Editor
Peter Smith is in charge of wrangling all those Nerve Dating
Confessions into one, (relatively) cohesive entity. He’s seen the
heartbreaking, the funny, the painfully awkward, and the downright strange (who
needs to wear gloves to bed?). But today he forwarded me the first
confession that he has termed “epic”:
March
25 2008, 11:00P
"response
to: "Most couples I know (especially the ones who live together) seem to
be either bored with each other or at each other's throats all the time. I
think most people are terrified of being alone and so will settle for anything
in order to avoid that. I'd rather be single than end up like that."
>>while that may 'seem' true, no one ever knows what 'is' behind closed
doors. you're generalizing-even if some fear being alone. my experience is that
instant chemistry can burn fast and furious, and burn out. after living with a
couple of girls, that didn't light my fire like some prior, and being married
for a solid decade, i can tell you this: at 40, i found myself having reflected
on it all.. and the 'honeymoon' period of relationships don't last long-we all
know that. LOVE isn't often instant-like oatmeal where you just add water. it's
like a plant. i found there are unspoken moments.. one time, after 4 years, i
got home and saw my wife with books everywhere, and after a run to home depot,
had these goggles on, and was actually sculpting this huge fucking stone.. she
had power tools, and hardware all over the living room.. it was her day off,
and she didn't hear me walk in with all the noise and the stereo.. i just
looked at her quietly.. watching.. looking at her.. her passion.. he being a
spontaneous 'doer' and thought.. i'm so fucking lucky to have her. then i
recall wanting to go to culinary school and be a chef.. i was bartending full
time and couldn't. she said 'do it'! but i said i'd lose my good shifts wheere
i made 400 a night.. she said we'll get by. we can set up a budget, and since
you'll be cooking for us, you can do it on the cheap and make it taste great.
we won't eat out. we'll rent movies instead of theatres. she had my back.. i
almost cried-and that's a bold statement, because i have buried family and put
down my loving dogs without shedding a tear. but i had a powerful urge. and
then, there are the years that pass, job losses, great new jobs, thanksgiving
at each other's family once a year out of town, and the things we took up like
mountain biking.. you see, a partner is much more than a lover with fireworks,
and someone who fucks you even with a headache-just bc you're horny. the way
they have your back when you have the flue.. love blooms silly. it's 'moments'
in the years that make you feel like you're so damn lucky. it's falling in love
with new things you don't own in your own person. silent admiration.. cheap
hotel hot fucks in the middle of nowhere. and luxury vacations in 5 star resorts.
it's walking the dog together. what people see-arguments in public, and what
seems boring-and can be... but it's not that simple. some people are so
unrealistic. it's childbirth. and sadly, trading my hot roadster for a more
practical vehicle-no i didn't get a minivan, and watching my daughter walk.. i
have seen my friends marry twice now, and the ones everyone thought were
perfect couples divorced, and the ones 'fighting' or 'bored' as you say, are
still together. it's your partner telling you to take a month off and reflect
because your parent died. supporting you in ways that let you KNOW that you're
not alone, that it's us against this cruel world. i can listen to her complain
bc her new boss is a bitch and she's no longer happy there, and return the
favor by telling her to quit and find something better-even i we have to use
our credit cards to get by. that's powerful. it's certainly more than you know.
it's stages of love that grow exponentially. even divorced, it's mad respect
and deep admiration-still always on the ready to help. and these things are
what make me a guy that almost every commitment phobe girl i met and dated
here, wanted. they couldn't quite place it.. maybe my last date felt it when i
stayed all night in the ER with her after a minor procedure.. she doesn't know
where that comes from, but is awestruck by it-she covets it. but that could not
be me without those relationships.. this is learned behavior. sadly, that so
many selfish assholes and bitches know nothing about here."
