I, Scanner Emily, like to drink. I also like to dabble in technology. These two things usually do not get me into trouble... on their own.

Friday night I was out with some friends and one asked about a guy I've gone on a couple dates with. I got out my phoneputer and went to Facebook mobile. Facebook popped up, and I put the guy's name into the text field. His picture didn't show up. I was confused. I was drunk. So it took me a few minutes to realize I'd updated my status to say this guy's name: "Emily John John.*" It was too late to make it disappear completely (Facebook gives you a few seconds to "correct" your status), so I decided the only thing to do was send a text message explaining what I'd just done, in case he'd seen it (because, of course, he's my Facebook friend):

"Embarrassing confession in case you see it: I'm out with a friend who asked about you. I got on facebook and tried to put your name into search on my phone and am pretty sure I just updated my profile to say 'emily john john.' I am very embarrassed and not a freak. Oops. Whiskey and phoneputers do not mix."

At least it wasn't as bad as the time I accidentally sent my mom a dirty text message.

Post Super Bowl a few years back, I was a little sloppy, and thought it would be fun to send my boyfriend at the time a text from the next room. And so I did. It was too dirty and offensive to be repeated here. A few minutes later I got this message.

"Your message was addressed to a landline # 816-796-####. 4 a limited time send msgs to a landline using Sprint's Text to Landline Service! Std rates apply."

I'd sent the message to my mom! And Sprint was going to make sure she got it. I'd mistakenly sent text messages to landlines before and figured they disappeared into the cell-o-sphere. That's the way it should be.

Never the alarmist, I figured if I'd wanted to take advantage of the Text to Landline Service, I'd have to take another step, like...I don't know...sign up for it?

I sent the message to the intended recipient and went back to watching "Grey's Anatomy." Then, I received this:

"Your message was successfully delivered to an answering machine or voicemail at 816-796-####. Thanks for using Text to Landline!"

Fuck.

*Obviously, some names have been changed to protect people's identities.

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