Hi Bette,
It's me Katie. How are you? It's been a while, but
I'm sure you remember me. I'm the one who told you NOT to wear
strapless bras while doing yoga. In fact you should NOT wear
strapless
bras on any occasion that does not require a strapless shirt/dress, etc. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I think you're
making a HUGE
mistake by even considering getting back with Tina. I feel really bad
that I didn't write you last week. I know that last
weekend, when you were stuck in the elevator with Tina, you
said you
two "share values." Well, In the words of your older sister Kit, "Baby Girl,"
that was the lack of oxygen talking. Tina goes between housewife and
corporate and is occasionally into men. You are brilliant and
passionate about art and politics. And you find men's semen repugnant,
remember? (If you don't, check Season One.) You need
someone who is
passionate, smart, committed, rebellious. Someone like...
your girlfriend Jodi. Because I can tell you as someone who has been
following you for a while now, you two share values and
chemistry. How
else can you explain the fact that you became fluent in sign language
in one week? What is that, if not magic? OK, so maybe Jodi embarrasses
you occasionally. I know, I don't like being seen on dates with people
with crimped hair either. But Bette, I love you, you know I do, but you
can sometimes dress kind of nerdy yourself. I mean, the high
waisted
pants you wear is one of the things I love about you, but they're really dorky. And look (in the photos) at the way Jodi challenges you. I you stole a sign from the top of a building and drove it around on a tractor for her. Tina never would have inspired that risk-taking creativity and felonious behavior. She inspires you to admire her jewelry (and dread your hair?).
But, of course, I
didn't write you last week, and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that. After watching the disaster unfold
yesterday, I can't help but think that had I
written you, you wouldn't be in the mess you are in now, Jodi wouldn't
have found out that you were cheating, and her protective translator
wouldn't hate you. Of course, I can't blame myself. Alice certainly
helped with her big mouth, weird sense of humor, and lack of social
etiquette. I mean, I guess I can kind of understand why she thinks it's
appropriate and fun to, during a breast cancer bike ride break, sit
around a camp fire and crack up about what a cheater you are, in front
of your current girlfriend Jodi, and your ex-girlfriend/ baby's mama/
former cheating victim and current cheating partner Tina. That is kind
of fun. And then there's cry baby Tina who gets up and leaves the camp
fire. Way to be subtle Tina. And, you don't know this, because you weren't there, but Tina is a total blabber mouth. After she ran from the camp fire into a tent, Shane and Alice followed her. After a second of resisting and saying "I don't want to talk about it," Tina spilled the entire can of beans. Good idea, Tina! Alice is obviously a good person to tell this stuff to. Maybe she can bring it up at someone's funeral or talk about it on the TV talk show she's working for. Bette, do you see the stupidity you would be surrounded by with Tina? I mean, I guess Tina is sweet, but she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. And she's certainly not the hottest lesbian in the tent. So Bette, please forgive me for not
writing you earlier, and please try to salvage your relationship with Jodi and ditch ditzy. Maybe this is a sign we need to be in better
touch, for your sake, not mine. So if you need to call or e-mail or even visit me, don't hesitate. You know, I'm always here for you!
Love your BFF,
Katie
