The Modern Materialist : soap

Wash Your Hands...Or Else

Steph Auteri — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:19:00 GMT

[Photo via]

Wash your hands...or else this child will touch you with his boogery, paint-covered fingers. Or you'll get a cold. Or we'll have to amputate. Or...or...you'll get swine flu!

[$10, Supermarket]

Just sayin'.

This bacon flu soap is supposed to remind you of the importance of washing your hands to prevent the spread of germs.

Srsly.

Rub One Out in the Shower

Steph Auteri — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 14:35:00 GMT

As much as this photo makes me feel all, um funny...down there...this wasn't quite what I meant.

But you can still have the shower you've been wishing for:

...especially if you have the Wishy Washy, a magic lamp-shaped soap from SUCK UK.

Happy Hour: Even More Beer Soap

Alex Zalben — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Almost a year ago, we posted about a beer soap for sale on Etsy, made to smell like Sam Adams rich, heady lager. Sadly, that Etsy store closed, and the soap is no longer available. Except... All this has happened before, and will happen again:

An entirely new beer soap has hit Etsy, and this time, it comes in different "flavors" including Fosters, Tsingtao, Red Stripe, and more.

It's still totally gross, though.

[$5, Etsy]

[Via TrendHunter]

The Money Shot: See The Product, Guess The Nude Celeb [NSFW]

Alex Zalben — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 22:00:00 GMT

[$9, TripleTSoap]

Okay, here's how this works, gang... I've shown you a picture of a product above. Without scrolling down (or hitting "after the jump," if you're on the website), see if you can guess which naked celebrity this product makes us think of.

Did you make your guess? Okay, here's the answer:

It's a soapy Cindy Crawford, from a recent photo shoot, which is like the above Crawfish Boil Hand Soap! Yup, there's strained puns in here, folks.

Hey, if you want to see more nakey celebs, and barely plausible puns, let us know. I can do this every day.

This Xbox Controller Has a Secret

Alex Zalben — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:03:00 GMT

Can you guess what secret this Xbox 360 controller holds? Ready? It's...

Soap! But then, everything on this blog is soap, a clock, or covered in Swarovski crystals. Am I right? Finally took this blog down a notch. Nice one, Zalben.

[$12, Etsy]

[Via Geeky Gadgets]

These Macarons Have a Horrible Secret

Alex Zalben — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 14:25:00 GMT

Macarons are probably the most delicious cookie in the world. These look like the best macarons in the world. Sadly, not so:

They're soap. I think I cried a little when I found that out. They don't seem to be for sale yet, but while you're checking out Soapylove, you'll see plenty of other delicious items you can't eat.

[Soapylove]

[Via EpiCute]

Soap for gamers

Shaun Seneviratne — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 20:01:00 GMT

[photo via]

One of my best friends/sophmore year roommate managed to "get" Halo 2 a few days before it came out. He proceeded to play it for two days straight without studying, sleeping, going out on Halloween, or showering. Intense. (I won't even get into the time he got Fables. . .)

Maybe if he had this soap he could've strategized his moves while in the shower:

Playstation Soap. Nevermind, my friend has X Box. Oh wells, dirty it is.

[$5, Etsy]

[Via DVICE]

Don't Eat These Cupcakes

Alex Zalben — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 18:38:00 GMT

These cupcakes look delicious, right? Wrong! Don't eat them, because they're actually...

Fizzy bath cubes! Unfortunately, with flavors like Mango Margarita, Pink Champagne, and Blackberry Brew, chances are, you're going to eat them anyway.

[$3, Blissful Bath]

[Via Trend Hunter]

Cheap Trick: Wash Your Mouth Out with the Correct Soap

Steph Auteri — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:56:00 GMT

I have six types of soap in my bathroom, and god forbid I mix them up. In order to keep things simple...

[$2.98, Deep Discount]

...a bar for the butt, and one for the face.

[via Consumer Whore]

Related: The Junk In His Trunks

Clean Out Your Dirty Mouth

Laureen Mahler — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 16:28:00 GMT

[Photo via]

Yep. You did it again. And this time the swear jar's already full. You might just have to teach yourself a lesson and wash that mouth out. But at least there are soapsicles to ease your pain:

[$7.50, Vat19]

These soaps look and smell just like popsicles. So go ahead, have a baleout. All will be forgiven.

The Audacity of Soap

Shaun Seneviratne — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 15:34:00 GMT

Help Obama clean up America by cleaning yourself first!

These Obama Bar soaps come in full size or mini. A portion of the proceeds go to the Yellow Ribbon Fund to assist injured service members.

Pick Your Scent:

Sensible Sunflower
Blue State Bluebonnet
Sea to Shining Cedar
Pine Tar Prosperity
Prickly Pear Progress
Great American Sassafras
Honey Oat Hope
Global Lemongrass Grape

[$6 - $10, My Obama Bar]

[Via Curbly]

Lather, Rinse, Reload

Laureen Mahler — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:40:00 GMT

Can I admit something here? I hate decorative soaps. I have a gallon-sized plastic Ziplock bag in my bathroom cabinet that serves as a decorative soaps graveyard, where those waxy, over-scented bars go to die. What exactly do you do with decorative soaps? You can't shower with them (I learned this the hard way after running out of normal soap and desperately breaking into a package of French soaps shaped like those men in bowler hats from Magritte's paintings). You can't put them in a soap dish next to the sink (thus tricking your unsuspecting house guests into a fate similar to the afore-mentiond showering experience). So what exactly is their purpose?

