The Modern Materialist : Videos

Bees! [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 14:02:00 GMT

Last night, I was showing the above Penn & Teller trick to a few friends. It's simultaneously horrible, and awesome. Awesome, because it's a great, funny trick. Horrible, because THEY'RE POURING BEES AS IF THEY WERE A LIQUID! An angry, stinging liquid.

How does this relate to buyin' stuff, you might ask? Well, I'm going to give you a bee product, and then tell you the most awful possible follow-up to the above clip, which might be considered NSFW. Mainly because it will make you scream:

Yay! It's a cute little silver honey-bee. I must be obsessed with tea today, because this would be a delightful little tea accesory.

In any case, here's the horrible follow-up to the Penn & Teller clip, which I also just heard the other night... About a week later, Penn went to the doctor with a problem. The doctor asked Penn if he had been doing anything differently in the past week, and Penn insisted he hadn't. The doctor then said, "Look, stop lying to me, I know you're using heroin."

Penn responded that he hadn't, and the doctor insisted the problem Penn was having was a symptom of Heroin abuse. Penn then mentioned the bees, and the doctor said, "Were you stung?" Penn responded, "Hundreds of times." And it turns out that since bee's stings are poison, they have the same effect as heroin abuse, which is that...

Penn's scrotum had peeled off.

Anyway, after relating this story, we all agreed to stop heroin abuse in this country, you would just need to run a PSA that says, "If you use heroin, your scrotum will peel off."

Heroin problem solved.

[$40, Delight.com]

[Via Outblush]

Japan in Ridiculous, Part 3

Alex Zalben — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 20:27:00 GMT

I don't mean the country of Japan is ridiculous, or the people. I mean the products. I've already posted about cat clothing, and yesterday about the Sugarbunnies Choco-Fountain. There was also a news story today about a cat put in charge of a train station, but we won't even get into that.

Here's the latest and greatest, though:

The Peri Peri Electronic Candy Box Owner mimics the sound of opening Japanese candy boxes, which is apparantly very pleasing to certain people. Of course, it has its own music video:

[$10, Inventor Spot]

Thanks to Jodi for the tip!

Chocolate Covered Bacon + Video!

Alex Zalben — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:00:00 GMT

For a blog obsessed with gadgets and doo-dads, it sure took us a long time to figure out how to use our webcam, didn’t it? In any case, the all-text portion of Modern Materialist’s life-span is over, as we have signed up for a YouTube account (that took us a while, too). So now, we’ll be bringing you videos of some of the latest gadgets and products we pick up, with our impressions and pretty mugs, now in muddled, unfocused, moving format. You can subscribe to our YouTube channel over here, and be sure to leave us a nice comment! Or two!

To kick things off, Luca Chocolates from Ramseur, NC was nice to make me a special batch of chocolate covered bacon, fulfilling a life-long dream of mine. Check out the video below, and then hit back for more info, and pricing:

Still here? Cool. What’d you think, huh? I’m pretty shiny, right? And I don’t know how to look into the webcam yet? Anyway, here’s the background info, for those of you non-video watchers: I posted a contest to win some chocolate covered bacon, as long as you could find out for me where it came from. One intrepid reader, Leslie Cooper, let me know that if I couldn’t find some, she'd make it for me.

So I ended up getting sent an assortment that included:

- Bacon Topped Caramel
- Bacon Covered Caramel
- Salted, Chocolate Covered Bacon
- A Tiramisu Cream
- Bourbon and Black Pepper Truffle

Hands down, the Bourbon and Black Pepper Truffle was the best thing in the assortment… A smooth, creamy truffle with hints of liquor, and a sharp, peppery aftertaste. Completely surprising, and completely delicious.

As for the bacony treats, the Bacon Covered Caramel was the most delicious. It was salted caramel, which I’m a big fan of, covered in dark chocolate, with a crunchy stick of bacon on top. Salty, sweet, and perfectly balanced.

I will say that for the actual chocolate covered bacon itself (i.e., a slice of bacon covered in chocolate), I could use more bacon, and less chocolate; but at the same time, I would bet that’s exactly what most consumers don’t want.

If more people end up buying the bacon covered chocolate, Luca Chocolates says that they’ll start marketing ‘em, and selling on the website. So head on over, and let them know if you’d like to try some yourself. It’ll be $16.95 for the half pound, $32.95 for the full pound.

