We're so lucky, fellow Thinking People, to have two terrible-sounding movies open on the same day. This way, our regular feature is chock full of good critical thrashings of 10,000 BC (currently at 11% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes) and College Road Trip (a whopping 6% on Rotten Tomatoes.)
10,000 BC, which apparently takes place in an era of history before the Bible was made up, features saber-tooth tigers, Tarzan, and Kirk Douglas, apparently the only human old enough to have actually lived through that time. (Okay, no Kirk Douglas cameo, but we couldn't think of anyone else old enough to have been an adult in the Before Christmas times.) The critics are trying out their best slingshots on this easy target:
An atrocious waste of a perfectly good CGI budget ... at least the
Geico commercials make an effort to get the historical accuracy right [1]...
The kind of movie that people will discover new and hilarious ways to mock for years to come. [2]
If you are ten years old fan of video games with a short attention span
and no knowledge of history, you will love this movie. [3]
Worst of all, no one even gets eaten by the disappointingly tame saber-toothed tiger. [4]
At best, director Roland Emmerich gets damned with faint praise:
I have to give Emmerich credit for creating a film that's been funnier than '27 Dresses' or 'Over Her Dead Body.' [5]
Even the subtitles are too colloquial. As one bad guy reaches for a knife, another bad guy says to him: "Just try it." Then again, as Kloser says in the film's production notes, "Roland and I never intended for '10,000 BC' to be a documentary." [6]
Perhaps Boston NOW said it best in their headline: BC must stand for Boring Cinema.
Speaking of boring, that's about the nicest thing anyone has to say about College Road Trip, also being dropped like a bomb on Times Square this morning:
I hated every minute of this train wreck. [9]
The film is one of those bad movies where you can't even work up a good
hatred for it just amazement that someone thought it was good enough to
make it into theaters. [10]
The tagline says it all: 'They can't get there fast enough.' [7]
This excursion teams Martin Lawrence with Disney Channel
star Raven-Symone. You wouldn't want to accuse either performer
of subtlety, but here the two seem to be in a contest to outdo
each other with screams, facial contortions and wails of
exasperation. [8]
Thanks, Reuters, but we'll pass on a rehashing of this past Thanksgiving.
[1] Edward Douglass, Comingsoon.net
[2] Mark Dujsik, Mark Reviews Movies
[3] Nell Minow, Beliefnet
[4] Josh Bell, Las Vegas Weekly
[5] Dan Lybarger, eFilmCritic.com
[6] Christy Lemiere, Associated Press
[7] Tim Grierson, LA Weekly
[8] Reuters
[9] Eric D. Snider, Film.com
[10] Jeffrey Lyles, Gazette (MD)
