Nerve Insider : scandal

In Other Blogs, 5.13.08: Scanner Brings Us One Sexually Confused Fur Seal, A Thousand Amused Scientists…

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 13 May 2008 18:13:00 GMT

It’s been an interesting day already with the Scanner crew. You really need to check out what happened when a male fur seal mistook a king penguin for a vagina. Lots of seal-on-penguin action shots (but in black and white, so they're classy!). You’ll want to check out:

Caught on tape: fur seal tries, unsuccessfully, to have sex with king penguin. For at least 45 minutes.
Caught in the White House: Vice Admiral John Stufflebeem stuffs his beam.
The Wizard of Ass: Dorothy Is Not a Virgin Anymore. Brought to you by Chuck Palahniuk.
The dangers of Google maps. Pertains to prostitution, nose-picking.
NY anchorwoman Sue Simmons very clearly drops the F-bomb on air.
Jimmy Fallon to replace Conan O’Brien?
Arizona considers ban on gay marriage too lenient a stance…
Do you love Blow? This woman doesn’t.
“Desire Paths”: sexy name for being lazy?

Scanner’s Top 10 Teen Pop Stars

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Scanner Nicole Pasulka writes, “So by now you’ve heard the news: With a few snaps of the camera, Miley Cyrus has crashed down to Earth and shattered our (totally pathetic) hope that she would be a tween entertainment act to escape the scandal that comes with fame at a young age.

Miley’s fall from teenage asexual grace seems like the perfect time to flash back to other kiddie song and dance acts who, while entertaining, have made us feel sort of uncomfortable. With Miley coming in at number 10, we move on to the next 9 pop stars too young to drive but old enough to have their lives ruined.

9. Kriss Kross. Jump! Jump! Then turn your pants around and go home for dinner, your mom’s calling you.”

Check out all ten (not in that way) right here.

Who Would You Rather See Clothed: Miley Cyrus or Gossip Girl’s Taylor Momsen?

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 16:43:00 GMT

Good virginal gods: everyone is all abuzz and atwitter about Annie Leibovitz’ “scandalous” Vanity Fair photos of Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana. She looks naked! She looks like a vampire! She’s wrapped in expensive cloth, or a paper napkin—no one is quite sure! And then there are the lounging, cover-of-a-romance-novel shots with Miley and her father, Billy Ray Cyrus. No one’s been this disturbed since he mulleted his way to stardom with “Achy Breaky Heart.”

But why isn’t anyone throwing a teenaged tizzy fit over the recent NYMag cover, featuring the Gossip Girl cast lounging in a post-orgy-like photo session? Taylor Momsen (top left, on the cover), who plays Jenny on the hit CW show, is a mere fourteen years old. That’s right, she’s younger than Miley…and wearing a see-through white tank top, bra visible beneath, while clearly inviting the entire world to imagine her thrashing about with all the other hot young things on those pristine white sheets.

Honestly, sometimes a blogger can get overwhelmed by the amount of blog-shit out there. Can we all calm down? Can we all try to curb our instincts to dress children like contestants on the Flavor of Love? Can we realize maybe, just maybe, that the body can be beautiful, without being sexualized? Can we shut up and save the polar bears?

No? Um. Okay, here: see video of Miley and her dad at the Vanity Fair photo shoot.

See the rest of the Vanity Fair outtakes here.

New York Magazine Brings Us Tub Talk Scandal and Skullduggery! Part Deux

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 22:48:00 GMT

A few weeks back, our cheeks turned rosy with shock over the “Tub Talk with Sara B.” scandal, involving Nerve's own Sara B. and actor Craig Bierko. This week New York mag interviewed Bierko about John Malkovich, Sara B., and the (coughstolencough) ideas behind his new video series:

“So this woman on Nerve.com, Sara Benincasa, who has long interviewed people in their tubs on a thing called "Tub Talk," is claiming you stole her idea. True?
I don't really have a response to that. My idea behind this whole thing was, I wanted to take the false intimacy of a talk show, of two guys wearing makeup, and turn the intimacy up as much as I could. I thought of people sitting in the bathtub yammering at each other, and I could see how other people could have come up…I’d never seen her show before.

She suggests you could set things aright by having her on your tub show. Will you?
Probably not. Not to insult her, but we've set the bar pretty high with John [Malkovich].”