[Luca Chocolates]

Bigger Breasts Through Handjobs

Alex Zalben — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Best Week Ever has broken the biggest story of the year: you can get giant boobs by jacking off two guys at once. At least, according to The Journal of Applied Research, a very real sounding magazine cited by Easy Curves, an exercise machine that takes your boobs, lifts, and jams them together.

Anyway, I’m not a scientist, so you should probably watch this video to find out more:

If anyone is interested, my friend Josh and I provide a similar, free service that can save you ladies ten bucks.

[$10, Easy Curves]

[Via Best Week Ever]

International Dance Party

Alex Zalben — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:00:00 GMT

This is, no joke, my favorite thing I’ve posted on this blog, ever. The International Dance Party is an art installation by Niklas Roy and Adad Hannah that’s activated by dance. Why, what do you mean by that, Alex? Well, I’ll tell you.

Basically, the IDP looks like an unassuming black case, until someone starts dancing next to it. This activates the IDP, and it will slowly start building the party. First, some lights will pop out, and an LED message will scan by saying “Dance to get the party started.” Then, the lights will start pulsing, and the music will get louder. Then it starts belching out fog from the internal fog machine. Then, it turns the lights down in the room.

Yup. It actually turns the lights down. Automatically. When you start partying harder.

Oh, and because I forgot to mention it, the IDP also has built-in speakers to pump the music all night long.

The IDP is currently only available to check out at two upcoming installations, which you can find more info about here. However, I chatted with the creators, and they had this to say:

We have built that machine as an art project - and actually, we haven't thought of a price for it, yet. But since we had already quite a few purchase requests, we would be more than happy to receive suggestions from your readers about what we should charge for it!

So what say you, Materialistas: How much is a party in a box worth to you?

You can check out the IDP in action, in the video below:

[Via Make]

Product Porn: Tennis Ball Robot Meets Dog

Alex Zalben — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:00:00 GMT

I think this dog has clearly been driven mad by his power, don't you?

Thanks Jodi!

Product Porn: Siftables

Alex Zalben — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:00:00 GMT

...Because what we all need are hundreds of tiny computers you can accidentally put through the wash:

Product Porn: Minority Report Display

Alex Zalben — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Hey, it's like an iPod Touch, except super large, and too many people can use it at the same time:

Product Porn: Aquaduct, The Coolest Bike Ever

Alex Zalben — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Hey, do you guys like water conservation? Do you like riding bikes? Do you like slow sad music? Then I've got a video for you:

Now, I don't want to ruflle any feathers, but if they tweaked this bike so it could make fresh iced coffee while you ride it, I'd so be there.

[Via OhGizmo!]

Product Porn: Sony Nav-U GPS

Alex Zalben — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Hey, they have the porn music down pat:

Product Porn: DJ Hand Mixer

Alex Zalben — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Dj Hand Mixer is, like, totally cooler than DJ Food Processor. Just my opinion. However, this is actually DJ mixer you can hold in the palm of your hand. It's approx. $800, and will be released at the end of the month. Until then, you can watch a charming English lady show you how to use it:

Product Porn: Candle Cannon

Alex Zalben — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:30:00 GMT

I'll admit, this only relates to product porn in that you can go buy your own, hand-held air cannon. But in terms of unbridled awesomeness? This relates to EVERYONE:

Product Porn: Top Gun RC Microfighter

Alex Zalben — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 16:30:00 GMT

You just know they wanted to use "Highway to the Danger Zone" SO BADLY, and couldn't:

[Via Thoughts From the Sidelines]

Product Porn: REEM-B, The Robot Butler

Alex Zalben — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Not to get picky, but this video starts with the totally ludicrous statement, "Do you think you've seen everything about robots?" Who thinks that? Are there a lot of people going around complaining about how robots are boring, and they're sick and tired of all the robots all over the place? NOBODY thinks that, as there ARE no robots all over the place.

That being said, here's REEM-B, the robot butler of the future:

[Via Born Rich]

Product Porn: Firefly, The Game For Microsoft Surface

Alex Zalben — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Sarcastic Gamer got to hang out with Microsoft, and play with their Big Ass Table. Watch the video, and tell me this doesn't look like Hungry Hungry Fingers:

Product Porn: Hi Can, The Ferrari of Beds

Alex Zalben — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Man, I'd like to sleep all over that.

