Date Machine: The Woman in the Coffee Shop and The Woman at the Bus Stop

re: Date Machine: The Woman in the Coffee Shop and The Woman at the Bus Stop

theinternational threat — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:49:29 GMT

clearly this one struck a cord with many of us....

don't be one of those guys hitting on the barista in line or while you wait for your drink. I used to work at a bookstore/coffee place and just...don't be that guy.

But the guy who, if you bump into her elsewhere, in some other context, or hell even outside the place.....sure.

And doing so would not necessarily kill the mystery I opine. So long as you aren't that guy.

re: Date Machine: The Woman in the Coffee Shop and The Woman at the Bus Stop

timdb — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 16:39:29 GMT

All the flirtatious 'relationships' of this sort that I have encountered have, I think, been best left that way. But you have to follow your gut instincts - if you were really keen on her you should do something about it.

You are totally unsure what to do which tells you everything you need to know - leave it as it is.

re: Date Machine: The Woman in the Coffee Shop and The Woman at the Bus Stop

aghmprettyok — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 15:24:32 GMT

I think you should talk to the bus stop girl. Worse comes to worse you make a new friend.

The coffee shop women you worship are just illusions you are creating for yourself. Strive for a meaningful connection and not an empty one. Both are full of promise, but only one can make you truly happy.

re: Date Machine: The Woman in the Coffee Shop and The Woman at the Bus Stop

metprofessor — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 04:20:44 GMT

I remember one of my distinct joys of being a barista in a small coffeeshop was the occasional flirtatious nonchalant no-charge. You might have the power dynamic all wrong there, I remember feeling rather trapped by the need to make soy lattes for some pair of housewives instead of being able to concentrate on the smiles of whoever I had just given a free drink to...It's also just occured to me that the only reason that I even visit this site any more is to read your blog posts. Carry on...

re: Date Machine: The Woman in the Coffee Shop and The Woman at the Bus Stop

Thea — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 03:34:47 GMT

Leave it! Remember you don't like all the nonsense that comes with dating? The flirt is the best part and then it's downhill, and a flirt with your coffee is much better than having to pass the old coffee place on your commute and have unpleasant reminders.

The surly chick at the coffee shop prefers to imagine you married or in a relationship anyway because that's where she gets off on her work flirt.

re: Date Machine: The Woman in the Coffee Shop and The Woman at the Bus Stop

b. amoeba — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 01:14:59 GMT

Dude, the surly chick at the coffee shop is laughing at your dorky ass, quite possibly because you improperly say "ICE coffee" instead of "ICED coffee." Where are you originally from, anyway? Idaho?

re: Date Machine: The Woman in the Coffee Shop and The Woman at the Bus Stop

MyThoughts — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 18:54:01 GMT

I must admit, I try to have a smile and a friendly face as I go about my day, and when you make a bit of eye contact and share a smile, it's a nice bit of brightness in a world that is protected or indifferent.

But like you, this would have me questioning if it is just a shared moment of familiarity, or if there is some potential there. I'd like to say that some smooth line that carefully straddles the "hello in passing" and "testing the waters" would be perfect, but I'm generally more worried about coming off like a weirdo who doesn't understand boundaries (especially for service jobs and places where one anticipates unwelcome come ons).

Likely best just to keep the familiar interactions and let her indicate if it's more than a harmless familiar flirt.

(or wait until more barista's post comments)

re: Date Machine: The Woman in the Coffee Shop and The Woman at the Bus Stop

venusinfurrrs — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 18:12:45 GMT

as a barista, I can say that it's not that weird to think about all the anonymous people we interact with in a romantic way. Not saying that everyone's into it...or that it will lead anywhere- but it's (I think) one of the best parts about the job.

re: Date Machine: The Woman in the Coffee Shop and The Woman at the Bus Stop

dlgallian — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 16:54:50 GMT

I think we can all relate to this one. My thought is - keep the flirtation alive but don't act on it. I have the same thing with a guy at the coffee shop I frequent every morning - I still remember the first day he actually caught my eye, gave me a smile, and waved at me before I even walked through the door. It's delicious and gets me out of bed in the morning, but the magic would be lost if it was actually acted on, I think.

And just to share an entertaining story about what DOES happen when a line is crossed by someone in your daily routine - I've been going to the same cafe by my work for 4 years, and got to know the people who worked there. I had a feeling one of the guys thought I was cute. One day after I bought my lunch and left, I heard someone yelling after me "Donna!! Donna!!" (my name isn't Donna). It was the guy. He actually left the cafe, ran down the street after me, and had the balls to tell me that he'd had a crush on me for years and did I want to go to the movies with him? I gently turned him down, but avoided the cafe for a good few months. Eventually he quit, but I still can't quite bring myself to go back with the same frequency.

re: Date Machine: The Woman in the Coffee Shop and The Woman at the Bus Stop

zeitgeisty — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 14:29:15 GMT

This one's really good...