We are writing this during the world premiere of the new Knight Rider TV movie, which is basically just as rotten as we had imagined it would be. Maybe even more so. It's not all bad, mind you. We like how, before the first act was even over, we had (network friendly) intimations of both M-F-F threeways and one-night-stands with lesbian cops Feds. (Maxim subscribers, come on down!) What we didn't like was, well, pretty much everything else -- starting with Val Kilmer, who apparently decided that since he was playing a car, he'd read his lines with all the disinterest and detachment of your mom's new GPS system. (Also: an hour in and still no Hasselhoff?!?!?)

Alas, Will Arnett: if only you hadn't lost the role of K.I.T.T., the sentient, shapeshifting Ford Mustang, owing to your involvement with a competing car company. Would you ever have had the chance to unleash the swishy interpretation that you play around with in this video? It's a brief clip, but oh so tantalizing!

UPDATE: Hey, me and the Missus just had a great idea: what if they'd made the new Michael Knight a woman, like Starbuck on Galactica, rather than just some nondescriptly-handsome soap-opera dude? Kind of hot, right? Oh snap, NBC -- you guys totally choked.

Previously: Dammit, We Might Wind Up Watching the "Knight Rider" Reboot!!!