The Modern Materialist : drinking

Irish Drinking Buddy

Shaun Seneviratne — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 18:30:00 GMT

I've had that kind of drinking buddy before and I've been that drinking buddy far too many times to count. I think I'm better off with this one:

He says crazy Leprechaun-y things like:

"No Beer! Why thems be fighting words!"
"Happy ::burp:: St. Patty's Day"
"Show me your lucky charms and I'll show ya me shillelagh!"

Best part about him? He won't vomit on you.

[$17, Spencer's]

[Via Fashionably Geek]

Happy Hour: Beer Bands

Alex Zalben — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 13:01:00 GMT

Oh yeah, it's time for the first Happy Hour of the day. And though it may not seem like it now, you're going to need the Beer Band:

Beer Bands offer the safety of knowing your beer is marked with a personal message, like "control freak," or "sex addict," that is going to keep potential beer-stealers away. And though in another hour or two you won't be able to read the message, you'll still be able to identify the bright, pretty colors.

[$9, Wishing Fish]

[Via OutBlush]

Condoms for Douchebags

Diana Vilibert — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 14:14:00 GMT

This is the New Jersey species of the Douchebaggery kingdom (thanks, Ebaum's!) They're not a rare species and the're hard to miss, but if you need help spotting one, these are the traits to look for:

a faux orange glow, usually from hours spent in a tanning booth every week, sometimes followed by fake tan lotion
muscle distribution and overall body shape that indicates 10+ weekly gym hours spent working biceps and biceps only
backwards, upside-down visor (I hope, for everyone's sake, that this trend was localized to NJ. Was it?)
pants that are either much too tight or dangerously loose
consumption of energy drinks with douchebagalicious names that often include words such as "crunk" and "pimp"

That last one is pretty much a requirement. I've managed to avoid sleeping with this particular species of Douchebag, but if I were to, I would probably be eager to put some kind of latex barrier between the two of us. Thank goodness for energy drinks that come with condoms:

In case you can't read it, the type below the cartoon penis juggling says "refreshingly fruity." I don't even have to make this joke, do I?

[Billy Boy]

Related: Kama Sutra Condoms

Best/Worst: Last Call of the Wild

Laureen Mahler — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 19:06:00 GMT

[Photo via]

Why the long face? Could it be that there aren't enough tipsy animals in your life? As a feline owner who assumes that raging catnip parties take place whenever I leave my apartment, I definitely appreciate some well-intended animal vice humor. Here's the problem, though: products based on drinking humor usually miss the mark on style and refinement.

But to keep things equitable and entertaining, here are the best and worst of products featuring animal intoxication:

Best: An otter walks up to a bar

[Megan Adie]

Lovely letterpressed cards that affirm my suspicion about otters: they do indeed prefer the hard stuff.

Worst: Shark humor gone wrong

[$20, Zazzle]

Exactly what occasion might call for this shirt? Maybe, maybe if you were attending a cocktail party for marine biologists and feeling especially ironic, you could think about thinking about wearing this.

Best: Drinking with bears

[$24, Little Paper Planes]

The best part of this artist print? The inscription that reads "The known practice of using domesticated bears as cushions while drinking."

Worst: Ill-advised puns remain ill advised

[$18, Cafe Press]

I have two issues here: 1) this doesn't make any sense, and 2) it is a clear ripoff of the Charmin Pooping Bear, icon of American advertising and my personal favorite toilet paper salesman.

Best: Behind the scenes at Meerkat Manor

[$4.25, Etsy]

Victorian zoological prints modified and made into magnets. Don't mind if I do, thanks.

Worst: Buy me a drink and I'll let you pet my hair.

[Nagi Noda]

These hair hats win points for craftsmanship, but I simply don't trust the model under the snout.

Best: Maakies, Maakies, Maakies

[$10, Dark Horse]

Drinky Crow has a very special, booze-soaked place in my heart, and this coaster homage makes me smile.

Worst: Wine storage gets weird

[$25, Red's Bazaar]

I'm willing to overlook the drunk pooches lounging in gigantic grape bunches. I'm even ready to accept the hiccupping dog cork topper. But why in the world would anyone need a wine holder for Charles Shaw?

Free Resource: Superfuture's Maps of the Best Shiz in Town

Shaun Seneviratne — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 17:01:00 GMT

[photo via]

You are hip. You are young.

You are also a tourist every once in awhile.

I've been through it before: trying to find an awesome part of town to hang and going to google only to sift through a shit-ton of Yelp reviews or fall for tourist traps.

Superfuture has taken all the guess work out of finding the best spots in town.

I've been using this website for about two years now in my explorations of New York City and it has been a tremendous help. Their "urban cartographers" scope out and map the best bars, clothing shops, cafes, record stores, hair salons, and interior decorating places around. Here is their map of the Lower East Side:

These maps are available for the following places:

Amsterdam
Beijing
Hong Kong
London
Los Angeles
Melbourne
New York City
Paris
San Francisco
Shanghai
Singapore
Sydney
Tokyo

Not to mention that their website has stores reviews and an awesome forum to connect with like-minded folk.

[Superfuture]

Related: Get Lost in Style

Happy Hour: Coasters Square Off

Laureen Mahler — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:07:00 GMT

A coaster is much more than a cocktail accoutrement: it's a chance to inject some personality into your Pilsner, some character into your Cosmo, some psyche into your Seabreeze (okay, maybe that last one was a stretch).

