61 Frames Per Second : virtual console

Give Super Punch-Out a Chance

Bob Mackey — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 23:00:00 GMT

I've been talking about Punch-Out a lot this week, from blogging about the new Wii update yesterday to gabbing about it on the Stand Under the Don't Tree and Riddle Me This podcast on Tuesday (episode release forthcoming). In fact, I've had so much Punch-Out on the brain that I happened to overlook the fact that one of my favorite games of all time, Super Punch-Out, saw a Virtual Console release this Monday. And now that I no longer have to play Sophie's Choice when it's time to decide which Wii Channel needs to die for the sake of a new download, you can bet I was beating the living snot out of large, cartoonish boxers as soon as humanly possible.

I've come to observe that Super Punch-Out is mostly unknown and unloved, especially when compared to its iconic little brother--a cultural touchstone for anyone growing up in the 80s (I guess we all wanted to beat up Mike Tyson). But when you strip away the nostalgia, Super Punch-Out is actually a much better game. Regrettably, it lacks a bit of the character that made the first one so memorable--there's no Doc, NYC jogging vignettes, or mid-round chatter--but Super Punch-Out is still a perfection and expansion of all the things that made the original game so great. And you get to beat up a clown--the deepest, darkest desire of any normal human being.

I'll admit that I overlooked Super Punch-Out back during the game's original 1994 release--after all, what more could you do with such a limited premise? But when I played it years later through the magic of emulation, I discovered it was everything I loved about the original game, but better: Little Mac had a few new moves to play around with, but some new power punches were nothing compared to what his 16 opponents (no repeat boxers here) could do. And, just like the original, SPO is a real showcase of Nintendo first-party polish; the characters are huge, well-animated, and still impressive today--and the realistic sound effects are contrastingly brutal for such a cartoony game.

Rather than reimagining old franchises, the best games of the 16-bit era perfected them; and Super Punch-Out--along with Super Metroid, Super Mario World, and A Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past--is a fine example of this trend. Don't miss out on this great game a second time.

Related Links:

The Problem with Punch-Out
Warning: Wii Punch-Out!! Might Just Kill You
The Erotic Adventure of Little Mac

Why I'm Excited For What WiiWare Could Soon Become

Derrick Sanskrit — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:00:00 GMT

Even though it was a firmware update that pretty much everybody called well over a year ago, it was still pretty exciting to see that SD Card channel go live on the Wii yesterday. Almost everyone who has downloaded more than one game from the Wii Shop Channel has felt the aggravation of having to "clean out the fridge" at some point, and with the twenty minutes of rearranging necessary for me to download the long-awaited Bit.Trip Beat last week, I was pretty much pissed at my favorite little white box. Getting home from work yesterday to see its inviting blue glow, I just wanted to hug the Wii and tell it that everything was going to be alright now.

First, I could happily move my Virtual Console and WiiWare games to the SD card without worrying about forgetting them forever. Then I could reinstall the Nintendo Channel and the Wii Fit channel I had to delete to make room for World of Goo. Ooh, and then I could finally install that Mario Kart Wii channel I'd been putting off. And then I can finish that game of Paper Mario I had to remove from the Wii when I downloaded Tetris Party!

Having access to these games without taking up precious system memory was not only liberating but a revelation. I'd been putting off or flat-out ignoring all but the most-desired WiiWare and Virtual Console games specifically to avoid having to delete old games, but now everything's changed! It's time to revisit the Wii Shop. Time to finally play LostWinds, Space Invaders Get Even and (yes, I'm terrible) Mega Man 9! I can actually look forward to upcoming WiiWare without having to worry, which is great because there are tons of great games coming out soon like Cave Story, Eduardo the Samurai Toaster, Cube Gardens of Zen, Super Meat Boy and Night Game. Oh, and Hudson's upcoming "first person soaker" Water Warfare. That may just be the first deathmatch shooter game I genuinely want to play.

Then, of course, I start dreaming about the potential...

Couldn't we get DEMOS now? I've downloaded plenty of demos on PSN. Some convinced me to buy the full game, some did not. Apple's app store has tons of Lite versions of games that serve as free demos (in fact I just downloaded one for Sway) and those have only proven to raise interest and ultimately sales of the finished products. Demos work in this day and age of downloadable distribution. I was perfectly willing to accept before that demos were impractical on the Wii because of memory limitations, but with hard drive space opened like this it should be no problem. The most Nintendo would need to do is add a page to the Wii Shop channel for demos specifically. I imagine the extra work for the developers to make a demo to stand beside the finished game would be negligible in most instances as long as Nintendo doesn't restrict file sizes any more than they would for the finished product. Think about it: not sure about Bit.Trip Beat? Try the first level. Think High Voltage Hot Rod Show might be for you? Here's one course to race around for free. Of course, these would not be mandatory and entirely up to the developer, but it seems like a fantastic idea to me, and one that would make users significantly more likely to try and maybe even buy otherwise unheard of games.

WiiWare should be the feather in the Wii's already fancy cap. As stated before, retail Wii games can not be updated once they're released, unlike PS3 and Xbox 360 games, but WiiWare can (I distinctly remember there being a Dr. Mario Online RX update at one point). The SD card solution released this week has made me exponentially more excited by the prospect of WiiWare and I already have plans to fork over more of my hard-earned money to the Wii Shop as a result. Take this momentum, Nintendo, and run with it. Make WiiWare great.

Related articles:
Everything You Need To Know About The Wii Storage Solution
Style Over Substance: Why I'm In Love With WiiWare's "Art Style"
WiiWare: Nintendo, Babe, It Just Ain't Working Out
Whatcha Playing: Lost Winds

Everything You Need to Know About the Wii Storage Solution

Joe Keiser — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 17:50:00 GMT

As we’ve said, one of Nintendo’s big reveals at GDC today is the long, long awaited solution to the Wii’s storage woes. It's so obvious it's not even worthy of a condescending drum roll: it’s just the ability to load Virtual Console and WiiWare games off an SD card. Could someone please explain to me why this took two years to roll out?

From today’s Nintendo GDC keynote, we know that this solution adds 32GB SDHC card support and is implemented via an SD card menu that looks a lot like the Wii menu. But I’ve been playing with it, and so have all the extra little details after the jump. This might be rather fine data for something as pedestrian as a storage solution, but don’t blame me: Nintendo has given me way too long to think about what I want from this.

Here’s the breakdown:

There’s load time. The Wii still can’t actually load games in-place off the SD card; instead it has to copy them to system memory temporarily, and then load it. This means you will be twiddling your thumbs while the copy takes place, and on a big game like Sin & Punishment this load can be nearly twenty seconds long.
It recognizes all previously backed-up VC and WiiWare games. Imagine my surprise and buyer’s remorse when I opened up the SD card menu for the first time and found Solomon’s Key, a launch VC title I hadn’t played since 2006. If your SD card is where your ill-conceived late-night VC purchases have been buried, get ready to be slapped by a bunch of history.
The Wii Shop can only sort of use the SD card. While you can download from the Shop onto the SD card just fine, once the game gets there the shop can’t see it right away (ie: it flags the game as “downloadable” instead of “downloaded”). Only if you try to download the game to the SD card again will it figure out you already have it and give you an error. If you’re like me, you have WiiWare junk all over the place, and this update isn’t going to help you get more organized.
Don’t move your save games. If they didn’t work off SD card before, they still won’t now. This is a VC/WiiWare solution only.
It doesn’t break The Homebrew Channel. If you already have it installed you can still use it after the update, so don’t worry about that half-finished game of Beneath a Steel Sky you were playing in ScummVM.

