61 Frames Per Second : top ten

8-Bit Love: The Ten Greatest Vintage Game Songs to Have Sex To, part 2

John Constantine — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Cyriaque Lamar is a New York-based writer with a New Jersey-bred weltanschauung. He’s had original work published at Cracked.com and performed at The New York International Fringe Festival. Cyriaque is thrilled to contribute to 61FPS, as it brings him one step closer to his childhood dream of living on the set of Nick Arcade.

5.) Final Fight CD – “Walk In the Park (Bay Area)”

System: Sega CD (1993)
Sounds Like: A sweaty nooner with Don Johnson.
I always loved the premise of Final Fight. The idea of a city’s mayor stripping down to his underjohns and beating the shit out of unemployed people in order to stimulate job growth was really ahead of its time. Wait? Mike Haggar was actually fighting to save his daughter from an evil street gang? And here I thought the game was some kind of radical Objectivist propaganda. This Bay Area theme is classic whatever console you play Final Fight on, but the Sega CD version pushes it to the limit with gale-force porno guitars. Seriously, these riffs are like an F4 on the Fujita Scale. In my mind’s eye, the person who would get the most out of this track wears a ton of sea foam green and frequents Fort Lauderdale whorehouses. Sometimes, you just gotta be that person. When it comes to the Sega CD, the only thing sleazier is Night Trap.

4.) Chrono Trigger – Schala’s Theme

System: Super Nintendo (1995)
Sounds Like: Ravi Shankar, Level 12 Bard.
Another track from wunderkind Yasunori Mitsuda? Man, I should just wear my Chrono Trigger fanboyism on a t-shirt. Or a hat! Yes, a big fucking sombrero like those worn by morbidly obese stockbrokers at Jimmy Buffet concerts. My sombrero will depict the final battle against Lavos, with Robo, Lucca and Magus executing the Omega Flare triple tech. After I conceive my first-born son wearing this sombrero, I will store it in the broom closet until his first day of middle school, at which point I will place my abomination of a hat on his head and send him on his way. When he inevitably comes home tearful and bruised, his Chrono Sombrero torn asunder, I will embrace him and say, “Today you learned what it is to be a man. We’re ordering pizza tonight.”

3.) Streets of Rage 2 – S.O.R. Super Mix

System: Sega Genesis (1992)
Sounds Like: The Madchester music scene mashed into a Mega Drive cartridge.
I lived in Baltimore a few years ago. My neighborhood was more Pink Flamingos than The Wire, mostly pleasant with pockets of dicey urbanity. This track by the great Yuzo Kushiro (Actraiser) syncs up with that time in my life rather aptly. I had the streets and I had the rage. I also had the sick piano breakdown at 1:36. That emotional miasma and sweet key work made for a heady love making combo. Still does. It was a weird time in my life, but not Streets of Rage 2 weird. Game’s about a twelve-year-old in rollerblades who dismantles a heavily-armed crime syndicate. Go figure.

2.) The Last Ninja 2 – “The Mansion”

System: Commodore 64 (1988)
Sounds Like: Coming home from work, only to discover John Carpenter banging your wife.
Matt Gray’s soundtrack to The Last Ninja 2 is one of the better things in life, and “The Mansion” is one of its most memorable tracks. Its utility goes far beyond the bedroom. Sure, you and a buddy can thrust away to this instrumental’s nearly eight minutes of analog acrobatics, but why not use it for a more grand occasion? “The Mansion” is a more than adequate proxy for Pachelbel. It’ll make your nuptials more like the wedding scene from Big Trouble in Little China.

1.) Tetris – “A-Type”

System: Game Boy (1989)
Sounds Like: Tetris. Duh.
There’s nothing inherently sexy about the Tetris theme. Thing is, everyone knows “A-Type”, and if you blast it in the sack, you will be your partner’s most memorable lover ever. Period. It doesn’t even matter how good or bad the sex is. Every time this pops into an ex-lover’s head, he or she’ll have no choice but to sigh, “[Your Name Here] balled me to the Tetris theme.” Decades may pass, but once they recall those opening Bolshevik bleep-bloops, a mnemonic trigger will kick in and your shining nudity will be all they have ever known.

Part 1

Previous Top Tens:

The Ten Greatest Ice Levels in Gaming History
The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels
The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial
The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History
The Ten Most Adventurous Sequels in Gaming History
The Ten Greatest Fire Levels in Gaming History

8-Bit Love: The Ten Greatest Vintage Game Songs to Have Sex To, part 1

John Constantine — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:00:00 GMT

Cyriaque Lamar is a New York-based writer with a New Jersey-bred weltanschauung. He’s had original work published at Cracked.com and performed at The New York International Fringe Festival. Cyriaque is thrilled to contribute to 61FPS, as it brings him one step closer to his childhood dream of living on the set of Nick Arcade.

There are three reasons this list exists. First, I felt obliged to highlight 61FPS’s distinction as the gaming apparatchik of an internet sex publication. Second, I wished to showcase the unsung virtuosos of yesteryear who made masterworks using a limited palette of sounds. Finally, I intend to rebut those critics who still dismiss video games as low culture. Using the below examples, I intend to reclaim the carnal legacy of video games by evincing how early console music illustrated the gamut of human sexuality, from atavistic, heteronormative modes of eroticism to polymorphous perversity as delineated by Freud.

Plus, the thought of people sticking penises into vaginas to Nintendo music is funny.

10.) Radical Dreamers – “The Girl Who Stole the Stars”

System: Super Famicom Satellaview (1996)
Sounds Like: Koyaanisqatsi composed on Mario Paint.
Since roughly 95% of all human lovemaking involves someone with a XX chromosome pairing, I thought it necessary to seek out my female associates’ thoughts on which game music best applies to amore. The suggestions I received were few yet incisive — responses ranged from “the Kid Icarus theme” to “Who the eff effs to video games?” Ultimately though, I deferred to my own instincts and picked this pan-pipe jam from the Japan-exclusive, text-based sequel to Chrono Trigger. Composed by the legendary Yasunori Mitsuda, “The Girl Who Stole the Stars” is easily the most romantic theme on our list.

9.) Pole Position – Background noise

System: Atari 65XE (1985)
Sounds Like: Skynet becoming sentient.
The way I see it, there are two types of lovers in this world. The first type does it to The Whispers and The O’Jays, whereas the second diddles to Autechre, Radio-Activity-era Kraftwerk and the hum of AC units. The grating 8-bit drone of this Namco racing classic, is dedicated to the latter group — those who bang to cold, robotic minimalism. It’s also worth nothing that “PREPARE TO QUALIFY” is perhaps the best pre-coital war cry I’ve ever heard, particularly when your partner has no clue what you’re yelling about. Nothing improves foreplay like car metaphors and total incoherence. Remember the make-out scene from Gone In 60 Seconds?

Editor's Note: The Nerve and 61PFS by-laws state that no mention of Pole Position may go unaccompanied by this link.

8.) Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake – “Night Fall”

System: MSX2 (1990)
Sounds Like: Passion. Yearning. Crates.
Solid Snake, Big Boss, Naked Snake. Nobody pens phallic codenames quite like Metal Gear creator Hideo Kojima. This harmonica-fueled ditty is from the Japanese version of Metal Gear 2. “Night Fall” is the only song on this list with an in-game pedigree as a sex jam — it plays when Solid Snake angles for some love during wartime. He totally strikes out, but what did you expect? With all that spying and peeping he does, I always figured Snake likes to watch.

7.) Zoda’s Revenge: StarTropics II – “Dungeon Theme #2”

System: Nintendo (1994)
Sounds Like: Vicki Sue Robinson’s “Turn the Beat Around” sung by an alcoholic Speak & Spell.
Most of the songs thus far have a “Quiet-Storm-meets-Q*Bert” vibe, so we’re going to shake it up with a certifiable club banger. When it comes to dance floor heaters about time-traveling teenagers fighting crudely-animated yetis, “Dungeon Theme #2” is impossible to trump. Play it at your next party and bookend it with some Crystal Castles and Futurecop. If some loser balks, matter-of-factly reply, “This is some old-school Japanese shit. Kanye’s totally sampling this for his next single.” You’ll only be half-lying.

6.) Donkey Kong Country 2 – “Stickerbrush Symphony”

System: Super Nintendo (1995)
Sounds Like: Massive Attack’s “Heat Miser” driven by a Casio horn section.
What the hell is this? This is a game about a pair of simians wearing Payless sneakers. It’s borderline profane to have a track this Sade-smooth in a Donkey Kong game, but consider the alternative — the DKC2 soundtrack could well have been five hours of the Donkey Kong Rap . Credit goes to Rare composer David Wise for making a bramble maze filled with bees sound downright silky. So silky, in fact, that it's perfect for exploring your partner's very own bramble maze.

Part 2

Previous Top Tens:

The Ten Greatest Ice Levels in Gaming History
The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels
The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial
The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History
The Ten Most Adventurous Sequels in Gaming History
The Ten Greatest Fire Levels in Gaming History

John’s Games of 2008: Year of the Character

John Constantine — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:45:00 GMT

Next time you start telling somebody about a game you were playing — not a puzzle game or anything equally abstract — pay attention to how you refer to what you were doing in the game. Are you saying, “Then I jumped on the goomba!” or are you saying, “Then my guy jumped on the goomba!” Is it you finding the boomerang or is it Link? Are you driving the car, making the basket, managing the farm? Or is it your proxy, that little character walking about when you push a button to the right, that window meant to be a human being’s field of vision? As much as I thought about open worlds in 2008, I spent just as much time wondering what role character plays in great game design. A great game character doesn’t need to be one specific thing. It can be you, a literal representation of how you see yourself physically and even spiritually. It can also be a suit for you to put on, a fiction that you can inhabit, a doorway into story that isn’t just different from your daily life, but quite literally impossible. There was no shortage of astounding games in 2008, but there were a handful that, for me, were wholly defined by how they let you inhabit their characters, and characters made both for and by the player.

In my first look back at ’08, I mentioned how it was character that ultimately kept me from getting the most out of Grand Theft Auto IV. There was just too much dissonance in how Niko Bellic was represented. There were three Nikos. There was the Niko you see speaking in cutscenes, a haunted, practical man of honor, making a new life for himself in a new country by hunting down the demons of his past. There was the Niko you guided through the game’s structured missions, a ruthless, opportunistic murderer who would destroy anything and anyone for a buck. And, finally, the Niko that you played, the blank slate who could do anything in Liberty City, whether it was enjoying a nice walk on the beach or assaulting an international airport with nothing more than a motorcycle and a baseball bat. At no point in GTAIV did these three Nikos meld into a single character, and the constant contradictions between them made it impossible for me to enjoy the game after a certain point.

Metal Gear Solid 4 and Yakuza 2 (my absolute favorite game of 2008) were two of last year’s greatest achievements precisely because they didn’t fall prey to GTAIV’s representational failures. Both games are concerned with narrative — unchangeable, locked, and passively engaged narrative in both cases — but when you, as the player, take control of Old Snake and Kazuma Kiriyu, the actual play is designed to reinforce and serve those characters. The game is literally about them and thusly, depending on what type of player you are, they are about you. It impressed me to no end that, in both games, this was sufficient incentive to keep playing; I always wanted to know what was going to happen to Kiriyu and Snake. It’s convenient, then, that the play in both games was every bit as good as their mutual cutscenes were long. MGS4’s stealth and action finally felt organic after a decade of refinement and, of the hundreds of things you can do in Yakuza 2, even the most mundane were entertaining. (Selecting booze from an in-game menu and then reading about how it tastes? Awesome.)

