The Modern Materialist : bacon

Wash Your Hands...Or Else

Steph Auteri — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:19:00 GMT

[Photo via]

Wash your hands...or else this child will touch you with his boogery, paint-covered fingers. Or you'll get a cold. Or we'll have to amputate. Or...or...you'll get swine flu!

[$10, Supermarket]

Just sayin'.

This bacon flu soap is supposed to remind you of the importance of washing your hands to prevent the spread of germs.

Srsly.

Swine Flue Be Damned, Bacon Is Meat Candy

Steph Auteri — Fri, 01 May 2009 17:07:00 GMT

I don't care what anyone says about swine flu...

[$5.60, Zazzle]

...bacon is meat can, yo.

You can find this motto repeated on a plethora of products right here.

Shirt of the Day: Bacon's Revenge

Laureen Mahler — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:22:00 GMT

[$10, Neatorama]

Is it too soon for Swine Flu jokes? Alas, the only thing worse than inappropriate humor happening too soon is when it happens too late.

With this t-shirt, you can prove to all of us bacon-lovers just how wrong we really were. Though to be fair, I'm pretty sure that eating bacon won't actually give you Swine Flu.

[via Laughing Squid]

Meaty Jewelry

Diana Vilibert — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 21:31:00 GMT

Diamonds may last forever, but this meat jewelry from designer Stephanie Hensle is something your meat-eating significant other will never forget.

Not sure I would be bold enough to wear it, but for those of you with eccentric tastes, I can't help but think these would go perfectly with this meat cleaver necklace.

[Dwell via Fast Company]

Love It or Leave It? Bacon Skateboard

Shaun Seneviratne — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:04:00 GMT

[photo via BotheredByBee's Flickr]

[photo via rick's Flickr]

Yep. A few users on Zazzle.com went ahead and decided to put bacon on a skateboard (not real bacon, though the natural grease would make it easy to boardslide. . .). The board above is the only one that's even remotely appetizing.

Starting to lose lunch. . .

Lunch lost. I don't know if I can look at bacon ever again.

[$68, Zazzle]

[Via Nerd Approved]

Shirt Of The Day: Bacon Babe

Alex Zalben — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:34:00 GMT

Up top is Belinda Strange, the Bacon Babe of the Month, who lives in Texas, and aspires one day to be a Playboy Playmate. Yay?

Anyway, Bac'n.com is looking for their next Bacon Babe, so get a head start and grab this shirt:

Then you can submit your pic to Bacon Today, and have a chance to be featured! So exciting!

I read too many bacon blogs.

[$20, Bac'n]

Most Ridiculous Bacon Product Ever

Alex Zalben — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:06:00 GMT

Posting ridiculous bacon products has almost become a bit of a game here at the MM. So Steph, Diana, Laureen, Shaun... Top this. It's a solid bacon AK-47, aka the BA-K-47. Here's some more shots, and I accept all your defeats graciously:

[Via This is Freaking Ridiculous]

Seriously, Bacon Gets Even More Awesome

Laureen Mahler — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 17:06:00 GMT

So you guys know how much we love bacon here at MM; we're even willing to try bizarre forms of bacon that might, under other circumstances, be highly unadvisable. However, I have to say that this new bacon product officially makes bacon awesomer than it ever was before.

Let me give you a little taste of what is to come: it's bacon, but it's for both you and your partner to enjoy:

[Coming soon, Bacon Salt]

Bacon lube! Truly, the perfect product. It's not available quite yet, but in the interim, we can all enjoy the bacon lube motto: keep it sizzlin'.

[via Geekologie]

Claim Your Canned Bacon

Steph Auteri — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:39:00 GMT

Well. It seems that we have three people willing to risk life and limb by ingesting canned bacon:

comebackshane: I commend you for your attempt to equate the awesomeness of me with the awesomeness of bacon.

halfdeserted: I commend your bravery, and your willingness to go the extra mile on behalf of your husband and his friends.

RevTen: I sense that you are a great appreciator of food, and the process that goes into creating great food.

All three of you should send me your mailing addresses.

Contest Reminder + Grossest Bacon Product Ever

Steph Auteri — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 14:31:00 GMT

I know you're frightened but, seriously. Where's your sense of adventure?

If you're at all interested in trying out a free can of bacon, enter here. I'm giving away five of them.

In the meantime, my man sent me a link to the grossest bacon product ever this morning, and I totally lost my appetite for breakfast:

[$7.99, ThinkGeek]

Okay. So Squeez Bacon is obviously one of ThinkGeek's April Fool's Day faux-products. Thank god, right?

