date machine : celebrity photos

the indie girl in my office has knowledge of my bowel movements

RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

Why smart people can't get laid

Sex Machine: Does getting NAILED with a STRAP-ON by your girlfriend make you GAY?...plus the daily throb

zeitgeisty — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 16:14:00 GMT

I checked Nerve’s home page when I got into the office this morning and I noticed a new short story had been posted called ‘The Conditional Surrender’ .

I skimmed through it, and discovered it was all about some middle aged guy getting nailed in the ass with a dildo by his girlfriend.

Well ok, it wasn’t ALL about that, but pretty much yeah…

Now, as I’ve divulged here in a previous post, I’ve had my ass invaded once by an ex with a clumsy long nailed finger and it turned out to be quite a painful proposition. Ever since then my ass has been off limits. In fact I carry around with me a laminated Doctors note excusing me from any rectal manipulation. It truly was an all around unpleasant experience, and one I have no wish of repeating – and this was just a finger we're talking about! I couldn’t even imagine getting rammed up the cornhole the way this dude describes.

I tell you, I’m just not into those dominatrix types that get off on inflicting pain on their partners. I always feel it’s as if they’re exorcising some disturbing personal demons within and I’m their very own voodoo doll. Of course I’ll hear cries of 'double standard', as men love to fuck ass but rarely lay their own mudflaps down on the table in reciprocation. My response to said condemnation would be…

…and your point is?

As far as double standards go, that’s one I can live with sans guilt. Moreover, never have I ever inflicted or wanted to inflict on any of my ex-girlfriends some sort of strange and violent anal pounding with a hard plastic dildo. That just seems more like a power trip than anything else. I mean, what does a woman get out of fucking her boyfriend with a strap on besides some sadistic pleasure?

Reading through the story, I wondered what type of ‘heterosexual male’ – as the writer defines himself in the story – would allow their butt to be plundered in such a manner? I mean, I have a relatively open mind, but to me this crosses the line into ‘gay-ish’ territory. Perhaps it’s not all the way gay, but allowing your girlfriend to make her your bitch, while she shoves a giant fake cock up your ass, well….that’s pretty gay.

Still I don’t know, perhaps I’m just old fashioned.

Makes you wonder what goes on behind closed doors though. Who know, maybe Prorobert likes to dress up in a bunny costume and have carrots crammed up his brown eye. Maybe Toluca likes to dress up as a mailman, and shoot dogs. Yes, I can definitely picture it all. As for me, I’ve never been a fetish guy, and have always been pretty much the ‘decider’ in the bedroom. I’m the chairman-of-the-board if you will. Keep your oils, beads and other implements of destruction away from my bumcakes.

Homey don’t play that shit.

Adriana Lima

Going through old e-mail - revisiting past babes

How I picked up the babes on the internet

If you're hot then it's ok?

Handjobs in Hungary

the indie girl in my office has knowledge of my bowel movements

RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

How I picked up the babes on the internet

Personals confessions: Going through old E-MAIL: RE-VISITING the past BABES I've once known....plus the daily throb...

zeitgeisty — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 17:54:00 GMT

The other day I went through my word files and old e-mails in order to come up with some examples of Online correspondence for my last post here, and although I couldn’t really find too many examples of ‘initial’ greetings, I did find a lot of old conversations with women I’ve had over the past few years. Reading through it, I felt both vaguely fascinated and astoundingly bored. The oddest part to read through was definitely MY end of the various exchanges. My forced jocularity, irritating jaunty verbosity, jeez it grated me as I read it.

As I went through more and more of them, I became weary. All these little flings I'd had seemed so empty. It felt more like some kind of exercise in ego than anything else – my ego. I would never hear from the vast majority of these women ever again, yet saved for posterity are all the electric details of our plans, activities, and banter.

The strangest part of going through old e-mails of past relationships is coming across someone you used to date that you’ve completely forgotten about. The feeling of disconnection is so extreme, it’s almost as if it all happened to someone else. Still, that's your name there, it IS you… but IS it really? You see, in a lot of these 'relationships', I was putting on an act. In many cases, a lot of these women never got to see the real me at all. So in a sense, these e-mail exchanges are very much like observing an alien interaction.

They’re almost VOYEURISTIC in fact…

The sheer number of coffee dates I’ve been on these past few years is pretty ridiculous. It’s a wonder I haven’t expired from all the caffeine I’ve ingested, not to mention all the cheese Danish impacted in my colon like so much spackle. All those women, most of whom I wouldn’t even recognize if I passed them on the street. I wonder what’s become of all of them.

Actually, I don’t.

In fact, I’ve pretty much blotted out everything from my tired mind having to with anything but sheer survival. I’m on auto-pilot. I’m not that coffee datin’, irritatingly jaunty fellow I once was. I actually don’t really know what I am anymore. I used to be a completely solopsistic prick - not anymore. That’s the one good thing about being a shallow egocentric, at least it’s a tangible identity.

Jeez… but all those women.

Most of them whom I never shared anything more than a cheese Danish and coffee mind you, but god… some of them… What the HELL was I thinking? I mean, some of these women had absolutely not one single quality I look for, and I’m talking across the board – looks, intelligence, sense of humor. I honestly don’t know what I was trying to accomplish there. Of course, it did provide me with valuable experience as to the many different types of ladies out there.

Still... was it worth it? All those wasted hours expending energy on a bunch of crap that in the end had no relevance to my life other than to ground me down just a bit more...

Now, don’t get me wrong, there were a few in there that I actually got to know pretty well, and I still maintain some sort of contact with a couple of them, but overall they’re all pretty much ghosts haunting my inbox. Each time I click ‘older’ in my G-mail, more cobwebs form, dust chokes me, I hear strange creaking… it’s scary stuff!!

When I eventually click back on ‘newest’ I feel safe once again….

Janet Margolin

If you're hot then it's ok?

Handjobs in Hungary

the indie girl in my office has knowledge of my bowel movements

RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

Date Night: HAND-JOB in Hungary - my only true love!..plus the daily throb.

zeitgeisty — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:52:00 GMT

I met J in an outdoor café in Budapest, she was clothed in crinoline of smoky burgundy and appeared softer than the rain. She also beared a slight resemblance to Art Garfunkle, but that's neither here nor there. At that time, I was in Hungary on a student’s visa - apparently somebody had left it on the chair in the café, and although I found it quite uncomfortable, I was too lazy to remove it from underneath my buttocks.

In the midst of the bustling lunchtime congregation she stood out like a freshly minted dime – petite, shiny, and with little ridges on her rim. I was instantly struck by her gestalt, as she had sailed at my head a tiny paper airplane with only the word ‘gestalt’ written on its side in a child-like scrawl.

It wasn’t her astounding beauty that initially drew me to her, as in all honesty she looked like something you’d find in a petry dish. No, what got me was the odd fact that she was carrying in her left hand an extraordinarily large socket wrench. Later I found out that she was a studying abroad, working on her doctorate in advanced plumbing.

I must tell you, she was quite a sight, sitting there cross legged with a decidedly dainty air talking to herself in low tones, and gesticulating wildly with the wrench. I was all at once intrigued, nauseated, threatened and slightly aroused. I listened in to the conversation she was having with herself, and overheard her use the word ‘dialectical’ – I was instantly smitten. I sidled up to her suavely and asked her if she’d care for another coffee or perhaps a piece of Danish.

‘Hungarians don’t eat Danish’, she retorted in an odd monotone.

‘Ahh… I had no idea. So you’re from here?’

‘No, I’m Armenian, but when in Rome…’

I could tell she would be a hard nut to crack, but one look at her wrench and I knew I had to have her. Still I had to be cautious, for one thing she was carrying a potential implement of destruction, for another my mother had always taught me never to inhale too deeply next to an Armenian.

‘Well perhaps you’d like some strudel then, I hear they make a fine strudel’

‘OH!’, her eyes lit up.. ’Yes please, I would love a prune strudel’

…and with that I was in!

It’s funny, up until then I had ordered many different types of pastry; choux; danish; profiterole; but after J it would be only prune strudel from then on. It was almost as if it were some kind of ‘psychic howl’ a broken promise made to myself, of which I alone was aware. It was a way of showing solidarity to myself, or rather ‘solo-darity’ as I was the only one who understood, or cared.

Nowadays, every time I eat a piece of prune strudel I chuckle knowingly to myself. One time a fellow patron at a local café was so irritated by my knowing chuckles that he beat me very badly, and put me in the hospital for two months. I still continue to knowingly chuckle though – I just do it much quieter.

J and I ate our strudel, flirting, and laughing - I with her, and her mostly with herself – well into the crisp Budapest-ian night. As the shadows became longer and longer, it was time for us to part, but not before she was able to give me a tender hand-job underneath the table. Well, technically it wasn’t a true hand-job, as she used her socket wrench – luckily as I have stated before it was a very large wrench!

My heart, and penis were never the same after that night. That wretched, ridge-y, mental case with a large socket wrench embodied everything I’d ever wanted in a woman. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be as later that week I would be deported for attempting to fuck a fire hydrant in broad daylight.

I will never forget J though….my only true love.

the indie girl in my office has knowledge of my bowel movements

RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine: more WOULDJARATHER.. SEXUAL choices for the PERVERTED!!.. plus the throb

zeitgeisty — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 19:10:00 GMT

As you may know by now, I like to come up with "interesting" sexual scenarios, and decide which ones I'd rather take part in if I was FORCED to... So I put it to you good people in a tasteful piece I like to call.. WOULDJARATHER!!

Wouldjarather lick mayonnaise from in between Louie Anderson’s rolls of fat...

...or get an enema from Howie Mandel?

Wouldjarather ride reverse cowgirl on the frozen cock of Walt Disney (headless and cryogenically frozen)...

...or get anally raped by Mr. T?

Wouldjarather get a blumpkin by the Mom (Amy Roloff) on ‘Little people Big World’...

...or shave Camille Paglia’s graying pubic hair?

Wouldjarather have Helen Gurley Brown lick honey out of your asshole...

...or have Nancy Reagan slap you in the face with her flapping labia majora?

Wouldjarather swim open mouthed across a raging river of diarrhea...

...or fuck Paris Hilton without a condom while she’s on the rag, and you’ve got a gash on your penis?

Wouldjarather finger- bang your sister...

...or have a jolly rancher wedged sideways up your ass for 6 years?

Wouldjarather slurp ketchup off of Ronald McDonald’s Big Mac...

...or get stuffed with the Burger King’s Whopper?

Wouldjarather pop the zits and eat the pus out of Danny Bonaduce’s roid raged back...

...or have Jose Canseco take a dump on your left thigh?

Wouldjarather have an angry 3-way with Kevin James and James Belushi...

...or make gentle love with Wayne Newton?

Wouldjarather get a handjob from Freddy Kreuger...

...or tongue kiss Pinhead?

maria bartiromo

Walrus Comix

My other blog - Zeitgeisty : Born To Lose * new post up daily

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

the indie girl in my office has knowledge of my bowel movements

RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine - JUNK in 'da TRUNK: the ASS file...plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 19:55:00 GMT

Ok, so what have I covered thus far here at Date Machine… Hmm.. anal – check, facials – check, jugs – check, squirting – check, porn, commitment-phobia, relationship deal breakers, different kinds of vagina, sex quotients, fuckability VS. Beauty and nipples… check, check, check, check, check, check, check…

Hmmm...Where’s the ass post? I know there was a BANGIN’ ass post, but no actual post solely dedicated to the divine posterior. This is a travesty that must be immediately rectum-fied.