The World Ends With You (my second favorite game of the year) utilized character just as effectively as Yakuza and Metal Gear, but in a much different way. TWEWY is an expertly designed game, flush with color and mechanical delights. No other game released in 2008, not Fallout 3, not anything, gave you as many options for customization as TWEWY did. You can, at any point, fundamentally change the flow of the game by altering its settings and your characters' attacks/apparel. What impresses me most about TWEWY, and what’s made the most lasting impression, is that the game doesn’t hook you into its story or battles through a single lead character or even an ever expanding cast of usable characters, as is the norm for role-playing games. TWEWY grabs you by framing every action in the game and story around a principal character’s relationship with their second. Not only does Neku grow as a person through his relationships with his partners, but the game layers complexity and nuance into its actual activities as a result of personal growth. Your role in the game isn’t Neku, his friends, or even a sort narrator (another RPG commonality.) You play the bond between characters. There’s nothing else like it.

Had I played and finished Fallout 3 before 2008 ended, it would most likely be included here at the end alongside Fable II and Soulcalibur IV, games that put the burden of character directly on you. But I didn’t, so more kudos to Fable and Soulcalibur. These two couldn’t be more different, but they share one distinct strength: they both allow you to mold character to an absurd degree. Soulcalibur IV is the best version of one of the best fighting games made, and its core character design, as is the case with fighting games in general, is half of its appeal. Its character creation mode, however, is the star of the show. Point me to a single other game that’s as versatile and accessible in letting you make a body to inhabit a game and have fun with. I’ll wait. Some people called Soulcalibur IV a let down. They are wrong. Fable II, on the other hand, doesn’t give you a whole lot to play with when it comes to making your character look how you want them to. There are far fewer costumes, hair styles, and other variables than there were in its predecessor. But Peter Molyneux finally delivered a game that allowed you to be a person of complex morality. Fable isn’t an unmitigated success. Its illusion of simulated society is often crippled by familiar boundaries (you can’t bring x person to x locale, etc.) and it’s far too easy to manipulate the NPC masses through simple actions. Despite its imperfections, the game does break the dualism that has dominated moral-choice-as-mechanic in games previously. You can be good but corrupt, bad but pure. The game fails because your character’s nature isn’t always reflected in the world around them, but it’s a monumentally important step forward and deserving of both praise and canonization.

I’ll be wrapping up 2008 once and for all in a couple of days. In the meantime, if you haven’t played any of these, what the hell are you waiting for?

Games of 2008: Yakuza 2, Metal Gear Solid 4, The World Ends With You, Fable II, Soulcalibur IV

Related links:

John’s Games of 2008: Year of the Open World
10 Games Nadia Played in 2008 Instead of Working
Joe’s Top Ten Games of 2008
My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order
Derrick's Top 13 Games of 2008

Some Games Nadia Played in 2008 Instead of Working: Mega Man 9

Nadia Oxford — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 22:55:00 GMT

When I have to call up numbers for any reason, I rely on “funny” math. 1+1 = cow and whatnot. I don’t like math and math doesn’t like me. There’s a reason why I’m scrabbling as a writer and not pursuing my dream career as an epidemiologist (no, I’m serious).

This is my roundabout say of saying I miscounted the days and my “Ten Games Nadia Played, etc,” list isn’t going to hit double digits. It will be forever young and I’m comfortable with that.

One reason I might be so bad with numbers is because I spent a significant amount of my childhood playing Mega Man games instead of doing something useful. When you’re a Mega Man fan, what use is there for numbers above eight? Of course, when it comes time to count the sheer number of sequels and offshoots Mega Man has appeared in, you’re kind of boned. I thought I’d just do like the rabbits from Watership Down and refer to large numbers as “Hrar”--but then rumours of Mega Man 9 showed up and around and I knew the title deserved my attempt to count above eight.

The first substantial details about Mega Man 9 came through the June 2008 edition of Nintendo Power. It was pretty heartening to read jaw-dropping revelations about a highly anticipated title through a print magazine; that sort of thing just doesn’t happen so much anymore.

At first I was disappointed that Capcom wasn’t though with state-of-the-art turbo-powered graphics for Mega Man 9, but then I quickly realized it was pretty clever on their part. Mega Man games have always had pleasing graphics, but they should be about gameplay, tinny music and controls you can swear by.

Nostalgia is a powerful, blinding master that still has hordes of twenty-somethings believing that the cartoons and video games that raised them in the ’80s contained beautiful statements on the human condition instead of subliminal suggestions to buy toys. Mega Man 9 caters to every pore in an ’80s/‘90s fan boy, or fan girl; when I played it, my reflexes were whisked back to the summer I slowly mastered Mega Man 3, my very first Mega Man game.

That comparison alone is assurance that Mega Man 9 is more than empty nostalgia. It’s a phone call back to our eleven-year-old selves, a visit from a loving but slightly eccentric military grandfather who pokes you in your paunch and orders you to drop and give him fifty. Maybe we didn’t need a reminder of how nastily hard games were when we were kids, but the fact Mega Man trusted me help him rescue Doctor Light without first subjecting me to an hour-long tutorial makes me adore him, no matter what he put me through.

Related Links:

Mega Man 9 Goes Back To Your Roots. Way Back.
Mega Man 9 Bosses Look Like Mega Man Bosses
My Last Mega Man 9 Post, I Swear

Top Ten: The Very Best of 61FPS in 2008

John Constantine — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Now, just before everyone in the Western world hunkers down for some much needed holiday relaxing, it’s time for our most important list: the self-aggrandizing top ten! It’s hard for me to believe that it was only a scant seven months ago that 61 Frames Per Second went from being a glint in Nerve’s eye to the ever-flowing stream of commentary, madness, and love that it is today. When I first started planning the blog, my one goal was to ensure that anyone who stumbled into our colorful corner of the internet would find videogame discussion that was more thoughtful, playful, and free than what they could find elsewhere. These ten articles are the ones that I feel best realize that ambition. In 2009, Joe, Nadia, Derrick, Amber, Cole, Bob, Peter and I will continue doing every thing in our power to make you think about games. Thank you to everyone reading for helping make 2008 the best year of my life. – John Constantine

Crossing the Uncanny Valley, (Part 2), (Part 3), (Part 4), (Part 5) by Amber Ahlborn
"I have a rather strong bias against photo realism. As an artist, I've always been attracted to stylization and the current trend toward photo realism seems less about artistic possibilities and more about graphic processing power. Reality is limiting by nature but art is limited only by imagination. Also, in line with this post series theme, stylized characters are much more forgiving to design and animate. What I perhaps find most offensive about photo realistic graphics is how they more often than not fail to fool my eye and jar me out of the reality of the game than draw me in. But I have to ask, are people these days becoming numbed to the Uncanny Valley affect? More now than at any point in the past, in everything from movies to games to robotics, we are exposed to visual frauds asking that we suspend our disbelief and simply accept them."

Alternate Soundtrack: Donkey Kong vs. Les Savy Fav by Derrick Sanskrit
"Go Forth actually manages to take the innocently bizarre narrative scenario of Donkey Kong '94 and transform it into beautifully desperate drama. (…) Tim Harrington's lyrics paint the portrait of a man on the verge of desperation, battling for his livelihood against seemingly insurmountable odds. Sound familiar yet? This is most apparent in the mantra-like lyrics that Harrington uses to close his songs. "Reprobate's Resume" closes with the repeated pleading, "Please, go easy on me." "Pills" ends with a few aching refrains of, "You and I, we were meant to be together. You and I, we are gonna hang together. You and I, we are going down together." And "Bloom On Demand", the album's final proper song brings it all home with two minutes of Harrington worrying, “This giving in is wearing thin." It’s repeated as he, along with the rest of the band, are slowly washed away by the cold, unfeeling rain clouds of synth keyboards. At the close, despite the previous thirty-seven minutes of flexing their muscles and proving their might, the environment is just more powerful than the band had imagined. Les Savy Fav have become Mario, trying desperately to evade the obstacles in their path that only increase in breadth the further they travel."

Katamari in the Classroom, (Part 2) by Bob Mackey
"One of my goals is life is to turn the rest of the world into as big of a nerd as I am because--wait, why do I need to explain myself here? All I have to say is that my job as a teacher of college writing allows me to force video games on the afraid and unwilling, which is always a good thing. It's all part of making the world just as nerdy as me. Of course, there's a method to my madness. The backbone of my course is a nice little book called Everything Bad is Good For You, which states that video games actually give our brains a cognitive workout, because they require a constant use of the scientific method. And because video games are all about teaching you things within the context of their use, I force my students to write a paper based on a game they choose to play in order to see some of the concepts of our texts embodied in action. But first, I make them play We Love Katamari."

Counterpoint: Too Many Games? by Cole Stryker
We at 61FPS are always dusting off old games. As for our ignorance about the future of games, I won't even get into how much space mainstream gaming sites devote to previews. I'd argue that gamers have a firmer grasp on the medium than any other group of pop culture enthusiasts. We obsess over the trivia and argue about the value of games more than film or music nerds...heck we even rival comic book guys.What's so great about being a gamer today is that we have the luxury to forgo even the excellent games, skimming the sublime, timeless gaming experiences off the top of the pile. With all the new indie development competing with big studios, it's the best of times. Let's enjoy it.

For Love of the Game: Quest For Glory II by Peter Smith
"When it comes to expansion, AGDI's take on QfGII treads softly; added elements are completely optional, and many of them are simply subtle enrichments of the game universe. You can now ask many characters about the settings of the later games. You can challenge the magic-shop owner to a magical duel — an element cut from the original game for lack of time. And in a lovely touch, if you return to the inn around midnight, you can sit with the innkeepers, sip a cup of tea and talk about your friendship. Tasteful expansions like this only make an already rich world richer, deepening the mythic sense of place and the satisfaction of saving the land from evil. Every great classic game should be retouched so lovingly — but then, there aren't many games this classic to begin with. With Quest for Glory II, the Coles made one of the greatest adventures ever; AGDI has made one of the greatest fan games, and — the highest praise available — a fitting tribute."

Overworld: Yakuza by Joe Keiser
"The Yakuza games are about the Japanese criminal underworld, but they’re also about loneliness—we’re talking about a series where the protagonist is an orphan, who continues to watch the people he loves die, who starts the second game in the series by leaving his adopted daughter behind, alone, as he goes off to bust some skulls. The Japan that was built to highlight this loneliness is a masterwork of isolation—it’s a densely populated world where friendly conversation costs cold cash, where drunken stumbling is noticed only by opportunistic vagrants. The fact that many of the places are real world locations and chains, and that the meaningless material comforts like liquor are likewise licensed, make this sad city almost real. Which makes it even more unsettling when you, as Kazuma Kiryu, lash out against it."

Ceci N'Est Pas Une 1-Up: The Surrealist Future of Postpunk Gaming by John Constantine
"In order for a game to be successfully surrealist, its mode of expression will have to be tied directly to play and not traditional presentation. The game has to subvert expectation based on established mechanical tropes to garner the desired subconscious effect. The seeds for this are out there, in places you might not expect. Mario tends to be associated with childlike psychedelia, but the manipulation of perspective and gravity in Super Mario Galaxy are a larval form of potential surrealist play; for twenty years, Mario would die if he jumped into a void, and here the void propels him to new heights. A game can be most anything the designer wants it to be. In the coming years, the most difficult task for both designers and players will be looking backward, seeing what games are and have been, and figuring how they can break them to create something brand new for the future."