GDC News: Final Fantasy to Hit Virtual Console

Bob Mackey — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 17:40:00 GMT

Fans of the old-school Final Fantasy games haven't exactly gotten the best treatment in recent years; while ports and remakes of the early games have been available in abundance, those looking for a faithful retro RPG experience have had to turn to expensive eBay copies (with possibly non-functioning batteries) or emulation to get their fix. After all, if Square can charge $30-$40 for revivals of their past hits, what incentive do they have to offer much cheaper version of these games on services like the Wii's Virtual Console?

Well, it looks like Square-Enix has had a change of heart--or they've just initiated the final stage in their "milking fans dry" plan--with Nintendo President Satoru Iwata's announcement that the famous franchise will indeed be hitting Nintendo's digital download service. According to Wired's Game|Life,

Starting in May in Japan, the first six classic Final Fantasy titles will be released on Wii's Virtual Console service. In the U.S., said Iwata, the games that were actually released in the U.S. will come out here, too.

Even if you've played the first three American-released Final Fantasies a million times, it's still nice to hear that we'll finally have a chance to play these games in their original forms--as adequate as the GBA ports of IV and VI were, they were a bit lacking when compared to the originals. If anything, it'll be great to hear Nobuo Uematsu's stunning Final Fantasy VI soundtrack again the way it was meant to be heard.

Related Links:

Cloud's Ghostly Face Says, "More Final Fantasy VII? Only I Know, Suckahs."
Trailer Review: Final Fantasy XIII Looks Disturbingly Interesting
Know Your Final Fantasy IV Trivia. It Could Save Your Life.

Dear Virtual Console: No More Alex Kidd Games, Please

Bob Mackey — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 19:00:00 GMT

It's incredibly easy to bitch about Virtual Console, especially when you consider all of the notable games currently missing from Nintendo's digital download service. We're nearly two-and-a-half years into the life of the Wii, and still, no Yoshi's Island, no Majora's Mask, and no Earthbound. Yes, I went there; and I'd go back again if I had to. The absence of games that desperately need to be made available to Wii owners only becomes more tragic on the weeks when, like a turd sliding down the leg of a homeless man, the powers that be decide to release titles that should never be remembered, even in disgust. Ladies and gentlemen, with this week's selection of Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars, we are coming dangerously close to having the tracksuit-wearing monkey-boy's entire catalog available to a contemporary audience, and that ain't right.

To be fair, the whole Alex Kidd thing started with good intentions: he was originally intended to be Sega's answer to Mario (hey, video games are a cutthroat business). But for some reason, no one really gave much of a damn about the little freak; this was either due to the dismal sales of Sega's Master System in the USA or the fact that Sega of America's box art for Kidd's games often depicted him as a chubby, freckled child--and no one wants to see that. This would all be very, very tragic, if not for one important truth: all of Alex Kidd's games were terrible. And if you happen to like any of them, you are undoubtedly the victim of Stockholm Syndrome brought on by distracted parents who couldn't tell an NES from a hole in the ground. You know, for as much as I liked to fool around with that Master System demo unit at a local department store in the 80s (a now-defunct chain known as Hills), I always let my folks know that it was either Nintendo or the highway. Thankfully, they complied.

I have no idea how Virtual Console games are selected for release, but I can't help but feel that this whole Alex Kidd may be sort of conspiracy by Sega to somehow make Sonic the Hedgehog look much more competent. After all, Sonic basically took Alex's job; so what better way to make the new guy look better by showing how bad things used to be? I'd certainly rather play Sonic Unleashed than Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars. I'd also do other comically exaggerated things which would result in self-injury instead of playing anything featuring Alex Kidd--and for the record, I nearly typed Sonic the Hedgehog instead of the big-eared freak's name back there. So I guess my point with all of this is that all of Sega's franchise characters should suffer a painful death, regardless of whether they've seen any action in the past 20 years. And with that, I'm off to start an Internet petition. Thank you for your time.

Related Links:

The Untold Story of Sega Killing Their Own Hardware Business
You’re Doing Great, Sega: Space Harrier Returns
Creator of Sonic the Hedgehog Returns: Sega and Prope Making Game For Penguins

Question of the Day: Ogre Battle and How Much Tutorial is Too Much?

John Constantine — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 22:00:00 GMT

Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen hit Wii’s Virtual Console today. This is good for a variety of reasons. Quality Virtual Console releases are a rarity here in the far flung future of 2009. Ogre Battle is rare itself; its two English releases tend to fetch a pretty penny on Ebay. I’ve never played Yasumi Matsuno’s first foray into dense fantasy opera, so I’m looking forward to checking it out on the cheap.

My history with the Ogre series is confined to Ogre Battle 64. OB64 was one of the only N64 games I ever owned and I spent many, many hours playing it in the spring of 2001. I had almost no idea what I was doing. OB64 throws you into the deep end as soon you start, burying you under a mountain of circuitous cutscenes and leaving you to figure out its blend of TRPG and RTS play on your own. I was pretty proud of myself for getting thirty hours into OB64 without a guide. That is, until I read a FAQ and found out about the nearly endless number of stats you have to consider if you want to actually see the game’s ending. Nothing in the game tells you about party loyalty or how to measure a unit’s leadership potential. Nothing in the game even indicates that these are things you’re supposed to account for.

I love it when a game trusts me to learn how to play. I think that’s why people have responded so well to Retro Game Challenge. Even beyond its Famicom devotionals, the games trust you to learn their rules through play. Nothing is more frustrating than turning on a game and having to sit through an hour of tutorials, forcing you to plod through poorly acted scenes of someone telling you to press X to jump. By the same token, games like Ogre Battle are so complex that you need to have an in-game guide to teach you their rules by example. It’s very difficult to incorporate a successful guide. Make it all text, and you risk the player not retaining any of the information. Make it all cutscene or real-time lesson based, and you risk boring the hell out of your audience.

How much tutorial is too much? How much should a game teach you about the way it works while you play? Should games always leave the player to fend for themselves, foraging for success through trial and error? Let me know, dear reader.

Related links:

Populous: Text Based Tutorials Need to Die In A Fire
Games You Keep Coming Back To
Question of the Day: How Do You Make a Horror Game Horrifying?
Question of the Day: Yu-Gi-Oh! And Card-Based Videogames?
Question of the Day: Your Ideal Controller?
Question of the Day: Why Can’t I Emulate?

Unsolicited Scares: Threed, Zombie Central

Nadia Oxford — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 22:26:00 GMT

All this talk about Earthbound and related disappointments made me hungry for a Skip Sandwich DX. I ate the sandwich with a mayo packet and began remembering what parts of Earthbound I liked best.