Ooh, SNAP! “I don't really have a response to that"? Does that mean “yes”? Does that mean “no”? Or does it mean what Sara B. thinks it means?
Call her Bierko! She’ll rock your world. Or at least scrub your back…

New on Nerve, 4.1.08: America’s Top 10 Political Sex Scandals

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 14:21:00 GMT

Forget Eliot Spitzer and Ashley Alexandra Dupre (well, not totally, he made number seven)…Steve Almond examines the Top 10 Political Sex Scandals of our time. He recommends “as you peruse the ensuing scandal sheet, please try to imagine a rolling TV banner reading Peen, Poon & Politix! and trimmed in patriotic colors.”

We like his section titles; check out:
If You Can't Beat Them, Lick a Hooker
Long Dong Justice
The Jesus and Meth Chain
"Get a Ruler and Measure It For Me"

And for your smutty scandal pleasure, see the complete list here.

Tub Talk Scandal and Skullduggery!

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:04:00 GMT

Actor Craig Bierko (here’s his IMDB page, so you can be like, “Oh—that guy!”) has moved to making his own funny at Super Deluxe. In his new series “Bathing with Bierko,” Bierko interviews celebrities while bathing with them. (First in the tub: John Malkovich and his chest hair.) It’s funny and weird and – hey! – sounds suspiciously identical to Nerve’s very own Tub Talk with Sara B.

Brilliant minds over at The Apiary and The Comic’s Comic noted the similarities (thievery?), as well. Sara B. had this to say to the Comic’s Comic:

"Here is my official statement on this heinous act: ‘Tub Talk with Sara B.' fan Ryan Grim's eagle eyes have alerted me to perhaps the greatest act of creative skullduggery since Esau wore Jacob's robes to eff with Isaac's sense of smell and steal the sacred birthright: an Internet bathtub talk show on Super Deluxe entitled ‘Bathing with Bierko,’ hosted by one Craig Bierko. This rape of my web video vision shall not go unpunished! Bierko must prepare to feel my wrath! Cursory Wikipedia research indicates that Bierko has romanced such actresses as Meg Ryan and Charlize Theron. I have romanced a variety of drunken unknown bitter actormedians. Also, I don't have a Wikipedia entry. The point? Bierko's playing with fire here, and his Oscar-bait girlfriends had best get out the way, lest they get burned. This isn't over, Craig Bierko. In fact, it's only just begun. And P.S. Maybe you got Malkovich, but I got Mulaney. Suck on THAT!"

Suck on that, indeed!

But here's the real question: was thespian John Malkovich wearing pants?

This Week in Scanner With Emily Farris

Nicole Ankowski — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 23:15:00 GMT

Did Eliot Spitzer seem like a nice guy, even though he had “kind of creepy eyes”? Was Ashley Alexandra Dupre worth the dough? Check out the entire week of Scanner’s sexy Spitzer coverage…as told by the lovely Emily Farris:

Want more? Check out Scanner’s high (and very low) points of the week, including how they fell in love with Ashley Alexandra Dupre (she was totally worth it)…

Highs:
We were pleasantly surprised by Ashley Alexandra Dupre.
We found out that she is hot, hot, hot.
She tossed his salad. Yup.
She made the cover of the New York Post (hot).
Ill Doctrine made a mash up of Ashley’s "What We Want" and Snoop Dogg's "Sensual Seduction."

Highs That Have Nothing to do With the Spitzer Sex Scandal:
We found a hot picture of Jessica Simpson. And we really, really want to play Big Buck Hunter 2.
We Named That Bush.
We'll see you in Amsterdam. Oh, yes we will.

Lows:
We were all pretty surprised when the news first broke that Spitzer had dropped thousands on a prostitute.
We decided this whole Spitzer ordeal would be so much better if he'd just plain old cheated on his wife. Or legalized prostitution when he had the chance.
Of course, he resigned.

Lows That Have Nothing to do With the Spitzer Sex Scandal:
Britney Spear's cartoon video. Meh.
A woman stayed on the toilet for two years. Which made us fall in love with our expensive toilet paper all over again.
We lost a nostril and a boob.
"Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis was released from a Florida prison. Hide your boobies!
White supremacists.
If we weren't already going to hell, we certainly are now.
Sally Kern. (P.S. Satire, anyone?)