But I wouldn't mind it if the Unicorn Chaser and Tauntaun Sleeping Bags (I want one) actually existed.

I Propose a Toast

Laureen Mahler — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:32:00 GMT

As we all know, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Check out Mr. Toast up there; he probably had a healthy serving of, um, himself before he headed out the door to face the day.

But when you can't get a complete breakfast (or if you're like me and consider the three food groups to be toast, bacon, and eggs), then you definitey need this plush tribute to all things breakfast:

Mr. Toast, aka the Toastmaster General.

Mr. Bacon, who I can only imagine looks puzzled because he can't figure out what makes him taste so good.

And Mr. Egg, who is thrilled he's about to be eaten.(It's a fact that eggs aren't the sharpest creatures.)

[$6 each, Mr. Toast]

While I am normally completely freaked out by anthropomorphic food, I'm willing to make an exception for these guys. Thanks to Diana for the tip!

Test Drive: Bacon Smackdown + Contest

Steph Auteri — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 18:33:00 GMT

People. You may not have noticed but, here at MM, we really love bacon (what's not to love!?). Which leads us to seek out the oddest bacon products ever.

Don't let the title of this post mislead you. I am not test driving five different types of maple bacon. Though I should. Just for fun. I mean, I'm eating maple bacon right now just to get in the spirit of things.

Rather, I'm testing out some of the bizarre bacon products we've posted about in the past, and then some. Check it:

[$3.99, J&D's]

While I typically only use 100% pure petroleum jelly or Burt's Beeswax on my mutilated lips — as I find most lip glosses and lip balms dry out the lips due to their alcohol content — I was thrilled to receice this bacon lip balm unsolicited. Sometimes, while I'm sitting here blogging, I slather it on just so that I can pretend I'm eating bacon.

Pros: Have the scintillating scent of bacon hovering just underneath your nose for as long as it lasts.

Cons: Does not actually moisturize lips for the long-term. And is not actually bacon.

[$5.99, J&D's]

Speaking of J&D's, I got them to send me a jar of their Baconnaise, a bacon-flavored spread with much the same consistency as mayonnaise. Opening up a jar of Baconnaise is like leaning over a vat of ranch dressing, with bacon bits stirred in. And then you realize it's Baconnaise, and your stomach clenches, and you almost don't want to eat bacon ever again. Almost. And then you just go for it.

Pros: It does, indeed, taste distinctly of bacon.

Cons: Having bacon in mayo form still makes me want to hurl.

[$15.99, J&D's]

Alex has already done a taste test of bacon salt in the past, but I thought I should remind you of its existence, just to be completely thorough.I don't have much to add to Alex's assessment, but:

Pros: Healthy. salt. Srsly. Gluten free and low sodium, and can salt things up to my heart's content, all with the scrumptious taste of bacon.

Cons: I can't think of a one, unless you count the fact that Peppered has a bit too much of a kick for my taste. You should totally read Alex's post for a more detailed assessment.

[$7.50, Vosges]

In addition to this chocolate bar, the kind people over at Vosges also sent me this flying chocolate pig. Mo's Bacon Bar is made with applewood smoked bacon, Alder wood smoked salt, and deep milk chocolate. I assume it was created with the belief that things as awesome as bacon and chocolate should be combined.

Pros: Things this awesome were combined.

Cons: I don't know if it's because I don't eat a lot of chocolate, but...aside from finding the milk chocolate too rich, there was just something about the flavor combination that didn't...feel right. I mean, you're supposed to balance your sweet with your salty, but you're not necessarily supposed to mix them together. Nibbling on this bacon chocolate bar, I found myself overwhelmed by both the richness of the chocolate and the saltiness of the actual bits of bacon.

[$11.95 or $119.95 for a case of 12 cans, MREdepot]

Yes. I risked life and limb and food poisoning to test out bacon in a can. For you. Each can contains 9 ounces of fully cooked and drained bacon, and has an alleged shelf life of at least 10 years. Here is what it looks like when you open the can:

Pros: I don't know about you, but whenever I try to fry bacon, I invariably under- or over-cook it. It's nice to be able to just pop open a can and either eat it cold (yes, ew, I know) or just quickly heat it up in the microwave.