Earthbound is an unsettling game for a number of reasons. First, the party consists entirely of kids, and even though kids have a deserved reputation for never shutting up, Ness and his pals are quiet, stoic and very much focused on the task at hand. Second, the threat they're up against is ethereal, but Giygas' influence on the grown-up world is unmistakable: adults' greed is amplified, corruption amongst authorities is rampant, and there's that one town with the whole cult thing going on.

The third and possibly most potent reason for Earthbound's dark humour is its masterful blending of innocent colour and mood-setting music. If something bad is going down in a scenario, the sound will tell you before the visuals do. Any game that starts you off investigating an unidentified falling object in the dead of night with disjointed alien percussion as background music is a game that's not going to deliver warm fuzzies if it doesn't bloody well feel like it.

Obviously, Earthbound isn't meant to make your heart stop at any one moment—final battle excluded, maybe—but I've come to think of the party's visit to the town of Threed as Resident Evil Crayola.. Zombies and ghosts have taken over the city, but they're pretty goofy looking critters (less so with Handsome Tom and Smilin' Sam; sorry, I hate puppets). Even so, the darkness surrounding the town is oppressive, and the background music hardly indicates that Ness and Paula are attending a kids' Halloween party.

What's more, it quickly becomes apparent that the citizens are fighting a losing battle. Everyone who's left is slowly being herded into the centre of town; the outskirts are crawling with the undead. They're closing in, slithering around the broken-down circus paraphernalia litters the town's greenery. The “haunted circus” angle is an oldie, but it's definitely a goodie. As was stated earlier, Earthbound is all about mixing innocence with corruption—but whereas most games and movies make sure said innocent themes are trampled into the ground by the adult world's stinking grown-up realities, Earthbound lets innocence triumph. After all, it's shy and quiet Jeff who saves Paula and Ness in their greatest time of need.

Until that moment, though, Threed belongs to the dead.

Related Links:

Unsolicited Scares: Terranigma and the Desert
Abandon All Hope: No Earthbound for the Virtual Console
Earthbound in 3D

Retro Game Achievements: An Awesome Idea

Bob Mackey — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 23:00:00 GMT

So, most of us are knee-deep in Retro Game Challenge at this point--and if you're not, I think it's time to seriously step back and reexamine your life. That being said, had RCG simply been a showcase of eight retro-style games, it would merely be great; the games within are solid genre homages worth playing in their own right. But the framing device and window-dressing of the whole package amps it up way past awesome. And what I've come to appreciate most about RGC's games are the "achievements" established by Arino himself throughout, since they've given me more of an incentive than normal to play the majority of relatively-simple games featured in RGC. Without some sort of achievements or leaderboards, games where I'm getting a high score for the sake of getting a high score usually leave me completely unmotivated and a bit sleepy, which is why I think the goals enforced upon the player in RCG could easily be added to older (or retro-style) games to give them new life.

I realize, of course, that this isn't the most original of ideas. Sega's lousy XBox Live ports of Sega Genesis games had their own achievements, but no one really gave a damn about them except for the obvious mental cases who can still play through Ecco the Dolphin without having a nervous breakdown. And Mega Man 9 had quite a slew of achievements, though most of them were seemingly impossible to get, even for the hardest of hardcore Mega Man nerds. Now, the Virtual Console seems like nothing more than something Nintendo is now obligated to support, but how amazing would it be if Nintendo tried to create a community around their retro game releases by including extras like leaderboards, achievements, and perhaps the ability to play through games co-op online? Granted, these are features that should have been present from day one, but I can't think of a better way to get people to care about the Virtual Console again.

Aside from advertising or promoting it in any way.

Oh, and throwing a few worthwhile games up there from time to time may help. Just a suggestion.

Related Links:

The 61FPS Review: Retro Game Challenge
Trailer Review: Retro Game Master
Pole’s Big Adventure: Sega Rides the Retro Train, Takes Advantage of You

Abandon All Hope: No Earthbound for the Virtual Console

Nadia Oxford — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 04:14:00 GMT

The Mother/Earthbound fandom is the loudest on the Internet. It's also the unluckiest. Earthbound was a commercial failure on the SNES. Mother 3 just ain't never gonna doggy-paddle its way here (officially). The first Mother game was dressed up for America, but was pulled at the last minute. And now it's looking like Earthbound won't be granted its long-awaited heroes' rest on the Virtual Console.

“Oh God. What now?”

The problem is beautiful in its irony: because it's such a thorough, loving tribute to the best and most creative bits of pop culture, Earthbound is also a fat target for copyright lawyers, IP theft paranoia and the bureaucracy bred by the same culture (that's irony, right? Right?). Earthbound's soundtrack alone uses a lot of samples from other songs, from The Who to the Monty Python theme.

Shigesato Itoi makes no secret about his love for the Beatles, with John Lennon's “Mother” being not only the series' namesake, but its very foundations. Unfortunately, Apple Corps' sense of humour is about as sharp and attractive as a wet dish rag. Every IP lawyer in the world carries a list in his or her pocket that's titled, “I'm Just Not Going To Fuck With This,” and Apple Corps is on the top of each list.

Interestingly, the sometimes-emotional Earthbound supersite Starmen.net is looking at the situation from a very logical point of view:

You might be thinking, "sampling/references aren't enough to bring a lawsuit", and you'd be right. But it's also true that not everything in EarthBound is simply sampled/referenced, and even if the game was technically legal, that doesn't mean lawyers will be comfortable with it. They get paid to avoid lawsuits entirely, not to get sued and then say "here's why this lawsuit is stupid".

Starmen.net also notes that someone, somewhere, didn't want to “play ball” with proposed alterations to the game. Nintendo of America's lawyers apparently offered suggestions on how Earthbound could be made into a “safe” release, but Nintendo Japan wasn't interested in the changes for some undisclosed reason. It's not even known if Itoi was involved somewhere, somehow.

Maybe a clearer reason will be forthcoming, but for now I guess there's not much to do about the fate of Earthbound except cry many Mr Saturn-scented tears.

Related Links:

The Mother 3 Translation: We're Not Worthy!
Earthbound's Secret Evil
Earthbound's Other Secret Evil

Club Nintendo Is a Little Greedy

Bob Mackey — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 17:00:00 GMT

For years, Americans have heard of the joys and wonders of Club Nintendo, Nintendo's (duh) in-house loyalty rewards program, but until very recently we've never been able to reap the benefits. Even after hearing about all of the awesome goodies our Japanese friends were getting, I was a bit skeptical about Club Nintendo; through the mid-to-late 90s, I amassed enough "Capcom Points" to buy the company three times over, only to find them abandoning the program as soon as I wanted to spend said points. So when the American version of Club Nintendo went live, I was more than positive that there was something inherently ripoff-ish about the whole thing. And I was certainly sad when I turned out to be right.