The Five Greatest Enhanced Remakes and Five That Weren’t So Great, (Part 2), (Part 3), Rebuttal: Say What About Metroid Zero Mission?, and Rebuttal Rebuttal: I Stand With Metroid by John Constantine, Peter Smith and Amber Ahlborn
This trio of posts started out as an attempt to make a regular old fashioned top ten list. Within a week of the list going live, it had turned into the most widely hated thing we’d published. It had also triggered one of our most spirited debates, one between both our staff and our readership. Read on through part 1, part 2, and part 3 of the list, then hit up Amber and Peter’s mutual rebuttals to relive the whole sordid affair.

Mario Will Not Retire. He Will Outlive Us All. by Nadia Oxford
"Growing up, we all kind of hated the rich kid. Even if he was the sweetest child in the world who only wanted to share his toys and candy and have us come over and play in his hedge maze (remember that episode of Care Bears? If not, silly me, I just made up another euphemism for sex), we'd lapse into an uncomfortable, cringing silence around him, like dogs in the presence of an alpha. When he wasn't around, we'd seethe and hiss in his direction. There are gamers in this world who are similarly intimidated by the existence of our hairy king, Mario. He benevolently brought many of us into this glorious, mind-gelling hobby. He has walked, run and jumped with us since we were children. Thanks to Mushroom Kingdom logic, we have baffled our teachers with adamant declarations about raccoons flying and fireballs bouncing underwater. Just last year, we soared through space with our magic plumber and visited more fantastic planes than the Little Prince. Mario is grand. And that's why the latest Internet fad, in which bloggers call for his retirement, is impotent and sad."

Nobody Puts Bionic Commando in a Corner
"Bionic Commando ran from the room, sobbing. My tea had grown cold. How dare he. Bionic Commando is a vision, a treasured paragon of tight rules and lusciously precise gameplay that has endured for two decades. Nostalgia may reign for trollops like Battletoads, but my Bionic Commando is as pure a game as Pac-man, an ageless bit of programming as entertaining today as it was in years passed thanks to fundamental quality, not its association with some fool’s salad days. I write this from aboard a sturdy ship, The Radd Spenceria, sailing west across the pacific. I carry only this journal, a pistol, and my love on this journey. I do not know what I will do when I encounter this Croshaw, but I fear that I will no longer be able to be called a gentleman in polite society."

10 Games Nadia Played In 2008 Instead Of Working: Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD etc.

Nadia Oxford — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 05:13:00 GMT

If you visit my living room (cookies are available), you will hear “HADOOOKEN, HADOOOKEN, HADOOOKEN” and “'DOKEN 'DOKEN 'DOKEN”* coming from my television box. It might be an alarming string of nonsense to an outsider, but for a Street Fighter II fan, it means all is right in the world.

Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix has caused me a lot of pain because I've written a lot about it and been forced to type its impossibly long name over and over. Certain aspects about the game also irritate hardcore Street Fighter II scholars and it make me feel inadequate because I really enjoy the game. Am I not the Street Fighter II ninja I once thought I was?

No. No, it's the anal fans who are wrong. I can understand why someone might be upset at the “rebalanced” Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix if they're at all interested in tourney fighting; tweaks and twocks to games as in-depth as Super Street Fighter II Turbo are not taken lightly. They often spur eruptions and it takes some time for the ground to settle and cool again.

In the meantime, the rest of us can sit back and enjoy a great fighting game redone with bitchin' artwork by Udon Studios. I like Udon a lot, but it might be bias because they're based in Toronto and tend to slip little references to the city once in a while. I don't know what the bus driver's reaction was when he picked up every Street Fighter character, but given the general attitude of TTC drivers, he was probably irate to some degree.

*This is Ken.

Related Links:

Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix C-C-Combo Makers
Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix is Too Big For Me
Why I Like Street Fighter Continuity

My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2

Bob Mackey — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:00:00 GMT

It's the end of another year, and that can only mean one thing: it's list season. Inevitably, you're going to see top ten lists by the thousands; and, as an official member of the enthusiast press, I'm afraid I can't violate my directive. But, to make things a little more interesting, I've decided to assemble my 10 favorite games of this year in non-hierarchical form because--let's face facts--it's hard to pick a favorite. And unlike other top 10 lists, this one will be doled out to you in piecemeal over the next several excruciating days! Please enjoy.

Since I jumped on the current-gen bandwagon so late, the modern twin-stick shooter was an unfamiliar concept to me. I'd played a few of the old-school predecessors like Robotron and Smash TV, but, before picking up a 360, I didn't really understand how such limited gameplay could possibly hold my attention in our futuristic age of bells and whistles. Obviously, I hadn't yet experienced any of the Geometry Wars games at that point in time--otherwise, I would have been aware of my complete and utter wrongness. Geometry Wars 2's lack of superficial complexity is almost a necessity--with its insanely twitchy, adrenaline-pumping close calls, I don't think my brain could have handled much more than move, shoot, and bomb. And in applying these few concepts to six completely different game modes, developer Bizarre Creations makes developing stratgies a requirement for success--kind of unexpected from a game that, at first glance, looks like a screen saver gone horribly wrong.

My best memories of Geometry Wars 2 involve how it fostered in me a hatred for my fellow man. Displaying your friends' top ten scores before you start any game mode was an evil stroke of Genius on Bizarre Creations' part; never before in my life had I felt such a strong desire to destroy people I didn't even know. Every time my dinky little score would move its way up the chart, I would feel a sense of accomplishment that didn't even come when I graduated from college. And yet, there were constant reminders of my inferiority by those jerks (who I assume were cheating) that had scores I could never reach in my wildest dreams. It's true that I haven't picked up the game in a few months, but that's only because I've been training in secret. One day, history books will speak of my amazing score in Waves. Or not.

Related Links

My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Audiosurf
My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Braid
My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Grand Theft Auto IV
My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Fable 2
My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Persona 3: FES

Derrick's Top 13 Games of 2008 - Part 3

Derrick Sanskrit — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:30:00 GMT

Catching up? Read part 1 and part 2.

5 - The World Ends With You (DS):
The insanely ambitious action-JRPG probably makes the most use of all the DS hardware has to offer of all DS software with the possible exception of The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, and even then The World Ends With You does it with so much more style and flair that the comparison seems woefully unfair. It's clear that Square Enix's Kingdom Hearts team put years of thought and research into what the DS could and could not do and the result is a game that breaks all expectations like so many angsty teenage hearts. It takes a truly great game to affect me outside of my gaming time, and much like Wii Fit got me thinking about jogging to the train every morning, The World Ends With You got me wearing pins on my bag for the first time since college, picking out just the right ones that may, someday, save my life in heated battle. Oh lord, did I love that dual-screened battle system...

4 - PixelJunk Eden (PS3):
2008 will go down in the history books as the year that downloadable games finally caught on. Okay, maybe not, but it sure feels like they finally delivered on the promise we'd heard for so long: fantastic independent games delivered straight to your home console, no retail environment required, at competitive prices. I loved echochrome and Cubello, and there is no denying the charm and brilliance of Braid and World of Goo, but the one that completely stole my heart and my thumbs was PixelJunk Eden. Not since Chibi-Robo: Park Patrol have I so enjoyed making flowers bloom. Not since Circus Atari have I so enjoyed soaring upwards into monochromatic point markers. Not since spring break have I so enjoyed atmospheric techno and pulsing colors.

3 - Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii):
The biggest-selling game of the year was easily one of the most anticipated, and while it may not be as fondly remembered as its Gamecube predecessor, Super Smash Bros Brawl delivered everything expected of it and then some. The frenetic multiplayer brawling was back, as always, with more characters than ever, including unlikely new faves like Lucas and Diddy Kong and first-time-ever non-Nintendo characters Snake and Sonic. Adventure mode came with an epic, if somewhat vague, storyline complete with luscious CGI cutscenes and gameplay and level design in no way dissimilar to the SNES classic Kirby Super Star (one of my all-time favorites). Classic, All-Star, Multi-Man, Events, Target Smash, pretty much every feature of Super Smash Bros Melee came back bigger and more beefed-up. Of course, the big feature of Brawl was access to the Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection, being able to fight people from around the world, either total strangers or your own friend lists, sending your friends video replays of your greatest battles, receiving new stages that your friends built in the surprisingly engaging stage builder, even betting on the brawls of total strangers in Spectator mode. What was my favorite feature? Taking snapshots, of course:

2 - LittleBigPlanet (PS3):
It is hard not to fall in love with LittleBigPlanet. The art direction, the music, the narrative and general use-your-imagination, make-whatever-you-want gestalt is sometimes intoxicating. I've already written at length about the charming adventures of Sackboy, so I won't reiterate the points of my review found here and here. I will say this: LittleBigPlanet so far is the only disc-based game that has made me happy I own a PS3 rather than an XBox or PS2. The endless potential of user-generated content guarantees that LittleBigPlanet will always be exactly as fun and exciting as you want it to be, if not moreso.

1 - de Blob (Wii):
Yes, my absolute favorite game of the year is on the Wii. No, that game was not made by Nintendo. No, I'm not messing with you. de Blob is, without a doubt, the happiest a game has made me since I first played Yoshi's Island on the Super Nintendo and relished in its blatant disregard for flashy CGI and polygons in favor of engrossing gameplay and a unique and heartwarming aesthetic. As a young progressive, I rally behind its anti-corporate, pro-independent artist storyline. As an audiophile, I bliss out to the interactively escalating soundtrack, as I've mentioned before, twice. As a solo gamer, I delight in the variety of challenges. As a social gamer, the multi-player paint-fests get my teeth gritting in a ferocious grin. If you have a Wii and enjoy playing any games that do not involve simulating sports/exercise/music playing, get de Blob. There, that's my review, just flippin' play de Blob because it's the best damn game that came out all year, and 2008 was an amazing year for games.

Part 1
Part 2

Related Articles:
10 Games Nadia Played Instead of Working: The World Ends With You, Super Smash Bros Brawl
Bob's Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Audiosurf, Braid, Grand Theft Auto IV
Joe's Top 10 Games of 2008 - Special Jury Prizes
What Amber Didn't Play in 2008
Time Magazine's Top 10 Games of 2008

My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Braid

Bob Mackey — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 01:00:00 GMT

It's the end of another year, and that can only mean one thing: it's list season. Inevitably, you're going to see top ten lists by the thousands; and, as an official member of the enthusiast press, I'm afraid I can't violate my directive. But, to make things a little more interesting, I've decided to assemble my 10 favorite games of this year in non-hierarchical form because--let's face facts--it's hard to pick a favorite. And unlike other top 10 lists, this one will be doled out to you in piecemeal over the next several excruciating days! Please enjoy.

As far as downloadable games go, Braid was a pretty big deal; I don't think a day in August went by without me reading several blog posts by people caught up in creator Jonathan Blow's amazing world--oh yeah, except for those days in August when Braid wasn't out. Nevertheless, there's really nothing else on XBox Live Arcade--or any other platform, really--that's like Braid; though its originality would be irrelevant if the game played like crap. Luckily, Blow's deconstruction of the platformer is an immaculately-design work of genius, a mechanical, visual, and aural delight from start to finish. And somehow, even with my embarrassingly poor competence at video game puzzle logic, I stuck through to the game's mindblowing ending.

Please stop me if you can't take all of the well-deserved hyperbole.

What amazes me most about Braid is that no one--as far as I can tell--has actually figured out what the game is about--and Blow ain't telling. A somewhat recent--and very extensive--interview with Blow on 1UP FM shot down a few of the more popular interpretations of Braid, and gave all of us a greater insight into the function of Blow's brain matter. It's a must-listen if you're like me and plan on digging into the Braid once again during the holidays to try to pull out something that might resemble a definitive meaning. What other games out there deserve a second playthrough just for their philosophical substance alone? Answer: not many. And that's what makes Braid so great.

