People. You may not have noticed but, here at MM, we really love bacon (what's not to love!?). Which leads us to seek out the oddest bacon products ever.

Don't let the title of this post mislead you. I am not test driving five different types of maple bacon. Though I should. Just for fun. I mean, I'm eating maple bacon right now just to get in the spirit of things.

Rather, I'm testing out some of the bizarre bacon products we've posted about in the past, and then some. Check it:

[$3.99, J&D's]

While I typically only use 100% pure petroleum jelly or Burt's Beeswax on my mutilated lips — as I find most lip glosses and lip balms dry out the lips due to their alcohol content — I was thrilled to receice this bacon lip balm unsolicited. Sometimes, while I'm sitting here blogging, I slather it on just so that I can pretend I'm eating bacon.

Pros: Have the scintillating scent of bacon hovering just underneath your nose for as long as it lasts.

Cons: Does not actually moisturize lips for the long-term. And is not actually bacon.

[$5.99, J&D's]

Speaking of J&D's, I got them to send me a jar of their Baconnaise, a bacon-flavored spread with much the same consistency as mayonnaise. Opening up a jar of Baconnaise is like leaning over a vat of ranch dressing, with bacon bits stirred in. And then you realize it's Baconnaise, and your stomach clenches, and you almost don't want to eat bacon ever again. Almost. And then you just go for it.

Pros: It does, indeed, taste distinctly of bacon.

Cons: Having bacon in mayo form still makes me want to hurl.

[$15.99, J&D's]

Alex has already done a taste test of bacon salt in the past, but I thought I should remind you of its existence, just to be completely thorough.I don't have much to add to Alex's assessment, but:

Pros: Healthy. salt. Srsly. Gluten free and low sodium, and can salt things up to my heart's content, all with the scrumptious taste of bacon.

Cons: I can't think of a one, unless you count the fact that Peppered has a bit too much of a kick for my taste. You should totally read Alex's post for a more detailed assessment.

[$7.50, Vosges]

In addition to this chocolate bar, the kind people over at Vosges also sent me this flying chocolate pig. Mo's Bacon Bar is made with applewood smoked bacon, Alder wood smoked salt, and deep milk chocolate. I assume it was created with the belief that things as awesome as bacon and chocolate should be combined.

Pros: Things this awesome were combined.

Cons: I don't know if it's because I don't eat a lot of chocolate, but...aside from finding the milk chocolate too rich, there was just something about the flavor combination that didn't...feel right. I mean, you're supposed to balance your sweet with your salty, but you're not necessarily supposed to mix them together. Nibbling on this bacon chocolate bar, I found myself overwhelmed by both the richness of the chocolate and the saltiness of the actual bits of bacon.

[$11.95 or $119.95 for a case of 12 cans, MREdepot]

Yes. I risked life and limb and food poisoning to test out bacon in a can. For you. Each can contains 9 ounces of fully cooked and drained bacon, and has an alleged shelf life of at least 10 years. Here is what it looks like when you open the can:

Pros: I don't know about you, but whenever I try to fry bacon, I invariably under- or over-cook it. It's nice to be able to just pop open a can and either eat it cold (yes, ew, I know) or just quickly heat it up in the microwave.

Cons: It definitely tasted like bacon, and I didn't die or anything but...well, maybe I'm just spoiled by all that maple bacon I buy, but I just wasn't...loving the bacon. That and, beyond all rational thought, I kept fearing that I was going to keel over and die. Upon unrolling the bacon, and getting its slick, sticky fat all over my fingers, I felt more keenly than at any other time that I was going to die young because of my unhealthy eating habits. It almost made me swear off bacon for good. But not quite.

And there you have it folks. Do with this information what you will. And if you're feeling particularly brave, leave a comment about the weirdest bacon product you've ever tried, or the oddest but most ingenius bacon recipe you've ever thrown together, and have the chance to win one of these five cans of bacon sitting next to my desk. Good luck and godspeed.

Related: Don't Put That In Your Mouth, Taste-Test: Bacon Salt + Contest!, The Most Glorious Thing Ever Created, Where's the Bacon?