetically engineer a woman who's composed of ten tits protruding from a faceless orb.

I don't ask for much out of other people, but I like folks who try to remember that games are a hobby for both sexes.

Grr, snort, etc.

Related Links:

The Five Greatest Enhanced Remakes--And Five That Weren't So Great, Part 1
A Letter to the Industry: How To Destroy the Female Gender Barricade