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The Modern Materialist

Full-Contact Commuting: Asserting Your Dominance/Need For Silence

Posted by Steph Auteri

 

5 Things I Do On the Bus To Discourage Others From Sitting Next To Me:

  1. sit in the aisle seat
  2. spread all my belongings (how does one "spread" a single purse?) across the seat next to me
  3. pretend to be asleep, whilst sitting in the aisle seat with my stuff taking up the seat next to me
  4. look angry/dangerous
  5. look angry/dangerous while wearing my massive headphones

This probably isn't nice of me. Rather than doing all of the above, I should sit in the window seat with my purse placed primly on my lap, my countenance smiley. And when someone sits down next to me, I should pass this over to them:

[$19.99, Belkin] 

Belkin's forthcoming RockStar can connect up to five sets of headphones. Be generous with your seatmate, while simultaneously asserting the fact that conversation is most definitely not in the cards. Satisfy yourself with some Disturbed, punk!

 


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted May 12 2008, 02:00 PM
Filed under: , ,

Comments

eurrapanzy said:

I can't decide if this is more or less aggressive than actually carrying an old school boombox.  

May 15, 2008 5:03 AM

About Steph Auteri

Steph Auteri is a freelance just-about-everything, with a special fondness for home goods she can't afford. She has been published in Publishers Weekly, New York Press and Nerve. She runs the blog selfhelpme.net, and her work can be found at stephiswrite.com.

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    • about the blogger

    Wendy Atterberry is a recent transplant to New York City via Chicago. You can often find her at some karaoke dive bar singing her repertoire, which includes "Midnight Train to Georgia," "Daniel," and most recently, "Sweet Dreams." Don't expect her to always hit the right notes. She lives in Manhattan with her boyfriend and two cats, and has a blog like everyone else.

    Alex Zalben is a writer living in New York City. He's written for McSweeney's, Modern Humorist and PulpSecret.com. As one-fifth of the sketch comedy group Elephant Larry, he has been written up in the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and pretty much every other major publication. Their blog was named one of PC Magazine's Top Blogs for 2007, and they recently won an ECNY Award for their viral short, "Minesweeper: The Movie." Alex did not know love until he bought his first Mac.

    Steph Auteri is a freelance just-about-everything, with a special fondness for home goods she can't afford. She has been published in Publishers Weekly, New York Press and Nerve. She runs the blog selfhelpme.net, and her work can be found at stephiswrite.com.

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