Date Machine

Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? OR I'm Getting Old

Posted by fishnetsandlight

Every so often, I crawl out from under my mid-twenties rock to see what the young folks are up to. And I can't help but ask adolescent girls all across this great nation: W?T?F?

I mean, really, ladies: The Jonas Brothers? Is this what passes for male heartthrobs in 2009? David fuckin' Cassidy was tougher than these guys. Who put the Disney channel in charge of doling out cute boys? Between them and that guy who manages to make men in mascara suck, I'm thinking we should let Nickelodeon take a crack at it.

Back in my day, we liked men. MEN, dammit. Criminal records. Accents. Maybe a heroin addiction. My barely pubescent crushes made no pretenses of wholesomeness (OK, except maybe when they did Tiger Beat.) Johnny Depp wrecked a hotel room, put on a dress and fucked every hot actress from Winona Ryder to Vanessa Paradis. Liam Gallagher couldn't get his shit together to save his life. Tupac got himself killed! THOSE are crushworthy dudes.

When did the hot boys become... chicks? They're all virginal (not in the wink wink sense, even) and about as exciting as paint chips.

Where is the fun in crushing on a bunch of brothers who sport promise rings and act responsibly? And what is with this Twilight bullshit? I thought this generation was all postmodern and had given up on Prince Charming and abstinence tales. You've got the rest of your life to be married to Mr. Responsibility, girls. Don't waste your youth pining for boys that your mother would like.

Is wholesomeness the new... black, or whatever?

Ugh. Gaze upon Certified Real Man, Clive Owen, and tell me everything will be all be alright.


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Feb 13 2009, 05:42 PM
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Comments

Toluca_86 said:

I honestly, HONESTLY, wonder how much this has to do with all of the Bush Administration's abstinence-only initiatives.  I have a kid sister who's 16 now, and she went through a couple of years of abstinence-only programming in school.  A lot of it is very throwback to the 50s or whatever and very extreme.  It's a whole world different from the straight-scientific message on sex most of us got in the 90s.

February 14, 2009 2:45 PM

profrobert said:

Are you too young to remember WHAM! (before George Michael started loitering in men's rooms) or NKOTB or Boys2Men?  Or before that, David Cassady and Bobby Sherman?  Clean-cut, asexual boy-men have always been heartthrobs for teeny boppers.

February 14, 2009 4:14 PM

LydiaSarah said:

And don't forget Hanson...

February 14, 2009 11:57 PM

fishnetsandlight said:

I tried to post responses and Nerve ate them... agh! I'll have to come back later when I'm not aggravated by technology.

February 15, 2009 12:04 PM

Toluca_86 said:

Yeah but Profrobert and LydiaSarah:

I agree that androgynous looking young men have been popular with young girls for a long time, but what about this Twilight phenomenon?

February 15, 2009 12:20 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

I think this virgin thing is puritan reactionary propaganda.  I also don't believe it for a second.  Besides, the rising number of cases of AIDS and STDs amongst heterosexual teens would suggest that few kids take this seriously.

And I don't believe the Jonas Bros. aren't diddling about.  

February 15, 2009 7:49 PM

casualencounters.com/blog/ said:

So squeaky clean they must have used a douchebag. Or three.

February 17, 2009 2:37 AM

Counsel said:

Marketing people and departments create the "next big thing" many times so that they all have jobs and can move "product."

Just because most people follow the crowd (sheep) does not mean that a real "man" is not dressed as those pictured or must have a drug addiction.

How about we stop judging folks based on their appearance.  For some reason, most of us don't judge folks based on their color-appearance, and I don't know why we judge people by their clothes--except to say that is what they are wearing (and I wouldn't wear it).

Generalizations are not helpful.  Of course, your opinion may differ...

February 17, 2009 10:06 AM

astrocom said:

Ehh twilight is especially dumb, but other than that I don't get the whole "celebrity heartthrobs" thing. I mean, I've looked at celebrities, mentally nodded, and thought, "I'd like to have sex with that," but I've never bothered personifying a celebrity enough to actually be attracted. Of course I also hate the concept of celebrity, with few exceptions (so I'm a nerd, I think smart people who are famous deserve it, and actors and musicians rarely deserve a 10th of what they "earn").

February 20, 2009 12:06 AM

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