Related Links:

My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Audiosurf
Derrick's Top 13 Games of 2008 - Part 1
Ceci N'Est Pas Une 1-Up: The Surrealist Future of Postpunk Gaming

Derrick's Top 13 Games of 2008 - Part 1

Derrick Sanskrit — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Yes, it's that most wonderful time of the year, when we make our lists and check them twice. As Bob and Cole have already pointed out, annual Top 10 game lists are popping up all over the place. I started organizing my own list over a month ago and had a very hard time leaving a few games out (come on, it was a pretty damn good year for games), and since thirteen has been my lucky number since the third grade I am now proud to present my own personal Top 13 Games of 2008, brought to you in three managable installments. Hopefully there'll be a little something for everyone. Let's get this party started:

13 - rRootage (iPhone/iPod Touch, ported from PC):
You know what I always loved about the classic top-down shooters? Those huge, insane, too-many-flying-objects-on-screen-at-once boss fights. Wouldn't it be great if someone made a game that was just that? Oh, and if it were portable - fit right in my pocket. And it would be so sweet if I could play it with just one or two fingers and listen to whatever music I wanted to while I played. Yeah, that sure would be a dream. Oh wait... somebody made that game? And it's free? Woah...

12 - No More Heroes (Wii):
There's little I can say about No More Heroes that hasn't already been exuberantly exclaimed by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw. Goichi Suda is a game auteur, the Quentin Tarantino to Shigeru Miyamoto's Stephen Spielberg, and No More Heroes is his Woo Ping techno-punk black comedy Grand Theft Auto satire. Possibly most impressively, it was an M-rated Wii game that stood gloriously by itself as being unique, completely worthwhile, and in no way a weak sequel or spin-off of an otherwise beloved franchise (see Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles, Manhunt 2 and Mortal Kombat: Armageddon).

11 - Ace Attorney Apollo Justice (DS):
The first "true" DS Ace Attorney game (the Phoenix Wright trilogy were all GBA ports, minus the fifth case in the first game, tech demo for what would become Apollo Justice) did just about everything right: delightfully quirky characters, greatly improved graphics and sound, engaging new forensic investigation tools and a solidly engaging storyline. The only real problems were that the story ultimately paled in comparison to the edge-of-your-seat emotional thrill ride of predecessor Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations and that the game still feels far too short. Sure, you get your money's worth and a decidedly more compelling "game" than its predecessors thanks to more interactive elements, but even a game twice as long wouldn't satisfy my craving for Ace Attorney action. TAKE THAT!

10 - WiiFit (Wii):
The quintessential non-game of 2008, WiiFit had high expectations all around and shattered every single one of them. Bringing WiiFit home opened my living room to sights I'd never seen before, an exercise program that people legitimately wanted to play. Even when I wasn't playing, I was thinking about how my daily actions would be reflected on my next body test, striving for a high score in the form of a low BMI. I'm noticeably leaner and healthier than I was eight months ago and I had a lot of fun doing it, even feeling competitive at times. In my mind, that makes WiiFit a game, and a damn good one too.

Part 2
Part 3

Related Articles:
Bob's Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order
Time Magazine's Top 10 Games of 2008
Action Button's Top 25 Games Ever

My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Audiosurf

Bob Mackey — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 19:00:00 GMT

It's the end of another year, and that can only mean one thing: it's list season. Inevitably, you're going to see top ten lists by the thousands; and, as an official member of the enthusiast press, I'm afraid I can't violate my directive. But, to make things a little more interesting, I've decided to assemble my 10 favorite games of this year in non-hierarchical form because--let's face facts--it's hard to pick a favorite. And unlike other top 10 lists, this one will be doled out to you in piecemeal over the next ten excruciating days! Please enjoy.

So, what is there to say about Audiosurf? Unfortunately, I already wrote extensively about the game for a former blogging gig, and since part of my bridge-burning policy involves insulting all of my former employers, I'm going to go ahead and call that website awful. But, as an entertainment writer, it's my job to be repetitive. My job. My Job. Repetitiveness is my job. So I must solider on by informing you of how amazing Audiosurf is--as if you didn't know.

And if you didn't know, Audiosurf turns any non-DRM protected MP3 file (I'm looking at you, iTunes) into a puzzle/racing hybrid rollercoaster. And the most amazing part of this is that it actually does a good job of transforming audio into a physical construction; admittedly, the game is kind of simple, but there's really nothing like experiencing your favorite songs via Audiosurf's Tronlike trappings. And, if you came of age in the 1990s like me, the whole quiet/loud alternarock thing is perfect for the virtual architecture of Audiosurf--as are any songs with tempo changes and strong beats.

The "game" part of Audiosurf is nothing more than simple color matching (think high-intensity Klax), but there are quite a few different modes of play available for almost any kind of hardcore or casual temperament. Audiosurf is no Guitar Hero or Rock Band; but the ability to "ride" any song in the world for the low price of ten bucks more than makes up for the intricately-designed note tracking of the modern plastic guitar genre. The game has unexpectedly become a major part of my life; whenever I buy a new album, I immediately start listening to it by playing the tracks in Audiosurf. Nerdy, but amazing. And an essential part of my 2008.

Related Links:

Miyamoto Says, "It Would Be Great If Music Education Started With Wii Music."
Warner Music Wants More Royalties
Surprise! Nickelback Misunderstands Guitar Hero

1UP's Top Ten Videogame Politicians

Bob Mackey — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:00:00 GMT

In an idea I wish I would've thought up(seriously), 1UP scribe Scott Sharkey has picked out ten popular video game politicians and placed them in an order which may signify their importance. I thought the entry on Final Fight's Mike Haggar was especially telling:

The spitting image of future Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura, Mike Haggar was the original trailblazer of former pro-wrestling politicians, beating "The Body" to the punch by nearly a decade. His "personally pound the crap out of everyone" platform has sadly failed to enter the realm of life imitating art.

As is the case with most political Internet articles that allow comments, some of the best material can be found in the venomous responses filled with inappropriate rage--no offense to Sharkey, of course. Take this comment from a fellow named IronTigerMonkey; I'm not sure if he's being satirical, but you shouldn't really count anything out in these scary days of Web 2.0:

... If I am to understand the structure of a top ten list, you guys are basicly saying that you would rather Saddam Hussien (albeit video game version) to be the next president then Abraham Lincoln. Either that or you shouldn't use a headline that makes it sound like top ten worst vid politicians. Way to screw up everything 1up you suck gecko dick diped in coconut sauce. It is people like you 1up that are be puting George Bush in power, quit promoting your hidden adgendas with misleading top ten lists!!!!!

To all of you faithful commenters on 61 FPS: I love you. Really.

Related Links:

Alternate Soundtrack: Mighty Final Fight vs. Radio 4
Kenji Eno Is a Mule of Epic Proportions
Election Day Gaming

The Ten Greatest Ice Levels in Gaming History, part 3

John Constantine — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 00:10:00 GMT

Donkey Kong Country – Snow Barrel Blast

Donkey Kong Country isn’t the most fondly remembered SNES game out there. It was marketed to hell and back in 1994, its pre-rendered characters shoved down millions of gamers’ gullets as a final grasp at technological relevance before the dawn of 3D gaming’s rule. At heart, it’s a simplistic and fun platformer whose visuals have aged poorly. But certain stages in DKC still impress fourteen years later, thanks to a combination of inspired graphical presentation and deft sound arrangement. Snow Barrel Blast is the best DKC has to offer. An ice level that seems simple enough when Donkey and Diddy Kong emerge from an igloo at the start but soars when the sky starts to darken and the level goes from sunny winter landscape to brooding driving snow storm. It’s purely aesthetic, not informing the game’s basic platforming at all. But its beauty makes it the one thing memorable about DKC besides the hype. – JC

Super Mario Bros. 2 – World 4

Traditionally speaking, ice is the bane of platforming. As soon as you see blue ground, slightly shaded to a reflective sheen, you know that the rules you’ve been operating under up to that point are going straight out the window. You will slip, you will slide, and, so, you will miss many, many jumps. World 4 in Super Mario Bros. 2 turns icy surfaces into an exercise in speed and timing, setting up a first level that’s less about jumping across tiered platforms than it is about running as fast as possible and expertly sliding beneath/over oncoming enemies. It’s the speediest stuff in any of the original Mario trilogy. World 4 gets downright weird by the second stage: yeah, those are whales in between the ice-platforms and snowy outcroppings of rock. Why are there whales? Why not! Go spit some eggs, or something. – JC

Super Ghouls ‘N Ghosts – Ice Forest

Though it came out at the same time as Actraiser, as one of the first fantasy epics for the fledging SNES, Super Ghouls 'n' Ghosts could hardly be more different in tone. Where Actraiser is an existential epic, SG'n'G is a macabre romp; it plays as if Tim Burton and Danny Elfman designed a platformer and let the Marquis de Sade balance the difficulty. Stage 5, the Ice Forest, is a glimmering nightmare full of wolves, frozen ghost knights and spore-spitting snowdrops. In its lurid way, it's awfully pretty, but if you stand around admiring the ambiance, you will soon find yourself without your pants. – PS

Metroid Prime – Phendrana Drifts

Come on, you knew it was coming. Ice in Metroid recalls Samus’ arsenal more immediately than the series’ sprawling environments, but it also defines the most evocative and beautiful space in Prime’s Tallon IV. The Phendrana Drifts has a quality rare in Miss Aran’s adventures: it’s a tranquil place, almost soothing in its stillness. As the camera pans when you first arrive, and Kenji Yamamoto’s eerie, still score begins to play, the ice flows, icicle laden cliffs, and crumbling Chozo architecture come off as a place that’s safe to explore, free of bloodthirsty space jellyfish or insectoid pirates. It isn’t until Ridley’s shadow glides over Phendrana’s surface that you feel a literal chill and remember: Tallon IV isn’t a safe place. The frozen water kills and the ice blocks your way. Best to get bounty huntin’ before your suit freezes up. – JC

Part 1
Part 2

Previous Top Tens:

Ten Reasons Why Secret of Mana Sucks
The Five Greatest Enhanced Remakes - And Five That Weren't So Great
The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels
The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial
The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History
The Ten Most Adventurous Sequels in Gaming History
The Ten Greatest Fire Levels in Gaming History

The Ten Greatest Ice Levels in Gaming History, part 2

John Constantine — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 00:05:00 GMT

Lost Planet – The Whole Game

Lost Planet, Keiji Inafune’s attempt to make Halo for Japan, is one of this console generation’s most underappreciated games. The shooting is tight, the levels are impeccably designed, the automated-grappling-hook platforming is neat, and the Starship Troopers-bug baddies are some of the cooler looking HD threats out there. Sure, it has some clunky parts, but the good far outweighs the bad. What’s more, the entire game is all about snow and ice. The initial stages, wandering the frozen wastes of E.D.N. III, are still jaw dropping. It isn’t even the swirling snow or the ice-bound cities; it’s the sound, the crunch, of stomping through snow drifts. My teeth grit just thinking about it. The snowy setting is also behind Lost Planet’s health system. Your health is constantly draining because of the cold, so you’re forced to constantly collect the body heat of felled foes. That is cooler than crawling inside a Taun-Taun. – JC

Actraiser – Northwall

Let other developers go the way of stock level design. Quintet was always too good for that, giving their levels in Actraiser a pre-human quality that went far beyond the usual D&D boilerplate. That sense of a vast natural world haunted by gods and demons was perfectly captured in the two Acts that take place in the frozen land of Northwall. In the first, you enter a pristine wasteland to clear it for your subjects. Despite the substantial amount of combat that takes place therein, the austerity of the snowy background and the chilly beauty of Yuzo Koshiro's score gives the whole scene a sense of peace.