Let's get a few things straight; getting something for nothing is always good, and appreciated. However, when only about 10% of your purchases are actually recognized for point-earning goodness, it's more than a little irritating. Despite setting up my Wii to sync up with a MyNintendo account--the rewards-free predecessor to Nintendo Club--only one purchase out of the twenty I've made on the Shopping Channel actually qualifies for Club Nintendo Points: Secret of Mana. Based on news I picked up from the latest Retronauts, it seems that Club Nintendo is only honoring the purchase of digital titles released in the past three months--quite a bummer if you walked into the whole rewards program thing expecting to get something for years' worth of Wii spending.

Yeah, having Club Nintendo around is better than nothing, but their selectivity in point-giving implies a stinginess that such a rich and powerful company shouldn't have. I'm hoping for some changes, but it looks like the hundreds and hundreds of dollars I've spent on Wii crap will never even get me a lousy deck of playing cards.

Related Links:

A Change of Paint For Nintendo
WiiWare: Nintendo, Babe, It Just Isn’t Working Out
So I hear folks are upset with Nintendo...

Castlevania III: Dracula's Reign Ends, Sypha's Baby Factory Opens

Nadia Oxford — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 02:45:00 GMT

When I was a kid, I ate crayons while I was supposed to be tested for giftedness, I lost interest in achieving the honour roll when I found out it wasn't covered with sticky frosting, and I could never understand why grown-ups got so uppity if I was wearing my shirt backwards (still can't). But I finished Castlevania III all by myself, without cheating, and I'm still damn proud of that. It remains one of about two games both my husband and I played as kids, but only I've completed.

I've only finished the game with Grant as my aide, mind you. Even my childlike stupidity and gullibility had its limits. “Ha ha,” I said as I watched the credits scroll, “I am never doing this again!”

Ah, but it looks like I will with the help of the Virtual Console. Once I get my platforming legs back, I'd like to try and finish the game with Sypha. I've seen her ending already thanks to the modern magic of YouTube, but it still fascinates me. The second Dracula dies, the schmatte covering Sypha's head falls off on cue and Trevor's like, “Holy shit, Imma touch this bitch.” And he does.

Sypha's gender is pretty ambiguous up to that point. It's basically a Samus-style unveiling, but Samus was alone in the depths of space. The only person who was present when she said, “Um, excuse me, I have a vagina,” was the player.

So what's the deal between Sypha and Trevor? Did he know from the start that Sypha was a female, but he said “Shhh, let's not tell the player until they've finished the game and gone half-mad through the attempt?”

Or did Sypha wait until that moment to show Trevor what was under her robes, and Trevor just said, “Oh, well, you're a girl.” (*belt hitch*) “I guess we'll be makin' some babies, then?”

Only they know, bless their little pixel-sized hearts.

Related Links:

Suffering Castlevania Fatigue
Watcha Playing: Castlevania Portrait of Ruin
Castlevania: Curse of the Stupid Red-Headed Kid

Virtual Console New Year's Resolutions

Bob Mackey — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Inevitably, any post you read anywhere about Virtual Console releases is going to contain some passive-aggressive bitching about what's still not available on Nintendo's digital download service. But I'm not saying that I don't do it, or that it's not undeserved; we're currently in the third year of weekly releases, and there are still some pretty big gaps in the Virtual Console library. So, as a public service to Nintendo, I've decided to offer some suggestions for titles we definitely want to see released on the Virtual Console in 2009; for my sake, consider them New Year's Resolutions. It was the easiest framing device to come up with for this concept.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask - The much-maligned Majora's Mask is the bastard son of the Legend of Zelda franchise; released just when PS2 fever was at its most insane levels, this installment in one of Nintendo's most-beloved series left a bad taste in the mouths of gamers who really just wanted to play more Ocarina of Time. But those who were so quick to judge the time mechanic and oppressive atmosphere of Majora's didn't stick around to find out that it was just the kind of shake-up the Zelda series needed. So far, the only way to play it on the Wii is through a buggy Zelda collection disc bundled with GameCubes circa 2003; and really, I think it's time for a modern audience to get their mitts on this game.

(Incidentally, I love this game so much that I did a gushing write-up about it over on GameSpite. I'm not one to pimp my non-61FPS writing here, but it's really one my most favorite things I've written.)

Super Punch-Out - With Nintendo's unveiling of a new Punch-Out last fall, there's never been a better time to build up hype for a popular series that's only really had two installments. I'm sure that Super Punch-Out sold well back on the SNES, but it's a mostly forgotten title I'm forced to annoy everyone about whenever a discussion about the awesomeness of the original Punch-Out comes up. While the original Punch-Out might be a little more fun as a pick-up-and-play kind of thing, its bigger brother is actually a better game; the dash of complexity added to the SNES sequel builds upon the pattern recognition of the original for a more challenging experience. Plus, you get to beat up a clown.

Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse - Seeing Castlevania III on the VC in 2009 is a very likely proposition; we've already seen I, II, and IV, so it only makes sense that Nintendo would want to fill in the gaps. It's probably the best traditional Castlevania game next to Rondo of Blood--which really should be released on the VC as well--and one of the few old-school CVs I can play without wanting to murder the world. Like I said, it's very likely that we're going to see this game released on the VC in 2009, but it never hurts to nag.

Earthbound - You all knew this was coming. The fact that piracy is the only real way to play any of the Mother games these days is a modern-day tragedy the likes of which Shakespeare had never seen. Many have predicted that writer Shigesato Itoi's royalties on Earthbound may stop us from seeing the game released in the States again; after all, the Earthbound "demo" was cut out of the American version of Super Smash Bros. Brawl for what was assumed to be monetary reasons. Listen, Nintendo: I don't care if we have to personally PayPal Itoi his royalty money in order to unlock the game. Just let us play it! You're only driving Mother fans further into their already-disturbing insanity.

Related Links:

Virtual Console: Now the Best Thing Ever
Boogerman: Too Immature for Children
Sweet Sassy Molassey! Super Mario RPG on the Virtual Console

Boogerman: Too Immature for Children

Bob Mackey — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Yesterday's Virtual console release of the Genesis Boogerman was more than a little odd, mainly because everyone knows that the SNES version is the definitive Boogerman experience.

No, wait.

Yesterday's Virtual Console release of Boogerman was more than a little odd because it's hard to believe that Nintendo would ever admit this game existed--which may be why they chose to give us the Genesis version. I'd be willing to go on with the standard course of Virtual Console bitching--like how we still don't have Yoshi's Island--but Nintendo's holiday Wii offerings are so meager that I imagine they'll have to find some way of entertaining us this Christmas. I hope.

But what is there to be said about a game whose very concept should have been buried in the desert along with all of those infamous E.T. cartridges? I was 12 when Boogerman came out, which put me right in the game's "immature adolescent" demographic. But seeing the game (unrented) at my local video store usually filled me with a mix of sadness and shame I have since dubbed "boogermania;" and this really had nothing to do with the fact that I've always had the mentality of a 48 year-old curmudgeon. There was just something about a corporate-sponsored video game capitalizing on the simple joys of toilet humor that really rubbed me the wrong way. And even at a young age, I could tell when a concept was just trying waaay too hard.

