Like that’s possible. Well, if chronic masturbation is an affliction to you, I have a suggestion.

Consume your porn in puzzle form only.

Found this (unopened) Playboy jigsaw puzzle at the Long Beach antique market. It’s from 1970. Bought it for $10. A little research revealed that it may be worth as much as $60. Three seconds later, I reverted to a horny 14-year old boy, ripped open the package, put the puzzle together then rubbed one out.

[$59.99, eBay]