[Via Gizmodo]

Product Porn: Samsung Micro Projector

Alex Zalben — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

A little too amateur product porn for my taste (what, we can't get a coin or a hand in there for a size comparison?), but there's no denying this cigarette-case sized projector that connects to your PDA, or other mobile device, is one hot little number:

[Via]

iPod Nano: The Largening

Alex Zalben — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:30:00 GMT

All you need to make to watch larger video on your iPod Nano is re-code the video so it plays upside down, copy it to your Nano, take an old slide viewer, cut it up, insert speakers, and you're ready to go. Or, you know, don't buy an iPod Nano:

Product Porn: New iPhone Ad

Alex Zalben — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

To make this ad work properly, say in your snottiest, most sarcastic voice, "What's so great about having the internet in your pocket, anyway?" Add an empty, hollow laugh, then press play:

To be honest, iPhone ads are kind of like the Playboy of Product Porn at this point, aren't they? Meaning, you'll look at 'em if they're there, remember when they used to get you all hot and bothered, and then move on to something far dirtier.

Product Porn: Taser x12

Alex Zalben — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

This isn't so much Prouct Porn, as a Product Snuff Video. Does anyone else get totally nervous around the term "Less Lethal Shotgun?"

[Via]

Product Porn: Rinspeed Squba, the Underwater Car

Alex Zalben — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Taking the least dangerous page from Bond's arsenal, Rinspeed have created an underwater car that actually works:

It's completely submersible, and also, completely green (it runs on rechargable lithium ion batteries). Good girl who turns out to be bad not included. [Via]

Toaster Porn

Alex Zalben — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

It's Friday, so let's all get nice and sexed up, and make some toast:

Can anyone figure out the brand on this sweet little baby? YouTube encoding does not make this video as crispy and delicious as, I'm sure, this toaster makes your bread.

[Via]

Great Moments In Product-story: 1984

Alex Zalben — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

There's been a lot of talk, with Apple's domination of the mp3 player market, that the House That Jobs Built is now the very thing it said it wasn't, back in 1984. I'm going to go out on a limb and say, "that's ridiculous," with a side of "if Big Brother gives us awesome shiny toys, then sign me up for the faceless technocracy."

That debate aside, the 1984 commercial is a classic bit of marketing. Though Apple's approx. 6% share of the PC market over the past eighteen years may speak to how effectively they've taken down Big Brother, the impact of the advertisment is still very real, and very strong. I wonder whatever happened to the director?

If you've got a suggestion for a great video you want us to post, let us know!

Great Moments In Product-story: Big Ass Table

Alex Zalben — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Hey, remember when Microsoft was all like, "We know what you iPhone users REALLY want: something bigger and less portable." And we all laughed at them? Seven months later, who can imagine their lives without Microsoft Surface? Microsoft's table-top software has revolutionized everything from kitchen tables, to coffee tables, to a third type of table. At least we can look back on this quaint parody and smile:

If you've got a suggestion for a great video you want us to post, let us know!

Great Moments In Product-story: The Great iPhone Robbery

Alex Zalben — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Continuing our look back at the great moments in product video history of yester-year (literally; most of these are from last year), remember that time the iPhone came out? And a Fox News reporter was interviewing an analyst who had the iPhone in advance of it's launch? And some guy tried to grab the iPhone? But instead he grabbed the news reporter's microphone? Good times:

If you've got a suggestion for a great video you want us to post, let us know!

Great Moments In Product-story: Nintendo 64 Kid

Alex Zalben — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Beyond the fact that I may need to come up with a better title for this series of posts, I thought it would be fun to review some of the great moments in product history, at least as seen through the lens of the observers camera, and then uploaded to your local internet video website.

First up is the classic, the one, the only, Nintendo 64 Kid. I mean, who doesn't love screaming little boys (and their slightly less excited sisters). If Helen of Troy is the face that launched a thousand ships, then this is the Helen of Troy of parodies of this video. Okay, strained metaphor. Here, watch it and relive the magic:

If you've got a suggestion for a great video you want us to post, let us know!