I write this not to inform you of the shocking truth that Boogerman is a terrible concept and game, but to make you really think about Boogerman as a product. Someone had to pitch this. Someone had to design the characters. Someone had to design the levels. Some poor copy editor had to write detailed descriptions of Boogerman's powers for the instruction booklet. At Interplay sales department meetings, bar graphs were labeled with the word "Boogerman." The (what I assume had to be) poor sales may have stopped further oddities from being released, but Boogerman actually has some contemporaries of the same caliber. American McGee's Grimm is a strong reminder that Boogerman has taught us absolutely nothing as a people; for crying out loud, it's like a rom hack of Katamari Damacy where the main character pees everywhere when you're not moving. Oh, and somehow Grimm looks like a PS1 game but my computer acts like it was running 10 instances of Crysis the one time I tried it.

I guess this post was useful, after all; we learned that Boogerman is actually better than something. You're welcome.

Related Links:

Time For Terranigma! Right?
Oops, I Don't Like Super Mario RPG As Much As I Thought I Did
The Dividing RPG: Secret of Mana

Game Compilations: The Good, the Bad, and the Fugly

John Constantine — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 22:00:00 GMT

Time was, I thought game compilations, museum, and anniversary collections, and anything else you’d want to call them were the cat’s meow. Greatest thing since sliced bread. The *ahem* tits. Then The Mega Man Anniversary Collection for Gamecube came out back in 2004. Fifty simoleons for all eight console Mega Man games plus an opportunity to finally play Mega Man: The Power Battle and Power Fighters? Sounds like a dream come true. Then I found out that instead of the A button making the little blue fella shoot and the B button making him jump, the buttons were reversed for the compilation. There is no way to change this control scheme. It turns playing Mega Man 1 through 6 into a personalized hell, the place where cheat code users go when they die. Compilations are dangerous business because, more often than not, the publisher puts no effort whatsoever into them and people buy them anyway. That’s how you end up with Mega Man’s jumping and shooting getting reversed, how Sega releases not one, but two Sonic the Hedgehog collections with fantastic unlockables that are almost impossible to unlock, and how Namco can release the same damn Galaga/Dig Dug/Pac-man collection nine-hundred times.

Of course, they really can be a treat. Despite all the load times and inaccessible unlockables, the Sonic Mega Collection is still a great way to play Sonic at his best. Occasionally, budget numbers like the Capcom Classics Mini Mix, a no-frills GBA collection with Bionic Commando NES, Strider NES, and Mighty Final Fight, can come along and introduce you to games you’ve never ever heard of. (Seriously, Mighty Final Fight? When did that happen? It’s got mini Haggar!) They are a more palatable alternative to Virtual Console-style downloads too, as far as price is concerned. Sega’s just-announced Sonic’s Ultimate Genesis Collection for PS3 and Xbox 360 comes with forty games, and for thirty bucks you get what Nintendo would charge $120 for on Wii. Plus, they wouldn’t even all fit on the Wii’s memory! But again, the production values are highly questionable. As Jeremy Parish pointed out with the screen Sega released of Shinobi III, the emulation work on this new collection isn’t exactly screaming HD-console-quality visuals. Look at this:

That's a game that Backbone Entertainment has already put on Xbox Live Arcade! It didn't look half that muddy. See?

So, what’s the problem? Why can’t Sega, and every other publisher with a mind to, release well-considered, value-laden collections like the Capcom Classics Collection (which has radical Street Fighter tutorials?)

(Link: Joystiq)

Editor's Note: Pictured at the top is Sega's own Fantasy Zone Complete collection. It is awesome.

Related links:

What I'm Playing This Weekend: Mega Man Anniversary Collection
Sega "Gets" the Wii
Infinite Mega Man 9: Composer Ippo Yamada Talks Living Up to a Serious Musical Pedigree
Where I Draw the Line With Retro
Growl, Snarl, Bark: Screw Attack's Top 10 Genesis Games

Remembering Earthworm Jim

Bob Mackey — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Once again, the Wii's Virtual Console has yet another game worth playing--and remembering--with this Monday's release of Earthworm Jim. I'm a little bummed that Nintendo's Virtual Console Superlabs (AKA a dartboard) decided to release the Genesis version over the superior SNES one; there may be an extra level, but the lack of colors and a decent sound chip kinda poos all over what's supposed to be a high-fidelity 2D experience. And make no mistake; EWJ is still a pretty game--especially considering what developer Shiny put out when they moved to 3D graphics in the late 90s.

But before their fall from grace, Shiny was pretty respected; and the first two Earthworm Jim games were the reasons why. The sense of humor the games carried--while nothing new to the PC gamer of the mid-90s--was certainly fresh, even if some of the gameplay wasn't. If you had played any other Dave Perry-developed game before Jim, like Cool Spot or the completely overrated Genesis version of Aladdin, you're bound to notice a few similarities. All of Perry's 2D games have this sort of Bubsy-esque floatyness to them, and an overall cheapness that's masked by the amount of animation given to all the sprites--which was quite amazing in a pre-Metal Slug world. For all of the care put into the visuals, though, both Jim games suffer from being terribly unbalanced from stage to stage. It wasn't until I got a level select code that I was actually able to enjoy either game.

In fact, the first Jim stopped me dead in my tracks at the third level, where a typical run-and-gun experience soon becomes a source of pure frustration as you're forced to pilot a rickety glass submarine through a maze of jagged rocks. Here's a video if you need a reminder; the offending section happens about three minutes in:

It's been a while since I've had to think about the second Jim game, but I hit a similar roadblock with a balls-hard isometric shooter section; and that's a shame, because there are some very nice levels after that. So if you decide to grab the first EWJ off Virtual Console, I recommend that you play it like a sampler. The series' dickish tradition almost makes this approach mandatory.

Related Links:

Where is Doug TenNapel?
Shiny Entertainment Promo Video is Distilled 90s
Virtual Console: Now the Best Thing Ever

Secret of Mana is Bug-Tastic

Bob Mackey — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 00:30:00 GMT

If you're like me, then you're probably playing Monday's Virtual Console release of Secret of Mana. The only excuse I'll accept is massive head trauma--and we're talking brains-leaking-from-a-gaping-wound trauma. That's the only way you can explain not playing Secret of Mana for the low, low price of eight bucks. Why, in 1993 I had to do some hardcore begging to get my parents to drop 60 dollars on this game, and that's back when American money had value!

But I digress. After playing Secret of Mana, you've probably recognized two distinct facts: 1.) The game is awesome as hell, and 2.) It's also buggy as all get-out. I've never been privy to any real game-destroying antics, but the general weird glitchyness of Secret of Mana always made the game feel like its programming was held together by bubble gum and string. We can't exactly blame Square's Iranian super-programmer Nasir Gebelli, though; while originally designed to take advantage of the doomed SNES CD add-on (which eventually became the Playstation), Secret of Mana was hastily transformed into a regular-old SNES game once Nintendo washed their hands of CD-ROM technology. This change left some unfortunate problems in its wake.