Now.. where to begin? Well, to tell the whole truth, I’ve always considered the tuchus to be second banana as far as MY banana was concerned. As you all may know by this point, I’m a breast man. Still, I do consider a shapely backside to be way up there on the boner scale I always have actually - even though recent history hasn't always been so kind to the ole' mudflaps.

Let's pause and reflect shall we?

Back in the 80s, girls were always shoving their buns into these impossibly tight and high – waisted style jeans like ‘Jordache’, ‘Sassoon’ and ‘Calvin Klein’. I was only a kid, but it never made much sense to me. I mean, at BEST what you came out with was a boyish slender hipped look with an ass like an ironing board, and at worst, well… you looked like 5 pounds of shit stuffed in a 2 pound sack.

The 90s weren’t much better, as women started sporting this ponderous ‘l.l. bean’ look. This style is best described as a lot of thick denim, pleating, acid wash and more high-waisted-ness. The thing is, with all that extra denim, in conjunction with the high-waist, the end result was the ‘GUNT’ - that 'attractive' bulge between your belly button and cunt that comes from far too much trouser material. Moreover, the ass with the addition of all that pleating and fabric looked positively pachyderm-esque.

It wasn’t until the early 2000s that the ass made a comeback. The rise on the jeans plummeted to sinfully delicious depths, and more and more belly flesh and ass crack exposed itself to the world. Now many people deride the ass crack, or jiggly belly, but I say it’s a whole lot better than that ridiculous GUNT nonsense. Let it out, get some air on it, ‘say no to crack’?

Fuck you!... Say 'YES!'.

Nowadays the rise has risen slightly, but the buttocks is still well on display, and displayed well. The world might be falling apart, however I must say that the cuts on slacks have gotten much better over the years.

When I was 15 I had a French teacher that was both astoundingly irritating, and quite actively unattractive, but she had an incredible ass. By ‘incredible’ I mean of course – incredibly BIG. It was floppy and bulgy and sloppy, yet I was unbearably fascinated and surging with raging streams of hormone over it. I must’ve jerked off to that ass 500 times that year. Of course, I think I also jerked off to the desk in my bedroom about 12 times as well – at 15 you pretty much jerk off to any object in your panorama at least once. Still, that does not take away from her glorious derriere. She always wore these tight pants as well - always multi colored. I remember one pair she favored especially well, a bright red number. When she wore those, it was like waving a neon cape in front of a tail crazy bull.

Ahhh... memories...

To conclude, I guess I’m still a man partial to sweater meat. If you've got a grand set of cans, you've hit a home run with me, but if you’ve got some junk in the trunk, then you ain’t doin’ too badly - solid double and triple in the gap. Good stuff, good on you kid - you’re aces with me.

Jessica Biel's ass...

Walrus Comix

My other blog - Zeitgeisty : Born To Lose * new post up daily

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

the indie girl in my office has knowledge of my bowel movements

RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Date Machine: Fun with DATING CONFESSIONS - SEX BEZERKERS on the LOOSE!!.. plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:32:00 GMT

I love you people over at DATING CONFESSIONS!!!... You kooky, crazy kids you!

"I know this will get better, but all I can see is days and weeks without you to talk to, hold, have great sex with, laugh with, have Sinatra and Oasis night with. My loss, my huge yawning loss. Can it really not be yours too."

WHAT I REALLY MEAN IS: I miss getting dressed up in a tux with you, crooning ‘my way’, then beating the living shit out of each other whilst dissing Blur…

"Contrary to what's been said here, I make it my business to know about the sexual history of the women who could be girlfriend material. Some people don't date fat, skinny, smokers, etc etc. I don't date women who have put out on a first date, had one night stands or have cheated on previous relationships. If I'm told it's none of my business, then I move on because it is MY business to filter out women I don't want to be with. We all have different deal breakers, this one is mine."

WHAT I REALLY MEAN IS: I don’t want no stinkin’, skanky HOE-BAGS!!

"Finish what you're doing, and kiss me on the mouth."

WHAT I REALLY MEAN IS: After you jizz in my mouth, come here so I can give you a snowball.

"you give the worst head i've ever had! and your idea of foreplay is sooo inadequate. your heavy metal attitude is cliche at best. yet every night i wait for you to call and smile the whole time we're talking. tell me again why i like you so much?"

THIS IS WHY:

"I don't want to play games. I just want to dance and write poetry. don't make more of it then it is. You happen to be in the area and you will screw it up by making more out of it then I want. I just go on to find a new dance buddy who I write poems about."

THIS WAS TAKEN from the diary of Lance Bukowski - Charles’ 26 year old douchebaggy and completely talentless nephew…

"Dear 50 year old man, Please stop ogling me. Thanks."

AIRHEADGENIUS will you give the guy a break!!!

"Are men and women ever really just friends??"

DO YOUR RESEARCH –

"I hate you. You're inconsiderate, boorish, petulant, and egotistic. Fuck me."

INTERESTING FACTOID: This was the original closing line to ‘Gone With The Wind’.

"i tell everyone i dont like you and i only want to be friends. truth is i would date you in a heartbeat."

TRANSLATION: I’m a lying scumbag!

"Men: seriously - how much do you care if a woman is a few pound over weight - but yet accomplished, attractive, smart, happy in herself, etc.”

TRANSLATION: I’m a fat CEO looking to get laid.

drew barrymore

Walrus Comix

My other blog - Zeitgeisty : Born To Lose * new post up daily

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

the indie girl in my office has knowledge of my bowel movements

RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine: WOULDJARATHER....Sexual choices for the PERVERTED!!

zeitgeisty — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 16:45:00 GMT

For fun, I like to come up with "interesting" sexual scenarios, and decide which ones I'd rather take part in if I was FORCED to... so today I put them to YOU in a little piece I like to call.... WOULDJARATHER !!

Wouldjarather eat out Anne B. Davis’ asshole....

...or titty fuck Bea Arthur?

Wouldjarather lick the sweat off of Dick Cheney’s ball sack...

...or get a handjob from Hitler?

Wouldjarather take part in a 69 with Mayim Bialik...

...or two 34 and a halves with Erin Moran.

Wouldjarather get a sloppy blowjob from Clara Peller...

...or suck redi whip out of Estelle Getty’s snatch?

Wouldjarather lick crumbs of limburger cheese out of Robin Williams’ back hair...

...or suck on a halls mentholyptus that was stuck up Will Ferrell’s ass for 2 weeks?

Wouldjarather be anally probed by alien...

...or perform an anal probe on E.T.?

Wouldjarather make tender love to Barbara Bush...

...or have an angry badger lick peanut butter out of your asshole?

Wouldjarather have a threesome with Bert and Ernie...

...or have angry, violent and drug fueled sex with Elmo?

Wouldjarather jerk off in front of Flipper....

...or Benji?

Date Machine: She was an ex NAZI, but she had spectacular JUGS..plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 20:37:00 GMT

The following is a recounting of an interesting date I went on a while ago - pre girlfriend.

From her photo she seemed very attractive, a bit like Natalie Portman, with a winsome smile gracing her delicate face. Definitely cute. Still, you never really know with these photos, I mean usually there's some sort of trickery in place. Either it's a photo from 1952, before the lobotomy, or all the photo gods were smiling down on the particular day the photo was taken, all the planets were aligned just so. You know the deal.

Anyway, I had a preliminary conversation the day before, and I must admit, it wasn't that promising. There were some definite warning bells a ringin'. In the first place, she was obviously quite troubled, rambling on a bit about some personal problems (the details of which I found more than a tad on the inappropriate side to discuss with a total stranger) and she also sounded pretty drunk. Still, I hate the phone, I hate talking on the phone, so I figured I'd meet up with her and see for myself what the score was.

So, we rendezvous at a café the following night, and the first thing I notice was, she had definitely gained a good 25 pounds since that photo of hers was taken. Additionally, her eyebrows were plucked to death. They looked like 2 little squiggles above her eyes, which were heavy lidded I might add. She had obviously knocked back a few before meeting up with me. I will say this, I didn't mind the weight at all, as I like women who've got a bit of meat on their bones, and she had a colossal rack. Overall, I would say in the right light she'd be definitely maybe almost semi-fuckable, especially if I were to get a couple of drinks in me, which I proceeded to do right quick!

Anyway.. We talk a bit, and it seemed to be going pretty well, although I can't ever really tell on these things, I'm always so detached. To tell the truth, I'm not really giving a rat's ass about the whole night other than a vague interest in fondling her tits... So..

After awhile, we move on to another bar (at her suggestion), she wanted to play pinball and knew of a place that had a good machine. I order her a vodka tonic, and I take another Dewar’s on the rocks. I'm starting to feel a bit better with some alcohol in me, and we get chummier.

After playing a bit, we go sit down, and talk some more. I ask her about where she went to school, and she says Athens, GA..

I say, 'Mmm. That's a pretty progressive southern town... REM and all that'...

She replies somewhat mysteriously, 'Well, not so much as far as the people I hung out with back then'.

I say, 'Oh yeah, that statement seems a bit ominous…'

She replies, 'Well they were pretty hard core'.

'How so?', I ask, 'Like, they listened to a lot of black flag and stuff?'

She says, 'Well no.. more so politically I guess'

I respond half jokingly, 'What? You hung out with a bunch of white supremacists or something?'..

She goes, 'well yeah.. but I’m reformed.. and I didn't share all their views'...

After dragging it out of her, I find out she hung with the neo-nazi crowd for 4 years. I guess she dated one of the leaders of the 'cause'. According to her, all her life she'd been seen as 'pretty' and 'delicate' and no one ever took her seriously, so she just wanted to hang out with the most 'bad-ass' people she could find, so people would respect her. I thought, 'jesus. She couldn't find some nice drug dealer, or hell's angel? She had to go straight to the neo-nazi contingent of 'badass'..? Well at least she didn't share ALL their views, just the hating blacks and Jews part..

By this point my head was swimming a bit. I wasn’t sure if it was the Dewar’s or her story, but I wasn’t feeling all too well. She continued talking about how she campaigned for Bush twice, was a pro-lifer and believed in the bible verbatim.

That’s when I realized how disgusting a human being I am. If she hadn’t have had those scrumptious jugs, I would have been gone like the wind in 60 seconds… no discussion.

Anyway, around this time, she drunkenly slumps in my direction, and all of a sudden she’s sticking her tongue down my throat. I’m not sure how to react, I actually never do that sort of thing, meaning, I don't think I've ever made out with anyone on the first date - let alone a nazi. Ok ‘reformed’ nazi.

I have to admit for a second it felt pretty good!

Of course, almost instantaneously I got the image of that tongue of hers exploring every hole and crevasse on the body of that scabby, inbred, sociopathic, redneck and I sobered up immediately.

I suggested we call it a night.

I walked her home, and interestingly enough, she lived in the exact same building as this awful ex girlfriend of mine, which seemed fitting. She was a nazi and the ex was the anti-christ - a pleasant pairing. Apparently that building was the portal to hell.

