We're fairly new here. So bringing you our best Scanner moments of 2007 would be pointless since they'd all be from December. We thought of bringing you our own best personal moments of 2007, but then realized that'd be a little too self-indulgent, even for us. Instead we decided to share Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2007. Not only will you get to know us a little better, we're doing the Scanner readers a public service by learning these lessons so you don't have to.
10. When leaning on a trash can to hold yourself up, it's far better to throw up in said trash can and not all over the street, your favorite jeans and those heels you paid far too much for.
9. One should not consume large quantities of red wine, prosecco and whiskey within hours of each other. Even if it is New Year's Eve.
8. If your cat can't access her litter box, she will piss on you while you're passed out from combining the above mentioned drinks. And this will happen the one day of the year the laundromat is closed. (OK, this one is kind-of from 2008, but it was carried over from 2007, so we're leaving it in.)
7. Don't wait to write your book until a month before it's due.
6. If your partner is not giving you orgasms, and not even trying—no matter how nice his country house is—he should not be your partner any longer.
5. Try and implement some kind-of breath-a-lizer like contraption for your computer. Drunk emailing is never, ever, ever a good idea. Ever.
4. If you suspect a guy is blowing you off, he is. No matter what your friends say.
3. Wear sunscreen. Always.
2. Depression makes you skinny. Sausage, egg and cheese on a toasted everything bagel does not.
1. If you haven't yet seen "Two Girls, One Cup," don't. You'll never be able to look at a cup the same way again.