Unless you're very unlucky, you're probably not going to run into all of SoM's glitches yourself; so let's thank god for kind, obsessive folks on the Internet, who have taken the trouble of documenting all of the weirdness of Secret of Mana. Granted, a lot of these findings are pre-planned, intentional weirdness, but a good portion of these discoveries are simply batshit insanity of the mathematical variety. Trust me; if you thought a roving pack of Shadow Zeros was simply the stuff of schoolyard myths, you need to educate yourself.

Related Links:

The Dividing RPG: Secret of Mana
Ten Reasons Why Secret of Mana Sucks
Virtual Console: Now the Best Thing Ever

Time For Terranigma! Right?

Nadia Oxford — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 22:54:00 GMT

Friends, join me in a round of "Let's Push Our Effin' Luck." The Virtual Console has done such a good job at not sucking for the past few weeks that it's only natural for me to raise my hopes and watch them get sheared.

So, Nintendo. Square-Enix. Everyone. Time to stop starting and stopping like a nervous thoroughbred. It's time for commitment. It's time for Terranigma.

When you were young, you probably played Soulblazer and/or Illusion of Gaia on the Super Nintendo. Both games provided Zelda-flavoured adventures that were nevertheless unique. Illusion of Gaia in particular still stands out in my mind for its mild hero, Will, a boy with telepathic powers who must jump-start Earth's stagnant evolution. Terranigma actually preceds Will's journey and Soulblazer story-wise, casting the player as Ark. Ark is cast out of his Eden-like villiage and tasked with beginning the very evolution that Will is later called upon to re-direct.

Terranigma plays similarly to Illusion of Gaia, but it might seem unfamiliar because it never made it to North America. It did, however, see a release in Europe. So there's the beauty part: Terranigma already has an English translation waiting patiently for us.

Why do you want to play Terranigma? Because it's expansive, gorgeous and has a soundtrack that rivals greats like Chrono Trigger and Final Fantasy VI. Also, I'm holding your mom hostage so you might want to work something out with Square-Enix. Just kidding. Really though, listen to The Underworld theme and tell me it's not beautiful. Choose your words carefully; I am holding a big stick (not kidding this time).

Terranigma also has a pretty epic story going on, but seeing as how you're cast as God Junior, that's to be expected. One aspect I enjoy about Illusion of Gaia is the subtle storytelling, which Terranigma continues. As world shapes around you, nobody screams "Holy crap, it's the Great Lakes!" Except you, of course.

Come on, Nintendo. Square-Enix. Do it. I'll be your friend.

Related Links:

Virtual Console: Now The Best Thing Ever
Reminder: Shining Force is Awesome
Flying Gay Men Invade Virtual Console

Virtual Console: Now the Best Thing Ever

Bob Mackey — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 00:45:00 GMT

Remember back when the Virtual Console sucked? Of course you do; it was just this past summer. During those hot, boring months, I sat on about 2000 Wii Points; hope soon became a forgotten concept as Nintendo slowly trickled out games I've never given a damn about. By the time August rolled around, I was half-expecting to see a Virtual Console Monday featuring the Sega Genesis version of Chuck Rock along with a free Wii screen saver that would scroll the words "KILL YOURSELF" across the screen if you left the Wii-mote idle for more than 20 minutes.

But since the beginning of Fall, Nintendo's really gotten their Virtual Console shit together; and today's release of both Secret of Mana and World of Goo is proof of that. Sure, I'm in the dead center of a semester that's left me so haggard I can barely type this post without using my keyboard as a makeshift pillow, but... Secret of Mana.

I should honestly be a little more excited around World of Goo--and I do plan on eventually getting around to buying it. But for now, I have no choice but to pick up Secret of Mana again. Then I can relax on the couch with a glass of wine as Hiroki Kikuta's soothing soundtrack lulls me into a deep sleep. Oh, and the game is still fun as hell, too. We should just be happy that Secret of Mana's VC release finally means that, after many attempts to revive the franchise, Square has finally given up. And it's about time; series director Koichi Ishii has proven that he has no goddamned clue what makes Mana so great. And we've given him more than a decade to figure that out.

For more on the failure of Mana, please consult this podcast. Do not go to your local library. They will ask you to leave.

Related Links:

The Dividing RPG: Secret of Mana
Ten Reasons Why Secret of Mana Sucks
TVTropes' "Woolseyisms"

Reminder: Shining Force is Awesome

Bob Mackey — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:00:00 GMT

It may be relatively unknown, but Sega's Shining series has been pretty prolific since its 1991 debut; the little research I've done tells me that there have been 16 games in the franchise--though it's important to note that anything Shining started to suck around 1997 or so. The loss of developer Camelot Software Planning, combined with Sega's general financial failure, caused the Shining name to be repeatedly exploited in games that had absolutely nothing to do with the series' S-RPG roots. To be fair, Camelot didn't always have the Midas touch when it came to the Shining series--see aberrations like Shining Wisdom--but Sega and its development teams seem committed to slapping the Shining name on everything but strategy RPGs. And that's a damn shame.

Now that Camelot has been exclusively pumping out Nintendo sports games, all we are left with are memories, and the weeks Nintendo decides to release good things on Virtual Console Mondays. This happens to be one of those weeks, what with Shining Force II hitting the Virtual Console today. Now we can rest assured that our memories haven't lied to us; Shining Force is awesome! Now let's just be glad that Camelot decided to let the interminable Golden Sun series die, lest their reputation be damaged.

The main reason today's release of Shining Force II excites me--aside from the fact that I love the first two Shining games--is that I once assumed SFII would eventually be re-released. The first Shining Force saw a nice enhanced GBA port in 2004, and me, being the schmuck that I am, expected to get a GBA version of SFII not long after that. But it never came; which is a minor tragedy, seeing as the second game offers many improvements over the first one. Getting a chance to play it again--and pay much, much less than I would for a GBA game--is a consolation for me, as it should be for you. And if you've never played the series, here's the best description I can give: it's just like Fire Emblem, except that it doesn't make you want to murder the world.

Playing SFII does fill me with a bit of regret over the third game in the series; I never got a chance to play it, and with the combined factors of how much the game costs on eBay along with how impossible Saturn emulation is, it's very unlikely that I'll play the game in this lifetime. Add in the fact that America never saw the final two parts of the episodic SFIII, and you've got one major case of blogger's remorse. 61FPS readers who've played the Saturn Shining Force: are my bitter tears justified?

Related Links:

Independent at a Price: Sega and Platinum Games
What'd I Miss? Panzer Dragoon
Me VS. Blue Hedgehog

What I'm Playing This Weekend: Super Mario Bros 3

Nadia Oxford — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 01:58:00 GMT

And I mean the original Super Mario Bros 3, babes. Well, as "original" as a Virtual Console title gets.