When I got home I felt ashamed of myself. I realized, for the briefest of instances, I might have been willing to sacrifice all my principles, everything I stood for, over a pair of bodacious ta tas. I'm truly a horrible human being. A disgusting amoral louse.. A pig.. I mean this girl was a mess… Totally off her rocker, an obvious raging alcoholic, clearly an anti-semite/racist and I really think she might have a serious problem with reality. Jesus…

She never called me back...

adele stephens

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

the indie girl in my office has knowledge of my bowel movements

RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine: FCKABILITY vs BEAUTY: Which would you rather be FCKABLE or BEAUTIFUL?..plus throbbage.

zeitgeisty — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 18:16:00 GMT

Beauty is elemental.

Humans are drawn to it like a magpie to a piece of coke bottle. We are fascinated by its innate power. Instinctively we feel elevated by merely basking in its presence. To have a beautiful partner is an impressive feat. It states emphatically to the world that you are someone to be reckoned with. You have ‘what it takes’. Beauty makes people stand up and take notice. Fuckability on the other hand makes our cocks and nipples stand up and take notice.

Now I’m not saying the two are mutually exclusive, one can certainly be both beautiful AND fuckable, but what about those simply either ‘fuckable’ or ‘beautiful’? Who would you rather be with? This is a tricky question, as society programs us to try and find the most beautiful partner we can possibly find. Still, what if you wind up with a partner of astounding pulchritude but with the sex appeal of a newt?

It’s very apparent that fuckability is not valued as highly, at least in the societal sense. To either be beautiful or with someone beautiful advances our place in the pecking order, however to be fuckable just increases our chance of getting laid. This seems logical, yet there’s more here than meets the eye.

Fuckability is not necessarily primarily an ‘appearance’ deal, oft times it’s just as tied up in personality, confidence, intelligence, and humor. All these traits are hard to come by for someone who has grown up beautiful. For most, when you’re beautiful, this becomes your identity. This is the foundation upon which your house is built. This is how you’re perceived. As a result, humor and intelligence aren’t necessary. Unfortunately, if your self-worth is all tied up in appearance, you tend to grow up being a shallow, boring asshole.

Yet, we all still bow to the convention of flawless symmetry.

Grace Kelly was beautiful but totally unfuckable.

Madonna was fuckable, but not beautiful.

Of course it’s a bit of a stretch, I mean Madonna was very pretty, but she wasn’t BEAUTIFUL. We perceived her as a ‘boy-toy’ a persona of her own creation, however in real life would we want that as a partner?

The irony is, more valuable qualities go into being ‘fuckable’, qualities that make for better relationships. Things like creativity, quick wit, sensuality, and tenderness.

So I put it to you.. which would you rather be or be with – ‘beautiful’ or ‘fuckable’?

Madonna... FUCKABLE!

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine: RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?... plus throbbage.

zeitgeisty — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 18:50:00 GMT

The other night me and the girlfriend watched Woody Allen’s ‘Husbands and Wives’ over a heartburn-y meal of 1 pound fajitas from the local Taco City.

Lately that place has been dropping the ball as I’ve noticed the past few times I’ve ordered from there I’ve felt decidedly unwell. Of course I’m no quitter, so I’ll probably stick with them until I wind up in the hospital with botulism. Anyway, the combination of the movie and Mexican food played havoc with my intestines. In the middle of the film I had to rush to the john to release a torrent of mud from between my ass cheeks that was akin to the mud slide Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner experienced in ‘Romancing the Stone’… It was quite impressive I must say, but this entry is not about the sizable heft and weight of my bowel movement, it’s about relationships…

I think the girlfriend was expecting a slightly more humorous flick – even though I had warned her that it was pretty much of a downer – and at its conclusion, she was left in a bummer mood. I recall seeing the film in the theater and coming away from it that the mealy mouthed, passive aggressive character played by Mia Farrow was fucking irritating beyond belief, and after watching it again I felt similarly. To give a quick synopsis for those who haven’t seen it, it’s a film about relationships, specifically two marriages that are having troubles, the typical types of problems all marriages/relationships face i.e. sexual boredom, infidelity, false expectations, the death of ‘passion’, disappointment, resentment, compromise and chronic dissatisfaction.

What I really was struck by watching it this time around, was how sort of naïve it was. I mean especially for a man Allen’s age.

“WAAAAHHHH…relationships never seem to pan out the way you expect them to!!” – uh… No fucking shit Sherlock! You haven’t figured that much out? I suppose if you’ve lived an entire lifetime sheltered from the real world, hard life lessons don’t come quickly. Personally I feel that Woody Allen’s summation of love- “The heart wants what it wants” is the quote of an over-indulged, selfish prick that doesn’t have a thought for anyone besides himself.

Getting back to the flick, one great theme that ran through it was the question..

“Can passion last in a relationship?”

My thoughts on this are - define ‘passion’, and moreover define your idea of a ‘relationship’…

What is a ‘relationship’ to you? Some never ending feeding frenzy of a fuckfest, or is it a partnership? - A coming together of like-minded individuals forging a bond, a levee if you will, to stem the river of bullshit that keeps lapping at the door. Is it companionship, or sex? Does one expect EVERYTHING turned up to 11 for the rest of their lives? Do these same assholes expect Santa to bring them toys if they’ve been good all year?

As far as passion goes, there are many types.. physical, mental, artistic… If you find someone to share any one of these with you, you’re on to something. Of course most people just define passion in a relationship as a physical thing – the most tenuous of all the passions – so when it eventually cools off, all is lost.

All is lost…

I dunno, the thing is, I’m just ambivalent about this whole discussion anyway. You see, somewhere around 30 I started to stop caring when it came to women. I’d been fucked with a few times too many, and I just thought it easier to cut off the emotional spigot. At the time I thought it was the prudent thing to do, to no longer have to endure all that annoyance of dealing with people. Unfortunately, after awhile this whole ‘not caring’ deal spilled over to the rest of my life, so now I seem to not care too much at all about anything in particular. I basically have the inability to feel except in the most extreme circumstances. So I don’t recommend it.. this whole ‘not caring’ deal.

Now don't get me wrong, I can LOVE and I DO love, it's just sometimes it feels like its all buried beneath ten heavy overcoats and a smelly down comforter.

Still, I don’t go in for that self-righteous platitude about having to throw oneself into ‘love’ and give over to the natural joys we are all entitled to. Personally, I don’t believe in entitlement. In fact I believe the opposite; I think most people deserve the worst. It’s funny to hear some people’s reactions to my opinions on love and relationships. They actually become unglued, as if I was some unholy blasphemer. I guess people need their little fairytales, and far be it from me to take it away from them.

jessica simpson... and her tits.

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine: How much SEX is enough?? - How many times a week are you BANGING?...plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 17:08:00 GMT

When it comes to sex, I find taking part in it once or twice a week is more than sufficient - especially if I’m in a long term relationship.

I’ve always been the same way, even in my teens and twenties, I’m like a camel - I can subsist on less. Perhaps it’s a result of all those long stretches of desert I had to endure in my adolescence and early adulthood. I’m just not a sex monster. I think this is why I look young for my age. You can tell all those guys that have had a lot of sex in their lives, their skin gets all leathery as if It’s been soaked in the brine of a million cunts. Of course, all that being said, I’m no grandma Moses. I mean, if I’m overcome with an overwhelming urge to merge, I’m certainly not going to deny myself the pleasures of the flesh. Still, if I were going to judge by some of the talk bandied about on sites such as this, it would seem that my libido is comparatively anemic next to the hormone raging sex-a-holics running around out there.

Unfortunately my needs are sometimes at odds with my girlfriend’s. I’m sure she’d probably want a good shtupping every day of the week. How I know this? Well first off she’s younger than me, less beaten down by life, and finally she’s always telling me she wants to be shtupped! As Mick jagger once opined about black girls, on the track ‘some girls’ – I just don’t have that much JAAAAaaaMMMmm. Seriously though, I would truly love to accommodate her, and increase her quality of life with my magic shlong on a daily basis, but between work, gym, writing, etc… often I just don’t have the energy.

Still, there’s also this other more ambiguous contingent.

Sometimes I actually feel like having some sex, but for some indefinable reason, I just feel frozen. I don’t know if its leftover shyness from some cretaceous period way back in my early days, or perhaps laziness in some way, whatever the reason, the deed doesn’t get done. Now, personally I think a couple times a week in a steady relationship feels right for me. In most past relationships, after around 4-5 months with someone, I would get so bored that the sex would shrivel up and die completely. Subsequent ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ conversations would ensue, and that would be the end of that.

My current relationship still continues to hum along nicely in the sex department – at least as far as I’m concerned.

The major question for all of you is – ‘How much is enough?’

What are your sex requirements in general, and specifically when you find yourself in a relationship. Once a week? 7 times a day?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Cleopatra - new 3d rendering believed to be the closest to what she actualy looked like.

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Date Machine: The end of JEALOUSY for me... plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 04:52:00 GMT

Why do people take such a long time to respond to their e-mails and texts?? Are people really that busy that they can’t take one second out of their action packed schedules to simply toss back a courteous line or two of reply in a timely fashion? I mean, whenever anyone sends me any e-mail or text messages, I'm right there with a response. Right there!! Usually it's quite witty and thoughtful to boot.

I used to date someone that would CONSTANTLY e-mail her friends back and forth all day. I know this, because I worked with her, and her cubicle was right behind mine. I would hear her back there, laughing and braying like a fucking goat on nitrous oxide - she was typing away her little missives galore. Let me tell you, when we broke up, and we STILL had to share that space, and I would hear her chortles and chuckles - probably at the amorous e-mails of her new lovers - it was NOT what I would call a happy work environment... tap tap tap.. tappity.. tap.. fucking tap..

You can bet that she didn't make anyone wait 10 years to hear a response...

I think that relationship successfully ended jealousy for me. I had my fill after that, and I just shut off. After we broke up, she went on Nerve and showed me the profile of some guy that she was dating. For months I would stalk their respective profiles trying to ascertain whether they were still together - desperately trying to catch snippets of conversations on the phone where she’d be giggling like a school girl. Every day I would come in to work and stew, and stew...

It was a miserable time..

Finally I blew up at her one day and said she was driving me crazy. She turned around and said it was none of my business, and that I was the crazy one, and that she would rather stick a knife in her eye than have to hear my voice ever again. Well, in a sense I can understand that now. I've had relationships with jealous people before, and it's not a pleasant experience.. Still, I was not even in that category at all. I was just poaching like a demented egg in the hot waters of my own jealousy, I didn't actively agress upon her; questioning her, acting like a typical jealous guy...

It was all internal..

I was constantly thinking about who she was with.. was he smarter?.. Did she love sex with him?... Did she have bigger orgasms with him?.. Was she lying about the ones she had with me?? I mean when you're jealous, the thought of your ex girlfriend having sex with someone else is maddening. It's a powerful thing. It fills you with Hulk-like rage.

After all that bullshit, I just shut that entire section of my brain off. Not worth it. If someone I’m seeing wants to go and fuck some other guy, if they think they're better off with someone else.. mazel-tov.. go in peace... god bless.. Just try and give me the courtesy of a heads up.

I had an old girlfriend tell me once, that jealousy shows the person you’re with that you care - she was once fucking crazy bitch though..

Women want it both ways, they want you to be jealous, but they want it on their terms - they don't want to be inconvenienced by it, but they want to feel wanted. Well, the trouble with that is you can't control emotions so easily - so that just doesn't work.

