Back by popular demand.... I take your confessions, and turn them into comedy gold.
"I think I have a psychological addiction to feeling special. If I don't have it I will do anything to get it. Even if it means hurting someone I love."I think the proper clinical terminology for this is ‘self centered cunt’."What is it about Spring that makes past crushes/exes/hook-ups come out of the woodwork?"Simple, Spring is always the time for getting back in touch with your Plan B contingency fuck. You see, Spring is when most people get dumped by their Plan A."i waited for 20 years for him to find me again. but he did and it was worth the wait."…and the icing on the cake is his monthly social security check!! "I don't remember every bad choice I made being bad while I was making them."Except maybe that one time I had unprotected sex with Mr. raging herpes guy."Yes, she's my cousin. But my mom would give me hell if I cut things off with her. You understand, don't you?" Random text message intercepted from the Palin family…."I just don't see you as the Honey, I'm home type." You’re more like the….’bitch, I’m back, crack out the wine cooler’ variety."I am shy. From a pseudo-evolutionary standpoint, you could make the argument that my model should be recalled or discontinued."Taken from Charles Darwin’s childhood diary…"My boyfriend and I were standing in line for ice cream when he leaned over and whispered in my ear; "I forgot to wash my face. It tastes like you." Then he kissed the top of my head, put his arm around me and smiled. It was embarassing/sweet/gross/sexy/adorable."What he failed to notice was, he actually HAD washed his face, he simply mistakenly ordered the ‘skanky puss’ flavored ice cream."What on earth makes you think having a drink with me is the safe choice? Surely you know me better than that! But, yes, we can start with a drink and see what develops. Maybe you’ll find out what’s on that top shelf…"It’s a huge dildo right… c’mon of course it is… big honking 10 foot plastic cock.. right? Right??"I can't decide whether being sluttier would make me feel more liberated or depressed." The better looking you are = more liberated… the fuglier you are = more depressing."I've had so many problems with men in the past year it has completely skewed my sexuality. I was once someone who loved and desired and was open about sex and proud of it and now sex is so intertwined with bad feelings and memories of failed sex and relationships i can't watch porn with couples having sex, i can't listen to people talk about having sex and i can't masturbate without waves of sadness flooding up to the surface even though my body craves sex like crazy. I can't handle it, how could i get this way? I look at old lingerie i used to buy in eager anticipation for someone else and i just want to cry. I am so embaressed by this and how will i get over it?"
Jesus.. quit your whining and go suck a dick.
an oldie but goody...Jlo
plan b and the contingency fuck
spit or swallow
women are cruel
older women
Psychology of the female orgasm
Does HAIR matter?
SEX TIPS for DUMMIES
Patterns in relationships
Love in the time of recession
The MIA phenomenon
Getting nailed with a strap-on
Why smart people can't get laid
Going through old e-mail - revisiting past babes
How I picked up the babes on the internet
If you're hot then it's ok?
Handjobs in Hungary
Striving for consistently decent sex
one year anniversary
bachmann turns my stomach overdrive
dream date
i love ya but i don't like ya
how i met my girlfriend
valentines day
blogger doodles
octomom
sexual pet peeves
date with a transvestite - blogger doodle
sex with ichat
the myth of the bad boy
blind leading the blind
facebook 25 responses
how wet do you get?
my lame attempts at voyeurism
Celebrity relationships
my soundtrack for a broken heart
Shaniqua
100 posts!
Choking on desperation
I'm not an ASIAN fetishist
Wouldjarather
junk in 'da trunk : the ASS file
Fun with dating confessions
Stay away from my nipples!
wouldjarather?
didjaever?
Are all women gay?
She was an ex nazi but she had spectacular jugs
new years resolutions
bloggerdoodle
are moustaches sexy?
the last 4 people i fucked slipped my mind
the indie girl in my office has knowledge of my bowel movements
merry xmas
twas the night before xmas
fuckability VS beauty
RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...
blogger doodle
Dancin'.. does it get you hot?
Telling the truth in relationships
How much sex is enough?
The end of jealousy for me
Get that Zeitgeisty look!
Blogger Doodles
Rate THEIR pick-up lines
Older babe alert
blogger doodles
Obligatory posting on cyber-sex
the importance of finding true sexual compatibility
Will you just take my penis in your hand already?
Snark and ass
blogger doodles
5 things I'm thankful for
licking ass and taking names
Snarky and assinine responses
Blogger doodles
The Origins of my cold, black heart
relationship dealbreakers
The different kinds of vaginas
bloggerdoodles
Snarky dating confessions responses
Blogger doodles
I wanna bang your friend
Show me your jugs
translations
Blogger doodles
Is there an expiration date on passion?
translations
bloggerdoodles
crazy pants
used to be cool - zeitgeisty on MTV
hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file
translations...
blogger doodles 3
the gardener and the rose
We fart therefore we are
TRANSLATIONS
Blogger doodles 2
My most cringeworthy moments with women
Are you a sociopath part 2
Are you a sociopath part 1
translations...
blogger doodles
The worst sex of my life
The sex and the city movie was lame
commitment phobia is a myth
Translations...
TYPES
Do.. do women really suck in bed?
The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality
50 sexual expereiences I've never had
Dating COnfessions translations
I'm a breast man... the JUGS file
John McCain makes my peepee go limp
Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.
My dating confessions TRANSLATIONS
My internet dating advice
What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women
All Porn SUCKS!!
The night PAULINA and I discussed sex
How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?
Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!
Sex with someone I love - The MASTURBATION file
The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file
'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file
BITE ME! - Snark.
My first kiss...a remembrance of thing past
Feel the paste in you face - The FACIAL file
Talk dirty to me!!
I abstain! The fear to fuck
The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.
BITE ME!!!
Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file
The brass ring
