Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

nancynerve — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 05:44:15 GMT

did it ever occur to you that the reason some women go through the perfunctory stages of touching and sucking and then spread their legs quickly is just to get it over with? or that you didn't inspire them? or that you weren't communicative about what felt good and what became "boring"? i'm reading you for the first time and, dude, you sound like a misogynistic piece of work.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

Molly — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 15:00:19 GMT

"You only have to listen, and experiment, and adapt." By listen, apparently, you mean mindread. Which is fine, I guess, because when the connection is there, often you can mindread, or what feels like it. But as you say in another post, whereas your gfs have been carefree and impulsive, you're "always calculating and reserved." It is really hard to be comfortable enough with a person to stop being self-conscious, or to get out of your head enough to feel the intimacy. I suspect women feel they're being evaluated by you, and so they switch to their default position of formal competence rather than risk being judged on a performance more reflective of themselves. Maybe you don't inspire much trust.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

siouxzen — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:18:34 GMT

Mucus flaps! Genius! Though I prefer meat curtains, myself.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

thea — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:11:51 GMT

I feel like we should take up a charity drive for amboabe's next date/victim of his manly scorn.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

amboabe — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 01:50:03 GMT

E-Claire: Well, isn't the point of saying someone is "good" in bed a concession that they don't need to be instructed like an eager student?

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

airheadgenius — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 14:32:44 GMT

E-Claire - you are the coolest thing I've seen in ages. I am going to fantasize about you discovering you are a man trapped in a woman's body, having gender re-assignment surgery and then giving me a call. Yep, it's a slow news day for me.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

E-Claire — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 08:16:57 GMT

okay so lets get this straight... you're nervous and anxious about your performance while in bed..you're unwilling to give direction and tell a woman what you like.. but its THEIR fault and THEY are bad in bed for not being able to discover every nerve ending that makes your knees go week?

i have an idea. next time you go to eat, let the waitress pick your meal. who are you gonna blame when she brings you a veal parmigiana and youre a lactose intolerant vegetarian.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

pinkboots — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 04:06:49 GMT

Emotionally unavailable AND you give detailed descriptions of how your dates leaves you bored and sexually unsatisfied? I'm feeling a bit sorry for the next fem that goes home with you! I think H, K and the others were quite lucky. Being bored on a first date is one thing. But being called bad in bed publically is a whole other story, and you my friend don't sound like you are in a place in which you can possibly be pleased! But please do go "tame some pussy" and tell all!

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

askmeanything — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:07:24 GMT

Hard to be that sympathetic to this... I can believe that some women aren't very bad in good, but still, unless the guy has some sort of issue, orgasm from the sex act is pretty much guaranteed for the man. Not so much for the woman.

So at least you get to come. How bad could that be?

Excluding Zeit's later comments on physically painful experiences - just responding to the description here of the woman being lazy or "meh.")

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

teiluj1150 — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 04:27:21 GMT

I can't wait to go hook up with this new perspective in mind, I think your dead on...and I read past "the meat flaps"

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

amboabe — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 03:18:06 GMT

Sounds macho indeed. Time to tame some pussy, I reckon...

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

dvaleriey — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 02:07:33 GMT

OK, I let my fiance read this article and he usually approaches the nuances of life with a layered complexity that allows for all the grey areas of individuality and alternate roads of personal experience. His critique: "Guys that talk like that are gay. He seems terrified of pussy. Get in there and get over it. Worst case scenario, if a girl didn't pitch in or move a muscle, sex would still be pretty damn good. Just looking at your sweet smile gets me off."

I've never heard him talk like such a he-man! He's usually so sensitive and never homophobic. I think "mucus flaps" and "greasy meat-colored love slit" put him over the edge. Maybe he's just saying the right words to manipulate his lady and ensure that he is babied with back rubs and pot roasts (in which case, you suckers need to learn how to handle women!)

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

recycledbrooklyn — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 00:25:32 GMT

Sex is like a conversation, and granted a lot of people are lousy conversationalists. I hate to defer to the very overrated Chuck Pahlaniuk, but most people don't listen. They just wait impatiently for their turn to speak. Sex can be the same way and I don't think women are any more or less guilty than men of not listening. Maybe I listen, or maybe I'm just lucky, but I've had some amazing conversations, and they've rarely correlated to looks. Thank christ because I've not been getting by being beautiful. Really though, when it comes to someone being good or bad in bed, call me a skeptic. I think it's all directly related to chemistry and paying attention.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

waitmexico — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:36:29 GMT

"It takes a great deal of energy and a fair amount of vulnerability to be really good in bed. I'm not going to give that to someone else unless I think he's worth it and willing to give the same." - dlgallian

Yep. What usually happens is you start with 100% enthusiasm, totally engaged and if the person is doing the same it's great and you feed of each other's energy. If it's not matched, it's all downhill from there.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

dlgallian — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:56:25 GMT

Ah, you have actually confirmed one of my biggest suspicions about women. That many of us are indeed lazy in bed, and assume that a man is so grateful to be between our legs that all we have to do is lie back and let them gorge themselves on our womanliness. And to be completely honest, I have been both sorts of woman at one point or another.

I agree with the "it's not looks, its energy" statement. At various times of my life, I've suddenly found myself engaged in sexual acts with men who lacked... lets say energy. Do they then deserve for me to put my energy and enthusiasm into making their entire bodies feel good and wanted? Heck no. I'm going to try to get them off (or not) and get out. But if a man has the energy, the passion, and the enthusiasm for exploring me, and he's someone I'm attracted to and feel like it could be a memorable romp, that's when I participate 100% instead of phoning it in.

