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The Modern Materialist

Cheap Trick: The Disembodied Voice of My Mother

Posted by Steph Auteri

5 Ways I Can Effectively Ruin My Appetite:

  1. Purchase cruise tickets, and then remember that I'll probably have to appear in public in a bathing suit.
  2. Attempt to pick out a dress to wear to my friend's wedding, and then realize that — despite having gone to about five trillion weddings in the past few years — I have nothing to wear (or rather, nothing that I can wear).
  3. See myself in my underwear.
  4. Try to squeeze into my favorite gray pants...those editor's cut ones from Express that are way overpriced but used to fit perfectly.
  5. Hang this on my fridge:

[£4.99, Crazy About Gadgets]

When you push the cherry on top, key phrases make you rethink your fridge rummaging, such as the classic "A moment on the lips; a lifetime on the hips" and the more giggle-inducing "Those who indulge bulge." 


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Apr 22 2008, 01:00 PM
Filed under: ,

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About Steph Auteri

Steph Auteri is a freelance just-about-everything, with a special fondness for home goods she can't afford. She has been published in Publishers Weekly, New York Press and Nerve. She runs the blog selfhelpme.net, and her work can be found at stephiswrite.com.

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    • about the blogger

    Wendy Atterberry is a recent transplant to New York City via Chicago. You can often find her at some karaoke dive bar singing her repertoire, which includes "Midnight Train to Georgia," "Daniel," and most recently, "Sweet Dreams." Don't expect her to always hit the right notes. She lives in Manhattan with her boyfriend and two cats, and has a blog like everyone else.

    Alex Zalben is a writer living in New York City. He's written for McSweeney's, Modern Humorist and PulpSecret.com. As one-fifth of the sketch comedy group Elephant Larry, he has been written up in the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and pretty much every other major publication. Their blog was named one of PC Magazine's Top Blogs for 2007, and they recently won an ECNY Award for their viral short, "Minesweeper: The Movie." Alex did not know love until he bought his first Mac.

    Steph Auteri is a freelance just-about-everything, with a special fondness for home goods she can't afford. She has been published in Publishers Weekly, New York Press and Nerve. She runs the blog selfhelpme.net, and her work can be found at stephiswrite.com.

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