This is the New Jersey species of the Douchebaggery kingdom (thanks, Ebaum's!) They're not a rare species and the're hard to miss, but if you need help spotting one, these are the traits to look for:
- a faux orange glow, usually from hours spent in a tanning booth every week, sometimes followed by fake tan lotion
- muscle distribution and overall body shape that indicates 10+ weekly gym hours spent working biceps and biceps only
- backwards, upside-down visor (I hope, for everyone's sake, that this trend was localized to NJ. Was it?)
- pants that are either much too tight or dangerously loose
- consumption of energy drinks with douchebagalicious names that often include words such as "crunk" and "pimp"
That last one is pretty much a requirement. I've managed to avoid sleeping with this particular species of Douchebag, but if I were to, I would probably be eager to put some kind of latex barrier between the two of us. Thank goodness for energy drinks that come with condoms:
In case you can't read it, the type below the cartoon penis juggling says "refreshingly fruity." I don't even have to make this joke, do I?
[Billy Boy]
Related: Kama Sutra Condoms
