I find it hilarious that my mother still believes in the concept of a ‘soulmate’.

This is a woman as cynical as any you’d ever meet. Cynical, sarcastic, biting, eviscerating, and yet she still believes in true love. I was up at my parents this week, as I had strep throat and had to take an emergency trip upstate to get antibiotics. On a short sidebar here, don’t ever get strep throat, as it’s the single most painful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life – and I have quite a high pain threshold. My glands on the left side of my neck swelled up to baseball sized proportions, and even the thought of swallowing induced a stabbing agony that was indeed highly wearisome.

Anyway, I had to get back into the city for work, as I’ve got a project that I’ve got finish up this week so I caught a ride with my mother at the ungodly hour of 6am. She makes this commute every day to teach, whereas I generally roll out of bed around 930. On the way in, we were talking about the show In Treatment on HBO, and my mother brought up an old girlfriend of mine that looked like one of the characters. Then she said something along the lines of, who knows maybe if you had been 5 years older when you met her, you would have gotten married. I found it a bit of an odd statement, but obviously my mother is concerned that I’m never going to get hitched.

I told her the same thing I always say, how past a certain age it just becomes less and less likely for people  - especially men – to get into that 'head'. She responded that maybe if I found my soulmate I would feel differently. Like this is actually something that exists. To me the concept of the ‘soulmate’ is as big a fantasy as the easter bunny. I told her that’s never going to happen and that the odds of finding someone I could picture being with for the rest of my life without throwing myself headfirst off of a tall building are next to nil.

She then said, ‘Well lots of people still do it.. it’s much easier for a man your age than it is for a woman…an older man can always find a younger woman, it’s not the same the other way around’.

The thing is, older or younger it makes no difference  -  it’s the same deal…there is no such thing as a SOULMATE. I defy anyone here to lay claim to one and anyone who does is delusional and ultimately in for a rude awakening.

I have to say I was a bit surprised by the whole conversation. Even though this woman knows me better than practically anyone in the world, she still holds out hope in her heart that I’m going to find ‘true love’, and I’m sure in her mind it will be with someone that SHE’LL love as well. To tell you the truth it made me a tad depressed, that combined with my aching throat made my early morning quite a bummer.

Have I ever found 'true love'? No. What does that even mean ' True Love'? Isn't it supposed to mean finding someone who loves you uncondtionally, accepts you totally and doesn't try and change you, guilt you or manipulate you. Someone who would never think to aggress upon you passively, actively or otherwise. Someone who shares your passions, who is loyal as a St. Bernard, and who never tries to make you feel bad.. Isn't that 'true love'... nope.. never found it - not even close. The whole idea of it is evil when you think about it. Sold to us like cigarettes.. one gives you cancer of the lungs, and the other gives you a cancer in your soul.