Anyway, as far as that girl I went out with at work is concerned, we eventually kind of made a peace and actually re-started up a little bit of a thing that lasted for a short while, then she moved to Argentina for like 6 months, and when she came back we had a falling out and haven't spoken since.

In the end, what's the point of all the emotional upheaval we put ourselves through in these relationships? One might argue that it's just all a learning experience, but if you don't LEARN anything and keep repeating the same behaviors over and over again, then it's just absurd. In my opinion people should just enjoy each other... period. If there's too much work involved forget it. People should enjoy each other's bodies, company, laughter, anything else is unnecessary...

I think people are too quick to try to force pegs in holes, both literally and metaphorically. We should learn how to experience each other on some new kind of level. I mean doesn’t it all seem so boring after awhile? Possibilities are endless when it comes to human interaction, and yet we’re limiting ourselves to so few options. It just doesn’t make much sense to me.. I don’t know though, like Woody Allen said in Manhattan…

‘You really shouldn’t take any advice from me.. When it comes to relationships I’m the winner of the August Strindberg award..’

I’ve never had the marriages, but I’ve had plenty of the bitter divorces..

Giada!

Sex Machine: French postcards - PORN for GEEKS!!... plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:16:00 GMT

For those of you that haven't caught on yet, I was a bit of a geek in High School. Strike that – ringing affirmative I was a complete and total geek. Not a nerd mind you - as nerds actually did well in math and shit like that - no I was a geek.

My teenage years were very similar to the first half of the Karate Kid, except, with no karate, Elizabeth Shue or Mr. Miyagi . Ahh, Screw that bad analogy.. I guess I was kind of like a less cool Anthony Michael Hall from 16 candles, the untucked dress shirt, the untied reebok hi-tops, you know – King of the dipshits. Women to me were these unreachable, unknowable objects that kind of floated around way out there into the furthest far flung corners of my galaxy. They were like black holes – If you'll pardon the pun.

Anyway, as my socialization skills were pretty retarded, and since the crowd I hung out with was completely devoid of anything remotely female, you may ask, what was a poor adolescent geek raging with hormones to do as far as any kind of 'release' was concerned?

Well, I played on my Apple IIe a lot. I traded a ton of floppy disks with my fellow loser friends. Watched a lot of Woody Woodpecker after school, followed by the Brady Bunch, then Carol Burnett, then MASH.. ah… well you get the point.. Once in a while they'd have Planet of the Apes week for the ABC 4:30 movie, that would make me happy. Aside from that, there really wasn't a whole hell of a lot of 'release'.

Recently I was having a discussion about my teenage years with a colleague at work (another former geek). We reminisced about the BASIC days pre-internet. Back then information was shared through passing floppy disks back and forth through an extremely intricate and complex geek network. Most of this 'information' came in the form of games. How it worked, was one alpha geek would buy a game (or steal it) from a store like 'electronics boutique', then he would hack into it, break through the security, copy it and pass it around. He would then place his handle triumphantly at the beginning of the game and gain notoriety throughout the geek universe. These cracked games would make their way clear across the country.

Quick aside, to just give you a bit of a briefing on the floppy disk thing (for some of you younger readers, and non-geeks), before the cd-rom, there was the 3 inch disk, and before that there was the 5 ¼ floppy disk.

The other day, I got to thinking about this one 'game' called French Postcards which got passed around a lot. To tell the truth, it wasn't actually a 'game' per se, it was basically these pornographic lo–res cartoons very simply animated by superimposing one image on top of another, and flipping back and forth. They had a bunch of different ones, one involving a girl with a salami, a farmer's daughter, a lascivious long tongued Frenchman in a beret, etc... The thing is, I realize now that the purpose of this game must've been onanistic.

It's funny to think about that now, because at the time we just thought it was HILARIOUS!! I can still remember a bunch of us losers crowded around the monochrome monitor watching this stuff and just howling with laughter. The images were just so completely ridiculous, and empirically humorous. In no way, shape or form could they possibly be 'usable' in a sexual regard. Still, looking back on it I'm sure that was the intent. This gets me wondering, just who was using these images auto-erotically? God, I shudder to think.

During the summer of my 15th year, I went on a crash diet. I ate one bowl of cereal a day, and 10 speeded all over the county 'til my legs became like 2 bars of iron! By the time I went back to school in the fall, I was 60 pounds lighter and 7 inches taller. Soon I'd be driving, and my obsession with the Apple IIe would dissolve in to the coffee cup of my past like so much granulated sugar.

before

after

Eventually, my parents would get a VCR… …and with that, my entry into the world of REAL porn would begin.. in earnest…but that's a whole 'nother story… altogether.

Chorus: "THAT'S A WHOLE 'NOTHER STORY!"

Anyway, whenever I look back on those days, the phrase 'youth is wasted on the young' clangs in my head like Chuck Barris' gong, filling me with this horrible, insistent and relentless nausea. God, was I a moron. If only I hadn't been so terminally clueless about so many things. All these empty and meaningless ways I came up with in order to pass time 'til I got older. What a waste, but what are you gonna do? I suppose watching Planet of the Apes a lot, and laughing over cartoon porn is kind of quaint in a way, if not utterly pathetic.

Makes you wonder about kids today though, and what they're up to. All that myspacing and facebooking.. Fuck, these kids aren't just thinking about sex, or talking about it, they're HAVING it!... and not only are they having sex, but they're probably having sophisticated, bonafide GREAT sex! I mean, they have the internet.. It's all out there!!! the mind boggles!! Jesus…What did I have?

French Postcards…

Samantha Morton - reprise!

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Date Machine: Rate THEIR pick-up lines - some letters I've received through the ONLINE PERSONALS...plus throbbage.

zeitgeisty — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 15:18:00 GMT

As there's been a lot of discussion over at Amboabe's and Fishnet's stations lately about the way men and women approach each other predatorily and otherwise and all these shaky perceptions we all seem to have as far as 'rates of success' in dating/sex/love are concerned. I figured it might be interesting to share with you some letters I'VE received from women, when I was still using the NERVE personals. Unfortunately for this blog entry, I actually deleted most of my mailbox, but it does give a general sense that there's really not too much of a difference gender-wise in the way we reach out to each other....

“DON’T BLOCK ME FUCKTARDS”

they are freaks. maybe the sarcasm in "you're not funny" didn't register (that was the headline of the first message i sent to you)
i wish the politeness police were around when some ugly perv here was sending me links to his homemade porn site featuring his pasty white ass. how thoughtful.

what i said was that we have similar ideas about what constitutes a proper first date. and i also asked if you are looking for just a friend.

(I think this one was commenting on the fact that NERVE initially blocked her letter)

“HEY YOU!”

just thought i'd send you an email and tell you that you are indeed very handsome. but, i am sure you get that all the time. do you also get the whole "you're so awesome, why are YOU single?" ? i certainly do and it drives me up a fucking wall. i have no major flaws, save for the fact that i talk during movies sometimes (but not in the theatre; just at home in front of TV).

anyhow, what is your story?

“Hello”

you seem nice, cute, funny...
but what really got me was the picture of you with the elvis costello album cover. thats hot!
let's chat?

“YES!”

ha! what a great profile you have...
so much more interesting and real than
the others who write on this site.

..although, some might think mine is a tad boring as i don't like to make my naughty side too evident.

write me if you wanna hang sometime as friends~

At last I’ve found you

but where does this bedtime paradise lie exactly> lie exactly? In duvet cover? egyptian sheets? tastefully covered shams? Th perfectly downy summer-weight blanket? Irresistibly fluffy bolster-size pillows?

I'd also like o know where you've procured your collection of saddle shoes. Sadly, in a rare act of rebellion, my mother disposed of all the pairs she had to wear through twelve years of catholic school, and I sincerely feel this is a severe phantom-limb irony to my otherwise hip and eclectic sartorial closet. You don't happen to know of someplace that manufactures them in middle-range ladies sides.

And if you're not bored of me yet, would you mind explainig why you've selected Redford as you releb-resemblence, when you so clearly take after Pacino on the Golden age pre-sceenery-chewing years? Or do all the girls tell you that?

----------------

As you see, these are all decent introductions I suppose, but hardly mind blowing stuff. In fact, I must say in each of these cases I gave a polite response but ultimately never followed up. The interesting part of all this, is how I keep hearing from so many women that the letters they receive are so uninspiring! Well ladies, in the end we're all the same really... just as uninspiring or awesome, bland or zesty... you just happen to like things in prettier colors than we do.

Patti Boyd.... the inspiration for Eric Clapton's song 'Layla'

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine: Older babe alert....RED level

zeitgeisty — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 19:43:00 GMT

I'd still hit it.....

Sex Machine: My obligatory posting on CYBER-SEX... plus throbbage..

zeitgeisty — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 16:09:00 GMT

Cyber-sex… I’m a fan.

Let me get that right out into the open. I have no shame in admitting this to the world. After all, I like to write, and I enjoy a good wank, so it’s like two great tastes that taste great together. Cyber is the fucking Reeses peanut butter cup of sex!! Of course, sometimes you’re just not in the mood to get all verbose typing away to your fair cyber-maiden on the myriad of ways you can manipulate her clitoris to orgasm, but usually I find it highly enjoyable. I mean think of it, for me it’s pretty much a perfect past time.. I get to write, no bodily fluids are exchanged, and usually my orgasm is pretty explosive. Seriously ladies, when I’ve written something like..‘OOOHhhhHHHh.. CUMMMING!!! …I came like a firehose baby… thanks so much’, I’m totally being sincere! I’ve actually just come like a firehose.. You have my word. I wouldn’t lie!

Still, it’s no fun if the girl on the other end isn’t diddling along with you.

Some guys don’t care either way, they just wanna get off with some dirty talk – not me. I feel guilty if my partner isn’t satisfied, even if it’s cyber-satisfaction we’re talking about. A lot of women complain that it’s too hard to masturbate and IM at the same time. I say if I can do it YOU can do it. Often times they whine about not being able to juggle the appropriate dildoes and type with the other hand, or that they don’t have a laptop, etc… I can sympathize with circumstance, and in these cases maybe cyber-sex is not the proper course of action… Perhaps smoke signals?? That’s what the Indians used to do in the old days!

Then again, sometimes a woman would rather do the whole ‘phone sex’ deal.

I’m still on the fence as far as that’s concerned. I’ve mentioned before, that I absolutely HATE talking on the phone, so right off the bat I’m not in my comfort zone. In fact, I think out of all human interactions, phone-sex is probably the one I’m clumsiest at. I never really know what to say, I hem and haw, I sort of hate the sound of my voice, it just feels AWKWARD… That’s not to say I haven’t done it. I think I really enjoyed it like ONE time in my life – I liked the sound of her voice…

Sometimes, if a woman is really colossal she’ll send you pictures! I love when that happens, it’s a true delight. You know what? It’s hard to believe, but I’ve never gotten a picture I didn’t like!.. I’m the Will Rogers of dirty photos. To me it really adds to the proceedings, having the photo open while I’m cybering around with a good lady-chick to me is a grand experience. One should not belittle it as mere ‘jerking off’.. No, here are two people involved together, mutually masturbating, it’s a true interaction – it’s teamwork for godsakes – IT’S THE AMERICAN WAY!!. Hell, I’ve had cyber-sessions that were better than actual sex, fuck I’ll admit it freely to anyone who’ll listen! Still, even I have my limits…

I’ll never do web-cam.

