The Modern Materialist

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• Wedding Update: The Ring Bearer

  In a gross misunderstanding of what people on the internet are interested in reading about, I'm not going to elaborate on the above picture, which is of a Snake Robot acting as a ring bearer at a wedding. What I AM going to write about is this:  My FW has a super cute nephew, Evan (and a super cute niece, but we'll talk about her stuff some other time). Evan, naturally, is going to be the ring bearer for our upcoming nuptials, because if you have the option of a cute boy-child to carry the ring, that’s what you do. This is what Evan’s parents got him to wear (placed after the jump, so you don’t all die of cuteness):   Read More... Posted Jun 12 2008, 06:00 PM by Alex Zalben with | with 1 comment(s) Filed under: children, weddings, snake robot, tuxedos, suits

• Train Your Offspring Well

  I'm not sure any of our readers are with child yet (I'm sure as heck not; I can barely take care of myself!), but I thought I'd pull together this handy little list of Things To Buy Your Child So That They Turn Out Perfect: a medical kit (for those future doctors, surgeons, etc.) an obscene amount of books (it's helpful to be well-read) the CalcuBot™ (for those future financial analysts) the We Girls Can Do Anything Astronaut Barbie, from 1994 (apparently, since the '90s ended, girls can only be princesses and ballerinas) these high-fashion shoes for babies 0-6 months: Read More... Posted Jun 09 2008, 09:30 AM by Steph Auteri with | with no comments Filed under: children, Accessories, Baby Stuff, shoes

• Little Tikes Crashing Water Park

  I’ve previously expressed how my backyard experience was limited to playing with trees and grass. While I certainly wasn’t impoverished by any means, my brother and I often attempted to create playsets out of twigs and rocks, or ended up spending weekends digging a big hole in the ground. This is what we thought was fun. Now, on the other hand, the Little Tikes Crashing Water Park is actually fun. A blow up, blow out storable water park, Little Tikes has: Read More... Posted May 20 2008, 12:00 PM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: children, toys, water park

• Our Puppet Theater Has an Open Door Policy

  The other day, I saw two grown men putting on a puppet show in the subway. Let me clarify and extrapolate, actually. These were: - Two grown men. - Dressed in very “street” style clothing, looking totally intense. - Standing in front of a cardboard castle. - With two lady princess puppets. - Lip-synching to Christina Aguilera‘s “Beautiful.” Find out more about these extraordinary gentlemen, how it relates to the picture above, and a hilarious video, after the jump... Read More... Posted Apr 09 2008, 01:30 PM by Alex Zalben with | with no comments Filed under: children, toys

• Invisible Anti-Child Forcefield Now Available in U.S.!

  Two years ago we were fascinated by this story about London shopkeepers using "teenager repellent" to keep undesirable young people away from their stores. Today, England's Commissioner for Children launched a campaign to ban the shopkeepers from using the device anymore. Luckily, here in America the Free, we don't have a Commissioner for Children, so we can do whatever we want to the little shits, from sea to shining sea. And repel them we will: the device, called the Mosquito for the annoying ultra-sonic whine it emits (a high-frequency pitch audible only to people under twenty), is now sold in the U.S. by a distributor known as Kids Be Gone. For a reasonable price, you'll never have to tolerate the irritating free-spiritedness of youth again. Posted Feb 13 2008, 12:25 PM by Will Doig with | with no comments Filed under: gadgets, noisemakers, children