Cons: It definitely tasted like bacon, and I didn't die or anything but...well, maybe I'm just spoiled by all that maple bacon I buy, but I just wasn't...loving the bacon. That and, beyond all rational thought, I kept fearing that I was going to keel over and die. Upon unrolling the bacon, and getting its slick, sticky fat all over my fingers, I felt more keenly than at any other time that I was going to die young because of my unhealthy eating habits. It almost made me swear off bacon for good. But not quite.

And there you have it folks. Do with this information what you will. And if you're feeling particularly brave, leave a comment about the weirdest bacon product you've ever tried, or the oddest but most ingenius bacon recipe you've ever thrown together, and have the chance to win one of these five cans of bacon sitting next to my desk. Good luck and godspeed.

WWBD - What Would Bacon Do?

Diana Vilibert — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:38:00 GMT

If you haven't noticed yet, we here at MM worship at the Church of Bacon. And sometimes, when you need a little direction, you need to ask yourself...what would bacon do?

Flick the spinner on this very official folder (great for work!) and you'll find out what bacon would do--before you go blind trying to read it in the photo above, some of the things bacon would do: Smoke, Boycott Tofu, and Taste Really Good.

[$4.99, Perpetual Kid]

Related: Happy Belated International Bacon Day!, Bacon for Travelers, Where's the Bacon?, Bacon for Lunch Every Day!, Obligatory Bacon Post

I Love You More Than Meat.

Shaun Seneviratne — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 14:32:00 GMT

These pins are so unbelievably appropriate for my life. Y'see, my diet is almost entirely based on girls I date. If they don't eat meat, I make efforts not to eat meat (hey, no one's perfect). I've been pork free though for about three months and my steak consumption has dropped considerably.

Whether or not you have a backbone, these pins get the point across succinctly.

[$6 for set of four buttons, Sweet Meats]

[Via Fashionably Geek]

Bacon or Brains?

Diana Vilibert — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 22:35:00 GMT

The only time a zombie would pass up on a plate of fresh brains? When there's bacon.

Personally, I would go for the bacon, but it was close!

[$24, Red Bubble]

Meat and Greet

Laureen Mahler — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 20:16:00 GMT

As every fashionista knows, an accessory should bring a little something extra to any outfit. With this line of meat and cheese bags, you can bring a whole lot of the mildly disgusting:

Bacon gets professional, and somehow a little less awesome.

Wait, wait... okay it's awesome again. Whew, that was close.

Clearly, a wedge above the rest.

Alas, these bags are concept only, which is really a shame... I was hoping to finally commission a Roquefort clutch.

[Yowazzup]

You Deserve a Threesome

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 15:05:00 GMT

The hottest threesome known to humankind consists of these simple objects:

So now that we've got that squared away, allow me to make your day. This tasty threesome is now available in one convenient and (need I say?) awesome device:

[$59.99, Overstock]

It cooks bacon. It makes toast. It brews coffee. And yes, it does all three things at once. This might well be the most utopian device ever invented.

Shirt of the Day: (Mostly) Vegetarian

Steph Auteri — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 13:58:00 GMT

The Things That Keep Me From Going Vegetarian:

maple bacon
Meat Lovers' pizza from Pizza Hut
Big Macs

Now this is a form of vegetarianism I can get behind!

[$12.99, The Cotton Factory]

[Via Fashionably Geek]

Things I Hate About Bacon

Diana Vilibert — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 22:24:00 GMT

1. Shrinkage

Oh, hm, I guess that's it. Bacon shrinkage upsets me because I feel like I'm getting less meat for my buck. The same goes for regular shrinkage. Thank goodness for this:

The bacon press piggy flattens your bacon strips to perfection, and can even be used to press grilled sandwiches, which no one is going to use it for.

[$12, Williams-Sonoma]

Related: Perfect Bacon

Bacon Bandages

Shaun Seneviratne — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:01:00 GMT

In keeping with the Modern Materialists obsession with bacon, here are some bacon bandages!

I now have an excuse to dust my skateboard off and bust my ass.

[$9, FredFlare]

Related: Bacon Can Be Used For Anything

Yes, Another Bacon Post!

Wendy Atterberry — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 15:27:00 GMT

Do you realize that a search of "bacon" on this blog is likely to yield close to 50 posts? Really, go ahead and give it a try; I'll wait. See? We might as well change the name from Modern Materialist to, like, Bacon Bits or something. Anyhow, keeping in theme, here's some bacon jerky to chew on. It has the consistency of regular beef jerky, but tastes like your favorite pork product. The best thing is it comes in five awesome flavors: Summer Tomato BLT, Cajun, Peppered, Honey BBQ Rubbed, and Jalapeno. Tum, Alka Seltzer and breath mints not included.