Things are different in Act 2, which finds you scaling a collosal frozen tree to rid your now-colonized land of monsters. This climactic moment finds all the forces of the arctic landscape rallied against you, with Koshiro's appropriately frantic music spurring you ever upward to destiny. – Peter Smith

Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow – The Lost Village

Castlevania is a series about place, but its range is often limited by the requirements of its title. Each game has its unique spaces, but they’re inevitably tied to Dracula’s castle and the Transylvanian countryside surrounding it, which is why franchise entries that mix things up are the most memorable. Of all the ‘Vanias to release after Symphony of the Night’s complete genre realignment, the Soma Cruz adventures are the most distinct, their near-future setting lending much needed modernity to the usual gothic ramparts and libraries. And given Soma’s snowy appearance, it’s not surprising that his second outing, Dawn of Sorrow, is home to one of gaming’s best ice levels. The first screen of The Lost Village plain makes you want to put on a coat. Snow falls lazily on a rickety wooden fence, dense forest obscures an enormous moon, and the only sound is wind. The real star is the central room, a multi-screen series of German-styled village buildings stacked on one another, frozen and abandoned. Unforgettable moment: landing a jump on a broken-down VW bus and seeing the snow slump off onto the ground. – JC

Part 1
Part 3

Previous Top Tens:

Ten Reasons Why Secret of Mana Sucks
The Five Greatest Enhanced Remakes - And Five That Weren't So Great
The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels
The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial
The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History
The Ten Most Adventurous Sequels in Gaming History
The Ten Greatest Fire Levels in Gaming History

The Ten Greatest Ice Levels in Gaming History, part 1

John Constantine — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Autumn may only be a few weeks old, but, as it is with all seasons, you can feel its successor growing during the increasingly long nights. It’s getting cold and the chill has got us thinking about cool things, here at 61 Frames Per Second. As a result, we’re doing two things. One, we’re quoting Batman and Robin far more than we should. Two, we’re thinking about ice levels. Ice levels, like fire levels, refers to a theme more than a specific element. An ice level is more than ice. It’s freezing water, driving snow, strong wind, and grey skies. It’s gaming that makes you want to wrap up in a giant bearskin rug. Naked. Or not, to each their own. Here, we present to you, the top ten greatest ice levels in gaming history. – John Constantine

Chrono Trigger – Death Peak

*Spoilers. Big Ones.*

The snow-capped peak is not an uncommon locale in role-playing games. You’ve been there before: there’s a giant monster, typically abominable, waiting for you at the summit, and the journey to him is guaranteed to entail solving an ice block puzzle or three. You are also guaranteed to find some convenient Ice Armor or even, if you’re lucky, a Fire Sword. Chrono Trigger’s Death Peak, the lone natural environment in the Lavos-ruined 2300 AD, is different. It is, ostensibly, optional. Like everything else in Trigger’s end game following the silent hero’s death, you can skip the mountain entirely, though ascending it is fundamental in reaching the plot’s true conclusion. Death Peak is the physical embodiment of everything at stake in Trigger’s conflict, a frozen place inhabited by stray creatures, cold, and Lavos’ offspring, growing fat on decay, waiting to leave the dead planet to claim others as their own. Its challenge is both environmental and emblematic: your surviving heroes must push against snow and wind, against nature, to both save the world and also their fallen friend. No boss waits at the pinnacle, just a dreary sky and a chance to use the Chrono Trigger itself. When Crono is resurrected, the wind and snow cease, the sun emerges from the clouds and is eclipsed. If you choose to see it, it is the turning point in the game, the moment hope overcomes despair. – JC

Metal Gear Solid (1 and 4) – Shadow Moses

Most of the levels here made the list because they do two things: they are artful and the ice defines how you play through them. Shadow Moses, that forlorn little island north of Alaska where so many bad, Metal Gear-y things happened, fulfills both those criteria and then goes a step farther. Shadow Moses, and the very first post-opening-credits play sequence in MGS, defines the entire series. It sets the overdramatic tone, it bookends the franchise narrative, and it quickly establishes the stealth gameplay. It isn’t a real stunner now, but finding out that enemies would notice footprints left in the snow was exciting stuff in 1998. The return trip to Shadow Moses in Metal Gear Solid 4 is less exciting for its gameplay – it comes in MGS4’s limited-play back half – and more just artful. Approaching the base from outside, literally navigating through a white-out blizzard, provides a visually stunning moment in a game full of them. When I saw that giant bi-pedal robot lumbering through the snow, only barely visible through the torrent, I damn near threw my controller at the screen. – JC

Sonic the Hedgehog 3 – Ice Cap Zone

Okay, okay. I've never much cared for Sonic, but I will admit that its cartoony, distinctly '90s environment design is distinctive, and Ice Cap Zone probably deserves a place on this list. It's cool how you snowboard in, and it's cool how half the level breaks around you in big chaotic shards of crystal, even if the gameplay remains duller than toast. And the much-beloved music is pretty catchy, although it evokes a night of strip-mall dance clubbing more than an arctic wonderland... Okay, Sonic fans? Okay? You win this round, you hear? Now stop sending me those horrible pictures! – PS

Part 2
Part 3

Previous Top Tens:

Ten Reasons Why Secret of Mana Sucks
The Five Greatest Enhanced Remakes - And Five That Weren't So Great
The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels
The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial
The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History
The Ten Most Adventurous Sequels in Gaming History
The Ten Greatest Fire Levels in Gaming History

Five Games That Will Be Awesome to Remake in LittleBigPlanet

John Constantine — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Ever since its announcement, excited gamers across the internet land have been discussing their level-making plans for LittleBigPlanet. Puzzle levels, hardcore platforming levels, insane art landscapes, and, most importantly, Level 1-1 from Super Mario Bros. Yes, LittleBigPlanet may be all about getting your creative juices flowing but there was never a doubt in anyone’s mind that players were going to throw down all sorts of lovely, copyright-infringing devotionals to gaming’s beloved creations of old. Team Sportsmanship, a group of art students participating in Parsons New School of Design’s Game Jam event, didn’t explicitly recreate a level from Fumito Ueda’s epic, but as PS3 Fanboy put it, their level can only be named Shadow of the LittleBigColossus. It’s a work of art, a lovingly crafted riff on Shadow of the Colossus’ grand encounters made terribly adorable by LBP’s style and Sackboy mascot. Of course, this got me thinking: what games are perfectly fit for the LittleBigPlanet treatment? Here’s what came to mind.

Castlevania III

Besides being a classic platformer overflowing with badass levels primed for reimagining, Castlevania III is also uniquely suited to LBP’s four-player challenges. You’ve got a vampire, a pirate, a witch lady, and a dude with a whip. What do they do together? They scale clock towers and kick the crap out of less-than-friendly vampires. Perfect.

Joe & Mac

The first time I saw a Sackboy smack another one upside the head, my brain was filled with visions of a caveman themed level in LBP. Then again, why be creative when you can shamelessly exploit someone else’s creations? Joe & Mac is a good fit for LBPization, with co-op play and giant dinosaurs to assault. Sure, LBP doesn’t appear to have projectile weapons but they do have clubs. After making a Joe & Mac level, you could go whole hog and recreate the full, non-linear Joe & Mac 2. Note: Chuck Rock sucks, so he lost the caveman race.

Silhouette Mirage

Treasure’s other action-platformers might seem like more obvious choices for LBP (Mischief Makers certainly comes to mind,) but Silhouette Mirage’s duality theme puts it over the top. Is it possible to make obstacles impossible to overcome or enemies impossible to beat based purely on color in LittleBigPlanet? Whether you can or not, finding ways to manipulate the environment to accommodate Silhouette Mirage’s quirks would be a fascinating challenge if nothing else. This one might be a little tricky thanks to the aforementioned lack of projectiles.

Silent Hill

I know. Silent Hill isn’t exactly a franchise that would lend itself to 2D platforming, let alone platforming as sticky-sweet as the kind found in LBP. Might be a little difficult to create the same sort of so-unsettling-you-don’t-sleep-right atmosphere when Sackboy keeps turning to the screen, smiling, and waving at you from the television. But imagine structuring a LittleBigPlanet level that, halfway through, started to transform into a horrid, twisted version of itself. Harmless cardboard flowers peeling back to reveal barbwire fences, the blue sky turning an angry red, and fog descending over the stage. It would be awesome. Plus, SackPyramidHead.

Leisure Suit Larry

Come on, where are you going? Come back. Just hear me out. Now take Al Lowe’s 1987 classic smut-adventure and re-imagine its torrid city of lounge lizards, ruffians, and prostitutes as a multi-tiered pagoda or luridly colored challenges. Behold, you must get the condom “key” from the Drug Store of Doom and carry it as you ascend one floor to the Perilous Prostitute Platforms! In the final challenge, you must convince the drunken barfly to give you the engagement ring and climb to the tower’s apex, where a buxom Sackgirl waits in a pleasantly pastel colored hot tub. What? Don’t look at me like that. You and I both know this is a great idea.

Related links:

NSFW: The Top Five Game-Based Pornos
The Five Greatest Enhanced Remakes - And Five That Weren't So Great
Top Ten: Favorite Bosses
Top Ten Most Terrifying Enemies and Then Five More

Ten Reasons Why Secret of Mana Sucks

John Constantine — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Caution: Humor and Satire Within.

I want to make two things abundantly clear. I love Super Nintendo-era Squaresoft. I love those games with a ferocious passion that transcends nostalgia. I am not being cute or silly when I say that Chrono Trigger changed my life. It did. Had I not played that game for the first time in December of 1996, I would have never kept writing, would have never been listening to the soundtrack which led to my getting up the courage to making a move on my first serious girlfriend, and a number of other causal ripples coming out of that formative experience. I also want to make it abundantly clear that I have very little time for baseless hating on anything, whether it be a human being, a flavor of lollipop, a book, or videogame.

That said, Secret of Mana sucks and I hate it. I have tried. Lord knows I have tried to play, to beat, and to love that game. I have tried so damn hard. But the truth is inescapable. It sucks and it will always suck. Here’s why!

1) Santa? Fuck you!
2) Stupid rabbites… think you’re so damn cute… whyioughta…
3) Takes forever to play.
4) Feels even longer because of stupid mechanics.
5) Multiplayer isn't fun when everyone gets stuck on a mushroom every two seconds.
6) If I swing a sword at a giant bee, it should fucking hit a giant bee.
7) Terrible soundtrack.
8) Just kidding, that soundtrack's amazing.
9) Protagonist is shitty bootleg version of Crono.
10) Plot makes about as much sense as the ending of Matrix: Reloaded.

I’m just sayin’!

*Now, before y’all go racing to the comments section, I want to make it abundantly clear that this list is for eliciting mirth and humorous reactions. I am not being serious. Well, a little serious. Watching this footage of the recent Virtual Console release of Secret of Mana just got me thinking about the game’s tireless fan-following and how I’m consistently mystified by it. The game is, love it or hate it, simply not up to the sterling standard set by Squaresoft’s other games of the 16-bit era. It has none of the refinement than any of the legendary publisher’s other titles. Frankly, when people talk about how far the series has fallen in the last decade, plagued by shoddy controls and boring environment design, I’m mystified. It’s always been that way.

(Link: NeoGAF)

Related links:

The Dividing RPG: Secret of Mana
TVTropes' "Woolseyisms"
Flying Gay Men Invade Virtual Console!

