Well, you DO live in Manhattan...what do you expect?

How about this:  I left a man because he had a secret drug habit.  I just removed myself from his life never to be heard from again.  In response, he performed live shows where he hired a stripper to play the role of me (in a ridiculous wig!) and indicated that I was bad in bed and barren.  Everywhere I went people would say, "Oh, I saw ______'s show.  I'm so so sorry."  It was dramatic enough that I was compelled to leave town rather than further suffer the public indignity.  

As a woman who knows plenty about art, music, culture, and men, I will gently posit that you fellows can routinely upstage the craziest bitch alive!  

Your geographic location can determine the kind of people around you.  I mean, I'm not going to move to North Dakota and expect to find a load of progressive, pro-choice, creative geniuses lining up at my door.  

Mostly, I just have a grudge against New York.

There is no nice way to dump someone, and no nice way to be dumped.  I've seen people demand explanations.  What's the point?  You want to be with someone or you don't.  End of story.  

""I mean, they love shows like ‘dancing with the stars’ and ‘american idol’, they don’t know much about cinema, or art, or music.. not really anyway."

The hell?  Once again, zeitgeisty, I have reason to question your choice in women.  I mean, you've made it clear looks is about more important to you than anything else, and that you have very particular standards in that department -what do you expect?

Oh and for the record, nearly all of the people I've known who claimed to like Britney Spears were male.

And secondly, frequently when people turn me down "gently" I either think they sound like they're b.s.ing, or else they're so ambiguous I spend a lot more time wondering about what's going through their head than I otherwise would.  I really think b.s.ing to someone is pretty cruel in its own way.  I don't think it has to be either/or though; I mean you can phrase things diplomatically and still be honest.

Another thought: you seem like the type who like women who will look up to you.  Do you think that is an accurate statement?  Because that probably attracts a certain type, as well...

Wow, just a tad bit bitter, are we?

It's not them, they are merely a reflection of you.

two things,

the indifference that many women receive from their male partners is one of the cruelest aspects of a the male-female dichotomy. women may be brutal, but men just don't give a fuck and this can break a ladies heart for sure.

and two, why the fuck can't people be civil about breakups, i've dished them out and had them handed to me, and i always try to be an adult about it. its already going to be painful, why make it hateful too. i don't see the need for that.  

No.  Straight men (plural) who liked Britney Spears.

Yikes that is how you view women?  Sounds more like you know mostly sorority girls at Ole Miss.  I don't think its gender as much as education and interest.  I've somehow managed to surround myself with dozens of women none of whom watch TV at all really.  Is it San Francisco?  Or have I somehow managed to isolate the only decent women on the planet?  

I try to not get all bra-burning-feminazi; it's a bad color on me.  However, if the last two paragraphs are really how you imagine our gender then I assume it's just you.  Maybe something about you makes it easy for women to be cruel to you.

Off to go slit my ex-boyfriend's throat and then bathe in the blood!

I don't think there's a real gender difference out there, Z, but either way I take exception to your methodology for documenting one; it sounds like you are generalizing way too much from your own personal experience.  Besides what everyone else has said about your bizarre caricature of women, here's another obvious thing: you have privileged awareness of your own intentions, but not of your partners'.  You can't know that the people you dumped oh-so-carefully actually saw it that way too. And you can't know that the ones who dumped you oh-so-cruelly intended to be cruel.  

...in the right measure.  

my ex was too nice in the breakup. so nice that he drug my heart along for months in false hope.  fucked me. then fucked me over and told me he was already dating someone else when he came to return my camping gear and "why was i upset? it was over between us months ago."  i wish he had just told me i don't want you anymore i'm positive about that instead of things like "i might be making the biggest mistake i can't avoid making and maybe you are the one for me, I just need to be alone right now."  blah blah "it's me not you"  i fucking hate that.  just be honest.  i feel like that is more cruel and it wastes more of my precious time.  and i like britney in an ironic way.  in an i'm drunk and at a gay bar and maybe this one song, at this very moment, isnt that bad sort of way.  and i know about music and books and films.  did you just get dumped zeitgeisty cause this posting is small minded of you and you sound angry.  if so then i'm sorry and she is a bitch. and date someone older that knows things on a deeper level next time?  

leslie098,

It is San Francisco.  

Or more precisely, it is the Bay Area and Boston and Austin and parts of other major cities, New England and elite colleges.

This year at my New England College I have found myself in an interesting position.  The adorable freshmen think I'm quite cool.  My younger sister, on the other hand, living in Podunk, Midwest who is shortly to be a freshwoman herself, listens to Fergie, watches the disney channel and thinks I'm the nerdiest thing alive. C'est la vie.

zeitgeisty,

Maybe it's not that you could see the writing on the wall.  Maybe it's just that you're a pessimist.  Maybe it's that you weren't that terribly into the girl.  Anyway, I think the notion that we should be able to read each other's minds sans clear communication is ridiculous.  Men bash women over that sh!t all the time...

People CAN truly be confusing.  And sometimes couples break up and get back together.  We've all known people that happened to.  Me, I was broken up with (it was just a casual relationship though) in a somewhat disturbing and confusing way which made me think he really never liked me that much, then he continued to flirt and compliment and 6 months later when single gave me a personal and what would normally be construed as romantic gift.  And I'm supposed to know what that sh!t means??

The folks (both men and women) who are doing the breaking up often say things because they think they sound reasonable and plausible: truth is often secondary.  They just want to get out the corner they're in -- the one where they're expected to give the reasons for why they are no longer in love.