First off, I don’t even have a web-cam, and if I did, I wouldn’t even know how to use it – and I work on a website!!! It just seems…well.. like it would be twice as awkward as phone sex with the added insecurity about how you look! What if the entire time you’re jerking off you’ve got a booger in your nose, or worse yet in your moustache? What if the face you make during orgasm makes you look like you’re taking a shit? What if the lighting’s bad?? I’m NOT ready for my close-up mr. Demille!!!!

Sorry.. I like the gestalt of straight cyber-sex.

It’s almost literary, a tad austere, clean… I never feel dirty after cyber-sex, or nauseous. I have great affection for those kind ladies that partake in the act with me. In fact, over the years I’ve had a few very close cyber-relationships with some very lovely gals. A couple of times, I’ve even considered the idea of cyber-marriage, or at least cyber-moving in together, but with that comes the fear that the cyber-sex would become monotonous and stale, so I cyber-dump them before I get too cyber-committed…

I guess what I’m trying to convey here is that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this absolutely lovely activity. No one gets hurt, writing skills are improved, and hopefully orgasms are achieved. Plus, there’s none of that pesky cuddling or doing the walk of shame home at 3 in the morning. You just get to nod off to sleep to pleasant dreams, slightly stickier, but no worse for wear.

In the immortal words of Louis B Mayer, inventor of the symbol for infinity..

‘some day the human race will learn to eschew the flesh and delve into the mind with a penetrative eroticism heretofore unexperienced, and yay and yon, it shall be called CYBER and it shall be good!’..

Of course Louis isn’t altogether ‘right in the head’, he’s the bag boy at the Food Emporium up the street from my apartment, and I seriously doubt HE’S the one that came up with the infinity symbol, no matter what he says..

gloria grahame...

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

the importance of finding true sexual compatibility

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine: The IMPORTANCE of finding TRUE SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY... plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:54:00 GMT

Back in olden times, before people were free to properly express their innermost desires to each other, if one were to get stuck in a pewter-dull relationship devoid of any electricity there’d be little recourse – one merely soldiered on.

Nowadays however, in the ‘information age’, everyone knows what they want, and more specifically ‘who they are’ as far as their sexual proclivities and identity are concerned. All day long we’re bombarded by sex, just like the Fantastic Four when they got caught in that radioactive cosmic shower. We’ve all been mutated into our own unique SEXUAL superhero personae, complete with individual penchants, quirks, and fetishes.

The real trick is to find someone compatible.

It used to be that one would never understand the true sexual nature of their partner until well into the relationship – if ever! If you were lucky, it would turn out ok, but in a lot of cases not so much. People would get married thinking that they’d found ‘the one’, when in point of fact the sexual divide between them - which had lay invisible due to the rigid mores of the age - was completely un-crossable. So tragically, these seemingly perfect marriages from the outside, would devolve and turn to sludge on the inside, leaving a trail of tears along the way – not to mention the added consequence of filling up countless generations of their offspring’s heads with wrong-headed lessons about love and sexuality.

This is why I feel it’s a total necessity that these things be discussed between two prospective partners from the onset. In otherwords - AS SOON AS POSSIBLE PEOPLE!!! I’m serious. This should be first date discussion. Get it right out in the open and proclaim your likes, dis-likes, perversions, idiosyncrasies, divulge you secret SEXUAL superhero identity! If you don’t, and you wind up with someone down the line who’s incompatible, well – that’s just an uphill climb.

In the end all of this is far more important than the meaningless cookie-cut drivel most people indulge in during a first date. Seriously, I don't care what 'you do' or about some horrible band you saw last week at South Paw in Brooklyn....

Do you like anal? Facials? Masturbating in front of each other? Titty fucking? Being slapped in the face with my shlong? ... I'm talking simple basics here!!!

Now I know that some of you might feel that this is not appropriate first date discussion, that there should be a certain amount of mystery involved, that things should be revealed in a process. I think that’s old-fashioned bullshit. In fact, if possible, I think this stuff should be talked about even BEFORE you meet for the first date! Today, many of us approach each other through the internet - which has it’s own set of cons attached to it - however, one of the biggest upsides to this auspice, is that we can learn about each other before we even hook up. The time saving aspect is priceless as far as I’m concerned. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of people that misinterpret this frank type of dialogue as ‘coarse’ or ‘sleazy’.

Well, all I can say is don’t cry four months down the road when you’re stuck with someone that can’t ring your bell.

Some might say that compatibility can be ‘achieved’, that if two people truly love each other, all that’s necessary is the willingness to ‘accommodate’ .

‘accommodate’ – ugh… To me there’s no bigger buzz-kill than having some chick martyr herself on the altar of my sexual perversions.

True compatibility means these sexual impulses are SHARED, that accommodation is not necessary. You see, no matter how willing someone is to do the things necessary to make you happy in the sack, unless they don’t truly get off on the same things you do, the long-term health of the relationship is at risk.

One must be open about what they like or else revel in the inevitability of the corporal drone - the dulling, grinding down and ultimate decimation of ones sexual identity. Tell your partners what you like, take initiative in the sack, make the effort and don’t hold back for fear of being rebuffed as it may turn out that what makes you tick is the same clockwork that lies inside your partner.

These days we have choice, we’re not subject to the moral tyrannies we once were, and we shouldn’t slip back into erroneous thinking for the sake of ‘mystery’. If you want a good mystery, watch ‘the Maltese Falcon’….

…if you want a good fuck, lay your cards on the table – as soon as possible!

Barbara Stanwyck!!!

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine: Will you just take my PENIS in your HAND already!!!... plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 17:07:00 GMT

Will you just take my penis in your hand already for goddsakes? I mean what is your PROBLEM!!!???

I don’t know how many times this thought has bounced around inside my head like a superball on methedrine. I understand that there are rules, I get that it’s considered uncouth to simply go stampeding towards the nether-regions right out of the gate, however I personally don’t need the whole psychological dilly-dally. Hand meet penis, now…shake – with feeling!

I mean, I know the score.. I’ve seen movies! Whenever two hot-to-trot individuals get really frothy, they bounce off walls, and bang into things causing distress and broken plates. Invariably the sexy chick goes for the virile stud’s crotch, scrambling to get his belt undone.

Why doesn’t this ever happen to me?

You know what I’ve usually gotten? Just a bunch of kissing, and tentative hands fingertipping their way all over the terrain, yet never grabbing the gold until I’m practically too tired to bang, and then it’s all feeble and pawing at it, like one might poke at some carrion by the side of the road..

Will you just take my shlong in your hand already for goddsakes?

Seriously, what do I have to do? I don’t want to have to physically place your hand on my cock, because that defeats the whole purpose. YOU must do it. Alright, I get the whole foreplay deal, and believe me I won’t skimp on you, don’t worry. I’ll take my time, and circle around, double back and inspect all areas at length, but for me, no such drawn out maneuvers are necessary.

When you first meet someone, and you know sexy-time is imminent down the line, like in the not too distant and quite foreseeable future, one tends to build up a head of steam. Unfortunately a lot of the time, the initial contact tends to play out in dribs and drabs, a lot of tip-toe-ing around the good bits, and lengthy forays at the boring parts like the elbow, earlobe, arms, and knees….

For christsakes… will you just take my shlong in your goddamned-able hand ?

How long do I have to keep pretend- moaning while you gnaw at my neck in a decidedly irritating way ? My cock is bobbing up and down like a buoy on rough seas, it needs attending to. All this hemming and hawing gives me a pain in the ass. Show me some passion and take hold, take me to pleasure town. Let’s get down. I don’t get any harder than this damn you!!!.. In other words, and for the last time…

Will you just take my penis in your hand already for goddsakes???

Sarah Varone

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Date Confessions: Even more SNARKY and ASSININE responses to Nerve Dating Confessions... plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 20:21:00 GMT

Happy Monday everyone...

"Can we just fuck already?"

I believe this was Bill Clinton’s original campaign slogan.

"Jesus christ. Could you at least get mad once in a while? Like a normal human?"

He’s the son of GOD for crying eye!!... He’s not a ‘normal human’. He turns the other ass cheek don’tcha know!

"I'm totally in love with my new accelerator mass spectrometer!"

The nerd version of a power drill.

"If I see a girl's room for the first time and there isn't a single memorable, interesting, or scary (seriously) thing there, I find no reason to go back."

What about if you see her seriously scary snatch in said room… would that prompt a return visit?

"I am a 22F and I've dated a few guys but I just find penises gross and have never touched one willingly. The thought of intercourse is nice, but the thought of touching one with my hand or mouth to try and pleasure a guy just does not turn me on AT ALL. Looking at women's torsoes doesn't get me going as much as looking at men's torsoes, but, I can easily imagine myself enjoying pleasuring a woman allover. I'm so confused about my sexuality. Do I sound gay to you?"

Perhaps you’re a Centaur trapped in a human’s body?

"I'm a guy dating a girl who just will not commit to going down on me...but at the same time she loves it when I venture below her belt. First time I've been with someone like this. What the fuck gives?"

Please see above… we think she might be a Centaur.

"you go limp when i try to suck your cock...wtf, i've done this for many a man and never had this happen, thanks for that ego blow!!"

Amboabe!!! You’re giving this poor girl a complex!!

"I would never, ever have sex with anyone who uses the word "cum.""

How about Jizz-tastic love juice?

"There are few things more satisfying than sparking a tremendous debate on the Nerve Confessions chatroom."

Toluca, I’m gonna ask you ONE more time… please leave these poor confessors alone!!

"The ultimate form of sexual expression is someone you can massage for a couple of hours, tease for a quarter of an hour, have oral with with for a half hour (what is it with you people anyway about that?) and then fuck for as long as you can, long, slow, hard, fast, quick, deep, shallow, all that. That's love makin' the real deal yo."

Shit dawg, your kung-fu be weak.. you forgot the 13 minutes of tiddly winks, the 7 minutes of anal probing with 3 q-tips tied together with horsehair, 11 minutes of running around the apartment wearing nothing but a mask of Lee Iacocca and then of course the FACE FROSTING motha fucker… and by that I mean dumping a can of Duncan hines on your bitch’s face! Now THAT’S the real deal playa!

jennifer lopez's ass..

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Personal Confessions: 5 things I'm thankful for...plus throbbage.

zeitgeisty — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 16:04:00 GMT

Apropos to Amboabe's latest post, on the eve of Thanksgiving, I'll give you 5 things I'm thankful for as well....

1) Black coffee, and the sweet remembrance of smoking.

2) I just got a playstation 2 last weekend.. great stuff. I recommend Hot shots Golf Fore.

3) I may not have exacted my revenge on all those deserved, however I still have some time, and for that I am thankful.

4) George W. Bush's last days.

5) That I still look this damned good when I wake up first thing in the morning...

November 26 2008

No that's not me... that's rachel maddow

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine : LICKING ass and taking names - my ANAL fixation... plus throbbage.

zeitgeisty — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 19:27:00 GMT

I enjoy licking some ass.

Whenever I have occasion to go down on a snatch, I always attend to the ole' chocolate starfish as well. Some people find this revolting, yet I feel it’s terribly unfair to the poor little pursed mouthed poop shoot to just completely ignore it. I mean I figure If I’m gonna take the time to visit downtown, I might as well pop over to the smelly neighbor next door to exchange a few pleasantries.