The Five Greatest Enhanced Remakes - And Five That Weren't So Great, Part 3

Peter Smith — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:02:00 GMT

And now, the bad...

Metroid: Zero Mission (Game Boy Advance)

Is Metroid: Zero Mission a terrible game? By no means. On its own terms, it's rather good. But as a reconception of one of the greatest, most influential games ever made, it's a disaster, taking everything that made Metroid spooky and replacing it with a thick layer of corn. Metroid was heavily influenced by Alien. Remember the petrified extraterrestrial skeleton in Alien? What if that bastard had gotten up and started bombarding Sigourney Weaver with some hack's idea of ancient wisdom? Wouldn't that have pretty much thrown the movie's chilly austerity out the window? Like so many latter-day games, Zero Mission thinks comic-book jibber-jabber is cooler than eerie silence. This lack of subtlety is echoed in the gameplay itself, which, while it controls a lot better than Metroid, is chock-full of egregious hand-holding and advice-giving — pretty much the exact opposite of the original's sprawling openendedness. Metroid is practically Lovecraftian in the way it makes you feel tiny and alone in a vast and hostile universe. Don't look for that feeling in Zero Mission. Oh, and it also mangles the most immortal climax in videogame history — the truly unsettling slaughter of a shrieking brain in a jar, followed by a hair-raising escape sequence — by tacking on a (sigh) stealth section. — PS

Super Mario Advance 4: Super Mario Bros 3 (Game Boy Advance)

I can hear you, fanboy. The exasperated sigh, the cry of indignation. Super Mario Bros. 3 is the same great game it's always been on this GBA cart, sporting the snazzy 1993 Super Mario All-Stars graphics. But, first of all, I don't need to hear Mario yelping at me all the time. I know it's a-him. I'm perfectly fine entering a level without being told to a-go. The talking isn't the biggest problem, though. It's that Nintendo actually created a wealth of brand new levels for Super Mario Bros. 3, levels that brought over mechanics from both Super Mario Bros. 2 and Super Mario World, and left them off the cart. You had to buy the game, then buy an e-Reader, then buy packs of random cards from Wal-Mart and EBGames to play them. Oh yeah, and they changed the ending. What could've improved on a classic instead leaves me reaching for my NES. — JC

Ninja Gaiden Trilogy (SNES)

A scandalous missed opportunity, Ninja Gaiden Trilogy collects two of the greatest NES action games (and their mediocre third sibling) and gives them a graphical non-makeover, at points even downgrading. The gorgeous parallax in NG3's desert level is inexplicably MIA — dude, this is the SNES! Every level should have parallax that handsome, and you can't even keep it where it already was? The music is butchered too, despite the SNES's powerful sound chip — some of it is even missing. And some of the excised effects dumb down the gameplay, like the omission of the lightning in stage 3-1 of NG2. The whole point of that stage was that you had to operate in the dark; now, it's just like any other. Only one thing is really improved, and that's that the port of NG3 has the difficulty settings of the Japanese original, not its maddening U.S. counterpart. But the first rule of remaking is (or should be) "do no harm," which means Ninja Gaiden Trilogy flunks out of med school. — PS

Sega Ages Vol. 5 and Vol. 13: Golden Axe and Outrun (PlayStation 2)

The Sega Ages line, compilations and polygonal remakes of the publisher's classics, is certainly a noble effort. Letting players revisit games like Panzer Dragoon, Space Harrier, and Gunstar Heroes is just plain good, benevolent even. Making Outrun, one of early gaming's brightest visual achievements, into a washed-out, muddy looking budget title is the opposite of benevolent. You just don't make Outrun uglier than Cruis'n USA. It's wrong. Golden Axe, well, that was never much of a looker in the first place. But why would you make it more drab? Why would you add cutscenes? Why would you take out the opportunity to beat up gnomes for magic potions? It just doesn't make any sense! — JC

Mario Kart Wii (Wii)

A stretch, I know. But the inclusion of classic tracks from the original Super Mario Kart highlights how much gameplay depth has disappeared from Mario Kart's gameplay over the years. As an "enhanced remake," Kart Wii's version of Ghost Valley 2 is a bust. Don't try to make that awesome shortcut jump, cause the feather — an item that took actual skill to use — is long gone. In its place are a boatload of zany items that'll blast you from last place to first and back over the course of one lap. Yeah, it'd probably entertain your Amish cousins (or whatever other gaming-illiterate demographic Nintendo's targeting these days) for half an hour, but would my friends Mike Brownell and Mike Schlauch make it the centerpiece of a decade-long continuing struggle over who's the uncontested master of gaming/the universe? No — they'd both recognize it as far too spastic and random to function as a scale of justice. — PS

Click here for Part 1.
Click here for Part 2.

What'd we miss? What'd we unfairly vilify, and what'd we overpraise? Tell us in the comments section.

Previous Top Tens:
The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels
The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial
The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History
The Ten Most Adventurous Sequels
The Ten Greatest Fire Levels

The Five Greatest Enhanced Remakes - And Five That Weren't So Great, Part 2

Peter Smith — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Final Fantasy (WonderSwan Color)

The first in a vast battalion of Final Fantasy rereleases, the Wonderswan remake actually gets it righter than any that were to come. Sure, the Playstation version has FMV intros (whoo-hoo?), the GBA version has some mostly extraneous new dungeons, and the PSP version has sharper graphics. But the Wonderswan version gave the NES original a beautiful visual makeover that later ports would simply poach, and more importantly, it corrected some of the original game's antiquated design quirks in a totally optional fashion. In the NES game, if two characters attack one enemy and the first one kills it, the second character's attack will be ineffective. This is annoying, but it also forces you to plan; it adds some strategy to the essentially one-dimensional battle system. You could really argue for or against the feature, and the Wonderswan port gives you a choice. The same goes for a number of other idiosyncracies we cranky old-timers like to keep in our enhanced remakes; subsequent rereleases dumbed the game down until you could grind through it with a rubber band around the A button. — PS

Mega Man: Powered Up (PlayStation Portable)

People are excited about Mega Man 9's back-to-basics approach for good reason. The Mega Man name has become synonymous with chatty drama-fests in the past decade and a half, less about hard-as-nails action than lame anime tropes. The 2006 remake of the first Mega Man, Powered Up, isn't short on talking heads. It's also not an especially good recreation of the original's gameplay and, as for its new bosses, the less said about the Jim-Crow-faced Oil Man, the better. But Powered Up is a great game, and if it changes the original's exact scale, feel, and pace, it perfectly maintains the original's principles, albeit in its own super-cute fashion. The wealth of options in Powered Up is staggering, letting you play through the game as almost every character you run into in addition to an intimidatingly deep level-creation feature. If you want to remember how Mega Man was back in the day, well, that's included. — JC

Castlevania: The Dracula X Chronicles (PlayStation Portable)

Koji Igarashi remade Rondo of Blood last year out of necessity more than a need to improve upon the first. The final proper Castlevania sidescroller has aged exceptionally well in the past fifteen years, but it's impossibly rare, was never released outside of Japan, and is difficult to properly emulate. But Igarashi's Castlevania team did far more than just put some spit-and-polish on Richter Belmont's adventure, creating Castlevania's first truly attractive polygonal outing. More importantly, none of the game's perilous jumps have been hurt by the shift in presentation, unlike in so many 2.5D games. The remixed soundtrack isn't quite as spectacular as the original's, but you can unlock that in the game. It's win-win! — JC

Click here for Part 1.
Click here for Part 3.

The Five Greatest Enhanced Remakes - And Five That Weren't So Great, Part 1

Peter Smith — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Well, having burned through our annual pants-replacement fund on the announcement of Chrono Trigger DS, we here at 61FPS now find ourselves surprisingly ambivalent about this remake (or is it just a rerelease?) of the greatest game Square ever made. Sure, it could be handsome and polished. But it could be sloppy and buggy, too. It could add new gameplay elements, or it could dumb down those that were already there. Chrono Trigger's a delicate thing! Be careful with that priceless art item, you sausage-fingered renovators! And here to guide you on a righteous path are five enhanced remakes that got it right — and five that didn't. — Peter Smith

First up, the good...

Tomb Raider Anniversary (PlayStation 2)

Most games simply do not need to be remade. As beautiful and ambitious as Square's impending Final Fantasy IV DS is, its voiced dialogue, new script, and three-dimensional overhaul are icing on a cake that was already delicious despite its simplicity. The original Tomb Raider, however, is a once-revolutionary title ravaged by the passage of time and the growth of technology. Forget how Lara's 1996 debut looks. Just think about trying to play a fully-3D game that requires precision platforming using only a d-pad. Crystal Dynamics' full remake of Tomb Raider put the engine from Lara's rebirth, the decent Tomb Raider: Legend, to great use, re-introducing the world to the game and, most importantly, preserving it in a way so people can actually play it in the years to come. Plus, grappling hooks are awesome. — John Constantine

Resident Evil (Gamecube)

If ever there was a lasting argument for using pre-rendered backgrounds in a game, it's the Gamecube remake of Resident Evil. The abstract, dollhouse creepiness of the Playstation/Saturn original was made nightmarishly real here, each room identically re-imagined as a dimly lit place of shadows, dust and blood. The visual overhaul would have been enough to earn RE a place on this list, but the gameplay additions were just as exciting. Zombies can't simply be dispatched with a hail of bullets any longer. You have to stab them in the head with disposable knives or set them on fire after you stop them from munching on your goodies. If you don't, they turn into fiery-red speed demons who will chase you through rooms. The only thing scarier is RE's new boss fight, which you should just go play instead of having me spoil it for you. — JC

Click here for Part 2.
Click here for Part 3.

The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels, Part 3

Peter Smith — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:32:00 GMT

Shadow Man

As Pete said, Mega Man III started to strain the series' robot-masters-as-industrial-tool conceit. Silly as Top Man is, I have even more trouble getting my head around Shadow Man and his lair sitting at the bottom of a waterfall of lava. What was the civic-planning meeting like for this one? "Finally, we have used the remaining funds in 200X's robot-master budget to build a crazy-sweet ninja robot who lives in a rad fortress at the bottom of a lava flow. He will be protected by robot frogs and parachuting heads." "Madness! Why would you do such a thing?" "Because, sir. It is awesome." Know what? He's right. — JC

Bubble Man

A big part of the classicness of any given Mega Man stage is the music. Bubble Man's got one of the greatest tunes in the series, an unforgettable bit of melodic pop that builds quickly to a dazzling chorus of harmonized square waves and Van-Halen-esque arpeggios, all over an appropriately watery triangle-wave bassline. But let's not forget the stage itself, which follows our hero from a huge waterfall, down into a cramped subaquatic tunnel (some kind of refinery?) stuffed with giant robot lantern fish, then back out into the open air for a showdown with the local kingpin. As in so many classic Mega Man levels, there's a beautiful sense of the elemental here — the breeze, the cold metal, the spray of the sea. — PS

Crystal Man

You'd think Capcom's increasing ability to push the NES hardware would've made stages in the later Mega Man games even more memorable than their simpler precursors. Unfortunately, this usually wasn't the case. Many levels in Mega Man II and III gave you just enough detail to fire your imagination, and not enough to stifle it; the increased detail of IV through VI actually made the stages seem less like real places and more like digital constructions. Sometimes the most evocative background of all is just a sinister and inviting black. Still, the fancier graphics of later games did allow the occasional surrealist delight, like Crystal Man's stage, a jagged landscape of shimmering gems and glass-tube-enclosed machinery. For a brief and gorgeous section, the blue background switches to glowing hot pink like an animated bar sign. — PS

Dr. Wily's Castle, Part 1

This is the finest stage in the entire Mega Man franchise, spin-offs included. Mega Man II has four scenes of explicit narrative, and outside of the introduction's brief narration, they are wordless, used only to provide spatial context. What is remarkable about the first stage of Wily's castle is how it conveys scale and design independent of the cutscene that precedes it, how its propulsive music perfectly illustrates exhaustion, finality, and resolve. It is an assault, the scaling of a mountain using literally every tool at your disposal. The level concludes with actually breaching the fortress' walls and finding a chasm, the crossing of which requires precisely timed jumps across miniscule platforms. The castle's guardian, a screen-filling robotic dragon, destroys your footing in its pursuit. The stage, the music, the opponents reveal everything about this world and its stakes: you are fighting a madman on his terms and survival is not guaranteed. Remarkable. — JC

Click here for Part 1.
Click here for Part 2.