I doubt I'll be playing for long. My husband and I have been going through the game level by level--no warping, of course--in a two-player game and making stupid remarks and now we're in Bowser's domain. Most of the stupid remarks are mine and go back to the days when I used to play with my brothers. My husband was a single child and I think he missed out on a special kind of chemistry that only two genetically-similar kids can provide when they're plopped in front of the television. For instance, every single time I go into a Toad House while donning a raccoon tail, I select a box by pressing A and B together. If I'm lucky, Mario's gorgeous butt will face us and I can say, "Ha ha, he's peeing!" It never gets old. At least I don't think so.

I appreciate the upgrades Super Mario Bros 3 received with Super Mario All-Stars on the SNES and Super Mario Advance 4...3...Whatever on the GBA. I own them both. But I was a bit surprised to find myself nostalgic for the original with checkerboard floors, the veiny grey backgrounds and the tin-flavoured Nintendo bass in Boom Boom's mini fortresses. That's an itch only 8-bit can scratch.

Super Mario Bros 3 is simply a well put-together game that's full of fantastic ideas and enough tunnels and secrets to make a Hobbit feel at home. It lets the player discover things for himself by revealing just enough information through the instruction booklet and leaving plenty of blanks. What did you think when you first saw the spiral-shaped fortress on the bottom half of Sky Land's map?

Tonight, we conquer Dark Land. Maybe. I'm pretty wiped out, actually. But...this weekend! This weekend, Bowser will pay!...When I'm done partying.

Pht, parties. Who am I kidding.

Related Links:

The One Thing I Know How to Say: Thank You Mario...
WTFriday: Birdo's Gender Confirmed?
Mario Will Not Retire. He Will Outlive Us All.

Ten Reasons Why Secret of Mana Sucks

John Constantine — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Caution: Humor and Satire Within.

I want to make two things abundantly clear. I love Super Nintendo-era Squaresoft. I love those games with a ferocious passion that transcends nostalgia. I am not being cute or silly when I say that Chrono Trigger changed my life. It did. Had I not played that game for the first time in December of 1996, I would have never kept writing, would have never been listening to the soundtrack which led to my getting up the courage to making a move on my first serious girlfriend, and a number of other causal ripples coming out of that formative experience. I also want to make it abundantly clear that I have very little time for baseless hating on anything, whether it be a human being, a flavor of lollipop, a book, or videogame.

That said, Secret of Mana sucks and I hate it. I have tried. Lord knows I have tried to play, to beat, and to love that game. I have tried so damn hard. But the truth is inescapable. It sucks and it will always suck. Here’s why!

1) Santa? Fuck you!
2) Stupid rabbites… think you’re so damn cute… whyioughta…
3) Takes forever to play.
4) Feels even longer because of stupid mechanics.
5) Multiplayer isn't fun when everyone gets stuck on a mushroom every two seconds.
6) If I swing a sword at a giant bee, it should fucking hit a giant bee.
7) Terrible soundtrack.
8) Just kidding, that soundtrack's amazing.
9) Protagonist is shitty bootleg version of Crono.
10) Plot makes about as much sense as the ending of Matrix: Reloaded.

I’m just sayin’!

*Now, before y’all go racing to the comments section, I want to make it abundantly clear that this list is for eliciting mirth and humorous reactions. I am not being serious. Well, a little serious. Watching this footage of the recent Virtual Console release of Secret of Mana just got me thinking about the game’s tireless fan-following and how I’m consistently mystified by it. The game is, love it or hate it, simply not up to the sterling standard set by Squaresoft’s other games of the 16-bit era. It has none of the refinement than any of the legendary publisher’s other titles. Frankly, when people talk about how far the series has fallen in the last decade, plagued by shoddy controls and boring environment design, I’m mystified. It’s always been that way.

(Link: NeoGAF)

Related links:

The Dividing RPG: Secret of Mana
TVTropes' "Woolseyisms"
Flying Gay Men Invade Virtual Console!

Flying Gay Men Invade Virtual Console!

Bob Mackey — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:00:00 GMT

The Cho Aniki series of aggressively-gay horizontal shooters has always been easy joke fodder; for about three or four years in a row, a Cho Aniki screenshot/caption tag-team appeared in nearly every issue of EGM. Through the march of time, Boong-Ga Boong-Ga has since replaced Cho Aniki in the "Oh, those wacky foreigners" category, but we've never been graced with an American release of any Cho Aniki game...until today.

The VC still lack Earthbound, Majora's Mask, and Yoshi's Island, but today Nintendo decided to rectify the dearth of TG-16 shmups on their digital download service by releasing the first Cho Aniki game. I can't tell you if it's good or bad, but I can tell you that it's weird.

Everything I know about the Japanese view of homosexuality is based on portrayals of gays in Japanese media, which boils down to the stereotype of male homosexuals being buff bodybuilders (with a surprising lack of mustache), and that the mere presense of gays is a joke in and of itself. A still image of Will and Grace would probably be considered the height of humor in Japan.

Remarkably, the first game in the Cho Aniki series could be much gayer--and it's important to note that the franchise would get much, much gayer. There's almost an exponential increase in over the top--and many would say insulting--gayness as the series continued, which makes me think this might be the only Cho Aniki game released for the Virtual Console. The breakout stars of Cho Aniki--bodybuilding brothers Adol and Samson--are relegated to the meager role of Gradius-style options in the first game; yes, they're Speedo-clad men firing laser beams out of their head. I told you this game was weird.

Hardcore Gaming 101 (as usual) has an excellent write-up on the series in case you need a brief refresher, or a reason to spend 900 Wii Points. Personally, when it comes to humorous shooters, I'm waiting for Parodius. It's not that my sexuality is being threatened--I just find the idea of controlling a penguin a little more attractive than a greasy, grinning bodybuilder. They scare me in real life.

Related Links:

Sweet Sassy Molassey! Super Mario RPG on the Virtual Console
The Dividing RPG: Secret of Mana
Ys and You

The Dividing RPG: Secret of Mana

Nadia Oxford — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Squaresoft's Secret of Mana will be coming to Virtual Console this September, probably as Seiken Densetsu 2. It's probably a good thing Square-Enix didn't try to reshuffle the Mana titles when they came to America. Re-numbering Final Fantasy already requires more math than I want to do outside a school setting.

(Yes, I was a dunce, and I still am according to expert testimony.)

Secret of Mana's VC revival got people a-muttering on message boards and IRC. And I was shocked and appalled to learn that there are people out there who care not for Randi's pastel-coloured adventure to find a giant tree.

They called it dated.

They called it boring.

They called it buggy, and "buggy" is actually being generous. By all programming logic, every copy of Secret of Mana should have imploded on the store shelves.

I might be biased. Secret of Mana was my first RPG outside of the Dragon Warrior/DragonQuest series, so it wasn't too hard for me to be blown away by the harrowing story of an orphan who was fathered by a sword.

On the other hand, I have no problem going back to old games and calling myself a loser for ever enjoying them. I bought Breath of Fire II on the Virtual Console a few months back and now I'm trying to remember what brand of crack I was smoking when I thought that was a playable game.

