Some
of the great things about being home for the holidays are 1. We can say
we spent the most Christian of holidays in Christian County, MO and 2.
We get to sit around in our underwear and watch re-runs of Jerry
Springer to our heart's content. Being from Missouri, we actually went
to high school with two girls who were on the Jerry Springer Show before it was
full of very talented actors (sisters who married brothers or some shit). Being from Missouri, we also have a few
Jerry Springer-esque stories of our own.
It's true. After our parents were married, our mom's uncle married our dad's mom, making each of our parents our step second cousins. While we know this is nowhere near as much fun as two 300-pound women ripping each other's girdles off while calling each other whores because she said that Steve did her up the butt but and she got pregnant with quadruplets that way but one of quadruplets belongs to the other 300-pound woman who is also a man, it sure made for some fun holidays after our parents divorced. But we know that the Scanner readers have better Jerry Springer stories than we do. And we want to hear them. Best one gets a super special present from a Missouri gas station courtesy Scanner Emily.