The detractors might state that it’s unsanitary, that you could possibly pick up some strange hoof and mouth like disease, where your lips shrivel up and turn brown, but I just say they’re all playa haters. I’ve never had a problem down there, save for this one time where I did find a trace of something that resembled a kernel of corn. Still, ONE kernel of corn could never dissuade my lustful thirst for ass.

I’m sure psychologically my ass fixation must typify me in some way. Perhaps I’m an anal expulsive – someone fixated in the anal stage of psycho-sexual development. You see, an anal expulsive personality is broadly defined as exhibiting cruelty, emotional outbursts, disorganization, self-confidence, liberal-mindedness, (sometimes) artistic ability, generosity, rebelliousness and general carelessness.

This description pretty much sums me up PERFECTLY.

To think that my entire personality stems from a conflict with my parents during toilet training is truly amazing. It is very true however, that I had an extremely difficult time with the whole ‘wiping my own ass’ thing. I think I was like 7 or 8 years old before I got the hang of it. I remember I would have to call my parents whenever I was done taking a dump….

‘MAMA… BABA (that’s what I call my father) … I’m FINIIISSSSHHHEEED!!!!!!’

Sometimes if company was over, I’d have to stay in the bathroom for hours waiting to hear my mother pass by the bathroom door to catch her attention, so she could come in and wipe my ass. It was very stressful.

I can remember clear as day the first time I cleaned my own asshole. It was in elementary school, and I desperately needed to take a dump. I think I had the ‘chuckwagon’ at lunch, which was bologna and cheese heated on a bun, and it disagreed with me. Anyway, there I was STUCK. There was no way I was going to ask the teacher to wipe my ass, I mean, I was almost old enough to get a driver’s license for godsakes! So I sat there for a few minutes… then I looked at the toilet roll hanging on the wall, then I looked down at my turd floating happily in the murky yellow toilet water, then I looked at the roll again.. and suddenly it was like that scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey when the apes learn how to kill from the Monolith. I swear I could hear the stirring melody of ‘Thus Spake Zarathustra’ resounding in my head. I reached for the paper and took care of business – if a bit clumsily. No matter, my ass was more or less clean.

Could all of this sturm and drang really have influenced me sexually? It does kind of make sense.

Some women have asked me what it is exactly that turns me on about anal, licking ass, and all that ass-related play, and I could never really give any kind of an answer that could satisfy them suitably. It’s just something about the illicit nature of it all - that it’s something you’re not supposed to do. It’s especially a turn on if the woman is really INTO it as well - the fact that SHE’S turned on by this naughtiness is a mouthwatering rush.

In the end, we all view sex through our own individual little chunks of coke bottle and mine just happens to be tinted in brown.

I can deal with that.

M.I.A

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Date Confessions: More SNARKY and ASSININE responses to Nerve Dating Confessions... plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:38:00 GMT

Happy Nerve Confession monday all...

"La dee fuckin da"

Original line from the first version of Annie Hall originally entitled ‘Annie, you’re a solipsistic cunt’.

"I slept with someone famous, and now I feel really awkward every time I listen to his music."

TRANSLATION: ‘Hey everybody, I fucked someone famous!!... LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!!’

"Reading these confessions I'm becoming increasingly convinced we are a culture that has a huge problem with honesty and acceptance. If someone asks you how you're doing, you're supposed to say "good". We're told to act confident and happy all the time or people won't like you. Well, NO ONE's actually confident and happy all the time. We all act like casual sex and having as much sex as possible is cool. Well, LOTS (maybe most?) casual sex is not all that great, and the positive affects of good sex are temporary at best. Maybe in an effort to simplify things through trying to be super liberal and open and detached about sex, we've actually complicated them for ourselves. I'm going to renew my efforts to put the soul back into my encounters with others..."

..an excerpt from the Ron Jeremy diaries.

"I have a hard time interpreting whether your behavior is typical of a guy... or typical of a douchebag."

Most times that’s the same thing!

"Wow, never ever before has my backdoor been licked at a first date. I'm quite impressed!"

Jeez, why didn’t he just ring the door bell? What is he, POLISH?

"last night my friend (that i was pretty sure was gay) got super drunk and asked me if i wanted to have sex. when i tried to laugh it off, he seemed to get upset and asked if i was having sex with my (male) best friend (no). then i think he suggested a threesome but it was loud in the bar and i couldn't really hear. is he in the closet, trying to get to my best friend through me? yes-can relate. no-can't relate."

Ahhh.. the trials and tribulations of being a fag hag.

"I think a certain amount of navel-gazing is healthy for everyone. But I think the internet causes a lot of people to take it too far. Plus, reading someone's poorly written blog entries on some commonly thought-about topics they clearly consider profound is just sad..."

Uhh..err.. well FINE then… just don’t READ then, mr. meany pants.

"You already addressed the gravy- what more could I want in a man?"

The STUFFIN’!!!

"who reads nerve confessions all the time, anyway? shouldn't anyone posting a lot (or thinking that someone else posts a lot based on constant reading of posts) have something better to do with their time?"

Yes!.. perhaps some zesty electro-shock therapy?

"this crazy feminist chick with a stick up her ass seems to be dominating these *confessions* lately. anyone else noticed?"

TOLUCA!!!... Stop bothering those poor people over at the confessions section!!!

Bea Flora

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Date Machine: The origins of my cold, black heart...plus throbbage.

zeitgeisty — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:18:00 GMT

When I was 8 years old I fell in love with a girl named Mara.

Now, we’ve all heard the perceived wisdom that children are incapable of truly knowing what love is, that what they’re experiencing emotionally is merely 'cute'.. relegated to ‘puppy dog’s tails and sugar and spice’. Well, that’s totally erroneous. I fell in love.

It was during an assembly in the main atrium of my elementary school when I first saw her.. I was just bending to my knees to get into the ubiquitous ‘indian style’ sitting position and our separate glances met. She was sporting a Dorothy Hammil haircut, a flowered blouse, and blue slacks. Her skin was a deep olive tone, and she had huge coffee colored eyes. I felt literally as if I’d been slammed in the head with a large hard salami – if you’ll pardon the salacious imagery.

For the rest of the assembly I couldn’t take my eyes off of her… I was struck by cupid’s bow.

I remember when my mother picked me up from school that day, my head was in a fog. I just kept repeating the phrase, ‘I love Mara’ over and over in my head like a mantra. It’s funny to think back on it now, the emotions were so pure, immediate, present there was no equivocation.. I was sure. As I said before, we’re all told as children that these are merely ‘crushes’ and that you’ll get over them, but I still remember Mara.

For the rest of the week, I was gonesville. I kept bumping into things, my cutting and pasting of colored cardboard started getting sloppy. I didn’t have my mind in my work. All I could think of was Mara. Around that time I had just received Glass Houses by Billy Joel from my parents, and I would sing along to ‘All for Leyna’ at the top of my voice. Me and Billy were commiserating in song. I needed to show Mara how much I adored her, or else it would eat me up inside, I would surely be consumed by the fires.

One weekend, I was out in the backyard kicking around in the dust feeling alienated, yet pretty cool too. I remember I was wearing my favorite pair of sneakers, red Olympians from Sears. I felt older, with this gnawing in my chest like a burrowing rat. All of a sudden, I knew what I had to do.

I ran upstairs, cracked out the art supplies and proceeded to create two beautiful works of art that would profess my love for Mara in as spectacular way as I knew how. I took out the magic markers and drew boldly, festooning the landscape with big red hearts, and wildflowers. In the foreground, I drew Mara and me holding hands, with more hearts buzzing around us. The final capper, in giant bubble letters I drew I LOVE MARA… I LOVE MARA!! My body crackled with electric jitter. I felt at the top of my artistic powers. I had jumped to the next level, and love was the impetus. Now, the only question was, how would I get these masterpieces into Mara’s delicate hands?

Well, here’s where the logic gets fuzzy...

In my ardor addled brain, I thought it would be a good idea to leave these laying out on my door step, with the hope that Mara might walk by,see them, pick them up, realize what I felt for her and together we would live happily ever after …

Ok.. in some ways I was a very.. slow.. child.

Still, that’s just what I did. I laid them right out on our front step. Of course it never occurred to me at the time, that the whole idea was shall we say ‘ill conceived’. I mean she probably wasn’t even living in our neighborhood, and most likely didn’t make a habit of walking up to strange people’s doorsteps searching for art. None of that entered in to the transom of my mind, all I could think of was Mara. So, I left them there and returned to the dustiness of my backyard and the business of kicking dirt and feeling cool.

Later that afternoon, sweaty from the day’s activities I checked back to the front step and THEY WERE GONE!! My heart palpitated with an excitement normally reserved for Christmas day, or CBS Special Presentations. I was literally bouncing around as if my Olympians had tightly wound springs in their soles.

‘I love MARA… I love MARA’…

I was a zombie.. I was retarded.. I was a retarded zombie. I was in love with Mara.

At dinner, I felt flush. My mind flooded with images of Mara and I running through fields together, holding hands, laughing with abandon. I could barely keep my mind on the boiled chicken my mother had run through the deflavorizing machine. I could only think of my beloved, which is the reason I hadn’t noticed my father sneak away from the dinner table. All of a sudden, I was startled by a loud, sonorous French accented mocking toned bellow barking snidely in my direction…

“WHO EES THEES MAHHRAAA?????? EET SAYS EERE ZAT YOU LOVE SOMEONE NAMED… MAHHHRAAA????!!!”

It was my father looming over the table with my drawings of love… Everyone at the table exploded into raucous laughter at my expense. I was humiliated and my love belittled. I felt ashamed and dehumanized. I laughed along too embarrassedly, but I felt deadened inside. I was ridiculed for feeling love. Love was something to make a big joke of. This was the lesson I took away.

As it turned out, this wasn’t an isolated event in my house. For years to come, all my brother and I would hear from my parents was ‘don’t ever get married’, that ‘the family is all you can trust’, that there was no such thing as love… It stands to reason I turned out the way I did. Ironically, now all my parents want is to see me settled down with someone. I think they know what they’ve done to me, and when I expound on my feelings of ambivalence towards love and dismiss relationships as mere simple minded convention, I can see the guilt in their faces.

I never forgot Mara..

In a strange way, she was the last person I’ve ever really loved, at least in a completely unpolluted sense. From time to time, I even google her. Of course, she’s probably married now with a different last name.

It's strange to think that somewhere out there, there’s a girl that was loved very intensely by a little boy during the late spring of 1980 and how she’ll go to the grave never knowing.

thora birch

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine: The different kinds of VAGINAS.. plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 17:27:00 GMT

As there’s been a lot of discussion around here on the varying styles of penii happily swingin’ around out there - I thought I’d spend a bit of time talkin’ about the many different types of vaginas I’ve encountered and give a personal accounting of which particular incarnations are my favorite, and which kind I wouldn’t go near with another man’s prick.

The first vagina I ever saw up close was owned by a 15 year old goth chick with a penchant for depression. She had a fairly rough home life, but she was also a natural drama queen. Her snatch was pretty dramatic as well, as it was prone to a heady bouquet of limburger enriched with a soupcon of ‘essence de hippo shit’. Moreover, it wasn’t very pretty. It was what I like to refer to as:

“The GASH”

This is a type I’ve encountered only rarely. The clitoris, and labia are relatively non-distinct – if somewhat flabby - , however the coloring is scarlet flush like a baboon in heat. This gives a distinct ‘gash’ like appearance, especially if coupled with a bramble-y bush.