But when I play Secret of Mana, it always feels, if you allow me to borrow Chuck Mangione's body for a second, so good. I love the bright graphics and detailed enemy sprites. I love the towns that can't help but be rainbow-coated tourist attractions even if it's full of shuffling zombies and is neighbour to the shrine of a death cult. I love the three-player option that let my younger brother act like a total dick while I was trying to save the world. I love having to backtrack and help my brainless computer-controlled partners figure out how a door works while metal crawlers chase me and burn my ass. Oh wait, I hated that. That was bullshit.

I love wondering if Squaresoft knew they were naming their female hero after a Jewish holiday that encourages revelers to get really drunk.

Finally, I love the music. Calm and summery, Into the Thick of It remains one of my favourite pieces for the "overworld" music in any game. But even that doesn't touch The Dark Star or Still of the Night.

Oh God, that last piece initiated Griffon Hand flashbacks. Fetch me my Dragoon Lance, Billy.

Secret of Mana remains the only Mana game that I would jump in front of a bus to protect. Even Seiken Densetsu 3, which received a lovely fan translation, never grabbed me. I, however, grabbed the Game Boy Advance's Sword of Mana, threw it on the ground and jumped on top of it with steel-toed boots. Take that, relentless menu navigation.

Perhaps I was not meant to understand the ways of others, as they were not meant to understand me.

Or maybe my taste rocks and everyone else's sucks. Yeah, that has to be it!

Related Links:

TVTropes' "Woolseyisms"
Square-Enix's Coup Brings Back Memories
Know Your Final Fantasy IV Trivia. It Could Save Your Life.

Sweet Sassy Molassey! Super Mario RPG on the Virtual Console

Bob Mackey — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 19:00:00 GMT

It always sucks to hear what other countries are getting in their respective digital download marketplaces, because America tends to get the shaft. A typical scenario: "Hey, look: the Japanese Playstation Store got Metal Gear Solid and Einhander! What's new for the US this week? Blasto." *sound of gun being cocked*

But someone, somewhere, must have taken pity on the puny American dollar, because Super Mario RPG--a game that was released elsewhere earlier in the summer--is now available for download on the Wii's Virtual Console. This is big news, because A.) Super Mario RPG is the most "important" game to come out for the VC since god knows when, and B.) hells yes it is worth buying.

Admittedly, it is kind of an odd game; unlike later Mario RPGs, this one feels the most Final Fantasy-ish--half of the creative content belongs to Square, and it doesn't really jive well with the Mario Universe. But it's still a great RPG, and, like Chrono Trigger, one of the few RPGs worth replaying; at around 20-25 hours, it's very well-paced and you never, ever have to grind for experience. Most of the time you'll reach the level cap of 30 shortly before the final dungeon, making the typical tedious late-game leveling a thing of the past--and just like Earthbound's progressive enemy encounter system, Super Mario RPG's ergonomic take on the genre never really caught on outside of its own franchise.

Also worth mentioning is the fantastic, fabulous (other "f" adjective needed here) soundtrack, which may be my favorite work of Square composer Yoko Shimomura. Her soundtrack is bouncy, jumpy ear candy; it's a great mix of arranged classic Mario tunes and her own ultra-catchy originals. And since I'm without cable at my new apartment until tomorrow (don't ask how I'm updating now), all I can do to console myself is put on the OST and try not to lapse into a diabetic coma. Luckily, I have the SMRPG fan remix album Heavy Troopa is Ready to Launch! on my iPod, which is mostly great outside of a few embarrassing rap arrangments that wouldn't even fly in a Knuckles level. There's also an episode of the gaming OST podcast Into the Score, which explains why the SMRPG soundtrack is awesome with fancy-pants musical terminology just in case you don't believe me. But you should.

Oh yeah; there's this, too:

Related Links:

Mario Will Not Retire. He Will Outlive Us All.
Ys and You

I Wish I Had Bought Tetrisphere.

Amber Ahlborn — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Tetris, who isn't familiar with Tetris? I owned the original Game Boy once upon a time so naturally I had the game that started the craze. But I have a secret to share. I wasn't really a fan. It was okay, but I seemed utterly immune to its spell. Really, I'm not much of a puzzle game fan. Oh sure, I like puzzles that are worked into other games, like platforming games or adventures and such, but pure puzzle games have never attracted me that much.

But I really do wish I'd bought Tetrisphere.

I rented Tetrisphere numerous times for my N64 but I never bought it. I thought about buying it, but never got around to actually buying it. When enough time passed that the game had become all but impossible to find, I regretted not buying it. While the original Tetris didn't do much for me, and I can say the same of all the puzzlers inspired by Tetris, Tetrisphere was different. It mesmerized me. It even had a really good techo/trance soundtrack. Now, many years later, the game still pops into my mind and I hold out hope that it will hit the Wii's Virtual Console.

I still wonder why I never purchased this game when I'd had the chance.

Related Links:

It's My Tetris Party and I Can Waggle If I Want To

Mega Man 9 Goes Back to Your Roots. Way Back.

Watcha Playing: Cleaning House, Finding Roots

Ys and You

Bob Mackey — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Monday saw the release of Ys Book I & II for the Wii's Virtual Console, making it the first time since mid-May I was remotely interested in anything on the service. Standard VC bitchery: Nintendo, I am willing to buy digital versions of games I already own. The save battery on my Earthbound cart still worked in 2005, but in the horrible year of 2008, who knows?

If you weren't too aware of gaming in the early 90s, Ys Book I & II was basically the Halo of the ill-fated TurboGrafx-CD--not in how it was treasured by millions of gamers, but by what a showpiece it was for the hardware. In 1990, CD-ROM technology was still astoundingly new, and NEC knew it could impress the pants off of prospective console buyers; hence, the showing of promotional videos featuring footage of Ys in gaming stores across the country (and I should know, because for some reason NEC also sent a handful of copies to my house).

The intro is pretty primitive and just as "animated" as a cutscene from one of the Sega CD Lunar games, but put yourself in the shoes of someone from 1990 (I'm guessing they would be British Knights) and dare to not find it impressive:

As for the game, it's a little dated--even by action-RPG standards. Ys came out a little too close to The Legend of Zelda to be considered a ripoff--it's certainly no Neutopia or Golden Axe Warrior--but stealing the whole "attack button" concept would have made the game a little less awkward. Combat in Ys involves ramming your character into enemies and hoping that you chip away at their health faster than they chip away at yours. It's unique, but takes some getting used to; and you'd be surprised how fast Adol can plow through enemies once he becomes the Refrigerator Perry of RPG heroes.

The Ys series still remains cherished in Japan, even though Falcom does a lot of rehashing and is one of those old Japanese developers who never really figured out 3D--it's hard to believe they're still around. Needless to say, Ys is mostly unknown in the States, despite a handful of releases on multiple platforms over the past few decades. If you feel that not living in Japan has robbed you of vital Ys knowledge, head on over to Hardcore Gaming 101's article on the franchise to find out what you've been missing.

Oh yeah, and buy Ys Book I & II on the Virtual Console; it's only eight bucks. You don't want all of those unfortunate TurboGrafx-CD owners to start rolling in their graves (they were murdered in the Great Console Wars of '93).

Related Links:

WiiWare: Nintendo, Babe, It Just Isn’t Working Out