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The Modern Materialist

Want to Pee Standing Up, Ladies?

Posted by Alex Zalben



Some of the women who read this blog are going to have to explain to me whether this is something you would ever want, because it’s the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.

Essentially, you take this funnel, right? And you put it over your naughty bits? And then you can pee standing up.

So what are the uses of this? According to WhizBiz, the creators of this fine product, it’s essentially for outside use, when you’re camping. It can also be used in a dirty bathroom, so you don’t have to sit down on the seat. Or, as this advertisement shows, it can used to scare the frak out of guys:

There’s a couple of different models, including the basic Whiz, which is described above. There’s also the Whiz Plus, which has a non-stick surface that always keeps it clean and dry, when you don’t have the time to CLEAN URINE OFF YOUR PANTS FUNNEL.

So again, I ask you… Is this something you would buy? Clearly, I don’t need it, but then, I don’t pee out of my butt*.

[$20, WhizBiz]

*That’s what women do, right? My knowledge of anatomy is staggering.


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Apr 04 2008, 03:30 PM
Filed under:

Comments

j said:

Products like this are also great for transgendered guys. That way they can use the men's room without raising eyebrows - or worse - as tends to happen when a male-appearing person doesn't have all the male bits :)

April 4, 2008 4:30 PM

Sarah said:

So... where would you store something such as this?  Before the first use.. fine.  But once you've used it you can't just stick it back in your purse or something...

April 4, 2008 4:38 PM

Laurel said:

I suppose this would be useful for women who don't like for their bare ass to be in contact with gross public restrooms...but still...the possibility of a leak would overrule that.

April 4, 2008 4:50 PM

Valette said:

My brother and his wife do the Iditarod on their snowmachines every year, helping mushers check in at different points and such.  Have you ever tried to urinate when it was -50 and blowing snow?  How about when you have 15 layers on to stay warm when it's -50?  It's not fun, not fun at all.  So she would not drink water all day long so that she wouldn't have to pee on the trail (they trave 10 to 16 hours every day on the machines).  Then she would be so dehydrated when they got to the next checkpoint.  Very unhealthy for her, and she hated it.  

I bought her one of these at REI, a Freshette brand.  She practiced with it while we were out snowmachining earlier this year, and she just LOVED it.  No more disrobing, no more hanging her bare behind out in the wind, and the only possibility of it leaking was if she didn't hold it, erm, firm enough.  It came with a carrying bag and was easily cleaned with a Clorox wipe.  She had absolutely no problems with it on the Iditarod trail, and has been recommending it to everyone.  

I will be getting one before I go camping this summer, because the woods are prickly and unsteady, and campground toilets are nasty.

April 4, 2008 5:29 PM

christiehoops said:

I have three words for everyone here: "Finger Assist Method" Google it. You don't need to waste your money on something you can do your self.

April 5, 2008 5:50 PM

coral said:

Great for long-distance hikers.  It comes in a plastic bag, which you can use for carrying it.  

April 7, 2008 4:42 PM

Dreaming said:

used something like this at burning man... no need to crouch over a porta seat used by thousands of hippies in the desert.

April 7, 2008 7:37 PM

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    • about the blogger

    Alex Zalben is a writer living in New York City. He's written for McSweeney's, Modern Humorist and PulpSecret.com. As one-fifth of the sketch comedy group Elephant Larry, he has been written up in the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and pretty much every other major publication. Their blog was named one of PC Magazine's Top Blogs for 2007, and they recently won an ECNY Award for their viral short, "Minesweeper: The Movie." Alex did not know love until he bought his first Mac.

    Steph Auteri is a freelance writer and proofreader who has been published in Publishers Weekly, New York Press, Playgirl, and other bastions of fine writing. She maintains a professional site http://www.stephiswrite.com, and also blogs about freelancing over at Freelancedom. You can keep up on her day-to-day by visiting her Twitter page.

    Diana Vilibert is a freelance writer, among other things. Born in Lithuania, she now lives in New Jersey, where she doesn't have to walk to work ten miles in the snow, barefoot, uphill both ways. Diana cannot afford most of the products she writes about because she buys too many pairs of heels to make up for her shoeless childhood. She's written for MarieClaire.com, Janemag.com, and CosmoGIRL!.

    Shaun Seneviratne is a dude just like anyone else. Just your average guy that raps Bone Thugs-n-Harmony to strangers on the subway at 4 a.m., doesn't chew his food because he believes it's a waste of time, and sleeps next to a scale replica of the Ghostbusters headquarters. He can rest easy knowing Egon, Peter, Ray, and Winston have his back. He currently lives in northern New Jersey, plays bass in Rapid Cities, and recently started a tumblr.

    Laureen Mahler is a writer and editor who lives in California, where the sun never sets and everyone rollerskates to work. She coedits Beeswax Magazine and spends the remainder of her time as a freelance writer and letterpresser. She truly believes that someday she will master the ultimate multitask of blogging while letterpressing, though that might mean that she'll need a second pair of arms.

    Send tips to modernmaterialist@nerve.com