I’d have to say, this is not one of my favorites.

I like my pussy to have a bit more distinction. For instance, a nice prominent clitoris is always a plus. If you couple that with a perky set of pink, firm, trim and fresh smelling labia you’ve got a winner. I like to call this type:

“the Barbara Stanwyck”

Why the ‘Barbara Stanwyck’ you ask? It’s simple..I love Barbara Stanwyck! She was a sexy little firebrand with a prominent nose, and a snappy demeanor. I like my snatch snappy, with a nice clit. I don’t like a floppy pussy, you know the kind that feels like when you go down on it, it’s like eating a bowl of flat noodles in gravy. This floppy mess I like to call…

“The Wo-Hop special”

You see, Wo-Hop is an institution in Chinatown which specializes in a dish called Chow-fun. For those of you that aren’t familiar with the dish, it’s broad flat noodles in brown sauce. Women with oversized labia and smallish clitorii are in this category. In my experiences, I’ve really only come across a few that have been truly ‘over-sized’. You see, I’m pretty open minded, ‘largish’ meat flaps are totally fine, it’s just when they’re completely unruly that it gets to be a bit much. I mean, when you need to tuck in your vadge, it’s a bit unsettling.

Pubic hair, pubic hair, pubic hair, pubic hair!!!...

...I am in favor of pubic hair - plentiful, bushy, tufty, bountiful forests of wool. Naked slits look pre-pubescent to me. All this talk about men loving shaved pussy is HIGHLY overstated. Most men I know enjoy BUSH. Women are the ones that are the shaving demons. Personally, I’m against shaving in all areas!.. pits, pussy, asshole.. let it all be covered in the glorious underbrush I say.

Now, let me take a small moment to acknowledge that with different ethnicity comes different looking vagina. Asian pussy hair is long and silky, and African American snatch is nice and furry. However, although their coloring and hairstyle may be different, they still all come in these Universal ‘types’..

Gash, Barbara Stanwyck, wo-hop and…

“The rubiks cube”…

These are the oddballs, the ones with the tilted pelvis, the ones that are 3 sizes too small.. generally the ones that are nearly impossible to enter unless you’ve got the right formula. I once finger - banged a girl with a rubik’s cube, and nearly broke my hand.. these types are dangerous. However, if you’ve got the right key, any lock is penetrable. Now, the direct opposite to the rubiks cube is..

“Pillow pussy”.

I actually kind of like this kind. It’s akin to sliding your shlong into a bag of cotton balls. There’s not too much in the way of friction or resistance, but it’s so nice and soft. Usually these pussies are chubby, attached to a chubby gal, however a lot of the time attached to that chubby gal are some nice chubby tits, so it’s all about trade-offs. Personally for a nice pair of chubby tits, I’ll pretty much let everything else slide.

Finally, the last type of pussy I’ll discuss – and then I’ll open the floor for discussion, as I’m sure you all will have a LOT to say to me – is…

‘The outer space special’

This is the kind that’s so big and wide, it’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. It makes your cock feel like an astronaut. In a way it’s kinda cool, having your meat Magellan down there exploring such a VAST unknown world, but it kinda makes you feel lonely too… like a dinghy on an ocean… or more to the point like your ‘dingy’ is IN an ocean!!

So there you have it, a pretty cursory run through of the many styles of hair-pie slushing around town. I must say, there haven’t been many I’ve truly disliked over the years. They’re all quite lovely and agreeable in their own way.

Especially when they agree to let me inside!

jamie lee curtis..

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

Sex Machine: "I wanna bang your FRIEND"...plus throbbage

zeitgeisty — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 16:28:00 GMT

I can’t tell you the amount of times in my life where I’ve found myself in the awkward position of wanting to bang the friend of a girlfriend.

Seriously. Why are the FRIENDS of your girlfriend usually better looking and more interesting than your fucking girlfriend? In my case I think it’s because I usually just wind up with my girlfriends completely arbitrarily. In other words, I’ve never sought out any of them – save one or two – so consequently none of them have really been ‘spot on’ as far as what I consider to be sexually attractive, interesting, or intellectually compatible. Their FRIENDS however.. man.. there’ve been many I would have sought out if circumstances had been different.

I haven’t met any friends of my present girlfriend, and have no real interest to. She asks me from time to time to go hang out with one of them, but without any expectation. There’s really nothing good that would come of it anyway. I’ve never enjoyed hanging out with the friends of girlfriends, either you’re just thinking of fucking them, or you’re bored out of your skull – there’s rarely any middle ground there.

One particular situation springs to mind. I was going out with this girl who had a hot friend, and she proposed a ménage-a-trois. At the time I rejected the idea, and pretty soon thereafter rejected the girlfriend. However, 10 years later I wound up banging the friend anyway when she contacted me randomly one day via myspace. My point here I think is there’s always sexual tension between your girlfriend, yourself and her friends. Actually I’d probably widen that out to YOUR friends as well, however in my case my friends are all married, and I hardly get a chance to see them, so that lets me off the hook.

Women are naturally competitive with their friends, so it only stands to reason that this tension would arise. Practically EVERY girlfriend of mine has had a friend flirt SHAMELESSLY with me, to the point of embarrassment sometimes. Of course this could be the fact that I’m a total stud, however it might have something more to do with the fact that women are always naturally trying to one-up each other. It’s funny, whenever I would bring this up with one of my girlfriends they’d roundly dismiss my pontifications, usually with some irritating rejoinder about how I think EVERY woman is after me, or something equally annoying about how her friend is just ‘naturally friendly’… Yeah, so her longing stares, and hand on my thigh was just a mere figment of my imagination, or just her way of being friendly.

This is what women are really best at – being contrarian and irritating…

I’ve never cheated on a girlfriend with a friend of hers. I’ll bet there’ve been many times I could have though, and I seriously regret that I never attempted it. I mean, in the end all relationships usually go to shit, so you might as well have some fun along the way right? What makes the fact that I’ve never acted on anything with a friend of a girlfriend even more of a regret, is that it’s actually happened to ME …TWICE… with the SAME GUY!... Two girlfriends of mine wound up dating this friend I used to have, and to top off the weirdness, he wound up MARRYING an ex - girlfriend of my BROTHER’S. The puzzling part, is one would imagine this guy to be some total dream boat, or at least have some enormous shlong - no on both counts. Which I suppose doesn’t really speak too well of me. The point being is, none of those women had any compunction about fucking a friend of MINE. And neither did my friend for that matter. Still, at least this guy TOOK what he wanted, he didn’t have any moral issues about what was right or wrong. That’s always been my problem. For someone who’s considered himself a unique ‘out of the box’ individual, I’ve lived my life with a giant conventional moral yoke around my neck

If I had it to do all over again I wouldn’t have ever considered peoples ‘feelings’ when it came to establishing my own little slice of happiness.

Fuck em'...

camilla belle - actress

My myspace - - http://www.myspace.com/10separatecatch22s

My Facebook - Zeit Geisty

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

Date Machine: Is there an expiration date on PASSION?.. plus throbbage.

zeitgeisty — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:44:00 GMT

I was having a conversation with my father the other day about women, relationships, and the general vagaries of human existence.

He’s 71 now, retired and lives ‘the life of the mind’ writing, reflecting, and pontificating…Anyway, when it comes to relationships taking advice from my father is a bit like taking advice from Kafka, or maybe Edgar Allen Poe. In other words, he lays out a grim landscape…bleak, dark and generally joyless. Unfortunately in my case the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Lately I’ve been getting complaints from my girlfriend about my intractable nature. My complete unwillingness to engage in any activity she enjoys. I keep telling her I just don’t have it in me to go visit another museum, or drop another 20 bucks at another horrible movie. Her rejoinder is usually something like…

‘I’m not even talking about museums… how about dinner?? Going out for a drink??.. All you ever do when you come home from work is sit in front of the TV and watch MSNBC!!’

‘In case you hadn’t noticed, this is an important time in our history… This election is the most significant in our lifetime!!’

Well the election is over… shit. What’s my excuse now?

My father says you need to fall in love and get married young, or else it’ll never work. He postulates that once you get past a certain age you become so disillusioned that true romantic love is no longer possible. This thought haunts me, and to tell the truth I’m scared to death that he may be right. Not that I believe it’s not possible to love someone – I do - it’s just all that whimsical, unfettered, unmitigated, passionate abandon… does it have an expiration date?

I dunno, maybe it doesn’t really matter anyway. I mean, isn’t all of that akin to religion, or any other similar types of man-made fairy tale? Isn’t it better in the end to look at life starkly with an unbending loyalty to the truth? Perhaps, but it sure is a lot less fun…

Of course even in my youth I’ve never experienced that coltish, peppy, bubbly effervescent wave of amore that so many people cling to like deranged rhesus monkeys. My memory banks are simply filled with old anxieties, disappointments, broken dreams and bitterness. The cells ooze battery acid and leak into my current state of mind coloring my thoughts in gloomy hues.

Well, I’m not a kid anymore, and unless I sustain some brain injury which effectively wipes out everything I’ve experienced in my life, I’m stuck in this head.

If only I didn’t feel this damned inertia. I keep telling the girl that I warned her about me, but she doesn’t wanna hear it. I suppose this is what’s known as an impasse.

Ahh… the effort it all takes.. I guess I better start switching off the tube and doing actual shit.

Obama won, I suppose anything’s possible – the audacity of hope and such...

winona...

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

Date Machine: CRAZY PANTS!!!.... plus the daily throb..

zeitgeisty — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:04:00 GMT

When I was 18, I was taking a figure drawing class at the upstate college I attended. That's where I met 'crazypants'. I noticed her instantly, as she struck quite an impressive figure. She was an extremely voluptuous girl, with a big tail and enormous jugs. She also had one of those short 'bob' haircuts that were so popular back in the early 90s. I can remember her penchant for wearing sundresses all the time, which really emphasized her attributes. Still, I think the thing that really struck me about her was the fact that she didn't shave her armpits. Glorious tufts of hair sprouted out from underneath her deeply tanned upper arm area.

I was mesmerized.

I don't know, for some reason I've always had a thing for women with hairy armpits. Could be that I'm French, could be that my mother might have had them growing up.. or possibly a third option…

You see, I remember finding my parents' copy of the 'Joy of Sex' hid away in the back of their closet when I was around 6. Alongside the book, was a box with this massive 'massager' inside. Obviously looking back on it, it was some kind of goofy looking 1970s vibrator. Of course I didn't know that at the time, and had my hands all over the thing inspecting it like one of those apes in the beginning of 2001: a Space Odyssey. For all I know I probably had the fucking thing in my mouth, you know like kids do sometimes.

Shudder....

Anyway, flipping through the Joy of Sex, I became extremely aroused – even at 6! Like Woody Allen says in Annie Hall - 'I never had a latency period!!' The illustration of the woman in the book had a colossal bush and delectably hairy armpits. So who knows? Perhaps my armpit hair fetish stems from this early sexual imprinting. Like how little ducklings follow whomever they see when they first open their baby eyes and call it 'mama'.

So, for whatever reason, I was really attracted to 'crazypants'. I'd watch her in class day in and day out, totally adjusting my rod every two seconds. I mean, she drove me out of my bird. One day, she came up to me after class and started up a conversation of sorts..