What'd we miss? Tell us in the comments. For the record, we like Flame Man's arabesque oil well and Tomahawk Man's cod-western badlands too, but nothing from MMVI makes the top ten in fairness. MMVII and MMVIII are beneath discussion.

Previous Top Tens:
The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial
The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History
The Ten Most Adventurous Sequels
The Ten Greatest Fire Levels

The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels, Part 2

Peter Smith — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:31:00 GMT

Metal Man

More than your average Mega Man stage, Metal Man's feels collosal. Who knows why — maybe it's the giant screws and gears in the foreground, or the dense, heavily animated background (technically quite impressive) of pistons and cogs. Or maybe it's that Metal Man's stage actually has somewhat less variety than most of Mega Man II's stages, thereby suggesting a larger size. Whatever the reason, the scope seems massive. The stage itself is relatively short, but it feels like just a small part of a vast, rusted-out fortress of industry. — PS

Toad Man

For all of Mega Man IV 's missteps (downgraded music, overemphasized story, increasingly nonsensical characters), it's not without its highlights. Toad Man's stage bombards you with intimidating elements from the start, buffeting seemingly easy jumps with heavy wind and pouring rain. As you descend deeper into the sewers of 200X, waterfalls crush, overflows lead to bottomless pits, and robotic vermin (rats, slugs, snails) take full advantage of your decreased mobility. The stage is emblematic of the series' descent into comic absurdity, but it's flawlessly laid out and challenging. — JC

Spark Man Revisited

Mega Man II is an undisputed classic, but for a NES game, it's pretty damn easy, a fault that Mega Man III hastens to correct. By the time you get around to the "dark" versions of conquered stages, III is offering you no quarter. When you walk into Spark Man's second stage, you're at the bottom of a room with no ladder to the top; as you go to summon Rush Coil, just imagine Keiji Inafune giving you the finger. Spark Man 2 is also a long haul, with some truly nasty spike placement and two bosses to tackle; for an added touch of creepiness, it's also got a damaged background texture that suggests the whole place has been bombed out. Ominous stuff. — PS

Click here for Part 1.
Click here for Part 3.

The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels, Part 1

Peter Smith — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Capcom, I don't really know how to say this. It's a little awkward, but damn it, it's the truth. We've known each other a long time, and you've always been a good friend to me, but this year, things have gotten more serious. With Street Fighter IV, HD Remix, Commando 3, 1942: Joint Strike and two versions of Bionic Commando, it's like you've gone out of your way lately to show me what I mean to you, and now that you've announced Mega Man 9, it's time for me to return the favor. Capcom, I. . . I love you.

Jesus, I don't know what came over me there. But with Mega Man 9 just unveiled in all its eight-bit glory, my old-school-gaming glands are all swollen and red, and I think it's squeezing out the blood flow to my brain. The early Mega Man games are masterpieces of their era, and they feature some of the most unforgettable stages on the NES — a series of giant constructions that, high-tech though they may be, maintain a playground-like innocence. World-building obsessives that we are, we couldn't let this glorious day go by without commemorating the ten greatest classic Mega Man levels of all time. — Peter Smith

Elec Man

Keiji Inafune's first attempt at Mega Man was promising but ultimately half-baked. The play was there but the world itself was still confused, its six core stages shuffling back and forth between "gamey" abstraction and eerie pastoral. Elec Man's tower was one of the series' first real successes, an ascent that felt like a true structure and not a background for a sprite to jump about, a dangerous place pulsing with energy that could obliterate our diminutive hero using the very power that fueled his mechanical innards. — John Constantine

Top Man

The whole premise of Mega Man was that each of the Robot Masters you were fighting had been conceived for an industrial purpose and therefore ruled over an area appropriate to his capabilities. (Guts Man is a construction robot, right, so he's in this construction zone... or something.) This whole idea kind of fell apart as the robots got weirder. By all rights, Top Man should probably have been in a giant robot toy store or something, and God knows that's how the series' increasingly corny later installments would've played it. Luckily, Inafune and co. were still capable of a curveball or two when Mega Man III came out, which must be why Top Man's stage isn't a toy store at all, but some kind of bizarre jungle/greenhouse/space station. With giant robot cats. Most fans would agree it's better that way. — PS

Gemini Man

As important as the future metropolises of classic Mega Man are the natural landscapes. Gemini Man's stage shows a world where even the harshest environments have been hollowed out, bent to the will of humanity, and overrun with intelligent machines that can work and survive where our fragile bodies can't last. Enemy placement is logical, functional in this arctic wasteland; drones spill fire digging into the frozen surface, giant penguins produce an adapted work force, robotic-tadpole pods shifting to maintain delicate structural integrity deep in the ice. The whole place is cold and sharp, beautiful and forbidden. I'd never survive there, but Mega Man can. — JC

Click here for Part 2.
Click here for Part 3.

The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial, Part 3

John Constantine — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:13:00 GMT

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!

We cite Punch-Out!! here not for starring Mike Tyson (a controversial figure, even before his rape conviction), but for the degree to which it epitomizes a trend that would dominate gaming in the late-'80s and early-'90s: the "beat up stereotypes from around the world" gameplay model. Granted, most of Punch-Out!!'s characters are too ludicrous to really offend; it's hard to imagine Pacific Islanders getting all up in arms about King Hippo being kind of a jackass. That said, the sight of cross-eyed Piston Honda babbling "Sushi, Kamikaze, Fujiyama, Nipponichi!" as a mid-match battle cry is a little unsettling. — PS

Persona 3

I’ve written about Persona 3’s disturbing imagery before: “It’s always strange when games filled with truly troubling imagery go unnoticed by the most vocal anti-game pundits. Persona 3, Atlus’ exceptional RPG in the long running Shin Megami Tensei series, has been released not once but twice in the past twelve months without eliciting even a peep out of Joe Lieberman or Focus on the Family. For those unfamiliar with the game, the reason Persona 3 might ruffle some feathers is its protagonists, a team of troubled high school students who control guardian spirits to battle demons. And oh yeah, they release these spirits by shooting themselves in the head.” Seriously! Teens! Shooting themselves repeatedly in the FACE! No one even said anything about all the teens shooting themselves in the face. — JC

Metroid II: Return of Samus

Metroid II is about xenocide; your goal is to slaughter an entire alien species. Yes, there are many games about destroying evil alien species. Usually, though, said species are attacking the Earth or something. Or they're at least competent to make moral decisions. Metroids are space jellyfish. They're not evil, they're just hungry. And the series storyline establishes pretty clearly that the Space Pirates are breeding the things for their own evil ends. Exterminating the Space Pirates would be one thing, but the Metroids are mere low-functioning animals. As you proceed through the game, you watch a steadily declining count of how many of the poor little bastards you have left to vaporize. Imagine if this thing was set in a nature preserve. — PS

Fable

Peter Molyneux may not have delivered on his promise of creating the greatest role-playing game of all time with Fable but it was still a remarkably forward thinking game. Consider this: Fable was released in the United States on September 14th, 2004, a mere four months after Massachusetts started issuing same-sex marriage licenses and two months before senatorial, congressional, and presidential elections where constitutionally banning same-sex marriage was a tent pole issue. I applaud Molyneux for creating a game where a man can fall in love and marry another man. But I am shocked that Fable didn’t cause videogame content to be another talking point that election season. — JC

Click here for Part 1
Click here for Part 2

Previous Top Tens:
The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History
The Ten Most Adventurous Sequels
The Ten Greatest Fire Levels

The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial, Part 2

John Constantine — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:12:00 GMT

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

Call of Duty 4 is a game obsessed with realism, its depiction of combat situations and the tools of war meticulous to an almost terrifying degree. Early in the game, you are placed in the gunner’s seat of an AC-130 Spectre over a Ukrainian field, the night vision view of an aerial assault looking no different than an Iraq war newscast, the radio confirmation of kills unsettlingly casual; a game so realistic that it mimics a soldier’s detachment from killing. It’s strange then that the game, for all its incessant specificity, sends the player to kill Arab soldiers in “the Middle East”, and not an actual nation. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare has sold over seven million copies in a war-weary United States in under a year. Am I the only one who finds this sort of depersonalization unsettling? — JC

Mick and Mack: Global Gladiators

Fast-food promotional games are pretty fucked up, as a whole. Selling this nasty grub to kids via smiling cartoon characters and hop-and-bop platforming — well, it may not cross over into "immoral", but it's certainly sleazy. The 1992 McDonald's promo-piece Mick and Mack: Global Gladiators, however, crosses that line by hopping onto the kid-friendly environmentalism in vogue at the time. (See also Captain Planet, Sonic the Hedgehog, etc.) The problem here is that McDonald's' own environmental record was far from clean; as a massive distributor of factory-farmed beef, the company was (and is) directly responsible for a huge amount of pollution, deforestation and energy wastage. Bastards were cutting down the same sparkling-green rainforests through which their grinning shills were merrily traipsing. — PS

Heavenly Sword

It might seem strange that we’ve chosen to single-out Heavenly Sword as our example of an absurdly over-sexualized female protagonist. Dead or Alive, a series that’s persisted for just over a decade now without causing a kerfuffle despite its bizarre, hyper sexuality, might seem like a more logical target. You might even say that Heavenly Sword’s a poor example considering its emphasis on Nariko’s empowerment in a male dominated fantasy world. But let me ask you, if Nariko is such a great warrior, savior of her people even though they hate her for being a woman, why does she go to war in her underpants? She is fighting people with swords in her underpants. No one thought mention to developer Ninja Theory that underpants are not effective armor? Nariko stands in for the legions of silly, objectified, hyper-sexualized female game protagonists. We’re giving Lara the day off on this one. — JC

Click here for Part 1
Click here for Part 3

The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial, Part 1

John Constantine — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:11:00 GMT

Games have been raising hackles since their inception. Howell Ivy kick-started gaming and controversy’s relationship when he designed Death Race in 1976, a simple black and white game that was, well, about running people over for points. That was enough to get America riled up, prompting 60 Minutes to run the first of many, many televised news stories about the psychological effects of gaming. But public outrage is unpredictable. Politicians and parent groups have been shocked by d-list titles like Manhunt and Night Trap while more popular, widely played games with far more inflammatory content have passed by unnoted. Today, 61 Frames Per Second presents The Ten Videogames That Should Have Been Controversial. A number of these are games that we are surprised did not cause uproar in a number of communities. The rest are games that we ourselves find seriously questionable in content. How do you feel about these videogames? Indifferent? Appalled? Leave a comment and let us know. — John Constantine

NARC

I don't know about you, but I have at least a couple of friends who have occasionally sold drugs. They're pretty lucky they grew up in the relatively permissive '90s, and not in the merciless, Reaganite '80s presented in NARC. Sure, NARC gives you bonus points for arresting dealers instead of killing them, but that's because it's almost impossible to do. Far easier is just perforating them on the spot. As my fellow blogger Cole notes, "I guess dismembering hundreds is okay if they're pushin'." In fact, there was some parental outrage over NARC's unprecedented level of gore, but its moral assumptions went pretty much unchallenged. — Peter Smith

