61 Frames Per Second : text adventure

WTFriday: Don't S*** Your Pants Teaches Valuable Life Lessons

Bob Mackey — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:00:00 GMT

Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week.

We like to kid around a lot here at 61FPS, but there's nothing funny about crapping your pants. It's something we all try our best to avoid, if only because the social repercussions are so long-lasting; you may be able to clean a stain off of a pair of Levi's, but it's not so easy to launder a poo-stained reputation. This is why we should thank our lucky stars that training simulators like Kongregate.com's Don't Shit Your Pants exist; without it, you may find yourself in a situation where you have to crap but have no idea what to do next. The game gives you a brief 40 seconds (though you can extend this time if you're crafty) to figure out how to eliminate your waste in a socially-acceptable way through a retro text-based command system. But really, most of the fun of Don't Shit Your Pants lies in the many creative--and sometimes messy--solutions the game rewards you for with its built-in achievement system. Try and figure out how many ways there are to not shit your pants. You'll be glad you did.

Related Links:

WTFriday: GameStop's Guide to Women
WTFriday: Sega's Turd Polish
WTFriday: S****ing With Fear: Not Just a Symptom of Colon Cancer

Guitar Hero Text Adventure from 1982

Cole Stryker — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:00:00 GMT

Anyone who follows this blog knows that I have an outspoken penchant for the text adventure games of yore. There's something special about graphics-free gaming. It stretches the mind and invigorates the imagination. I'm all for retro-remakes, but I'm not sure it would work in every case.

What follows is an incredibly nerdy one-off joke. A rare screencap of the "original Guitar Hero", after the jump, if you think you can handle the cheeze:

If that gave you a chuckle, congratulations! You're a super dork.

(via Offworld)

New Zork MMO

Cole Stryker — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Dublin's Jolt Online is taking on the legendary text-based aventure game, this time in MMO form:

LegendsofZork.com will provide online gamers with a persistent online adventure, playable from any Internet browser. Players take up the role of a recently laid-off salesman and part-time loot-gatherer, as he explores the Great Underground Empire. Designed to provide gamers with a casual MMO game they can play on their laptop, desktop or Apple iPhone (in school, work or on the bus), there’s nothing to download, just go to www.legendsofzork.com.

The press release doesn't really give a whole lot of information as to whether it will be another text adventure or a visual reimagining of the game's universe. Go to LegendsofZork.com to be notified when the game goes live. In the meantime, go play the original Zork for free in your browser, because if you haven't played at least one graphics-free text adventure, you just can't consider yourself a serious gamer.

(via Kotaku)