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Sloppy Seconds: The Truth About Tori Spelling

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

Finally, someone with some ethics is stopping all this celebrity snooping-- not that we're going to. Staffers at UCLA Medical Center in L.A. had the pain brought to them when it was revealed employees had been illegally accessing Britney Spears's records

At long last, the breaking news you've been waiting for: Gary Busey apologizes for giving mouth-to-mouth rescucitation to Jennifer Garner's neck during the Oscars. His excuse: "I got very excited." We thought it was pretty exciting ourselves-- we didn't know our testicles could so quickly retract into our stomachs. 

A woman killed her husband because he didn't want to listen to a Bruce Springsteen CD. If it's "Human Touch," we can definitely relate.

Morning sex can save your marriage-- and sheds at least 300 calories. (Only 300? Must be that infamous "under three minutes" kind.)

Let's not forget the political sex story buried by the liberal media: GOP Senator David Vitter's numerous visits to hookers. The La. Republican told the New Orleans Times-Picayune that his and Spitzer's mistakes are all but unrelated and should not be linked. After all, Vitter committed his faux pas "a long time ago," a.k.a. "in 2007."

Tori Spelling's boobs are fake. If you had to read that sentence to discover this information, clearly you did not see the above picture. To further insult you, they're remaking 90210.

And the headline of the day: Condi Waxes Brazillian [via Wonkette, of course.]

[Photo: PR Photos


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About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Nerve, is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker/The Consumerist. He will be first against the wall, come the revolution.

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  • about the blogger

    Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook will be published in fall 2008. Emily lives in Greenpoint, Brooklyn with her cat, but just one . . . so far.

    Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

    Nicole Pasulka is a Brooklyn writer and editor who's always on the lookout for the dirty. Her other virtual home is at The Morning News, where things are squeaky clean most of the time.

    Send us links! scanner@nerve.com


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