[$11, Jerky.com]

[via Rare Bird Finds]

Bacon Gum!

Diana Vilibert — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 17:27:00 GMT

Holy crap. BACON GUMBALLS. Do you know what this means? It means you can taste bacon all day long. And blow bacon bubbles. And die happy.

[$3.49, Perpetual Kid]

A Tall Glass of Bacon

Diana Vilibert — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 18:02:00 GMT

What better way to feel refreshed and satisfied than with a big, tall pitcher of...bacon?

I'm not sure exactly why this contraption looks like a pitcher, but this microwave bacon cooker promises to deliver all of the yum of bacon with none of the grease. Plus, after it's done cooking, you're left with a nice glass of pig grease. Yay?

[$34.95, Wow Bacon]

Related: Perfect Bacon

A Zero-Calorie BLT

Diana Vilibert — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 18:33:00 GMT

Ok, I know you're only interested in the "B" part of that BLT. So how do you get a calorie-free BLT with extra bacon?

With these BLT-scented candles. I don't know what one does with lettuce and tomato-scented candles, but the bacon one will definitely put me in the mood.

[$33.95, Grateful Palate]

Related: Happy Belated International Bacon Day!, Bacon for Travelers, Where's the Bacon?, Bacon for Lunch Every Day!, Obligatory Bacon Post

Don't Put That In Your Mouth

Steph Auteri — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 14:10:00 GMT

5 Things I Refuse To Put In My Mouth:

toes
corned beef & cabbage
most meds
Red Bull
other "edibles" of questionable merit, such as...

I love mayo. I love bacon. But this frightens me.

[Baconnaise]

[Via the Awesomer]

Perfect Bacon

Diana Vilibert — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 21:32:00 GMT

So it's come to my attention that we haven't posted any bacon-related products in a month, which is unacceptable, so please accept our sincere apologies. To thank you for your patience, I bring you...perfect bacon:

The Bacon Wave lets you microwave up to 14 strips of bacon, cooking them to crispy perfection without curling or shrinking (bacon shrinkage is the worst kind of shrinkage, in my opinion).

[$11.99, The Home Marketplace]

Shirt of the Day: Get Porked in Your Donut

Alex Zalben — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:35:00 GMT

Here are a few of my favorite things:

1. Bacon.

2. Donuts.

3. Politics.

4. Shirts.

Wish there was some way of having them all together... Oh, there is? You mean this:

I'm not going to lie to you guys... I don't buy most of the things we post on here. I'm going to buy this.

[$24, Zazzle]

[Via Bacon Today]

Quick Tip of the Day: Bacon

Steph Auteri — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 12:26:00 GMT

Things I Need In the Morning to Function:

a shower
at least one cup of coffee
bacon

Okay, I may not consume bacon every single day, but you knew it was only a matter of time before I suggested bacon as a necessity for the day. But I swear, you guys. This isn't just any bacon.

This particular bacon is like an orgasm in my mouth. I swear to god. And when Michael does it up on Saturday and Sunday mornings, that maple syrup smell that seeps through the condo makes me think I'm in heaven. I suggest you all try it.

[Wegmans]

Happy Belated International Bacon Day!

Diana Vilibert — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:04:00 GMT

I have to apologize on behalf of us here at Modern Materialist. We've proclaimed our undying love for bacon many times here, but it seems that tonight, we're sleeping on the couch. You see, this past Saturday was International Bacon Day, and we didn't so much as get bacon a sappy Hallmark anniversary card. Bacon, we're sorry. Please find it in your crispy, savory heart to forgive us?

While we give bacon some time to sulk, help us celebrate with the bacon-related product after the jump. It's stylish, wearable, and only for the most serious bacon fanatics.

This bacon scarf is realistic to the point of being a little creepy, and it's definitely a bit pricey. But who can put a price on true love?

[$120, Etsy]

Wake n' Bacon

Alex Zalben — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:03:00 GMT

Holy crap. I can't find it, but I'm 100% sure I used this picture previously to describe something, either a clock, or a pig box, or something like that. However, at the time, I didn't know it was the best product ever:

You place a frozen piece of bacon inside the night before, and ten minutes before you're supposed to wake up, it starts to slowly cook a piece of bacon. So instead of waking to a blaring alarm, you wake up to sweet, delicious, sizzling bacon smell. Why can't I buy one of these right now?

[Mathlete]

[Via Neatorama]