So, in honor of today's pre-weekend happy hour, here are four coaster personalities sure to get you and your fellow tipplers talking:

The Trickster:

[$39.95 set of 4, Modern Dose]

Ealier in the week, Diana brought you these tricky little drink holders. In that same vein, these coasters may look like cuddly yarn, but it's all an optical illusion; the knit design is actually tile and cork in disguise. Fool your fellow revelers, or yourself after a few too many rounds.

The Environmentalist:

[$70 set of 4, Uncommon Goods]

Made from recycled street signs, these eclectic coasters merge color and kitsch for even the most eco-conscious cocktailer. But be warned, the stop sign might cause drinker's remorse.

[via Product Dose]

The Philosopher:

[$58 set of 2, Unica Home]

Much like the sound of one hand clapping, the silhouette of your beverage will leave you questioning the nature of existence. But don't fret: pontificating begets more drinking, and soon all those deep thoughts will be a fuzzy memory.

The Smarty Pants:

[$90, Sentilla] + the DIY instructions

The Smart Coaster is a motherboard of geeky delights: it alerts fellow drinkers when your beverage is low and can be programmed to organize interactive drinking games. It's only available in "DIY form" (you buy the chip and follow the instructions), but that might be for the best; who really wants their coaster to prevail in a battle of wits?

[via Engadget]

Shirt of the Day: Hungover From the Holidays

Steph Auteri — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 13:58:00 GMT

[Photo via]

Been drinking a bit too much over the past week?

Still more to come?

I'd take it easy if I were you. If you're not careful...

[$14, My Liver Hates Me]

...your liver might end up hating you.

[Via The Awesomer]

Related: Shirt of the Day: Bar Trekkin'

Happy Hour: Jim Beam's (ri)1

Shaun Seneviratne — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 22:01:00 GMT

This is not your grand dad's rye; this is Jim Beam's "sexy" new rye whiskey called (ri)1 (basically, rye whiskey marketed to non-whiskey drinkers). Whiskey drinkers are a discerning bunch and the (ri)1 is sure to spark some controversy in the community.

Jim Beam's press release describes it as "light" and "slightly spicy". That sounds more like Drambuie than rye.

The folks at NOTCOT say "The flavor is incredible. . . The spiciness really hits you upside the head (I decided i’d try it neat first and not read the tasting notes until after, so I didn’t see it coming). . . It was refreshing and fascinating with a cube of ice, really opening up the flavors - you have to try it!"

However, Robert Heugel at Drink Dogma had less than favorable things to say. . .

"There’s nothing overly offensive about the rye; it just happens to not be as bold as some of the ryes I’ve tasted. It is fairly smooth for being 92 proof, but I’ve never valued smoothness as a characteristic in rye. Rye isn’t supposed to emphasize drinkability; it’s a bold spirit that should demonstrate spicier characteristics with an evolving, extensive finish. The Jim Beam (ri) is a spirit perfectly aligned with its marketing campaign focused on fads, not flavors. Admittedly, I haven’t tried the new rye in any cocktails yet, but, I’m predicting it will make a less than desirable Manhattan."

Being a whiskey fan myself, this doesn't seem like something I'd be into. At $50 a bottle, I'd much rather stick with what I know, but next time I'm at a bar I'll give it a shot (pun totally intended).

Please share your experiences if you've already tried this!

[$50, Jim Beam]

[Via NOTCOT]

Happy Hour: Beer in the Hood

Alex Zalben — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Nothing quite says, "I'm a functional alcoholic," like a hoodie with a vertical pocket (and yes, we're a little hoodie crazed here today; what can I say, it's cold). Delightful, and not that expensive:

[$42-$45, Things You Never Knew Existed]

[Via Fashionably Geek]

Distorted Wine Glasses

Diana Vilibert — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 18:33:00 GMT

Once you're done looking at the hot girl in fishnets, you'll notice she's holding the coolest wine glass ever (seriously, it took me a while to notice she was even holding anything). More impractical but awesome wine glasses from this collection, after the jump.

[Jeremy Brown Design]

Happy Hour: With This Ring, I Thee Chug

Diana Vilibert — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Nothing beats a nice cold beer on a summer night. Unless of course, your plans are foiled by a missing bottle opener. Sure, maybe you know all sorts of impressive ways to open a bottle of beer sans bottle opener, but if you're like me and you've accidently punched yourself in the face trying to open a bottle of Blue Moon on the edge of a table (so smooth), then you'll love having this handy opener in the palm of your hand:

Just slip this bottle opener ring on your finger and no beer will go unopened, no game of beer pong left unfinished.

[$7.99, ThinkGeek]

Happy Hour: Think While You Drink

Brian Marabello — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Drinking isn’t very educational. In fact, it’s the enemy of education. It kills the brain cells that education has so steadfastly populated with data. Until now…

Australian wine label Black Swan aims to leave you no dumber than when you opened their bottles. Or, at least, make you laugh in earnest before the alcohol makes you laugh at any stupid thing.

They’re emblazoning their corks with fun equations, like:

Other equations include:

Infomercial = information + commercial + but wait, there’s more
Text Message = telegram - vwls
Disenfranchisement = one person – one vote
Insomnia = 1:51 am + eternity + 1:52 am + eternity + 1:53 am + eternity

All word equations are courtesy of Craig Damrauer. Most are taken from his book, New Math: Equations for Living. Yay, scholarly boozing.

[via]