Pokémon

Have you ever noticed that there are no regular, powerless domesticated animals in any of the Pokémon games, cartoons, comics et cetera? Let's say your pre-teen brother/sister/cousin goes out for a walk one day and comes across a pigeon in the street. They then capture this pigeon in a small cage and train it to fight the dogs, lizards and ponies that the other neighborhood kids have captured and trained to fight, as well as stray cats and sewer rats that can then be captured and trained for similar purposes. Yeah, that scenario is a little awesome, but it's also pretty horrifying, right? When Michael Vick is involved in a dogfighting circuit, the media explodes with rage, but when your kids do it in a Nintendo game it gets rated E for Everyone by the ESRB. — Derrick Sanskrit

Final Fantasy Tactics

As much as Final Fantasy Tactics’ tale of political intrigue in the feudal fantasy-scape of Ivalice is concerned with a power struggle between church and state, it’s hard to get past the game’s barely veiled indictment of Christian lore. Tactics' villains are essentially the Catholic Church. Their central figure is Saint Ajora, a 'child of God' with twelve disciples, one of whom betrayed him and sent him to his death. 'Cept it turns out Ajora wasn't really the son of God, but a power-hungry war-mongering mortal who was sneakily made divine through church skulduggery and historical revisionism. Good thing RPGs require so much reading, otherwise there might have been some good ol’ fashioned game burnings back in 1998. — JC

Click here for Part 2
Click here for Part 3

The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History, Part 3

John Constantine — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 01:45:00 GMT

Sonic the Hedgehog - Green Hill Zone

By the time the original Sonic the Hedgehog came out, Super Mario World had been out for six months in Japan. In almost every way, Mario had the edge on Sonic — more levels, more power-ups, more variety, more gaming. But there was one thing you couldn't take away from Sonic, and that was the sheer dazzle of starting up the game and entering Green Hill Zone. To this day, Green Hill Zone looks spectacular, with its sparkling ocean, lush vegetation and abstract geometry — not to mention Masato Nakamura's unforgettable music. Mario had a lot to offer, but in terms of pure physicality, most of Dinosaur Land seems awfully drab next to Green Hill Zone. (Plus, it was 1991 — "zones" were just cooler than "lands", for Chrissakes.) — PS

Shadow of the Colossus - Valus

Shadow of the Colossus’s opening moments are less mysterious, and therefore less grand, than the opening moments of Ico. As players, we are given exposition and context through narration (however vague it may be) and the game’s protagonist Wander states a clear goal while an evil god tells him how to achieve it. This is a far cry from the confounding and almost entirely silent internment of a horned boy in a decaying castle. But Shadow of the Colossus’ first level, toppling the colossus Valus, is a singular moment in gaming history. Valus stands at one end of an enclosed valley opposite you and, at first, it doesn’t seem that big. Then you run towards it, feeling the ground shake through your controller, the music swells, and you jump on its enormous leg, searching for a handhold. It is, in the truest sense of the word, epic. Even God of War 1 and 2’s opening battles against the hydra and the Colossus of Rhodes seem miniscule in comparison. — JC

Metroid Prime - Space Pirate Frigate

To fully appreciate the beginning of Metroid Prime, play through the beginning of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Both openings teach you how to play the game, but Twilight Princess teaches you like you're in the remedial class, instead of someone who (knowing Nintendo's fan base) probably has a doctorate in Zelda. It takes hours of cat-placating, monkey-placating and goat-herding to even get a sword. Prime takes it easy on you, but you never feel condescended to. Its tutorials are thoroughly skippable; expert players can finish the Space Pirate Frigate in five minutes flat. But beyond that, it's a beautiful, self-contained introduction to the game's spooky atmosphere. Every console Zelda after A Link to the Past has started you out in a village full of whiners you have to coddle before you get to adventure. Prime throws you into a dark, eerie spacecraft where something horrible has happened. Get in and get out before its orbit decays and you die. Chills. — PS

Half-Life 2 – City 17

“Wake up, Mr. Freeman. Wake up, and smell the ashes.” As Gordon Freeman, your journey through the bleak streets of City 17 begins a mere sixty seconds after the game’s title has faded to black. The mundane environment tells you everything you need to know about how life works in a world where civilization has crumbled; tired and scared citizens mutter in the corners of a train terminal, Combine soldiers threaten and abuse, and rare familiar faces urge you to escape immediately. Half-Life’s greatest success has always been keeping the player in constant control of the action while still herding them along a set path. Half-Life 2’s opening level, Freeman’s arrival in City 17 and his flight from the Combine across the city’s rooftops, engages and informs in equal measure while providing an immediate thrill through play. It’s remarkable that a first-person shooter’s most memorable level is its first, a level where not a single shot is fired. — JC

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Previous Top Tens:
The Ten Most Adventurous Sequels
The Ten Greatest Fire Levels

The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History, Part 2

John Constantine — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 01:30:00 GMT

Metal Gear Solid 2 – The U.S.S. Discovery

The opening level of Metal Gear Solid 2 is the finest Metal Gear game ever made in-and-of itself. Forget Hideo Kojima’s cinematic pretensions for just a moment and think about the raw play available in this self-contained prologue scenario. The tools of MGS’ trade may not be available to Snake in their totality here, but every inch of the tanker acts as a playground for the series' most fundamental mechanics. You can sneak through without ever being seen or you can kill every Russian soldier you come across. There is an expertly paced boss fight. There is skin-mag related humor. It’s all here. Now layer Kojima’s cinematic pretensions back on top of all that considering they are at their best (read: most restrained) here and you have a beginning that is, arguably, superior to anything the follows or precedes it in the entire series. — JC

Mega Man X - Awakening Road

This is not your father's Mega Man, says the opening stage of Mega Man X. Or it would, if it had a voice — but instead, it's got a brutal snare roll leading into a heavy rock instrumental. It's got a crumbling highway, complete with fleeing commuters (the latter of which ground the action in a more inhabited world than the NES Mega Man games ever featured.) And it ends with X almost getting scrapped by a mech-riding Boba Fett ripoff. Whatever our love for the classic Mega Man series, it never had this kind of drama. — PS

Einhander – Imperial Capital

Shoot ‘em ups, both vertical and horizontal, are usually gradual experiences. Gradius set the standard: an opening level that acclimates you to both the game’s challenge and its setting, you are the aggressor, going into a place to reach its center where defenses will be strongest. Also, excluding rare exceptions like 1942, shmups are fairly fanciful in scenario. More often than not, you’re fighting aliens, robots, monsters, etc. Einhander doesn’t start slow. Your ship flies into the middle of a bustling metropolis, literally crashing through neon billboards before racing through its ruined foundation. It is a human place and you are fleeing it, your first enemies police in pursuit. There’s a lot about Einhander that’s memorable, from Kenichiro Fukui’s techno soundtrack to its genius weapons system. But nothing sticks with you like the Imperial Capital. — JC

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The Ten Greatest Opening Levels in Gaming History, Part 1

John Constantine — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 01:15:00 GMT

First impressions are important, in videogames as they are in life. The first moments you spend with any art can define your experience of it. They compel you to dig deeper, to more carefully consider the work or the hand that crafted it. Other times, they can be so startling that everything that follows is diminished. This week, 61 Frames Per Second looks at the ten greatest opening levels in gaming history. Stick with us past the first one though. They’re all great. — John Constantine

Prince of Persia 2 - Rooftop Chase

The original Prince of Persia was a unique and wonderful game, but it wasn't much for setting. Half the game takes place in a monochromatic dungeon, and the other in a monochromatic palace. 2 quickly makes up for it; about to be executed by the Vizier's goons, the Prince leaps through a window, and from there it's up to you to guide him across the palace rooftops, into the marketplace below, down a long pier, finally leaping into the hold of a departing merchant ship — all with those guards on your tail. The stage is a real nail-biter, and all the more memorable because the rest of the game is comparatively subdued. — Peter Smith

Strider – Saint Petersburg

I won’t lie. There was a time that I watched that glider fly low over terrible Slavic church spires to a brief fanfare of synthetic horns and I believed, for a moment, that I would never leave Eurasia alive. Then I realized that Strider Hiryu’s sword was practically the length of the screen and it could literally make people explode. Strider, as a game, has not aged well in the past twenty years; the control is wonky, you can’t really tell when you’re even hitting something, and there are times when stuff in its stages blows up for seemingly no reason. But that first level remains an incredible spectacle, coated in color and character, a place where robot tigers will scale towers and entire Russian parliaments will turn into hammer-and-sickle wielding robot dragons. Fighting robot apes and hordes of half-naked amazons a few levels later just seems pedestrian after that. — John Constantine

Final Fantasy VII - Assault on Mako Reactor #1

Presumably your retinas have just detached as a result of your vigorous eye-rolling. Re-attach those suckers and hear me out here: no matter how bloated, overrated and over-fanboyed Final Fantasy VII might be in retrospect, its opening is masterful. Up until that game, RPGs never started fast. You loaded up your neophyte warriors with whatever cloth armor and rusty dinner knives you could afford on your starting wage of ten gold pieces, and then you sent them out to the local forest to get their asses handed to them by killer squirrels until they could upgrade to some new silverware. Final Fantasy VI was a step in the right direction, with its haunting approach to a frozen, gloomy northern town. But VII's opening is still a dramatic highlight of the series, segueing from a lyrical vision of a flower girl in the streets, to a full view of a vast futuristic city, to a tense assault on a huge power reactor, all to the strains of the Blade Runner-esque suite that is Nobuo Uematsu's immortal "Opening/Bombing Mission." Put that jackass with the Sephiroth tattoo out of your mind, and take a minute to appreciate the scope and excitement of this sequence. — PS

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Guns and Football: The Ten Best Selling Games in America

John Constantine — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:00:00 GMT

It’s one thing to hear people in the international community exclaim that Americans are loud slobs who don’t care about anything except violence and football. It’s another to see it spelled out in raw numbers. Brian Caulfield of Forbes, using data provided by the NPD Group, wrote an article early last week looking at the ten best selling videogames in the US as of April 2008. Here are the results:

1) Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas 9.4 Million Units Sold
2) Guitar Hero 3 8.2M
3) Madden NFL 2007 7.7M
4) Grand Theft Auto: Vice City 7.3M
5) Madden NFL 2006 7.7M
6) Halo 2 6.61M
7) Madden NFL 2008 6.6M
8) Call of Duty 4 6.25M
9) Grand Theft Auto 3 6.2M
10) Madden NFL 2005 6.1M

Yep. Guns and football from here until Sunday. What’s most shocking about this list is the complete absence of even the most recent Pokemon titles, a series that continues to sell millions of copies within weeks of a new edition’s release.

Depressing as this list is, Caulfield makes one excellent point.

So are there any exceptions to the pattern of gore and gridiron? Yes. Guitar Hero III, the second-best-selling game on the list, breaks the pattern. The game pairs players with an enormous, guitar-shaped controller and has them try to keep up with onscreen cues in an effort to recreate monstrously complex guitar riffs. In fact, if you factor in the high price of the game--$99 for the Sony PlayStation 3 edition, largely because you're also buying a big fake guitar controller--the game generated more sales than any others.

That's right, sweet rock 'n' roll is the only thing in America that can outsell football and violence. Maybe there's still hope for us yet.

Man, I hope he’s right.

Thanks to NeoGAF user sonycowboy for the link.