Well, German designer Andreas Kraeftner might have finally changed my mind with his Ghetto Basics decorative soap:

[Kraeftner]

Sadly, it looks like the gun soap is only a concept. But on the up side, I think I might patent a holster soap dish and bathrobe with spurs. You know, just in case.

[via Baller House]

Vegan Breakfast Soap

Shaun Seneviratne — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 17:33:00 GMT

[photo via]

Wash yourself clean of the hearty breakfast meal. Literally:

From the seller: This set of soaps comes with fried eggs (scented coconut lime verbena) and two golden waffles with butter (scented cinnamon cassia). Also included are FOUR strips of soap bacon! (scented root beer) This breakfast is sure to knock your socks off!

That sure sounds better than washing yourself with bacon scented soap.

[$12, Etsy]

[Via Rare Bird Finds]

Clean Your Junk

Diana Vilibert — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 22:18:00 GMT

For the man who has everything...or the man who needs assistance washing his penis. I'm loving all the euphamisms on the "package." Ha, ha. And there's no better way to tell your man, "I think you're incompetent and your junk stinks."

[$7.95, Baron Bob]

Related: The Junk In His Trunks

5 Ways To Have Fun in the Shower

Steph Auteri — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Sing in your best loud, shower voice
Invest in some rubber duckies
Make your tub time for two
Make your tub time for you...and your waterproof vibe
Work yourself up into a lather:

Is it so wrong for me to want foaming soap, if only to make soap suds animals, beards, hair sculptures...?

[$6.50, Bath&Body Works]

Smell Like An Alkie, All Day Long

Steph Auteri — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 17:10:00 GMT

I know it's not even happy hour yet, but you sorta smell...like booze.

Yeah, sure. You haven't been drinking. I get it. Your skin's just radiating that sickly-sweet smell of vodka and citrus because...

...you bought yourself a couple of these:

There are bars of soap available in the scents of your favorite Cucumber Martini, Hurricane, Long Island Iced Tea, Sake Bomb, or Screwdriver.

[$15, Sephora]

Sperm on a Rope

Diana Vilibert — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 22:27:00 GMT

Of all the things I do not wish to bathe in, sperm would probably be at the top of that list. And while this one is pretty cute, you have to have a strange sense of humor to have a sperm on a rope hanging in your shower for all your guests to see.

[$6.95, Soap on a Rope]

Stop Falling Asleep In The Shower

Alex Zalben — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 21:35:00 GMT

Want to wake up immediately, even before you get your morning coffee? Finding yourself falling asleep in the shower? Then try this:

No, I don't know how it works.

[$3-$20, Think Geek]

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

Diana Vilibert — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:23:00 GMT

My day hasn't officially started until I've had my coffee---which usually means that the first hour of my day, before I have a beloved cup of Dunkin' Donuts in my hand, is spent grumpy and half asleep. But it looks like I can get my morning jolt before I'm even dressed...

So this is the second time this week that I'm talking about soap that's much more than soap, but I couldn't help but share. This caffeine-infused soap promises to deliver 200 milligrams of caffeine per shower, which is equivalent to about two cups of brewed coffee. Two cups before I've even shaved my legs? I like the sound of that.

[$6.99, ThinkGeek]

Elephants, Monkeys, and Bears, Oh My!

Diana Vilibert — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:47:00 GMT

Is it a paperweight or a Chia-pet?

Neither--it's fancy soap! At $21 a pop, you may think fancy soap in the shape of anything other than soap is reserved for bathrooms with monogrammed hand towels and cashmere toilet seat covers, not one-ply toilet paper and a shower curtain from the dollar store, but no worries---these animal soaps from Gianna Rose are so cool looking, your guests will be afraid to actually use them, saving you money in the long run! Choose from a collection that includes cats, dogs, owls, birds, and elephants, and set up a petting zoo in your bathroom.

[$21, Gianna Rose]

Bear Day Continues, For No Good Reason

Alex Zalben — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Guys, did you know that National Teddy Bear Day is on November 14th? That means we have less than four months to get ready! Good thing I'm inexplicably posting stuff about bears today, right?

In any case, we love our gummi bears here, which is why I'm happy to show you these mini gummi bear soaps:

Biggest problem with these gummi bear soaps is that early in the morning, when I have no idea what's going on, I would 100%, definitely eat them.

[$7, Vat19]

[Via The Greenhead]

Wash Yourself With a Mouse

Alex Zalben — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Just think of it: you go into the shower; get your body all nice and wet; and then rub a mouse all over yourself. Wait, what do you mean, gross? No, I was talking about this:

Sadly, just a beautifully rendered concept, but check out the designers site for some other rad ideas.

[Yeduo]

[Via Like Cool]

Keep It Clean While Gettin' Dirty

Alex Zalben — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 22:00:00 GMT

Here's a funny story for you guys: I was going to post up about this gift soap design concept, and be all cheeky, saying something about how, "it's nice to get a little surprise when you're soaping up," or something. But in the process of looking for a saucy picture for the post, I found something that actually is really dirty, while still getting you clean:

Vibrating bars of soap. No joke.

[$5, Massage Soap]