It takes a great deal of energy and a fair amount of vulnerability to be really good in bed. I'm not going to give that to someone else unless I think he's worth it and willing to give the same.

Obviously I need to get back to work.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

zeitgeisty — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:29:03 GMT

I totally agree with that DJ...!

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

dj — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:22:19 GMT

I thought this entry was awesome. I like how the peeps who have problems with this entry complain about using the term "Mucus flaps" and not about the actual subject.

Maybe you’re on to something.....

Just say'n

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

amboabe — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:19:42 GMT

As for hot women versus not hot women, I don't go for types or looks, I respond to people's energy and enthusiasm. Consequently, I've dated a decent array of different looks, from stubby fat girls to lanky covergirls. I don't think any kind of generalization between a woman's perceived objective symmetry holds true for my experience.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

amboabe — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:16:23 GMT

I date a 37 year-old a couple of years ago. She was the only one who ever got me to come during a blowjob. Perhaps there is indeed something to be said for age and experience. And yes, mea culpa, I am not comfortable at all directing people in bed. I have a fair understanding of the things I like and don't like, but I always feel like I'm directing a mechanic when I start to give instructions. It makes me nervous.

Sorry about the mucus flaps. I think it's funny, and it's a fairly accurate description of the labia's truest physiological function so if it's offensive or fratboy-ish, well, let it be that then.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

Toluca_86 — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:13:59 GMT

Well, when you think about it, I think young women get a lot of messages (from porn, media, and guys they know) that could contribute to this, such as:

men like to be the pursuers, and like to be sexually dominant

men just want to get off ASAP

blowjobs are obligatory

Btw I've tried a few posts that didn't show up, so I hope they don't all suddenly appear...

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

Toluca_86 — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:09:21 GMT

Well, when you think about it, I think young women get a lot of messages (from porn, media, and guys they know) that could contribute to this, such as:

men like to be the pursuers

men just want to get off ASAP

blowjobs are obligatory

Just speaking from my experience, I do know guys who have tended to be physically dominant, and one who was bossy when telling me what he wanted, and that was sort of a turn off. I do know women who experience performance anxiety. If you want a woman to explore, experiment with different sensations, with less emphasis on trying to get you off right away tell her -she may have encountered different attitudes in the past, she might enjoy it.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

fremd — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:35:32 GMT

My guess is part of the problem is that you don't know what gets you off, or aren't telling her. If you do tell her what you like and she doesn't do it, then dump her. If she does something that makes your knees week, ask her what she just did. It'll be useful info to give the next girl.

By the way, the best women are smart, spunky, and in their thirties or early forties. They're the ideal tradeoff between youthful vigor and hard-earned experience.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

loobetchka — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:29:47 GMT

Dead on..

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

zeitgeisty — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:26:14 GMT

'greasy meat-colored love slit'

hahaha... that's totally vile.. BRAVO!

Personally, I think the hotter the chick is the better she is in bed, that's always been my experience... Now, what constitute 'hot' is purely subjective... However, the ones that 'talk' a good game usually are the lamest... As far age being an issue, I once got a blow job from a 37 year old average looking woman.. it was average... I think she was the only girl over 35 I've ever been with....as YET of course... everyone gets older.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

timdb — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:17:31 GMT

Mucus flaps? Just no, that's all.

Maybe rather than going for looks rather than experience, you are going for looks rather than genuine enthusiasm? I've met very good & quite bad - the bad were (in hindsight) those women who probably weren't particularly into a)me, or b)sex (choose 1 of 2).

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

airheadgenius — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:13:13 GMT

Darling boy, I am so sorry that you have encountered so many facile women, or maybe that should be girls? I notice that Zeit is in full agreement which suggests that a) neither one of you has had sex with a woman over 35 or b) you tend to go for looks at the expense of personality.

Beautiful women are used to men falling at their feet, but average women work harder in all aspects of their lives and tend to be more competent across the board. I haven't performed in the way you described since I was 18 and just starting out.

Just for you, I will post a "how to" from my old blog.

As for "mucas flaps", is the frat boy wannabe mentality wearing off on you? I sincerely hope not.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

dvaleriey — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:12:09 GMT

Ha! Excellent article! For years I have advised women to date arrogant powerful cocksure men during their peak years of sexual beauty as these fellows rarely think twice about the act and allow a gal to revel in the mystique of her gorgeous youthful flesh. I always knew the "nice guys" were steeped in resentful analysis, performance panic, and bitter "mucus flap" resentment.

That said, I also advise marrying fellows such as yourself later in life (the scrapbooking home & garden years) when sex is less of an all-consuming force and a hypervigilant man is required to help figure out confusing income tax forms.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

vix_en25 — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:06:49 GMT

mucus flaps is really offensive. I prefer 'greasy meat-colored love slit'

but seriously, I don't know what kinds of women you attract. have you considered that maybe these were just bland women that didn't have enough passion to give? good post though.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

spjv840 — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:23:09 GMT

......."a woman's mucus flaps" - did you really just say that?

And if you've never came from a blowjob before, someone is not doing something right. I didn't even bother to finish reading the rest of this post.

re: Sex Machine: Why Women Suck in Bed

amboabe — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:16:28 GMT

Ha, thanks. There are plenty of holes in my argument, I'm sure it won't be hard to find lots of shit to laddle out for this one...