'hey.. I see you staring at me in class every day, so I thought I'd introduce myself'

'yes well.. ahem.. yeah'

You have to understand at this point, I had absolutely no idea how to talk to women. They were from another galaxy, another universe..

'Do you want to go out sometime after class?'

'ahem.. yes.. well ahem'

We exchanged phone numbers, and went off in opposite directions. Later that night back at my dorm, the phone rang, but when I picked up the receiver the person on the other end immediately hung up. Well, I was excited about that, because at the time *69 had just recently become available to everyone. I had been waiting for an opportunity like this, you know - to see how it worked! So, I *69'd, and this guy answers in a gruff voice..

'yeah?'

'Yeah? Well.. you just called me mr.'

'No I didn't… whaddya talkin' about?'

'Well I just used this thing called star 69, so I can tell that you just…'

'I already told ya kid, I didn't call.. what is this??!!'

The guy was getting really upset, but I wouldn't give in!

'Why did you call me mr.?? What's your problem!!'

'Alright I've had enough of you - punk!'

With that he hung up..

It was an amusing little episode, I chuckled over it with some friends of mine, but I quickly forgot about it. A few days later, I ran into 'crazypants' on the quad, and she explained what had happened….

Apparently, she was involved with an older guy.. and by older I mean WAY older - 63 to be exact. She had been over at his house the other day and it was her who had called me from HIS phone - but quickly hung up when he came into the room.

'wow', I said.. I was a bit taken aback.

'Yeah.. we had a big fight after you spoke with him, and I was actually afraid for my life'

'I'll bet..'

'So, do you still wanna go out with me?'

'Sure…'

But I wasn't so sure anymore… This was my earliest memory of 'the warning radar'. Something was not right with this girl. She had a peculiar slur to her speech, almost imperceptible, yet it nagged me. She also had a slightly manic vibe about her which unsettled me. Still, this was a genuine GIRL asking me out on a date. The only other time I'd ever been propositioned by anyone was from some gay guy on a bus who knocked on the door while I was in the bathroom taking a shit and asked me if I wanted 'some company'.

So we both agreed to meet up at her place Friday night at 7.

One decidedly odd thing about this chick, was that she lived with her mother in town. Her parents had rented a little cottage so her mother could stay with her during the school year. As a kid, I didn't make all these connections in my head that there was something seriously OFF about this situation.. I mean, I DID feel a bit weirded out, but at the same time I was also aroused.

Of course at 18, a fucking 3 legged stool could get me hard.

I showed up at her house for our date, and I remember her mother being so excited to see me. She kept asking me if she could get anything for me. She was really making a fuss. Obviously, it was because she had an insane daughter that was dating a 63 year old guy – but I didn't know that at the time. I mean I must've looked heaven sent to her.

It's funny.. She was the only parent of anyone I've ever been out with that was ever kind to me.

We took her car into town, and wound up at a Roy Rogers. I'm a big fan of the fried chicken, you should know that about me. I remember Roy's had this colossal horseradish sauce.. Not sure if they still have it. Anyway, it was totally delish.. I used to dip the chicken skin in it… ahem.. but I digress..

We started talking a bit, and then all of a sudden she became very serious.

'I have to tell you something..'

The whole situation felt very ominous..

'Yes.. tell me, what is it?'

'Well.. It's hard.. I hate talking about this'

Of course my mind immediately sprung to what was on EVERYONE'S mind at the time.. Did this girl have AIDS?? Jesus! Had I sipped out of any glasses back at her place??..

'Yes.. just tell me.. don't build this up, so you know.. big..'

'Ok.. I'm on medication..'

'Oh my god - IS IT AIDS!!', I heard myself blurt out..

'No! why would you think that??'

'Because you're all serious, and speaking in low tones, and you say you're on medication!!'..

I was beginning to have a panic attack… They had started earlier in the semester, when I smoked 11 bong hits of some stuff laced with mescalin.. and due to that experience, I would suffer from them for years to come..

They should make a t-shirt: '4 years of college and all I got were these lousy panic attacks'.. I'd buy one.

'Noo.. I'm on medication.. for my head.. I'm something called bi-polar.. I'm on lithium'

Well, I didn't know what the hell she was talking about really, but at least she didn't have AIDS.. I was relieved.

'oh.. well ok..'

Long story short, we dated for a couple months, but I eventually dumped her when she began to act increasingly erratic.. She would call my dorm room all the time in tears, claiming she heard people talking about her on the TV.. It got pretty scary. When I broke up with her outside of that figure drawing class, she grabbed my hand and bent it all the way back. She had me on my knees…

'You couldn't play bass anymore if I broke your hand could you??', she snarled..

The art teacher pulled her away from me, and she ran off screaming like a banshee.. I never saw her again – she dropped out of the class.

'Crazypants' was the first in a long line of girlfriends that had 'issues' so to speak.. Lately, I've begun to really try and examine this. I mean, what came first the chicken or the egg? Am I drawn to these women, or are they drawn to me? Or, is EVERYONE crazy? I'm not sure.. I know I'm not crazy. Neurotic yes, anxiety ridden certainly! But most assuredly not crazy…

I was never quite the same person after that relationship with 'crazypants'. I didn't see women as these idealized creatures anymore. They had been knocked off their pedestal. They were human.
Postscript –

Years later, I saw 'crazypants' walking around in my hometown with some old guy hobbling along with a cane, holding onto her arm for dear life.. I felt strangely heartened, obviously they'd made it work..

Lacey Chabert.. that annoying kid on party of 5... She's a McCain supporter, but she has nice cans..

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

Personal Confessions: Used to be cool - Zeitgeisty on MTV....plus the daily throb

zeitgeisty — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 16:06:00 GMT

A friend of mine just sent the following link to me via G-mail along with the accompanying note:

"Not to work what may be a sore point, but: holy shit, you look young."

sigh... Gonna go jump out a window now...

used to be cool

fergie...

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

Sex Machine: Hurting for a squirting - the FEMALE EJACULATION file...plus the Daily Throb

zeitgeisty — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 16:12:00 GMT

When it comes to female ejaculation, or what is commonly referred to as ‘squirting’, it is important to get two things straight;

1) It is REAL.

2) EVERY woman is capable of it – although many may not know it yet.

Now, I know many of you have heard varying reports on this somewhat taboo topic. Some say it’s not female ejaculate at all, that it’s just urine. Others say, yes it’s possible but only a certain percentage of women are physically capable. Then there are those that simply think the whole thing is a hoax. I can tell you from personal experience it is not...

You see, I’m somewhat of an expert on the subject.

I guess, I’ll have to back up a bit and talk some about what specifically peaked my interest as far as ‘squirting’ is concerned.

I suppose my fascination with squirting stems from my cynical worldview. What’s the connection, you ask? Hold your horses and I’ll get to it. You see, when it comes to intimate relationships, men’s physical reactions to erotic stimulation are obvious – erect penis -> ejaculation. In other words, there is undeniable PROOF of orgasm. With women, although there are ‘indications’ i.e. wetness, heavy breathing, etc… there’s really no absolute PROOF. I mean, as many women readily admit, a lot of ‘faking’ goes on out there.

Now, being the cynic that I am, this uncertainty was always a source of irritation to me. Although I ‘knew’ my partners were having a good time, in point of fact I did not KNOW my partners were having a good time. Some might call this paranoia, I call it fuckanoia – I like how it flows off the tongue. Anyway, when I heard about female ejaculation, I immediately thought...

‘EUREKA! PROOF!!’.

I guess this was around eight years ago already. I was reading a Cosmo, whilst taking a dump at my then girl friend’s apartment, and I came across an article on the subject. I was immediately intrigued. The piece defined it, and actually gave instruction on how to elicit the squirting response…

‘Take two fingers – palm facing up - , insert them about three or four inches inside the vagina, and make a ‘come here’ motion, which would then stimulate a small patch – rough to the touch – on the anterior wall. Once the area is stimulated enough, squirting should ensue’

My mind was blown.

For once and for all, I could have my undeniable proof of female orgasm. Now, some might ask why I had this obsessive need to confirm my partner’s good time. I’m not quite sure, but I suppose with proof, I’d have more leverage in the relationship. I think women sometimes use sex in strange ways, when it comes to the politics of love. If I had this undeniable proof, that I was a good lover at least those chips would be pushed to my side of the table.

To further my education, I went online and began to learn more about it. I soon found out that ‘squirting’ was becoming a small burgeoning fetish in the porno industry, and that there was actually a guy - Seymore Butts - that was leading the charge. So I picked up a couple of his VHS tapes and started practicing on my girlfriend. I must admit, it didn’t work on her, or rather I hadn’t perfected my technique enough. I suppose I wasn’t exactly sure what the hell I was really doing, or even if it was actually possible. Still, I’m very goal oriented - some might say to the point of obsession. Once I get something in my head, I won’t stop until I’ve achieved my objective. The funny thing is, my obsessions always revolve around completely pointless things like, meaningless trivia, old vinyl, and now as it was – squirting. If only I'd had an obsession with MONEY!!!

Eventually my then – girlfriend became my ex – girlfriend, and I never got her to squirt. It was a bit of a disappointment. At the end there, I was working non-stop like the Soviets, desperately trying be the first to put a man on the moon, unfortunately it wasn’t to be. My NEXT girlfriend however squirted like a fire hydrant.

All that practicing had apparently paid off, 'cause on my first attempt – BINGO!

Every single woman I’ve been with since then – which is not a paltry sum – has squirted at my hand – or on my hand if you wanna get technical.

It’s funny, how so many of them react in disbelief. Afterwards, they feel the drenched mattress and say,

‘What’s that?’..

‘You squirted’, I’d respond.

‘NO I DIDN’T’…

It won’t be until around the third time it happens, that they actually understand what’s happening to them. The next phase would usually be pride.

‘Wow!! I can squirt!!.. I’m going to tell all my friends!!’.

I can understand that. I mean, if I discovered an entirely new bodily function, I’d be pretty excited as well.

Moving onward... as I incorporated this technique into my sex-life, I began to realize that although ‘squirting’ had been defined as an ‘orgasm’, it is quite different than what most women experience with the more common ‘clitoral orgasm’. In fact, I think most women prefer the clitoral orgasm. However, I still like doing it. I like the proof - it’s a turn on.

Now, a bit of practical advice for those of you out there that might want to attempt it yourselves.

a)     Remember to trim your fingernails!!

b)     You need to start the engine properly before you put the pedal to the metal.

In other words, in order to ensure maximum ‘squirt - ation’, it’s best to have started some good foreplay, and fucking beforehand. In fact, you’ll get more squirt if there’s already been an initial ‘clitoral orgasm’. What I mean to say is, save the squirting for the finale!...

You know, like the fourth of July, the mega stuff goes off at the end.

To conclude, squirting is not for everyone. To give an example, I gave instructions to a good friend of mine on how to give his wife a squirting orgasm, and he reported back to me a few weeks later…

‘Man… that was… graphic.’

It is quite a visceral experience. You see, a woman’s ‘squirt’ is far more copious and forceful in nature than a man’s. For those uninitiated, it might be a tad on the intimidating side. However, I’ve never been one to hide my head in the sand. As a seeker of truth and beauty, I highly recommend it. It’s fun for the whole family really…

…just remember to bring a towel.

keeley hazell...

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

Nerve Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file