My Jerry Springer Story: My Mom is My Cousin. Tell us Yours.

Posted by Emily Farris

Some of the great things about being home for the holidays are 1. We can say we spent the most Christian of holidays in Christian County, MO and 2. We get to sit around in our underwear and watch re-runs of Jerry Springer to our heart's content. Being from Missouri, we actually went to high school with two girls who were on the Jerry Springer Show before it was full of very talented actors (sisters who married brothers or some shit). Being from Missouri, we also have a few Jerry Springer-esque stories of our own.

It's true. After our parents were married, our mom's uncle married our dad's mom, making each of our parents our step second cousins. While we know this is nowhere near as much fun as two 300-pound women ripping each other's girdles off while calling each other whores because she said that Steve did her up the butt but and she got pregnant with quadruplets that way but one of quadruplets belongs to the other 300-pound woman who is also a man, it sure made for some fun holidays after our parents divorced. But we know that the Scanner readers have better Jerry Springer stories than we do. And we want to hear them. Best one gets a super special present from a Missouri gas station courtesy Scanner Emily.


Comments

Isis Uptown said:

My grandfather's third (and last) wife was my great-aunt by marriage; she was the widow of my late grandmother's brother.  So, some of my mother's first cousins were also her step-siblings.

December 27, 2007 12:21 PM

salome, NY said:

My mom's cousin married my dad's brother, making my aunt my second cousin. My family's closer than a lot I know.

December 27, 2007 1:31 PM

laGiulia said:

Now, this is probably only possible in huge tribal Southern Italian families, but here goes: my dad's gran was married at 15 and a widow at 16. Her husband died in the Great War and left her with a baby daughter (my gran). Her sister also died, leaving her brother-in-law with a small girl. The widow and widower proceeded to marry, and produced four more children.

At one point, my gran and her mum were pregnant at the same time and would breastfeed each other's kids well into toddlerhood. My uncle, the eldest, used to call his granddad "Pa", because his own father was away on military duty.

When he came back, he went into the marital bed, where my uncle was sleeping next to his mum (whom he referred to by first name). The kid jumped up and ran to his granddad, to denounce that there was "Some soldier in Silvia's bed".

All true :)

December 27, 2007 2:05 PM

Jim M. said:

My sister-in-law met her husband because he'd dated her mom first.  And I'm a little unclear, but have heard rumors he met his first wife the same way!

And, really, that's the least of the fucked-up-ed-ness that is my wife's family.  

December 28, 2007 5:50 PM

drkb77 said:

My grandfather's two brothers married my grandmother's two sisters; said double-wedding was where they met each other.. So my dad has "double-cousins", although I think by all rights they'd be triple cousins, maybe?

December 29, 2007 12:15 AM

About Emily Farris

Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, "Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven" was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

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